Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
 
Old 02-13-2017, 07:36 PM   #41
Master and Commander
 
markpierce's Avatar
 
City: Vallejo CA
Vessel Name: Carquinez Coot
Vessel Model: penultimate Seahorse Marine Coot hull #6
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 12,258
My girl:

__________________
Advertisement

__________________
Kar-KEEN-ez Koot
markpierce is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-13-2017, 07:49 PM   #42
Guru
 
BandB's Avatar
 
City: Fort Lauderdale
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 20,116
Quote:
Originally Posted by gilbertpark View Post
I have a wonderful Admiral. I even bought her a brass name plate the "Admiral" and it is on one of the doors (her sewing room) in the house. I will even show her this post.

We have an agreement I am the Captain and my job is to get her from the berth/anchorage to another berth/anchorage of her choice for dinner that evening in a restaurant, with little or no waves or high winds. She does the strategic stuff (which restaurant - {must buy her the new Michelin Guide}, which Roman amphitheatre to see etc) and I do the Executive stuff (weather forecast, route planning etc). If I can't meet the requirements of an easy passage then I tell her and we agree a new plan.

Mooring up we have agreed that fenders and ropes are her prerogative (including the colours). So as not to shout at each other we have walkie talkies with ear pieces and VOX. If it doesn't work we scratch the boat - so what, its easily repaired and happiness is worth more than the odd ding. At sea she takes her turn on watch during long crossings, while I have a nap.

We chose the boat together, although we did see a lot of boats on the way to this one. Since then we have thought of getting a new one but can't find one as good as our Trawler sabre line 36, like us its getting on a bit and needs a lot of TLC. If she needs a few days somewhere for repair then we've agreed thats what we'll do.

For us Admiral is not a derogatory term, nor is Captain, its a recognition of each others role when we go boating. And before you ask we go away for two to three months at a time. Last year Sardinia and Corsica this year the Balerics. Before that Brittany in a 25 foot Seaward power boat.

We have our ups and downs, just as we do on dry land, but with understanding the downs are transient and the ups are long lasting.

By the way Happy Valentines day tomorrow (she has chosen and booked the restaurant where we will be going and will pay {with my credit card})

I reckon I am a lucky to be commanded by an Admiral and if you can achieve that sort of relationship with the give and take you may find you'll be doing the same.
Wifey B: See, I'm fine with you using those terms since they really do seem to match what you do. Now there's some overlap, but sometimes an Admiral would fill in for a Captain on watch. Where my problem comes in is where it's a title given automatically and sometimes with a derogatory undertone. (yes, I've seen it given like she bosses but won't do anything). However, in my case and in Bruce's wife's case it would not be appropriate. I'm a captain. Same as hubby. Same level of license. Gone through it all together and in our roles, we're completely interchangeable. I'm equally capable. I also personally know three other female captains and one engineer. Then I know three others who've completed a captain's course but don't have the sea time. So, I salute you and the Admiral that boats with you. I just think the term is used too loosely sometimes.
__________________

BandB is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-13-2017, 09:05 PM   #43
Senior Member
 
City: Wherever the boat is
Vessel Name: Silver Quarter
Vessel Model: Bayliner 3870
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 457
Quote:
Originally Posted by menzies View Post
Here, practice your twin engine maneuvering!

Play Atari Battlezone - IGN
This is literally my favorite video game ever.
kev_rm is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-28-2017, 01:45 PM   #44
Veteran Member
 
aevdg's Avatar
 
City: Channel Islands
Vessel Name: White Knuckles
Vessel Model: Kadey Krogen 42
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 49
OK - I have to comment

First of all - I am the wife and never referred to as the Admiral.

Some comments: Explain, explain, and explain some more, WHEN she asks. Don't inundate her with details about Racor filters and cooling systems. She doesn't have a lot of experience to relate to - so if she likes to cook, make sure she has a say about the galley. She may not think about why you don't want plates and glasses that can break. Let her learn at her own pace. There are women's boating associations out there--is she interested? Don't push. What would she like to learn to do on the boat? Pilot it? Dock it? (don't start with that) Handle the lines? She will need practice and repetition and time to get her confidence up. Chartering is a good idea - and try your best to have some calm places to go. Don't take her across the Columbia bar as an example. Are there other couples that you could have on the boat where the female half knows something about boats? And most of all DO NOT RAISE YOUR VOICE TO HER. EVER.

Have fun and make it fun for her. Don't start out with two weeks of solid cruising - start out with an afternoon - get up to a day - then maybe a couple of days. And don't raise your voice.
aevdg is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-28-2017, 01:47 PM   #45
Guru
 
dhays's Avatar
 
City: Gig Harbor
Vessel Name: Kinship
Vessel Model: North Pacific 43
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 8,656
All sounds like great advice.

Welcome.
__________________
Regards,

Dave
SPOT page
dhays is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-28-2017, 01:54 PM   #46
TF Site Team
 
Bacchus's Avatar
 
City: Seneca Lake NY
Vessel Name: Bacchus
Vessel Model: MS 34 HT Trawler
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 5,048
Always remember if any of the crew doesn't perform as the capt expected...it's the capt fault.
Didn't explain it well enough...
Didn't provide training. ..
Didn't follow up after training to ensure understanding...
Didn't adequately explain plan B that was enacted when plan A didnt work. ..
No obviously no need to raise your voice when you are at fault.
Just figure out next steps to try to dobetter as a team the next time.
__________________
Don
2008 MS 34 HT Trawler
"Bacchus"
Bacchus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-28-2017, 04:02 PM   #47
Guru
 
BandB's Avatar
 
City: Fort Lauderdale
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 20,116
Quote:
Originally Posted by aevdg View Post
First of all - I am the wife and never referred to as the Admiral.

Some comments: Explain, explain, and explain some more, What would she like to learn to do on the boat? Pilot it? Dock it? (don't start with that) Handle the lines? She will need practice and repetition and time to get her confidence up. Chartering is a good idea - and try your best to have some calm places to go. Don't take her across the Columbia bar as an example. Are there other couples that you could have on the boat where the female half knows something about boats? And most of all DO NOT RAISE YOUR VOICE TO HER. EVER.

Have fun and make it fun for her. Don't start out with two weeks of solid cruising - start out with an afternoon - get up to a day - then maybe a couple of days. And don't raise your voice.
Wifey B: Excellent post and I'll reiterate, don't assume, ask her what she'd like to do and what she'd like to learn. Answer can be anything from no interest in boating to licensed captain and you handle the lines for her.
BandB is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-28-2017, 04:10 PM   #48
Guru
 
BandB's Avatar
 
City: Fort Lauderdale
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 20,116
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bacchus View Post
Always remember if any of the crew doesn't perform as the capt expected...it's the capt fault.
Didn't explain it well enough...
Didn't provide training. ..
Didn't follow up after training to ensure understanding...
Didn't adequately explain plan B that was enacted when plan A didnt work. ..
No obviously no need to raise your voice when you are at fault.
Just figure out next steps to try to dobetter as a team the next time.
I wish every business would post the same for their managers.
BandB is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-28-2017, 06:06 PM   #49
Veteran Member
 
aevdg's Avatar
 
City: Channel Islands
Vessel Name: White Knuckles
Vessel Model: Kadey Krogen 42
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 49
I chose our new-to-us boat - its a Kadey Krogen 42. I LOVE it. He gets to have the engine room, pilot house and foredeck all his way - and I get the rest. I think that the most important thing to understand is to clearly delineate who is in charge of what. He docks the boat and I handle the lines. It is my job to have the lines all organized for docking while he concentrates on getting the boat up to the dock so I can step off with the spring line in my hand. When we are docking, I am the one checking to see how far we are away from the dock, is his approach angle correct. We don't question each other - I am in charge of my stuff and he is in charge of his. He cannot see exactly where the boat is in relation to the dock - and with the KK it is going to be even harder - he needs me to be his eyes. Talk out with her on who is going to do what. Abort it - if it isn't going. She needs to trust you - but you also need to trust her. Let her practice. Talk out the process and what to do when and if.


I know I sound serious but I have been happily boating with my husband for years - because we followed this. We see couples yelling and screaming at each other - and that is a guarantee that there won't be another trip on the water.
aevdg is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-28-2017, 06:28 PM   #50
Guru
 
AusCan's Avatar
 
City: Adelaide
Vessel Name: Kokanee
Vessel Model: Cuddles 30 Pilot House Motor Sailer
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 3,189
Yelling....

The number one way to destroy an interest in boating. I've seen it both with wives and children, and I just cringe. So often the For Sale sign goes up on the boat soon after.

Besides giving instructions/requests in a calm voice, give them during a calm, stress-free time when both of you are relaxed. Go through all procedures well before there is an immediate need to apply them. Also explain the backup procedure. It removes a lot of pressure when all parties know there is a plan B if plan A fails for whatever reason.
AusCan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-28-2017, 07:50 PM   #51
Senior Member
 
City: Wherever the boat is
Vessel Name: Silver Quarter
Vessel Model: Bayliner 3870
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 457
Quote:
Originally Posted by aevdg View Post
And most of all DO NOT RAISE YOUR VOICE TO HER. EVER.
... And don't raise your voice.
I've failed during docking. Also not just with admiral.
kev_rm is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-28-2017, 08:38 PM   #52
TF Site Team
 
FlyWright's Avatar
 
City: California Delta
Vessel Name: FlyWright
Vessel Model: Marshall Californian 34 LRC
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 13,329
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bacchus View Post
Always remember if any of the crew doesn't perform as the capt expected...it's the capt fault.
Didn't explain it well enough...
Didn't provide training. ..
Didn't follow up after training to ensure understanding...
Didn't adequately explain plan B that was enacted when plan A didnt work. ..
No obviously no need to raise your voice when you are at fault.
Just figure out next steps to try to dobetter as a team the next time.
...Didn't foresee that the lessons learned yesterday have already been forgotten today.
__________________
My boat is my ark. It's my mobile treehouse and my floating fishing cabin. It's my retreat and my respite. Everyday I thank God I have a boat! -Al

@DeltaBridges - 25 Delta Bridges in 25 Days
FlyWright is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-28-2017, 08:42 PM   #53
TF Site Team
 
FlyWright's Avatar
 
City: California Delta
Vessel Name: FlyWright
Vessel Model: Marshall Californian 34 LRC
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 13,329
Quote:
Originally Posted by aevdg View Post
I chose our new-to-us boat - its a Kadey Krogen 42. I LOVE it. He gets to have the engine room, pilot house and foredeck all his way - and I get the rest. I think that the most important thing to understand is to clearly delineate who is in charge of what. He docks the boat and I handle the lines. It is my job to have the lines all organized for docking while he concentrates on getting the boat up to the dock so I can step off with the spring line in my hand. When we are docking, I am the one checking to see how far we are away from the dock, is his approach angle correct. We don't question each other - I am in charge of my stuff and he is in charge of his. He cannot see exactly where the boat is in relation to the dock - and with the KK it is going to be even harder - he needs me to be his eyes. Talk out with her on who is going to do what. Abort it - if it isn't going. She needs to trust you - but you also need to trust her. Let her practice. Talk out the process and what to do when and if.


I know I sound serious but I have been happily boating with my husband for years - because we followed this. We see couples yelling and screaming at each other - and that is a guarantee that there won't be another trip on the water.
If things don't work out for you and the Capt, would you marry me?
__________________
My boat is my ark. It's my mobile treehouse and my floating fishing cabin. It's my retreat and my respite. Everyday I thank God I have a boat! -Al

@DeltaBridges - 25 Delta Bridges in 25 Days
FlyWright is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-28-2017, 08:43 PM   #54
TF Site Team
 
FlyWright's Avatar
 
City: California Delta
Vessel Name: FlyWright
Vessel Model: Marshall Californian 34 LRC
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 13,329
Quote:
Originally Posted by FlyWright View Post
If things don't work out for you and the Capt, would you marry me?
Never mind....I forgot one detail...I'm married.
__________________
My boat is my ark. It's my mobile treehouse and my floating fishing cabin. It's my retreat and my respite. Everyday I thank God I have a boat! -Al

@DeltaBridges - 25 Delta Bridges in 25 Days
FlyWright is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-28-2017, 08:48 PM   #55
TF Site Team
 
Bacchus's Avatar
 
City: Seneca Lake NY
Vessel Name: Bacchus
Vessel Model: MS 34 HT Trawler
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 5,048
I chose our new-to-us boat - its a Kadey Krogen 42. I LOVE it. He gets to have the engine room, pilot house and foredeck all his way - and I get the rest. I think that the most important thing to understand is to clearly delineate who is in charge of what. He docks the boat and I handle the lines. It is my job to have the lines all organized for docking while he concentrates on getting the boat up to the dock so I can step off with the spring line in my hand. When we are docking, I am the one checking to see how far we are away from the dock, is his approach angle correct. We don't question each other - I am in charge of my stuff and he is in charge of his. He cannot see exactly where the boat is in relation to the dock - and with the KK it is going to be even harder - he needs me to be his eyes. Talk out with her on who is going to do what. Abort it - if it isn't going. She needs to trust you - but you also need to trust her. Let her practice. Talk out the process and what to do when and if.<br />
<br />
<br />
I know I sound serious but I have been happily boating with my husband for years because we followed this. We see couples yelling and screaming at each other - and that is a guarantee th
at there won't be another trip on the water.
Well stated...it works well most if the time when everyone undetstands their role and perfprms well.
Boaring can be fun and rewarding.
__________________
Don
2008 MS 34 HT Trawler
"Bacchus"
Bacchus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-28-2017, 11:42 PM   #56
Guru
 
hollywood8118's Avatar
 
City: Port Townsend Washington
Vessel Name: " OTTER "
Vessel Model: Ocean Alexander Europa 40
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 2,063
Quote:
Originally Posted by aevdg View Post
I chose our new-to-us boat - its a Kadey Krogen 42. I LOVE it. He gets to have the engine room, pilot house and foredeck all his way - and I get the rest. I think that the most important thing to understand is to clearly delineate who is in charge of what. He docks the boat and I handle the lines. It is my job to have the lines all organized for docking while he concentrates on getting the boat up to the dock so I can step off with the spring line in my hand. When we are docking, I am the one checking to see how far we are away from the dock, is his approach angle correct. We don't question each other - I am in charge of my stuff and he is in charge of his. He cannot see exactly where the boat is in relation to the dock - and with the KK it is going to be even harder - he needs me to be his eyes. Talk out with her on who is going to do what. Abort it - if it isn't going. She needs to trust you - but you also need to trust her. Let her practice. Talk out the process and what to do when and if.

The above sounds pretty much how my partner " The Admiral " handles her part of the boat.. We never talk about docking except if it is port or stbd side tie. We have been boating for 35 years together and the only words spoken on docking is " spring on" or stern on depending on how she ties the boat to the dock. There may be the occasional nod but that is about it... unless she has concerns way before getting close to the dock.
I never worry about fenders, lines as there always in place before we get close to the dock.

As I have mentioned before she wears the title of Admiral with pride.. and knows it is has never been spoken with anything but admiration on my part. We are equal partners on the boat and the decisions as to go/no go are made by both of us.

I know I am totally lucky to have a wife that is into boats and I feel a little less at ease when I do a voyage solo.. even with a experienced crew aboard.

HOLLYWOOD
hollywood8118 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2017, 12:34 AM   #57
Veteran Member
 
aevdg's Avatar
 
City: Channel Islands
Vessel Name: White Knuckles
Vessel Model: Kadey Krogen 42
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 49
Quote:
Originally Posted by FlyWright View Post
Never mind....I forgot one detail...I'm married.
Well. . I guess that's ok. I am too.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bacchus View Post
I chose our new-to-us boat - its a Kadey Krogen 42. I LOVE it. He gets to have the engine room, pilot house and foredeck all his way - and I get the rest. I think that the most important thing to understand is to clearly delineate who is in charge of what. He docks the boat and I handle the lines. It is my job to have the lines all organized for docking while he concentrates on getting the boat up to the dock so I can step off with the spring line in my hand. When we are docking, I am the one checking to see how far we are away from the dock, is his approach angle correct. We don't question each other - I am in charge of my stuff and he is in charge of his. He cannot see exactly where the boat is in relation to the dock - and with the KK it is going to be even harder - he needs me to be his eyes. Talk out with her on who is going to do what. Abort it - if it isn't going. She needs to trust you - but you also need to trust her. Let her practice. Talk out the process and what to do when and if.<br />
<br />
<br />
I know I sound serious but I have been happily boating with my husband for years because we followed this. We see couples yelling and screaming at each other - and that is a guarantee th
at there won't be another trip on the water.
Well stated...it works well most if the time when everyone undetstands their role and perfprms well.
Boaring can be fun and rewarding.
aevdg is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2017, 09:33 AM   #58
Guru
 
City: North Charleston, SC
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 4,408
Quote:
Originally Posted by ksanders View Post
My opinion...

Do not even think about moving aboard full time. I'm serious, do not even consider it.

If your wife is considering a trawler, and if a trawler is something you are interested in, then go boat shopping... with her

Start with getting her into the boating lifestyle. To some that means more dock time than anchor'ing out. Figure out what she likes.

If you both ever get to a point where you want to make the jump to full time liveaboard it will be a natural progression.
That says it pretty well. Actually living on a boat full time is a big step and most people will never do it. If you can keep your trawler close to home, it's a good weekend getaway just staying on it a couple days docked at the marina.

Take short trips, then longer trips as you both become accustomed to the boat.
rwidman is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2017, 12:01 PM   #59
TF Site Team
 
Bacchus's Avatar
 
City: Seneca Lake NY
Vessel Name: Bacchus
Vessel Model: MS 34 HT Trawler
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 5,048
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bacchus View Post
I chose our new-to-us boat - its a Kadey Krogen 42. I LOVE it. He gets to have the engine room, pilot house and foredeck all his way - and I get the rest. I think that the most important thing to understand is to clearly delineate who is in charge of what. He docks the boat and I handle the lines. It is my job to have the lines all organized for docking while he concentrates on getting the boat up to the dock so I can step off with the spring line in my hand. When we are docking, I am the one checking to see how far we are away from the dock, is his approach angle correct. We don't question each other - I am in charge of my stuff and he is in charge of his. He cannot see exactly where the boat is in relation to the dock - and with the KK it is going to be even harder - he needs me to be his eyes. Talk out with her on who is going to do what. Abort it - if it isn't going. She needs to trust you - but you also need to trust her. Let her practice. Talk out the process and what to do when and if.<br />
<br /><br />
I know I sound serious but I have been happily boating with my husband for years because we followed this. We see couples yelling and screaming at each other - and that is a guarantee th
at there won't be another trip on the water.
Well stated...it works well most if the time when everyone undetstands their role and perfprms well.
Boaring can be fun and rewarding.
SORRY - don't know what happened - fumble fingers trying to quote from the phone??? Ignore above
__________________
Don
2008 MS 34 HT Trawler
"Bacchus"
Bacchus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2017, 01:44 PM   #60
Guru
 
Benthic2's Avatar
 
City: Boston Area
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 1,852
Disqualifier: I've never lived aboard a normal sized boat and am divorced

However, I think you're setting your sights WAY TOO HIGH...in multiple areas. Even leaving the wife out of it for a minute...you're going from sail to power, homeowner to liveaboard..that is A LOT of change in your life....very hard to know that's going to work out the way you want.

The bigger issue: Converting your landloving wife to a liveaboard wife. Despite her great intentions and proclamations, she can't know what she's agreeing to...she has no frame of reference to say she'd like the live aboard lifestyle. Imagine if she asked you to go live in a yoga and meditation based commune where everything is grown organially and life is wonderful. As much as you might want to join her you can't say how you'll adapt to that lifestyle. Your asking her to do the same thing.

The trap here is that you give up what you know makes you happy with the goal of something new making you both happy. When she can't adapt the way she wants to, she feels bad, neither of you is happy and now you have a boat that you're not thrilled with because of the compromises you made to keep the wife happy. I really don't think its fair to your wife to take this step all at once.

First...if your wife wasn't in the equation, would you be considering the move to a trawler ? If the answer is no, think long and hard before you do.

If you would, I'd tell the wife that you're getting an "adjustment period" boat. Find a boat that isn't your perfect "forever" boat. Explain to the wife that you're giving yourself X ( at least 2 ) years to really understand the extended overnight experience on a trawler. You'll be taking a half dozen trips of increasing length and you hope she joins you on them. Start spending weekends on the boat at your home marina and she if she's willing to join you.....then increase time aboard but not necessarily the distance from home. Give her the option to go home and take a long shower, cook a big meal that uses 4 pots and 15 square feet of counterspace, Let her adapt at her own pace.

By buying a boat you know will only have for a limited time can buy something that you won't get killed on resale. You will also learn what features you and your wife can, and can't do without. You won't stress as much when you bounce off a piling or two. Plus.....you will give your wife an out after 2 years in case she doesn't want to make the change. You'll both have realistic expectations, and can then buy your "forever" boat.

If you go all in, all at once, you will be putting an enormous amount of pressure on your wife to accept something she doesn't have enough experience with to really understand, and it seems really, really unfair to her.

just my two cents.
__________________

Benthic2 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



» Trawler Port Captains
Port Captains are TF volunteers who can serve as local guides or assist with local arrangements and information. Search below to locate Port Captains near your destination. To learn more about this program read here: TF Port Captain Program





All times are GMT -5. The time now is 11:03 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 4
Copyright ©2000 - 2021, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0
Copyright 2006 - 2012
×