How much Courtesy is Enough, or too much?

I think I've already got my answer, but still wondering.

I had just a booger of a surgery about 2 months ago...multi level fusion. I've had plenty of surgeries but this one has absolutely kicked my butt.

We've been out on the boat a few times in the last few weeks and one thing I've figured out is that if we're at the dock, if I'm not pretty close in to the ramp up to shore, I'm toast. I just haven't healed enough to walk any distance. Getting myself and dogs to shore needs to happen a couple times a day.

But, as we all know, often times when you're transient moorage, you take what you get.

So, I'm trying to decide how rude it would be for me to ask for "special treatment" and be moved as close to shore as can be accommodated. Or, just suck it up and make do with what i can get.

I first decided to ask to be tied up as close as possible. But, as I thought more about it, boating has lots of older partially disabled folks participating in it including folks way worse off than me. So I've about changed my mind and decided I'm just going to suck it up and do what it takes to get up to land. time, oxycodones and a couple
canes will get me there EVENTUALLY, so its doable. But, for example, if I'm stuck at the end of the dock at Friday Harbor, it will be quite a chore.
I'm probably overthinking this, but since I'm spending my time worrying about it, I thought getting someone else's thoughts was only fair. I'm probably just looking for validation here, but I've confused myself enough that I'm likely to be surprised no matter what I hear. Hopefully this is only a short time issue.

thanks

toni

In my opinion you are overthinking this. Ask! The way you describe your current condition I don't see many active transient boaters who would trump you.

Friday Harbor there are are a hundred transient slips and many of them will be open this time of year. No harm at all asking for a close in position.

At FH We like to be at the end of the dock, stbd tie, bow in...and we ask all the time and they are happy to accommodate if they can. I feel really guilty now!

Definitely ask.

I would not hesitate to ask for a bit of special treatment since you do actually need it. Most marinas are at least willing to try to help but you do have to let them know. When we brought our boat to Michigan from Virginia my wife was in the middle of what turned out to be 5 shoulder surgeries. So one of her arms wasn’t functioning well at all. When we requested a slip I told them of her situation and asked for some help docking because she wasn’t very agile in line handling. Ask, all they can do that is bad is to say no.

av8r said:

Definitely ask.

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Call ahead for a reservation and explain in detail just what you've told us. Who's gonna say no?

Of course ask

I agree: Ask.

But another way to think about it is that you are just letting them know about your situation. That's only polite, right? Just like you'd let them know if you had an 8' draft (even though there may be other deep drafted boats, you still let them know).

They probably don't want you "caning" up and down the docks either, if they can make things easier.

After all, it's not like you are saying "Hey, can you kick that person with an even worse situation out so that I can take their spot?"

So yeah, I say advise them of your situation, and ask if they can accommodate you.

And good on you for getting out, and for being good to your pups

If I were in a close in slip and heard your predicament I would move out for you. Let’s think kindly, there’s enough hate out there now. Feel better soon.

Friday Harbor has had a history of trying to help people out. I flew up a few hours after foot surgery and recovered on the boat. Also, I got a dog walker in town who would come down and take the dog for a walk a couple times a day. Great week!

They offered to put me on the loading dock right next to shore for the entire week, but I simply clarified that I wanted to be near Kenmore Air as I would be flying in after leaving the boat there in advance and just needed to be close enough to get from the plane to the boat. I would have rode a dock cart if I had to. Wound up very close. I just took baby steps down the dock a few hundred feet, crawled up on the boat, then my recliner and had a gorgeous week watching the comings and goings.

Ask!

Ask if you can. On a recent trip I called a marina that I hadn’t been to before to find out more info. They referred me to the Dockwa app and wouldn’t reserve a slip over the phone. With the app, I reserved space but didnt know the specific slip until I arrived. It was a little chaotic. I prefer the now old fashioned phone call.

Toni: If its hard for you walk down a dock then wouldn't every other thing you have to do as a boater be hard too?

Wouldn't you rather wait until you're healed up better? It's probably better for your body too. Sorry I'm giving you the boring and old mans response!! And I'm not even that old !!! 39 lol

Rethink being on the boat for a while. I’m sure your doctor’s would caution you about being on an unstable platform requiring dexterity we take for granted. Re-injury is much more likely during rehabilitation on a boat opposed to your home. Let everything heal, if your in physical therapy relie on there judgement concerning the boat.

hmason said:

If I were in a close in slip and heard your predicament I would move out for you. Let’s think kindly, there’s enough hate out there now. Feel better soon.

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If I knew your dogs needed a walk I'd volunteer to take them at least periodically. I see this a lot with RVers which are a lot like boaters... will mind their own business most of the time but more than willing to assist if / when aware of a need.
Be prepared with a supply of some token gifts to reward those that are particularly helpful and you make make some new friends. In the NE a small container of local real maple syrup can be a useful and appreciated thank you.

Greetings,
Mr. ct. Having read the first nine responses, I was all set to fully agree-ask...BUT Mr. SoH's post (#11) made a LOT of sense. Perhaps, chill for a bit until you're better healed.


Our son went for a double hernia repair earlier this summer. His doc said 6 weeks NO heavy lifting etc. Yep. Popped a gasket 3 weeks later. NOW he's taking it easy for 6 weeks! Neither of you have anything to prove. You BOTH need recovery time and neither of you is 25 any more.

South of Heaven said:

Wouldn't you rather wait until you're healed up better? It's probably better for your body too.

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But then see post #9. When I read that I was thinking, "What a nice recovery scenario."

OTOH, if it's appropriate during social distancing, I liked the Friday Harbor hired dog-walker idea. You don't want the "sudden squirrel" lunge happening

Call early and I'm sure they'll do what they can to help.

I've had a few bad injuries and I've found that I heal twice as fast on water compared to being on land. Pick the conditions carefully, but I'm sure the gentle rocking helps with the healing. All the best to you.

We were at Lake Powell and I fell and broke my foot about 90 miles up the lake. We stayed where we were overnight and the next day we came back to Wahweap Marina. I called on the VHF and told them my problem. They helped us dock and had a Park Service Ranger there. The only issue was the Park Service had a run on ambulance calls at the time so they pulled me 1/2 mile up the walkway in a dock cart to my truck. My wife drove me to the hospital. They put a cast on my foot and I went back to the boat. My wife flew home the next day and I stayed for another week on the boat. It was easy on the boat because everything was only a step or two away. A friend drove my truck pulling the boat from Lake Powell to Phoenix. Then I had to drive myself to Tucson with my foot in a cast. That was the worst part of it all.

Ok, multi level fusion, one at 62(3level), and the other at 65(4level, 9 months ago), both kicked my butt big time, at 2 months out I could walk about 100 yards before needing a quick break, as my Doc told me, it's either walk or you increase the odds of having serious complication. I chose the slip at the far end of the pier, and there is a nice dock box for a quick sit at the other end. Today, I feel great and doing great, much better than other's I saw in physical therapy. Each person is different. Ask to move closer, but don't stop walking

The Brockerts

Since I got cancer I have found that people are very willing to bend over backwards to help out in any way possible. Even at Costco where there's always a line to get in, if I talk with the guy at the front of the line who checks membership cards and explain that I can't stand long, they will let me go right in.

So ask. It's human nature to want to help your fellow man. By asking you are giving them an opportunity to be a caring individual.

Definitely ask! Last summer (2019) I took my 90 year old Mom on a 10-day cruise from Anacortes to Port McNeill (north end of Vancouver Island). As she is quite mobility-challenged, I always asked for the closest-in spot that they could give me. Marina managers were universally accommodating and kind. In fact, at our last stop (North Island Marina, Port McNeill), it turned out that the walk up the pier from our slip (most shoreward) to the parking lot was very long. They picked Mom up in a golf cart and delivered her right to my Step-dad’s car!

ADA compliance hasn't hit marina's. Not too many have accessible ramps. I think there is a benefit to walking, one would presume it would accelerate healing, but if the pain is enough to start popping oxy's, then I would back off. Pain is present for a reason.

South of Heaven said:

Toni: If its hard for you walk down a dock then wouldn't every other thing you have to do as a boater be hard too?

Wouldn't you rather wait until you're healed up better? It's probably better for your body too. Sorry I'm giving you the boring and old mans response!! And I'm not even that old !!! 39 lol

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I've had that conversation with myself and the doc. I've had several shorter trips, including overnight, both on the hook and at the doc. Its all doable, just more difficult. If I had a really firm timeline about when I'd be back to whatever normal is, waiting might be a better choice, But, mechanically the operation was as success and the fixed vertebrae are...fixed and stable. The issues now are pain just getting more movement and strength back. In other words, I'm not likely to damage myeslf, just cause myself some discomfort. But for me, if I can balance that discomfort with the pleasure we get out on the boat, its worth the trade.

anyway, thank you all for the thoughts. Makes sense. we'll see how it goes.

toni

If it isn’t going to hurt you, then I think the boat is the best place to rehab. Go for it.

OP, you are somewhat fortunate. After my heart surgery, I was prohibited from operating a vehicle for six weeks, and for several weeks was unable to sit up from a prone position without help because I was prohibited from using sufficient upper strength. After one year, about 90 percent recovery. From past experience, at least two years is needed for full recovery.

I applaud your determination. In your shoes, I might wimp out and consider boating pretty low on my list, but you are clearly tougher.

ASK because the powers-that-be would probably see themselves in your shoes one day and work to help you.

Ask for a disabled spot, Friday harbor will give you one right on the loading dock next to shore! my grandparents use to do that

SoWhat said:

ADA compliance hasn't hit marina's. Not too many have accessible ramps. I think there is a benefit to walking, one would presume it would accelerate healing, but if the pain is enough to start popping oxy's, then I would back off. Pain is present for a reason.

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This is all assuming your doctors have approved you boating.

Ask politely.

If that ever fails you then ADA applies there and anywhere else and in requesting special slip positioning you are requesting reasonable accommodation for your disability. You should never be required to utilize the law to get an accommodation, but, if required, you shouldn't hesitate to use it.

I see nothing wrong with asking for accommodations for your surgical disability.

I’ve had four years of really bad spinal pain and am now recovering from my third fusion. Two lumbar and one cervical. For the last two years I used a walker anytime I got off the boat although moving around the boat was relatively easy. I have no embarrassment about requesting close in moorage and have been treated well by almost all of the marinas we’ve visited. Friday Harbor and Roche Harbor are outstanding in accommodating us, Rosario rates up there as does Deer Harbor. In the central sound Poulsbo and Winslow Wharf were about the only places we visited this year and both were very accommodating. A few years ago I saw a guy who had a really lightweight looking scooter, so it can all be done.
I’m not going to say anything about the Canadian side because, obviously, we couldn’t go there this year and have been with a yacht club flotilla the past several years.
We draw a crew from our kids or invite some friends to go with us to help with the handling of the boat, we are in a gap period with the grand kids. The oldest is in the Army and the next oldest is ten and learning the ropes. Covid-19 really cut back on our boating, even a day of fishing was limited at best.

Ask. Assuming you’re Doc’s okay with your boating, great place to recuperate. Ask for the best location, ask for help docking, ask for help with the dogs, etc. You already know from prior experience that most folks on a boat are generous and willing to help! Giving is as good as getting, sometimes better!