Divorcing the Wife and looking to marry a Trawler. - Page 3

psneeld · 03-29-2021, 04:35 PM

I don't know...I had an amicable divorce and a war with the other.

Both times I moved aboard because I like it and to regain finances. I had a great time and regained lost wealth after both.

I had lived aboard before the first time I got married and have been eyeball deep in boats my whole life.... so flipping back and forth afloat/ashore was easy for me.

Depending on the divorce, it isn't necessarily horrific timing, it could be perfect....but unless you really have it wired...it could go either way. Great or a disaster. Which has pretty much been the advice so far so all I can do is agree with both sides of the discussion....

RT Firefly · 03-29-2021, 05:14 PM

Greetings,
Slight thread drift: My better 3/4 said she'd never divorce me because it would take much too long to retrain a replacement PLUS she's more fanatical about boating then I am. PLUS, PLUS, I'm just too cute!

tekdiver · 03-29-2021, 06:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rgano

Bought boat in '86 in San Diego. Lived aboard in San Diego for three years. Moved boat to Florida in '90 and moved ashore. Divorced in '96 and moved aboard for two years. Liked it fine. Second wife loved boat and misses it since we sold it in 2015, but I was no longer interested in life aboard and all its difficulties and inconveniences unless cruising, which we did. Now I am have little interest in cruising or living aboard, but enjoy having a boat which can take us aboard for a few days when we wish. Life goes on.

IMHO, the Grnad Banks 42 Europa (mine was a classic) would be a perfect solo liveaboard.

I've been looking for a Grand Banks Euro now for two years. If you find one in well maintained shape you will love it. I'm looking for a unmolested twin lots have had big HP engine's stuffed in, I want a slow steady ride.

RickyD · 03-29-2021, 06:59 PM

I'm at Shoreline Marina in Long Beach. I understand it is about a 3 year wait for live aboard status. There are some really good pluses and minuses with the marina. There are slips available depending on the size. Also, there is a Symbol 55 that just came on the market again. I think he's asking around $250,000. He had it for $280,000 last year. Probably take less. My friend has been trying to find a Californian 55 like I have and when they hit the market, gone in days. Californian 48 could be really nice live aboard if you think my 55 is too big. I also thought it was too big until my wife said "I like the big one". I had to make her happy and now I'm glad I did. I do think twice about taking it out alone, not because she is hard handle, its just understanding that if things go bad, ......Well, you know what I mean.

dirtdoc1 · 03-29-2021, 07:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BandB

Wifey B:

Research, think all you want, but don't make a major move into something you have no experience and requiring lots of money at this time. Wait. If one year from the divorce you want to do it, then proceed. Just now is horrific timing for such a decision.

Agreed! Very good advice.

**FlyWright** · 03-29-2021, 09:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by johnrupp

You loved with her or lived with her Peter?

John

Edited ...

squimmy27 · 03-29-2021, 10:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RonR

Our first larger boat was bought from someone who got divorced, took his part of the house $$ and bought a boat. Lived on it for 6 months and hated it after 1. Moved off the boat and into a condo. Left the boat sitting in the marina for 4 years unused, and neglected. He told me it was his biggest financial mistake to date. The monthly fees for the boat, the cost of the boat, and the value dropped by 1/2 due to the condition of the boat when he sold it.

Many are in love with the idea, few are in love with it after a few months.

Without going into the feeling that this is a bit of whiplash, you haven't mentioned your experience and maintenance capabilities. SoCal is going to be difficult and $$$ for liveaboard. I put myself on several PNW waiting lists while I was looking - finding a 'grandfathered' liveaboard slip is getting harder to come by. I would prioritized finalizing the personal situation before a purchase. A lot of trawlers out there, still need to do your homework on what your plans are. I've been a liveaboard coming up on 2 years, still love it but my learning curve is still hell-steep, which I also enjoy. Good luck...

DBA · 03-30-2021, 07:46 AM

We have been surprised by a downturn in our health and have to sell our Pilgrim 40 in about two months from now. She looks like the trawler in the Forum marquee although I'm pretty sure that's not us. Same boat and same color. Anyway, we are on the opposite coast - St Augustine, FL and have a slip with her. Great boat that we are sad to sell. At the top end of your budget, however.

friz · 03-30-2021, 08:20 AM

"Any suggestions for a Solo liveaboard Trawler?" was the OPs question. He did get about 45 responses of martial/divorce/slip advice and maybe 3 answering the question. So OP, take a look at Great Harbors or Flordia Bay Coasters.

RT Firefly · 03-30-2021, 08:59 AM

Greetings,
Mr. F. I think the absolute BEST advice so far is from Ms. WB. Do your research and decide at a later date. One year is a good time frame.

To paraphrase Shakespeare, Decide in haste, suffer at your leisure.

psneeld · 03-30-2021, 09:06 AM

Right along with "if you snooze, you lose"......

gsholz · 03-30-2021, 09:45 AM

If you are new to boating, don't underestimate maintenance, moorage and insurance costs. Look for a slip on a river, preferably under cover. It will substantially lower your maintenance costs.

RT Firefly · 03-30-2021, 09:45 AM

Greetings,
Mr. ps. Tru dat!

BandB · 03-30-2021, 01:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by psneeld

Right along with "if you snooze, you lose"......

Wifey B: Which I'd normally agree with as I like to move quickly, as does hubby. However, there are times in life that one's decision making is impacted by grieving and adapting to change. Doesn't matter the reason for divorce or how much you look forward to it, you still grieve and are mentally impacted. You may not be upset over the loss of your spouse, but you lost something else you'd invested years into, the marriage, and you're stumbling into a new world like Rip Van Winkle awaking, a bit lost and overwhelmed. If by chance, the perfect boat comes along and you absolutely know it is and know it's right for you because you've researched and you chartered or spent time with others then jump on it, but don't rush into things with "I've got to do something now" kind of attitude. I haven't been through a divorce, but sure have seen and talked to a lot of others who have and have observed those who made hasty decisions and while a few worked out, most didn't. Worst hasty decisions were immediately hooking up with someone new. But what I'm about to say applies to the boat and lifestyle choice as well. They found someone totally different than their spouse and relished the change until it hit them that this person had none of what they loved initially about their spouse either. One looks for a lifestyle change, but most really aren't seeking a 180 degree turn, rather seeking a modification. It takes time to figure out what you want to keep and what you want to change when your initial impulse is fueled with anger and you want to throw it all out with the trash.

psneeld · 03-30-2021, 02:23 PM

That's one point of view...not mine ....and maybe not others.

I never sensed the guy was angry....usually something slips in even the internet posts whan it's rage or lots of anger.

Some people don't grieve like others. They simplify and move on, focus on what's next.

If someone has always wanted to do something and is prepared to do something (not all the way but for the first couple moves) then why not? It might be the best time and only time in someones life.

I am not saying it "sounds good" and move along... but a sound thinking through and some research, plus a little prep and the old "what's the worst that could happen?" acid test...... why not move that way? And all that if you can speak to the right people and be honest who and where you are in life.... there is no reason to wait a year....move along as the steps allow.

May not matter if we don't hear back from the OP soon....

chrisjbell · 03-30-2021, 03:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Capnsin

I am working remotely at least through 2021 and will have to see if I will be able to continue to do this. I retire in 8 years and could livaboard in Sacramento until I retire down there worst case.

I was in a similar situation as you a few years ago. I wound up buying my "starter boat" which is a 1989 Bayliner 3870. It has a great floorplan for the footprint and is reasonably easy to handle - I run into a LOT of people that have owned them. Going to a larger boat is a great option if you know what you're doing (if you haven't done this before, trust me, you don't) but something in the 30 - 40 ft range is plenty for one person.

There are marinas in the Delta allow livaboards that you can get into. Southern CA and the Bay Area are much more difficult as so many have pointed out. But if you stay in the Delta area that hurdle can definitely be overcome - you may need to find someone that knows someone.

I didn't see an answer to how much boating experience you have so you might want to consider a less expensive boat for now and see how it goes. If it works out for you like it has for me you'll get bigger boat-itis in a few years and be ready for a much larger financial commitment.

Best of luck, feel free to PM if you'd like. ...Chris

grahamdouglass · 03-30-2021, 06:55 PM

There are a lot of lonely men living their 'dream' on an old boat in a marina, make sure its what you want. The population of women that are crazy about boating is not that large. When you have a boat, all the household chores that come with living become much harder to do. 40 feet can be comfortable for a single guy who is going towards hermit life. But if you want to have a quality couple life, 50 feet with a washer dryer, watermaker, generator and a proper galley with lots of storage will make life feel less like camping and more like living.

A quick note, I'm still married with a home on land, and a wife while juggling my two relationships. My boat and my wife.

Chief Engr Bob · 04-05-2021, 07:50 PM

Where are you located? East coast ?

Exsailor2018 · 04-05-2021, 08:24 PM

Yes now boatless. First time in 70 years.

Callisto 11 · 04-07-2021, 08:01 PM

I am 85 years old but in pretty good shape both mentally and physically so far. My wife and I sailed our 42 ft ketch south from the Great Lakes in 1985 and loved our 4 years of sailing in the Caribean and Gulf of Mexico waters. We anchored almost all the time as we were quite good at fishing and had a nice freezer and gen set to keep things cold, We had loran c for our navigation as the sat nav business was just coming to the market. We returned in 1990, sailed for another year or two then sold the boat.
After motor homing for a few years we decided to try a power boat. Bought a Mainship 36 ft cruiser and soon learned the hard way about expensive boating. It had two 175 hp Crusaders that moved it along at hi speed but loved to go thru fuel like gangbusters. We only kept if a couple years but was glad to get out of boating with that particular boat.
Now we are thinking of a trawler, about 40 ft, single screw, genset and bow thrusters. Age ? From the mid 1980's to early 90's.

Anyone got one like that for sale at a reasonable price.??? Something on the Easern SeaBoard ?