marriage savers

Ok now that I have my new boat I need marriage savers. I know this topic has been on here many times before so please be kind. What is the best for just two of us.

You need to show you love her. Spend time with her, buy some expensive presents, and of course forgive her when she unfairly tests your patience and does things to you that are quite unforgivable. As to your wife I have no idea what you can do.

The latest Eartecs with no waist band set. Make up a lanyard to go around the crew's neck so that they don't get wet whether they fall forward or back (most lanyards are like spectacle lanyards and don't help if the set falls off backward).

I had the OLD Eartecs and they were terrible -- sounded like kids walkie talkies. However, those are no longer on the market and the new ones are excellent. I have SENA and they are also excellent, but I would buy Eartec if buying again just because the battery is replaceable. The SENAs are trash once the battery no longer holds a charge.

No yelling and tell her that she's right even if you are.

I have a thread going, two options Sena and Eartech. I am going with three new Eartechs Ultralites. https://eartec.com/product/ultralite-ul2d/

bshillam said:

I have a thread going, two options Sena and Eartech. I am going with three new Eartechs Ultralites. https://eartec.com/product/ultralite-ul2d/

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Are you going with the full two ear headsets or the single ear? We went single ear as we still want to be able to hear "outside" of our conversation - dock hands, other boat engines etc.

Probably single on all three.

Unclematt said:

Ok now that I have my new boat I need marriage savers. I know this topic has been on here many times before so please be kind. What is the best for just two of us.

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Assuming a typical couples' dynamic where the husband is super excited and the wife is a bit more sanguine, I've noticed the wife often has a few barriers to the passion - some beyond simple electronics so bear with possible thread drift

First, often the tedious work of provisioning and such fall to her. Especially if there are guests or children, this can be a lot of work and it feels like there are huge compromises due to space and equipment such as small fridge, no space for implements she's used to (vacuum), and a husband who thinks melamine is great dinnerware. It's often double duty to home, and she doesn't get enough upside to offset the work.

Second, fear of catastrophe. What happens if the husband has a heart attack or fall overboard? I can tell you that the worst person on the planet to teach her simple docking skills is the husband. I don't care if you are an ex admiral and instructor of thousands of pilots, the spouse is the worst instructor. There's a small outfit out of St Pete FL called Sea Sense Boating that specializes in all-women teaching charters. I've also heard good feedback on spending a week at Chapman's School.

Third, Men are usually more physically capable so it often makes sense to have the woman at the helm and the man at the bow doing the anchor or running lines for docking. We have tried radio sets but have settled on simple hand gestures. Of course our boat is small (Willard 36) so comms is less of a factor.

Finally, navigation. Women tend to be excellent navigators. Even if I set the route, Cheryll is insistent on understanding it and checking for obstructions. Our cruising includes overnight runs which of course involve watch standing. Although I tinker with all sorts of nav software on PCs and handheld devices, our system of record will always be an MFD that we both have competency.

I realize much of the above seems sexist, and it does play on some stereotypes. But has been my experience and observation of how it seems to work much of the time between a husband with boat-itis and his wife. Not always, but often.

A dink she can row or sail as many brides are not comfortable with outboards and feel TRAPPED on board if they cant go somewhere as they wish.

Don't ever mention the old adage that the Capt is always right!
I preach and practice that if anything goes wrong it's the Capts fault.
If instructions weren't followed... they weren't clear enough or insufficient training or didnt check to confirm understanding...
Have a plan A and a back- up plan B if neither works Plan C is always OK to pull out / away, regroup, replant if necessary and then try again.

Use any oops situations as learning opportunities but do it after the emotions or excitement clears.

I have found the absolute best learning opportunities are watching others. Each of you grab your favorite refreshment and a chair and watch others come in and dock, lock through, etc and critique what they did well and not so well and highlight what could work well for you (both) and your boat.

Unclematt said:

Ok now that I have my new boat I need marriage savers. I know this topic has been on here many times before so please be kind. What is the best for just two of us.

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Do a search for the several threads about SENA and Eartech units; pros and cons of each discussed almost ad infinitum. And for some, it's a religious debate... so you might have to look past some of that...

General consensus -- for those that like them -- is that it's helpful to have such a thing. Some others argue they're unnecessary, hand signals will always suffice, yelling is OK, they're an unneeded expense, etc. FWIW, we fall into the first camp, mostly because in our configuration of boat we couldn't even hear yelling were it to happen. And because dock hands are sometimes recalcitrant, which in turn sometimes modifies our plan in midstream.

-Chris

Hand signals might work if the captain can see the person handling the lines. They will not work if the captain can't. Same thing about hearing. Get eartechs.

Patience

I've made it very clear that if she's doing something (handling a line, etc.) and I bark a "do it now" or "don't do that" kind of thing, it's almost certainly an instruction related to her immediate safety. That made her much more comfortable with the idea that I wasn't going to tell her she's doing something differently than I would while she's in the middle of doing it, I'd let her do it and I'd work with what I get unless it's a safety concern.

For the communication thing, while docking we have the process down well enough at our home slip that I can basically tell what lines I have based on where she's standing (order is always the same) and we know that the stern line is handled by either of us depending on the day and who can get to it first. Smooth as butter once we figured out the process. Elsewhere, we lay out the plan as we approach and set lines. For anchoring, I'm on the bow, she's at the helm. I typically open the center windshield so we can talk as needed (just a loud-ish voice does the trick, no shouting required).

Yes - and communication. And Plan A and Plan B and Plan C. And more communication. And more communication.

Unclematt said:

Ok now that I have my new boat I need marriage savers. I know this topic has been on here many times before so please be kind. What is the best for just two of us.

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If you know it has been discussed here many times, why ask again? Why not just review those previous (and even ongoing) discussions?

I don't mean this negatively - I'm truly curious.

danderer said:

If you know it has been discussed here many times, why ask again? Why not just review those previous (and even ongoing) discussions?

I don't mean this negatively - I'm truly curious.

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As a guy who is fair recent and active with some questions, I can say the search function is not great for targeted thread content. Having tried it a couple times, has raised my tolerance threshold for near repeat questions.

Eartech Ultralites with double ear cups don't fall of the head as easily as the single cup. The second ear cup adds a little more holding.

Someone mentioned the desire to be able to hear outside of the headsets.

The Eartecs microphones picks up outside sound and you will be able to hear via the earcup. Unless the microphone is turned off.

I would not buy the Senas. They are light and work well but the head band connection is poorly designed and will eventually break from expanding to fit over head. Sena doesn't have parts for sale so the broken headband is unrepairable. Additionally, the battery is not easily replaceable.

My Amazon review of the Sena headband issue:

These headsets are not designed or manufactured well. The U shaped headband that goes over your head has a metal reinforcement in it. The connection of the U shaped headband to the earpieces is flimsy unreinforced plastic. The plastic connection is C shaped to allow wires to pass through it from one earpiece to the other. Placing the headset on your head require the earpieces spread apart to clear the ears. The strong resistance of the U shaped headband with the steel reinforcement causes the plastic connection to bend and twist, eventually breaking the plastic.

I contacted Sena to order a replacement for the broken plastic connection and found that a replacement part was not available.

I just ordered the Eartec ultra lite single ear. I think for us it will work well. As far as searching for previous discussions. I am not good with navigating social media forums blogs and the like. I am new to this whole thing so please cut me some slack.

Unclematt said:

I just ordered the Eartec ultra lite single ear. I think for us it will work well. As far as searching for previous discussions. I am not good with navigating social media forums blogs and the like. I am new to this whole thing so please cut me some slack.

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You'll be fine with those.

Get two eye glass lanyards (Eartech sell lanyards as well, but they are just like spectacle lanyards) for the person doing the docking work and create a loop that goes around their neck to grab the headset if they fall off backwards or forwards.

it's really, really simple .... Marry your best friend and treat her with rspect.

boatpoker said:

it's really, really simple .... Marry your best friend and treat her with rspect.

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Or him.

Do all you can to make her feel #1 and valuable.
Give regular and appropriate compliments. Appreciate overcoming obstacles. Appreciate every single thing she does. Appreciate her looks. Appreciate her operations. Never raise your voice. Watch your tone with her. Be greatfull and appreciative while demanding safety. Your consideration and support will show in your communication and actions. Exercise empathy to understand. As the skipper, this works well with your boat. These things also work well with human females.

Plan to singlehanded. Appreciate any help, regardless of how small. If something is done inefficient or without safety, see opportunity for safety training. Involve her in operational safety, to include the skippers actions. Always better to have more eyes for safety.

Don’t depend on unpaid crew and you won’t be dissatisfied or disappointed. Your actions and communications won’t create resentment. If you assign a task, do it with safety issues explained. Let them be in charge of some things. Engage her and empower her. Show how to operate the radio for an emergency. Teach operations as tolerated. Never push too much at once. Use empathy as a gauge for tolerance. Physically demonstrate then overwatch tasks/ duties/ operations for safety. Never micro-manage. Discuss agreed roles as appropriate. And so on... Improving on this will only make it better.

mvweebles said:

I can say the search function is not great for targeted thread content.

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I certainly agree that the search function here can be not great when trying to find some types of info. But typing in "marriage savers" returns 18 threads including:

Headsets, have you owned both?
marriage Savers
Intercom Headsets (Crew Communicators)
Communications While Docking
Marriage Savers...
headset comms for helm to foredeck
Headset Recommendations
No yelling necessary
Marriage savers
bridge comms between crew

..so in this case it does return some useful information.

I'm thinking people view this forum (and the Internet in general) in different ways. Some view it as a place to ask questions; others as a library of information that also supports conversations and asking questions.

Not saying either approach is wrong.

First line over is the spring line.
Fwd or aft spring line is dependent on if you dock bow in or stern in.
Once you get the proper spring line over and secured, the rest is easy. A few twists on the helm and minimum rudder will bring the bow or stern in so you can get these line on board and secured.
Have many of you found it necessary to lean against the outer most piling?

OldDan1943 said:

First line over is the spring line.
Fwd or aft spring line is dependent on if you dock bow in or stern in.
Once you get the proper spring line over and secured, the rest is easy. A few twists on the helm and minimum rudder will bring the bow or stern in so you can get these line on board and secured.
Have many of you found it necessary to lean against the outer most piling?

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First line on/off depends on the slip and boat, I think. In a slip with no piling on the non-dock-side bow or a face dock, I want a spring first (fwd or aft based on nose in vs back in). But in my home slip, my biggest clearance issue is the piling between me and the next slip over, while I've got several feet more clearance to the neighboring boat further back. So the bow line is first on / last off, as that's where I need the control most. I can spring off that if needed to place the stern.

Our system for handling that bow line is a hook on the dock end piling. Line gets taken off and hung on the hook while standing on the bow when leaving, vice versa when docking. Then once we're the rest of the way into the slip, I can come down from the helm and pick up 2 lines: forward spring onto the dock side stern cleat, then walk across with a stern line to the other stern cleat. Then we're settled and can take our time with the rest of the lines.

For coming into an unfamiliar slip, particularly on a face dock, the method is to dock port side to whenever possible (I have a center step off point on the port in addition to the aft one, but only the aft step off on the stbd side). Place the boat so she can hop off in the center (aft if we have to dock on the stbd side) with a spring line in hand. Have a stern line set so she can quickly grab it once the spring is tied, then while she's tying the stern line I can walk forward to toss down a bow line.

OldDan1943 said:

First line over is the spring line.
Fwd or aft spring line is dependent on if you dock bow in or stern in.
Once you get the proper spring line over and secured, the rest is easy. A few twists on the helm and minimum rudder will bring the bow or stern in so you can get these line on board and secured.
Have many of you found it necessary to lean against the outer most piling?

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"line over"
Can you expand on what you mean. Is there someone to hand over the line on the dock. I am aware of using a spring along with propulsion to hold tight to dock. Curious how you get that first line tied off.

Without a helper on the dock my crew wait for me to step off and take said lines, that is after I lay the boat alongside the dock of course. Crew less agile than captain.

As a result I practise single handed docking even with crew handing me lines.

Soo-Valley said:

"line over"
Can you expand on what you mean. Is there someone to hand over the line on the dock. I am aware of using a spring along with propulsion to hold tight to dock. Curious how you get that first line tied off.

Without a helper on the dock my crew wait for me to step off and take said lines, that is after I lay the boat alongside the dock of course. Crew less agile than captain.

As a result I practise single handed docking even with crew handing me lines.

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If there's a helper on the dock, the line gets handed off with instructions. If not, the most capable crew member on board at the time hops off with the line once I've got the boat placed so they can do that safely. Stern line gets placed so they can grab it without having to get back on the boat. I've got a decent distance from side decks to helm, so I like to stay at the helm until at least the first line is on, then I'll move to assist as needed. Engines stay running until I have a bow, stern, and spring line on.

rslifkin said:

If there's a helper on the dock, the line gets handed off with instructions. If not, the most capable crew member on board at the time hops off with the line once I've got the boat placed so they can do that safely. Stern line gets placed so they can grab it without having to get back on the boat. I've got a decent distance from side decks to helm, so I like to stay at the helm until at least the first line is on, then I'll move to assist as needed. Engines stay running until I have a bow, stern, and spring line on.

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Thanks, I do same. I guess I was looking for ideas I may not have incorporated. Lines are all laid out along with fenders shortly before nearing dock. As I said, set up for single handed docking. If there is a way to involve crew that wil not leave boat until tied up, I would like to hear it.