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Old 02-11-2017, 12:17 PM   #1
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Admiral Happiness

Hi all! Long time sailor w/ a lovely spouse who's spent all of 4 total days on our three sailboats owned over two decades! She's agreed to consider a trawler as a possible live aboard. Trying to figure out next steps whether we sell it all and plunge into something like a Kadey Krogen whaleback 48' or a 40' half or more the cost something (Symbol? Marine Trader? GB? Smaller KK?) and do it part time. Lurking about Trawler Forum as a mechanism to figure out how to do this. We've been trolling yachtworld, have visited a couple of local trawler shows along the Chesapeake. Grateful for the collective wisdom of those spouses who grew into their trawler enjoyment (and from those captains who were successful at reeling them in)

Likewise- any boat thoughts? We're not speed demons- I'm a sailor for pete's sake- 7kts is fast to me! Efficiency, roominess, and reliability are key. I'd stop work now and cruise forever..... if I had permission

Oh and I won't ask about what anchors are best. I've read ahead...
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Old 02-11-2017, 12:23 PM   #2
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Greetings,
Welcome aboard. Sincerest apologies but the first thing that came to mind, given her boating history, when I read "...She's agreed to consider a trawler..." is she's saying that to shut you up. Again, sorry. I'm probably TOTALLY wrong.
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Old 02-11-2017, 12:35 PM   #3
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Have seen many couples like this...

Man with cruising dreams, woman with day tripping satisfaction.

Occasionally the other way around.

Be careful giving up what you love for fools gold.

No matter what boat you might wind up with....it may still be a different world your wife doesn't care to enter.

I heard the tale of the guy who suprised his wife with a new Fleming 55 after she commented that it looked nice.

She walked on, walked off and told him to get rid of it.

Sometimes you play the cards you are dealt with and enjoy the game...drawing to a straight flush is a dangerous bet.
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Old 02-11-2017, 12:40 PM   #4
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Hi, welcome aboard

Too many variables (do you scream at her while docking or anchoring?) for anybody to give substantial advice. Good luck...
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Old 02-11-2017, 12:46 PM   #5
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Why has she only spent 4 days on your last 3 boats????
(and what makes you think she will spend more than 4 days on your next 3 boats????)
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Old 02-11-2017, 12:46 PM   #6
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That kind of change, looks like a risky bet. If you have enjoyed the 3 sailboats, you will probably enjoy the trawler. Life is short!
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Old 02-11-2017, 12:48 PM   #7
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Charter for a week the most luxurious boat you could realistically afford to purchase. Ask her two weeks after you get back home if she would like to do it more often. If the answer is anything but an immediate, full throated unqualified yes keep your sailboat.
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Old 02-11-2017, 01:11 PM   #8
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I have a good friend in a similar situation.

You are the only one that knows your wife (well, out of all of us)....what are her likes, dislikes.

If every time after sailing, she can't wait to get home, changed and out to dinner......sounds really familiar no matter how good of a spirt she is on your sailboats or friends boats.

If she doesn't have a passion for hanging out in marinas and on boats...living aboard would be a huge stretch in my mind.

If she comments how nice some homes are and they are larger than yours....forget about living aboard.

Unless she is a tiny homes reality TV watcher or constantly talks about travel and reducing her possessions and simplifying life....living aboard is the wrong path to jump into.

Another friend of mine just sold his sailboat and bought a 49 Meridian. One trip down the ICW was lovely....it was also the last one for her even though he did all the right things to make it nice.

The true liveaboard spouse is a rare breed, heck anyone who wants to live aboard full time is a rare breed. Not to say many dream but never get there.
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Old 02-11-2017, 01:24 PM   #9
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I can only speak for my own reality here but....
If I ever referred to my wife as "The Admiral" I believe she would divorce me!
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Old 02-11-2017, 01:41 PM   #10
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Welcome aboard! Looking at the thread title, at least I can say you are in the right direction, making her happy is the warranty of your success
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Old 02-11-2017, 01:48 PM   #11
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4 days total over the last 2 decades. Seems to me your wife is not much of a boat person. Before going out and buying a trawler, I would try chartering one and see how she responds to that. She may still not be a boat person.
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Old 02-11-2017, 01:59 PM   #12
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. . .you could also divorce her before you buy a boat that way she wouldn't have a way to punish you for buying it after the fact
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Old 02-11-2017, 02:08 PM   #13
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. . .you could also divorce her before you buy a boat that way she wouldn't have a way to punish you for buying it after the fact
this makes the assumption you could afford a boat after a divorce. No I think the charter route is the logical way to go. No my wife would not be happy living on a boat. She has been a good sport and put up with our summer 6 week cruises and when younger a few years of two 3 month spells aboard but never having to give up her land base. Mutual compromise is often the glue of marriage.
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Old 02-11-2017, 02:15 PM   #14
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Welcome aboard!
Charter for a week. She will either love it or hate it. Either way you will know which way you're headed.
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Old 02-11-2017, 02:56 PM   #15
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Welcome aboard!
Charter for a week. She will either love it or hate it. Either way you will know which way you're headed.
I think chartering is good but add the issue of giving up a land base. Some woman can be happy on a boat but can not give up the land base and that becomes a problem for full time live aboard. So there are two distinct issues here, one tolerating or enjoying being on a boat and the other accepting the boat gipsy life.
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Old 02-11-2017, 04:09 PM   #16
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Charter first, then one step at a time afterwards using input from after-action discussions.

Let her pick the charter -- area, boat, friends accompanying (or not), maybe crewed (or not), etc.

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Old 02-11-2017, 04:24 PM   #17
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I can only speak for my own reality here but....
If I ever referred to my wife as "The Admiral" I believe she would divorce me!
Bruce
Wifey B: D would.

Odds of it working out now are 100 to 1 against. You have a history. We learn from history. She's managed fine without boating and with you off boating. I hate typing this. I wish she felt like I do about boating.

Now if you want to prove to yourself that it won't work or find it might, the charter is the way to go. One twist. Charter for a week. Then as soon as you get home, ask if she is ready to go back to another charter the next week. You'll know by the look of shock I'm afraid.

Just relook at your words. She agreed (sounds like you dragged her kicking all the way to get that)...to "consider"...(ok she's made no commitment, just shut you up for the moment)...as a "Possible". How many qualifiers can you put in one sentence.

Old line here: She convinced against her will, remains unconvinced still.
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Old 02-11-2017, 08:52 PM   #18
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Hilarious! Love all the responses. Appreciate all the insights, keep em coming...

She's been actually pushing to consider a trawler (not the other way around) so she could join in my boating passion. She hates the down low feel of a sailboat interior. I love the snugness of our aft berth and she is immediately claustrophobic. We've seen some trawlers that she actually is excited about. I suspect that it would be more of a floating condo initially until she gets more comfortable.

We've talked about the charter option and will definitely do that. I'm the realist in her push for us to consider a trawler and have dragged my feet purposely for fear she's like some that have been described in this thread- buy one, hates it after a try or two, then done. I can singlehand my sailboats, not so sure of the same for a 40 or 50 foot trawler.

Bruce- don't tell her I called her an admiral please! But she really does control the brakes on this. Would've signed a contract and been underway already if I was sure she knew what she was getting into.
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Old 02-11-2017, 09:10 PM   #19
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Greetings,
Mr. p. If that is the case, I take it all back (post #2).

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Old 02-11-2017, 09:16 PM   #20
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Welcome to the forum proudsailor. I can see by your latest post that you are going into this with your eyes wide open. This is one area where both of you will have to totally agree or it won't work. Even if not a liveaboard, if she likes day or short trips on a trawler because she is not in a "cave" may be a big improvement over your current conditions and you may find yourselves spending a lot more time together. One step at a time. Good luck!
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