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The friendliest place on the web for anyone who enjoys boating.
If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.
If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.
Guy's Rules
The Guys' Rules*******************
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.
See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Please feel free to add a rule or two if you wish.
__________________
The Guys' Rules*******************
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.
See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Please feel free to add a rule or two if you wish.
__________________
BaltimoreLurker
Curmudgeon
- Joined
- Oct 8, 2007
- Messages
- 2,775
- Location
- USA
- Vessel Name
- Moon Dance
- Vessel Make
- 1974 34' Marine Trader Sedan
Arnold Schwarzenegger is featured on Harvey Levin's "Objectified" on FNC tonight.
Levin asks him about how he was chosen for "Terminator" and asked whether he was their first choice.
Arnold said he thinks O.J. Simpson was their first choice.
Q: "Why did they not go with O.J.?"
A: "That he didn't look as much of a killer..."
Levin asks him about how he was chosen for "Terminator" and asked whether he was their first choice.
Arnold said he thinks O.J. Simpson was their first choice.
Q: "Why did they not go with O.J.?"
A: "That he didn't look as much of a killer..."
dwhatty
Moderator Emeritus
- Joined
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- Messages
- 2,846
- Location
- USA
- Vessel Name
- "Emily Anne"
- Vessel Make
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His Diary/Her Diary and the different way men and women think.
Her Diary:
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late but he made no comment on it.
Conversation wasn’t flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed but he didn’t say much. I asked him what was wrong. He said “Nothing”. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn’t upset, that it had nothing to do with me and not to worry about it. One the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly and kept driving.
I can’t explain his behavior. I don’t know why he didn’t say “I love you too”.
When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep. I cried.
I don’t know what to do. I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
His Diary:
Boat won’t start…can’t figure out why.
Her Diary:
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late but he made no comment on it.
Conversation wasn’t flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed but he didn’t say much. I asked him what was wrong. He said “Nothing”. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn’t upset, that it had nothing to do with me and not to worry about it. One the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly and kept driving.
I can’t explain his behavior. I don’t know why he didn’t say “I love you too”.
When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep. I cried.
I don’t know what to do. I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
His Diary:
Boat won’t start…can’t figure out why.
Let's see: Two girls. One human / One a boat... You make the call!!! LOL
This has to be one of the best singles ads ever printed. It is reported to have been listed in the Atlanta Journal.
SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your
pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me....
Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for Annie, I'll be waiting....
Over 150 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society.
SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your
pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me....
Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for Annie, I'll be waiting....
Over 150 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society.
BaltimoreLurker
Curmudgeon
- Joined
- Oct 8, 2007
- Messages
- 2,775
- Location
- USA
- Vessel Name
- Moon Dance
- Vessel Make
- 1974 34' Marine Trader Sedan
FF
Guru
- Joined
- Oct 12, 2007
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- 22,552
Moonstruck
Guru
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- Vessel Make
- Sabre 42 Hardtop Express
Two ..... hunters got a pilot to fly them into the Canadian wilderness, where they managed to bag two big Bull Moose.
As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could take only the hunters, their gear and one moose.
The hunters objected strongly saying, "Last year we shot two, and the pilot let us take them both...and he had exactly the same airplane as yours."
Reluctantly the pilot, not wanting to be outdone by another bush pilot, gave in and everything was loaded.
However, even under full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down, crashing in the wooded wilderness.
Somehow, surrounded by the moose, clothing and sleeping bags, Murphy and Kelly survived the crash.
After climbing out of the wreckage, Kelly asked, "Any idea where we are?"
Murphy replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."
As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could take only the hunters, their gear and one moose.
The hunters objected strongly saying, "Last year we shot two, and the pilot let us take them both...and he had exactly the same airplane as yours."
Reluctantly the pilot, not wanting to be outdone by another bush pilot, gave in and everything was loaded.
However, even under full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down, crashing in the wooded wilderness.
Somehow, surrounded by the moose, clothing and sleeping bags, Murphy and Kelly survived the crash.
After climbing out of the wreckage, Kelly asked, "Any idea where we are?"
Murphy replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."
RT Firefly
Enigma
Mods: IF not acceptable (language), please move.
menzies
Guru
A gynecologist had a burning desire to change careers and become a mechanic. So she found out from her local tech college what was involved, signed up for evening classes and attended diligently, learning all she could.
When time for the practical exam approached, she prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the results came back, she was surprised to find that she had obtained a mark of 150%.
Fearing an error, she called the instructor, saying “I don’t want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wondered if there had been an error which needed adjusting.”
The instructor said, “During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark. I gave you an extra 50% because you did all of it through the exhaust…”
When time for the practical exam approached, she prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the results came back, she was surprised to find that she had obtained a mark of 150%.
Fearing an error, she called the instructor, saying “I don’t want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wondered if there had been an error which needed adjusting.”
The instructor said, “During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark. I gave you an extra 50% because you did all of it through the exhaust…”
A friend and I were talking about our favorite movies. He said his was his wedding video. I was touched and complimented him on his sincerity. Then he told me the truth:
He liked it best when he watched it backwards. It goes like this: He takes off his ring, walks away from the church, removes his tux and goes drinking with his buds.
I kinda like that movie, but don't tell my wife
He liked it best when he watched it backwards. It goes like this: He takes off his ring, walks away from the church, removes his tux and goes drinking with his buds.
I kinda like that movie, but don't tell my wife
dwhatty
Moderator Emeritus
- Joined
- Sep 25, 2008
- Messages
- 2,846
- Location
- USA
- Vessel Name
- "Emily Anne"
- Vessel Make
- 2001 Island Gypsy 32 Europa (Hull #146)
A guy walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented octopus. So talented that he can play any musical instrument in the world.
He hears everyone in the crowd laughing at him, calling him an idiot, etc. So he says that he will wager $50 to anyone who has an instrument that the octopus can’t play.
A guy walks up with a guitar and sets it beside the octopus. The octopus starts playing better than Jimi Hendrix, just rippin’ it up. So the man pays up his $50.
Another guy walks up with a trumpet. The octopus plays the trumpet better than Dizzy Gillespie. So the man pays up his $50.
Then a Scotsman walks up with bagpipes. He sits them down and the octopus fumbles with it for a minute and sets it down with a confused look.
“Ha!” the Scot says. “Can’t you play it?”
The octopus looks up at him and says, “Play it? I’m going to make love to it as soon as I figure out how to get its pajamas off.”
He hears everyone in the crowd laughing at him, calling him an idiot, etc. So he says that he will wager $50 to anyone who has an instrument that the octopus can’t play.
A guy walks up with a guitar and sets it beside the octopus. The octopus starts playing better than Jimi Hendrix, just rippin’ it up. So the man pays up his $50.
Another guy walks up with a trumpet. The octopus plays the trumpet better than Dizzy Gillespie. So the man pays up his $50.
Then a Scotsman walks up with bagpipes. He sits them down and the octopus fumbles with it for a minute and sets it down with a confused look.
“Ha!” the Scot says. “Can’t you play it?”
The octopus looks up at him and says, “Play it? I’m going to make love to it as soon as I figure out how to get its pajamas off.”
Last edited:
menzies
Guru
An atheist explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of natives. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself: “Oh God, I’m screwed!!!!!.”
There is a ray of light from heaven and a voice booms out:
“No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you.
So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to bash the living heck out of the chief.
As he stands above the lifeless body, breathing heavily and surrounded by 100 natives with a look of shock on their faces, Gods voice booms out again: “Okay ….. NOW you’re screwed.”
There is a ray of light from heaven and a voice booms out:
“No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you.
So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to bash the living heck out of the chief.
As he stands above the lifeless body, breathing heavily and surrounded by 100 natives with a look of shock on their faces, Gods voice booms out again: “Okay ….. NOW you’re screwed.”
BaltimoreLurker
Curmudgeon
- Joined
- Oct 8, 2007
- Messages
- 2,775
- Location
- USA
- Vessel Name
- Moon Dance
- Vessel Make
- 1974 34' Marine Trader Sedan
menzies
Guru
Two old couples got together to reminiscent about the old times and laugh about life. One of the gentlemen, Harold, started raving about this great restaurant he and his wife visited not too long ago.
“Really?” The other old man asked. “What was the name of this place?”
Harold thought for a second before asking, “what do you call those flowers that smell really good?”
“Which ones?” The other guy asked. “Daisy?”
“No, that’s not it.”
“Tulip?”
“No, that doesn’t sound right either.”
“Rose?”
“Yes!” Harold snapped his fingers. “That’s it!” Harold turns to his wife and asked, “Hey, Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to the other day?”
“Really?” The other old man asked. “What was the name of this place?”
Harold thought for a second before asking, “what do you call those flowers that smell really good?”
“Which ones?” The other guy asked. “Daisy?”
“No, that’s not it.”
“Tulip?”
“No, that doesn’t sound right either.”
“Rose?”
“Yes!” Harold snapped his fingers. “That’s it!” Harold turns to his wife and asked, “Hey, Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to the other day?”
BaltimoreLurker
Curmudgeon
- Joined
- Oct 8, 2007
- Messages
- 2,775
- Location
- USA
- Vessel Name
- Moon Dance
- Vessel Make
- 1974 34' Marine Trader Sedan
