Spouses and partners

[BandB]

Is your spouse or partner as passionate about boating as you?

Nope. Now looking for replacement!

I once had a lady working for me and she and her husband were a very happy couple. He did hunt and fish which she didn't but no issues. However, she always said that the day they retired they'd have to get a divorce as she wanted the beach and warm and he wanted the mountains and cold. She joked about it but I know in reality it did worry her.

I had a man who worked for me work right past his retirement age, but his wife reached retirement age and told him that she was going to travel and see the country and he needed to decide if he was coming or going to stay and keep working. He retired and they bought a nice motorhome.

 

[alormaria]

Lately she is more than supportive. I'm getting tired of it and she just took a boating class.

 

[Pineapple Girl]

I'd suggest for some of those whose spouses have rough water issues to really consider stabilizers or paravanes if you don't have them.

A cheaper thing to try is zofran. Available by perscription. helped one of our crew on our Hawaii trip tremendously. Nothing else helped him. Minimal side effects, if any. YMMV.

 

[Pineapple Girl]

After my first marriage ended I followed my long time dream and took sailing lessons. With my "keelboat certification" in hand, I went to look at a sailboat for sale on Craigslist. A man on the dock warned me off the boat and told me to come to the yacht club for wednesday night races. The first one I went to, I met my husband. Our first date was sailing on is 30' boat, just the two of us. Heaven. We have been married ten years this October. We sailed to Hawaii (from san francisco) in 2010 with that man I met at the dock and some others. So I am ok with the ocean and swells, and night boating. We switched to power boating after the Hawaii trip and LOVE LOVE LOVE it. We both love boating and plan our trips and do maintenance together. We want to do the Great Loop one day. I would be happy to live aboard but he doesn't want to unless we are cruising full time.

The only problem we have had is we bought a runabout last summer that was a total money pit. My husband made me get rid of it and I told him I felt like I had to put my dog to sleep. So we just got another (newer) one last weekend.

Our normal cruise is a weekend, occasionally a week. We spend our time kicking back, maybe doing projects or just chilling. We both cook (he grills) and work on stuff. No fishing. I have a paddleboard and tootle around the anchorage. We might hop in the dinghy and explore. We love watching football on the boat; we are huge Niners fans and schedule our boating around what games we are going to. Bottom line we both LOVE being on the boat. We both know we are very lucky to share our passion for boating.

 

[AusCan]

I am so glad my wife is not prone to sea-sickness. She handles rough conditions better than anyone else I boat with, even though she gets a little nervous at times.
I avoid inviting some good friends aboard when boating on rough days, as I know they be feeling ill. Its nice that it doesn't restrict the times my wife joins me.

 

[psneeld]

Motion isn't just about seasickness...it's also about moving around and just plain doing things....

The calm waters of the ICW allow for relaxation and chores without having to have everything tied down and risking injury moving around...after days of it...anything but slight motion and the occasional wake, almost seems painful.

Anything that can get rid of some of the motion is definitely worth it although not absolutely necessary...well for many boats many, but some not as much.

 

[Nomad Willy]

PG,
I love the part about putting your runabout to sleep.

 

[goboatnow]

When my GF and I just met she was very green to boating. Our first date was out on a lake on my runabout with beautiful weather, amazing food, great wine with the most amazing lady I had ever met. She was hooked on boating and I was hooked on her.

Forward 9 years. We're getting set to move from inland dirt dwellers to full time liveaboards. We both love everything about boating and the boating lifestyle. Many of the best times we've had have been on the water. That might be ocean, lakes rivers, whatever. We both love it all.

She's not much into the technical aspects but is willing to try anything. Together we will go far.

 

[Underway]

Is your spouse or partner as passionate about boating as you?

Nope

How much do they participate?

Summer liveaboards. I single hand the boat and she moves the car.

What aspects of boating do they like and what do they dislike?

The quiet and the spectacular views from the sundeck (while in the slip).

Noisy transients on smelly boats. Other live aboards who want to be your best friends...particularly if they're in the adjacent slip...on a stinky boat.

What is their role in boating versus yours?

I maintain and operate the boat. She agrees to keep it.

Does your interest of boating and their lesser interest ever create problems? Or the other way around?

No. We have an understanding. The boat has become a dock condo in recent years with limited side trips beyond the extended solo voyages to move the boat to/from winter storage.

Do the two of you follow the stereotypes or reverse them in some areas?

See above

What is an extended cruise like together?

We've done numerous one or two week excursions over the years...most often to the North Channel of Lake Huron or Georgian Bay. Good times and great memories for both of us....except for the time she failed to properly secure a stern line on a dock cleat and the line came loose subsequently wrapping around the prop shaft....and the time....

 

[Sortie]

My situation is somewhat different. My wife of 48 years , married into a family heavily involved in boating. She was from Pittsburg and had no boating interest at all. Most of my boating revolved around fishing, mostly big game. Over the years we used our sport fishing boats for weekend and week long cruisers. She has always been involved in everything around boating and other interest.

We retired to Florida, from Mass, in 2000. Our plan was to stay with the fishing/cruises for a while then switch to a trawler and do some extensive long range trips . In 2008 we started to execute our plan. In 2009 Sue was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. She is physically fit and healthy, she can not write her name or read it. She needs help getting dressed, bathing, walking etc. She constantly is striving to remember who she is and where she is. This past spring and summer we took our last weekend trip. This spring we took her last day trip.

It breaks my heart see her like this. Sometimes I am ready to sell the Sue Marie, then I wonder what I would do without being able to spend a few hours a week on her.

Hindsight is always 20/20, but reality is not. We have had a wonderful marriage and full life together. I could never had found a better wife. Much of our good times was around the boating life style. We spent many happy evenings in the cockpit having a cocktail and enjoying the natural beauty around us.

John

 

[BandB]

My situation is somewhat different. My wife of 48 years , married into a family heavily involved in boating. She was from Pittsburg and had no boating interest at all. Most of my boating revolved around fishing, mostly big game. Over the years we used our sport fishing boats for weekend and week long cruisers. She has always been involved in everything around boating and other interest.

We retired to Florida, from Mass, in 2000. Our plan was to stay with the fishing/cruises for a while then switch to a trawler and do some extensive long range trips . In 2008 we started to execute our plan. In 2009 Sue was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. She is physically fit and healthy, she can not write her name or read it. She needs help getting dressed, bathing, walking etc. She constantly is striving to remember who she is and where she is. This past spring and summer we took our last weekend trip. This spring we took her last day trip.

It breaks my heart see her like this. Sometimes I am ready to sell the Sue Marie, then I wonder what I would do without being able to spend a few hours a week on her.

Hindsight is always 20/20, but reality is not. We have had a wonderful marriage and full life together. I could never had found a better wife. Much of our good times was around the boating life style. We spent many happy evenings in the cockpit having a cocktail and enjoying the natural beauty around us.

John

Wifey B: Your love for her just comes through your post so strongly. Has to be the worst disease. So tough on both patient and spouse/family. Glad you got the retirement years you have had in Florida. Should make all of us treasure today even more as none of us know about tomorrow. Wish I could hug you both right now. Do take care of yourself too, John.

 

[angus99]

When we first got our sailboat, my bride was worried about it heeling too much. Once we started racing a few months later, her natural competitiveness took over and everything changed. This photo is one of our first races. She's on the wheel (hard to see), burying the rail and driving hard to windward. Supporting her wishes to helm the boat was the smartest boating move I ever made. Not just because it encouraged her in the sport, but because her confidence and skill make her a great partner on the water.

 

[janice142]

It breaks my heart see her like this. Sometimes I am ready to sell the Sue Marie, then I wonder what I would do without being able to spend a few hours a week on her.

Hindsight is always 20/20, but reality is not. We have had a wonderful marriage and full life together. I could never had found a better wife. Much of our good times was around the boating life style. We spent many happy evenings in the cockpit having a cocktail and enjoying the natural beauty around us.

You know, Sue Marie has brought you both much joy over the years... if there is a way to keep her, I would not change a thing. Hold on to the boat that formed so many of your happy memories. She's a Prairie29, and that's one heck of a nice boat.

You're five years into this journey -- (I took care of Mother for her last seven years) and we had to sell the boat as she was incapable of living aboard and my obligations prevented my move to her. Thus Mother came to live with me within a couple months of Daddy passing.

One of the biggest regrets is that Mother was not able to go to the boat anymore (sold boat) although there were always problems on outings as her dementia progressed. She loved the water and even walking the docks (or riding in her wheelchair) was helpful. She'd try talking with other boaters and with some guidance (basically I lied to her -- saying that "Ed had taken ours out on a charter and he'd be back in two days" or that "the boat was at the boatyard and while the sand blasting was going on we had to be ashore")

Anything to divert her attention, and I promised anything she asked -- usually on Thursday stuff would happen. (It was never Thursday.)

But as long as it is possible to go down to the boat for a few hours, I'd continue. Yes, I know that friends will become confusing at some point, but you're her stability. And the Sue Marie can be your escape valve.

Keep her.
At least that's what my unsolicited opinion is.

Reading of your love for your wife certainly reminds us all of the fragility of time. There's never enough. May you be blessed.........

 

[Pineapple Girl]

More reminders that there are no promises, we never know what the future holds.

Seize the day!

Easily said, hard to do...

 

[Moonstruck]

More reminders that there are no promises, we never know what the future holds.

Seize the day!

Easily said, hard to do...

So true, Jennifer. 2 weeks before my wife passed we completed a 750 mile trip on the ICW. When we put the boat away we thought we were coming back. Didn't happen that way.

When you are my age you won't buy green banannas. We have nothing for sure but today.

John, next time in Fort Pierce stop by Moonstruck. I'll make a pot of coffee, and we'll sit a spell.

 

[Art]

My situation is somewhat different. My wife of 48 years , married into a family heavily involved in boating. She was from Pittsburg and had no boating interest at all. Most of my boating revolved around fishing, mostly big game. Over the years we used our sport fishing boats for weekend and week long cruisers. She has always been involved in everything around boating and other interest.

We retired to Florida, from Mass, in 2000. Our plan was to stay with the fishing/cruises for a while then switch to a trawler and do some extensive long range trips . In 2008 we started to execute our plan. In 2009 Sue was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. She is physically fit and healthy, she can not write her name or read it. She needs help getting dressed, bathing, walking etc. She constantly is striving to remember who she is and where she is. This past spring and summer we took our last weekend trip. This spring we took her last day trip.

It breaks my heart see her like this. Sometimes I am ready to sell the Sue Marie, then I wonder what I would do without being able to spend a few hours a week on her.

Hindsight is always 20/20, but reality is not. We have had a wonderful marriage and full life together. I could never had found a better wife. Much of our good times was around the boating life style. We spent many happy evenings in the cockpit having a cocktail and enjoying the natural beauty around us.

John

May God Provide Blessings to Sue and You John.

Thank you for having strength to share your heart felt story. Alzheimer malady accosted two who were close to our family. Helplessness is the feeling and defeat the eventual outcome while caring for person afflicted. I am very sorry to hear of your predicament and send both of you my prayers. Mortal existence is so very fleeting. It is a blessing that you and Sue had many strong years together. Good luck in your wife's and your remaining time on Earth. Sue’s and your circumstance is clear reminder for us all to enjoy every second of each day as it passes by. Again, thank you for the strength to share. May God somehow provide blessings to both of you. During times such that you and Sue are experiencing human existence can become an all consuming quandary. Please, Continue Having Faith.

Sincerely yours,

Art

 

[Robster_in_edmonds]

John,

So sad to learn of your situation. We lost my wife's mother last year to Alzheimer's. Her husband spent every day with her, walked over from his apt in independent living to have breakfast together, sit and watch tv, have lunch, sit and watch tv, have dinner, then back to his apt to sleep.

After she died he was bereft. He has no interest in continuing to live.

I strongly recommend you keep the boat and putter around on it a few hours a day. Stay in touch with the outside world. Your wife won't mind. If she were able to, I'll bet she would tell you to do it.

Good luck and God bless.

Rob

 

[Sortie]

Thank you for the kind thoughts and generous support. It is a part of the process and I understand the direction we are heading and exactly where we will end up. My mother died from this disease in 2007, she was 95 and had lived with it for ten years. Sue was only 67 when she was diagnosed. She and my mother were close, making this even difficult to deal with.

I am truly grateful for our time together and the quality of that time. I never saw it coming, it was just there in our faces. As we get older, it becomes even more critical to enjoy today, tomorrow is a big question mark. I will keep the boat for now, and see where tomorrow takes us. You have all given me hope , along with faith it is all we really have.

Janice, thanks for the shared opinion always appreciated. Don, I will take you up on that invitation, you on the same dock ?

Thanks again folks. Find away to keep you spouse involved, it makes boating even more enjoyable.

John

 

[Moonstruck]

Janice, thanks for the shared opinion always appreciated. Don, I will take you up on that invitation, you on the same dock ?

John

John, just today put her back in her slip at FPCM. In fact my son and I are down for about a week.

 

[Art]

Hello John

I wrote you this morn aboard our Tolly as my darling Linda slumbered. We've been paying close attention and much time to her 90 yr old mom for nearly a year now. Cruising and hooking/swimming days have become, and for some time will remain, relatively limited. This lucky weekend we have three nights and three days on boat. Arrived Thurs eve, leave Sun eve. This Fri morning and most of rest of today was a windy down pour... we stayed at dock (still here as I write this in eve - still raining too!); unusual for us to stay at dock. Tomorrow is predicted as sun with scattered showers - maybe?? We plan to motor out early if all seems OK.

Reason I mention my/our events is to thank you for what you shared as being another heartfelt reason that Linda and I try to appreciate every second of health for us and ours. Your share further awoke our senses to what is really important in life. Having carefully explained your situation to my wife, I/we thank you for posting.

I'm pleased to hear you will keep your boat - at least for a while, or longer. Boat will help you through, I believe, as it is really good medicine for what your mind now needs as time away from reality. I think if you remove boat from your life that the reality at hand may become even harder to for you to deal with.

Our concern, prayers and good thoughts are sent your and Sue's way.

Kind regards,

Art and Linda

 

[healhustler]

So sorry to have come in late on this thread. It's those meaningful, heart wrenching posts like these that call ones attention to the priority of now. It's all we have.

Thanks for reminding me how fortunate I am today, but especially how risky it is to assume anything about tomorrow. Even if you didn't offer it as advice, I'm taking it.