As Rodney King said - after he - and - the cops fcked up big time...
"Can we all just get along!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1sONfxPCTU0
"Can we all just get along!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1sONfxPCTU0
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Humor
- Thread starter Keith
- Start date
The friendliest place on the web for anyone who enjoys boating.
If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.
If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.
I didn't mean to imply you were the one with the joke and follow up. You were the one suggesting the hug and I was explaining to you there would be a hug only for Menzies. I read it just fine. I didn't make it clear that my problem was with Al's comments. I thought by my saying what those comments were, it was obvious. Apologies for anything that appeared I was accusing you of the comments.
This brings me back to post 1201.
Doesn't need to be alcohol filled. I've not had an alcohol drink for decades. But, I'll still belly up to any bar I feel like... with the fellows and/or the gals!!!
I like to order a "Hot Virgin Mary"! Sounds good, tastes good and often gets a laugh or two!!
Sleep tight... don't let the bed bugs bite!
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menzies
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And there we go.
Giggitoni
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I lifted this's from another site:
A father texts his son:
"My Dear Son,
Today is a day you will treasure for all the days of your life.
My best love and good wishes.
Your Father."
His Son texts back:
"Thanks Dad. But the wedding isn't actually until tomorrow!"
His Father replies:
"I know."
A father texts his son:
"My Dear Son,
Today is a day you will treasure for all the days of your life.
My best love and good wishes.
Your Father."
His Son texts back:
"Thanks Dad. But the wedding isn't actually until tomorrow!"
His Father replies:
"I know."
Al
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Bill and his wife
Blanche went to the state fair every year,
And every year Bill would say, "Blanche, I'd like to ride in that helicopter "
Blanche always replied, " I know, Bill, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks! "
One year Bill and Blanche went to the fair, and Bill said, " Blanche, I'm 75 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance "
To this, Blanche replied, " Bill that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks."
The pilot overheard the couple and said,
" Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word, then I won't charge you a penny! But if you say one word it's fifty dollars. "
Bill and Blanche agreed and up they went.
The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard.
He did his daredevil tricks, but still not a word...
When they landed, the pilot turned to Bill and said, " By golly , I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed! "
Bill replied, " Well, to tell you the truth
I almost said something when Blanche fell out,
but you know, fifty bucks is fifty bucks! "
Blanche went to the state fair every year,
And every year Bill would say, "Blanche, I'd like to ride in that helicopter "
Blanche always replied, " I know, Bill, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks! "
One year Bill and Blanche went to the fair, and Bill said, " Blanche, I'm 75 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance "
To this, Blanche replied, " Bill that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks."
The pilot overheard the couple and said,
" Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word, then I won't charge you a penny! But if you say one word it's fifty dollars. "
Bill and Blanche agreed and up they went.
The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard.
He did his daredevil tricks, but still not a word...
When they landed, the pilot turned to Bill and said, " By golly , I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed! "
Bill replied, " Well, to tell you the truth
I almost said something when Blanche fell out,
but you know, fifty bucks is fifty bucks! "
hfoster
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Come on fellows... let's belly up to the bar and have a drink!
Art me Irish Bro.
Are you buying? I never turn down a free drink Mate!
As Joe E Lewis and Dino said. " You are not drunk if you can lay on the floor without holding on! "
Cheers
H.
Art me Irish Bro.
Are you buying? I never turn down a free drink Mate!
As Joe E Lewis and Dino said. " You are not drunk if you can lay on the floor without holding on! "
Cheers
H.
- Bro!
Al
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Ed and Linda
Ed and Linda met on a singles cruise and Ed fell head over heels for her. When they discovered they lived in the same city, only a few miles apart, Ed was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home.
Within a couple of weeks, Ed had taken Linda to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies, and museums. Ed became convinced that Linda was indeed his soul mate and true love.
Every date seemed better than the last. On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Ed took Linda to a fine restaurant While having cocktails and waiting for their salad, Ed said, "I guess you can tell I'm very much in love with you. I'd like a little serious talk before our relationship continues. So, before I get a box out of my jacket and ask you a life changing question, it's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut. I play golf, I read about golf, I watch golf on TV. In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe golf. If that's going to be a problem for us, you'd better say so now!"
Linda paused, then responded, "Ed, that certainly won't be a problem.
I love you as you are and I love golf too; but, since we're being totally honest with each other, you need to know that for the last five years I've been a hooker."
Ed said, "It's probably because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball .
Ed and Linda met on a singles cruise and Ed fell head over heels for her. When they discovered they lived in the same city, only a few miles apart, Ed was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home.
Within a couple of weeks, Ed had taken Linda to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies, and museums. Ed became convinced that Linda was indeed his soul mate and true love.
Every date seemed better than the last. On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Ed took Linda to a fine restaurant While having cocktails and waiting for their salad, Ed said, "I guess you can tell I'm very much in love with you. I'd like a little serious talk before our relationship continues. So, before I get a box out of my jacket and ask you a life changing question, it's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut. I play golf, I read about golf, I watch golf on TV. In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe golf. If that's going to be a problem for us, you'd better say so now!"
Linda paused, then responded, "Ed, that certainly won't be a problem.
I love you as you are and I love golf too; but, since we're being totally honest with each other, you need to know that for the last five years I've been a hooker."
Ed said, "It's probably because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball .
Al
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While not humor as defined by the column's content, rather than start a new thread, I'd ask that you bare with the intent of submission here for the value which one could view as humor. Al-Ketchikan
There is a story about how Albert Einstein was traveling to universities, giving lectures on his famous theory of relativity. One day while on their way to a university,
The driver said:" Dr. Einstein, I've heard that lecture more than 30 times. I have learned it by heart and bet I could give it myself."
"Well, I'll give you the chance," said Einstein,
"They don't know me at the next school, so when we get there I'll put on your cap and you introduce yourself as me and give the lecture." Einstein continued.
At the hall, the driver gave Einstein's lecture so wonderfully that he didn't make any mistakes.
When he finished, he started to leave, but one of the professors stopped him and asked him a question which was very difficult. The aim of the question was not gaining knowledge but embarrassing Einstein.
The driver thought fast.
"The answer to that problem is so simple," he said,
"I'm surprised you have to ask me. In fact, to show you just how simple it is, I'm going to ask my driver to come up here and answer your question."!
Then Einstein stood up and gave an incredible answer to the question of that professor.
Moral of the story: No matter how genius you pretend to be, there is always someone who is more genius than you despite his position.
There is a story about how Albert Einstein was traveling to universities, giving lectures on his famous theory of relativity. One day while on their way to a university,
The driver said:" Dr. Einstein, I've heard that lecture more than 30 times. I have learned it by heart and bet I could give it myself."
"Well, I'll give you the chance," said Einstein,
"They don't know me at the next school, so when we get there I'll put on your cap and you introduce yourself as me and give the lecture." Einstein continued.
At the hall, the driver gave Einstein's lecture so wonderfully that he didn't make any mistakes.
When he finished, he started to leave, but one of the professors stopped him and asked him a question which was very difficult. The aim of the question was not gaining knowledge but embarrassing Einstein.
The driver thought fast.
"The answer to that problem is so simple," he said,
"I'm surprised you have to ask me. In fact, to show you just how simple it is, I'm going to ask my driver to come up here and answer your question."!
Then Einstein stood up and gave an incredible answer to the question of that professor.
Moral of the story: No matter how genius you pretend to be, there is always someone who is more genius than you despite his position.
I got up for decades knowing that I'd feel better as latter day approached.
Since Nov 25 1995 I've gotten up each morning knowing that I don't have to wait till latter day to feel great! My Bayer Aspirin purchase count went way down too - LOL!
hfoster
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I got up for decades knowing that I'd feel better as latter day approached.
Since Nov 25 1995 I've gotten up each morning knowing that I don't have to wait till latter day to feel great! My Bayer Aspirin purchase count went way down too - LOL!
That means you were drinking to much Art me Irish Bro.
That must have been the Irish side of you. You know, the good half! Cheers Mate.
H.
At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three black men totally naked, sitting on a bench.
Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis. The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment.
He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white patriarchal society . "In fact", he pointed out, "some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society".
After the curator left, an Irishman approached the couple and said, "Would you like to know what the painting is really about?"
"Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery", asked the couple?
"Because I am the artist, who painted the picture", he replied, "In fact, there are no African Americans depicted at all.
They're just three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch"
Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis. The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment.
He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white patriarchal society . "In fact", he pointed out, "some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society".
After the curator left, an Irishman approached the couple and said, "Would you like to know what the painting is really about?"
"Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery", asked the couple?
"Because I am the artist, who painted the picture", he replied, "In fact, there are no African Americans depicted at all.
They're just three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch"
hfoster
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At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three black men totally naked, sitting on a bench.
Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis. The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment.
He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white patriarchal society . "In fact", he pointed out, "some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society".
After the curator left, an Irishman approached the couple and said, "Would you like to know what the painting is really about?"
"Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery", asked the couple?
"Because I am the artist, who painted the picture", he replied, "In fact, there are no African Americans depicted at all.
They're just three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch"
. Being a good Irishman I am sure the Fella had a pint as well! Cheers Larry.
H.
menzies
Guru
Coal mine in Ireland?
Let me help everyone out with a single adjustment...
At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three black men totally naked, sitting on a bench.
Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis. The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment.
He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white patriarchal society . "In fact", he pointed out, "some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society".
After the curator left, an Irishman approached the couple and said, "Would you like to know what the painting is really about?"
"Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery", asked the couple?
"Because I am the artist, who painted the picture", he replied, "In fact, there are no African Americans depicted at all.
They're just three Irish peat diggers. The guy in the middle went home for lunch"
Let me help everyone out with a single adjustment...
At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three black men totally naked, sitting on a bench.
Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis. The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment.
He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white patriarchal society . "In fact", he pointed out, "some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society".
After the curator left, an Irishman approached the couple and said, "Would you like to know what the painting is really about?"
"Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery", asked the couple?
"Because I am the artist, who painted the picture", he replied, "In fact, there are no African Americans depicted at all.
They're just three Irish peat diggers. The guy in the middle went home for lunch"
RT Firefly
Enigma
menzies
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Pack Mule
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He went home for a box lunchAt the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three black men totally naked, sitting on a bench.
Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis. The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment.
He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white patriarchal society . "In fact", he pointed out, "some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society".
After the curator left, an Irishman approached the couple and said, "Would you like to know what the painting is really about?"
"Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery", asked the couple?
"Because I am the artist, who painted the picture", he replied, "In fact, there are no African Americans depicted at all.
They're just three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch"
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