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BruceK said:
Doesn`t rate its own thread, not sure it`s Humour, but worth a look, cockatoos opening garbage/trash wheely bins. It`s said the sulphur crested cockatoos are copying the ibis (aka "bin chicken).
https://www.abc.net.au/news/science...lie-bin-lid-social-learning-suburbs/100306786
Click to expand...

Along the same line, I’ve been growing coconuts for about thirty years in my yard. Now in just the last few months squirrels have figured out that there is food in them! They chew away at the coconut until they have a hole big enough to get in the nut and they clean it out!
 

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This is funnier than nut and bananas.
 

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Made my coffee with Red Bull this morning...

Half way to work... realized I forgot my car!



If ignorance is bliss...

There should be a whole bunch more happy people!!
 
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Gary's wife got really pissed off from a conversation she and he had. Then he asked how he could make her happy... she instantly demanded something in the driveway tomorrow morning that she could make go from 0 to over 200 in just a few seconds.

The next morning she looked out... and, saw a triple beam scale.

Been months since anyone's seen or heard from Gary.
 
My kids laugh because they think I'm crazy... I laugh because I know it's hereditary!

If momma ain't happy... no body's happy. If poppa ain't happy... RUN!!!

:eek: :dance: :thumb:
 
I think this is "Humor". If it`s not, what is it?
Sydney had some new Harbour ferries built overseas. Very smart, catamaran ferries, specifically for the run, maybe 20km. Along the Parramatta River, from Sydney`s main ferry terminal at Circular Quay, to Parramatta, a city in its own right, west of Sydney. The ferries are well patronized, by commuters, locals, and in better times, by tourists. It`s a scenic journey, upper harbour, river, waterfront homes, bushland.
So the new ferries arrived. Built overseas, they were riddled with asbestos which had to be removed. Then came the sea trials,in an emergency stop, going hard into reverse, they stalled. Then someone discovered that anyone using the top deck seating would be decapitated when passing under several old low bridges on the route. Solution: deckhand to usher top deck pax downstairs before passing under the bridges, coming and going. Then it was found the design of the pilothouse meant the windows reflected light so badly at the helmsman at night they were unsafe to navigate outside daylight hours. The pilothouse could be reconstructed, that might help, but maybe not.
So, it`s a joke, right? I think so.You either laugh or cry, at a stuff up like that. Laughter is probably preferable.
 
BruceK said:
I think this is "Humor". If it`s not, what is it?
Click to expand...
Oh, it's humor alright. Scary though, that "experts" can fail so badly.

Just curious Bruce, was Riverside Marine involved in any way?
If so, I'll relate a sorry saga of their misadventure here in BC. If not, I'll leave it.
 
A banker saw his old friend Bill, an eighty-year-old rancher, in town. Bill had lost his wife a year or so before and rumour had it that he was marrying a “mail-order” bride. Being a good friend, the banker asked Bill if the rumour was true. Bill assured him that it was.

The banker then asked Bill the age of his new bride to be. Bill proudly said,

“She’ll be twenty-one in November.”

Now the banker, being the wise man that he was, could see that the sexual appetite of a young woman could not be satisfied by an eighty-year-old man. Wanting his old friend’s remaining years to be happy the banker tactfully suggested that Bill should consider getting a hired hand to help him out on the ranch, knowing nature would take its own course.

Bill thought this was a good idea and said he would look for one that afternoon.

About four months later, the banker ran into Bill in town again.

“How’s the new wife?”, asked the banker.

Bill proudly said, “Good – she’s pregnant.”

The banker, happy that his sage advice had worked out, continued,

“And how’s the hired hand?”

Without hesitating, Bill said,

“She’s pregnant too.”

Don’t ever underestimate us old Geezers.
 
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soin2la said:
Oh, it's humor alright. Scary though, that "experts" can fail so badly.

Just curious Bruce, was Riverside Marine involved in any way?
If so, I'll relate a sorry saga of their misadventure here in BC. If not, I'll leave it.
Click to expand...
Not a name I`ve heard, but I sense they`ve not covered themselves in glory over there.
I think our new boats were built in Indonesia, probably because it was cheaper and faster. But the design should have been local, and there ought have been oversight of the build process. Maybe no one wanted to go to Indonesia to check, I can understand that reluctance, but nevertheless, the product is laughable, a ferry only usable in daylight hours, now restricted to 4pm latest operation.
 
BruceK said:
Not a name I`ve heard, but I sense they`ve not covered themselves in glory over there.
I think our new boats were built in Indonesia, probably because it was cheaper and faster. But the design should have been local, and there ought have been oversight of the build process. Maybe no one wanted to go to Indonesia to check, I can understand that reluctance, but nevertheless, the product is laughable, a ferry only usable in daylight hours, now restricted to 4pm latest operation.
Click to expand...

It's hard to grasp no one caught the bridge clearance. Was that a taxpayer venture?

I’m surprised you’d not heard of Riverside: https://www.riversidemarine.com.au/

They didn't hurt themselves here because no one knew anything about them or their ownership here. All people knew was the vessel, V2V Express, and it's failure.

Riverside got into a passenger only, fast ferry, with apparently little knowledge of the market or local weather conditions. They purchased a St. Laurence dinner cruise catamaran and sank 15 million into a refit that was doomed from the start.

Incredibly poor planning and management scuttled their own 10 year plan in three years, starting with a failed engine in the first year which took them out for the season, waiting for a European replacement. And it just got worse from there.
 
soin2la said:
It's hard to grasp no one caught the bridge clearance. Was that a taxpayer venture?

I’m surprised you’d not heard of Riverside: https://www.riversidemarine.com.au/

They didn't hurt themselves here because no one knew anything about them or their ownership here. All people knew was the vessel, V2V Express, and it's failure.

Riverside got into a passenger only, fast ferry, with apparently little knowledge of the market or local weather conditions. They purchased a St. Laurence dinner cruise catamaran and sank 15 million into a refit that was doomed from the start.

Incredibly poor planning and management scuttled their own 10 year plan in three years, starting with a failed engine in the first year which took them out for the season, waiting for a European replacement. And it just got worse from there.
Click to expand...
Is that the one from Van to Victoria that had a huge wave swamping boats on docks along the way? That qualifies for the humor thread
 
 Once again The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly Neologism Contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words.

The winners are:

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle, olive-flavoured mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.), emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon, a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

The winners are:

-Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

-Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

-Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

-Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

-Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

- Karmageddon (n): It's like, when everybody is sending off all these Really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

- Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

- Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

- Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the literature:

- Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an *******.



Hope these were not too political for the board .






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I used to live in the Bozone, another alternate use of the word, up in Montana. That definition sometimes applied there too.
 
"Alterlife": Christian way to live before Afterlife forces its way in!
 
soin2la said:
It's hard to grasp no one caught the bridge clearance. Was that a taxpayer venture?

I’m surprised you’d not heard of Riverside: https://www.riversidemarine.com.au/

They didn't hurt themselves here because no one knew anything about them or their ownership here. All people knew was the vessel, V2V Express, and it's failure.

Riverside got into a passenger only, fast ferry, with apparently little knowledge of the market or local weather conditions. They purchased a St. Laurence dinner cruise catamaran and sank 15 million into a refit that was doomed from the start.

Incredibly poor planning and management scuttled their own 10 year plan in three years, starting with a failed engine in the first year which took them out for the season, waiting for a European replacement. And it just got worse from there.
Click to expand...
Some of that might explain why I wasn`t familiar with Riverside. Yes, the ferries are built for the State but mostly privately operated under license. It was said the earlier ones,now kept in service to fill the resultant gaps, were designed on the back of an envelope,after lunch, in the Transport Minister`s Office.
We do have good cat builders in Tasmania, they`ve even built for the US Navy.
PS. Had my first "pandemic home haircut" today. I was due a cut 5 weeks ago when all the hairdressers were closed, so it was looking desperate.
 
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I pass by this ancient mailbox every day when I walk my dog. The old rusty box is nailed to an oak that has to be 150 years old. After 3 years of passing it by I decided to open the box to see if anything was inside. After all, there isn’t even a house nearby to which it could possibly serve anyway. Any home it serviced was long ago torn down I’m sure. I noticed an ancient letter inside as you can see in picture #2. I looked at the post mark date and it said July 7, 1903. Due to age and moisture the addressee on the envelope was not readable, so I opened up the envelope hoping to find some local history and a good story I could share with you. Here is what the letter inside said. “We have been trying to reach you about your cars extended warranty.”
 

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The elderly Irish woman was consulting her physician, about reviving her husband’s sexual vigor.

”Have you tried Viagra?” The doctor asked.

”Oh, he’d never take pills.” the wife said. “He won’t even take aspirin for a headache.”

“Try putting them in his coffee; he’ll never taste it.” said the doctor.

She agreed to give it a try.

A few days later, she was back.

”How did it work?” the doctor asked.

“Oh, faith and begorrah!” she exclaimed; it was horrible; I don’t want to go through that again!”

“Why, What happened?” the doctor asked, curious.

”Well, the effects were almost instantaneous.” she answered. “He jumped to his feet, smiling, with a gleam in his eyes, and a bulge in his trousers. He swept everything off the table, ripped my clothes off, and took me, right there on the table! The sex was unbelievable, but we got banned from Starbucks, forever!”
 
Speaking of math.....

Little Billy returns home from school and says he got a "F" in arithmetic.

Father - "Why?"

Billy - "The teacher asked 'How much is 2 x 3′? and I said 6”.

Father - "But that's right!"

Billy - "Then she asked me 'How much is 3 x 2?’ "

Father - "What's the f***ing difference?"

Billy - "That's what I said!"
 
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