What skill did you pass on to your kids?

My apocalyptic thread about climate change got me thinking about this again. I often think I’ve failed for not yet passing on a “skill” to my kids, but the only skill I really have is finance related, and selling and working on cars. I’ve tried to pass some of the finance skill on but that has not taken, and in their defense I’m a terrible teacher and probably don’t really know that much. I’ve passed on a little bit of mechanical skill. Not much. My kids are boys ages 18 and 21. One in college. One leaving for college in September.

One skill I would like to learn and then pass on to them would be cruising (probably sailing) self-sufficiently. This dovetails with my sometime apocalyptic views, and my desire to live the rest of my years cruising to interesting locations. This is kind of a pipe dream right now since my wife is really not on board (yet!) because she doesn’t think we could live full time on our smallish boat, and she is not ready to sell the dirt house and leave her community. If I bought a bigger boat (like a decent size sail cat) I would have a better chance, but I’m not ready to do that yet until my wife is ready.

Anyway, what skills were others on the forum able to pass on to their kids?

My mechanical skills as a millwright. Doing all my own engine work on both gas and diesel engines with my son gave him the incentive to become a chief engineer in the Merchant Marine.

I, like cardude, feel I’ve failed when it comes to passing on skills to my kids. Partly because I don’t have a lot of skills.

My Dad had all kinds of skills, but it was simply because he wasn’t afraid to tackle projects that he didn’t have the knowledge and skills for. In the process, he learned. I learned that attitude from my Dad, but my kids didn’t. Rather than figure it out, they simply ask me.

My son seems to think that I know the answers to everything, which is ridiculous on its face. If I tell him “I have no idea” his response is, “No really, what do you think.” He is a financial analyst for a large corporation. At times he will text or call me with a finance question. I am as ignorant as they come with finance. However, by the time he explains his question to his ignorant father, he usually has come up with a solution. Maybe it is similar to that quote that Peggie uses in her signature, “if you can’t explain it to a 6 year old....”. In this case, it an ignorant 60 year old.

Objective, analytical thought.


I think one of my best attributes/skills is the ability to take a step back from a situation, look at it objectively and make a rational decision.


In other words, I ain't no frickin mecanik so no skills there to pass along.

Not sure that it is a skill but I always taught my 4 kids that if a person wants a job they can find one. There is no excuse for not being employed. It may not be what they want to do for the rest of their life but when you need to put a roof over the family and keep food on the table, you do what you need to do at the time, then look for something better as time allows. Luckily my kids have all turned out to be hard working adults and I'm proud of them all.

LaBomba said:

Not sure that it is a skill but I always taught my 4 kids that if a person wants a job they can find one. There is no excuse for not being employed.

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A good friend of mine in graduate school once told me that he never lacked for a job. When his father was dying of cancer when my friend was about 12-14, his father's dying prayer was that his son never lack for a job. My friend said that even in the worst of economies, he was always able to find work to support himself through college and grad school. While the rest of us were always stressing about that part-time or summer job, he never did and he always had opportunity to work hard and support himself.

So, if you passed that idea on to your kids, that is a legacy to be proud of.

Not to be a herd follower.

How to "see"

My 27yr old son picked up my handy man skills and surpassed me long ago. Together we totally rebuilt a mid 50's home he purchased - down to the studs. And fortunately he also picked up my finance/investment skills - he has an accounting degree. My 31 yr old daughter had seen both parents get MBA's and work hard, and she now has a masters degree in Public Policy/ Healthcare from Duke. She is a healthcare policy analyst with MediCare - trying to save it for all of us I think my daughter has more of my sense of adventure, but so proud of both of them.

My father passed it to me and I passed it to my two girls.

Children always whine, "I can't do that" when presented with a difficult task.

My father would respond,

"There is no such word as can't. The word you are searching for is WON'T! You can do anything you want to do if you want to do it bad enough. You can put a quart of piss in a pint jar if you really want to. "

This coming from a man with only a 3rd grade education that advanced himself to "County Civil Engineer" of the largest county in the united states. When they advertised for his replacement after his death the job was stated as requiring a Masters Degree in Civil Engineering. He died a millionaire and 3 of his 5 children also became millionaires. He taught us well.

Self sufficiency is the skill. Learn what you need, don't cry about not being able to succeed. Just do it.

"Anyway, what skills were others on the forum able to pass on to their kids?"

A few anyway....
- patience
- do your best ignore the rest
- focus and hard work
- boat piloting and docking
- value of money
- money is certainly not everything

Yep, my Dad grew up poor on a small Mississippi farm - got home from WW2 at age 28, thought that was too old to use GI bill for college. Got a job at a small bank and three yrs later married the boss's daughter. My grandfather (the boss) died in 1958 - my father was running the bank since 1950. He ran the bank (Pres/CEO) til 2006 - 56 yrs! He read everything he could get his hands on - Progressive Farmer, Nat Geo, Scientific American, Wall St Journal, The Economist, Barrons. That's what I grew up reading also. All four of his kids went to college and all have Masters degrees. My brothers are running the bank now and my nephew is next in line - four generations running a family business - rare these days. Oh yeah, I was the black sheep - I was an investment banker.

FoxtrotCharlie said:

Yep, my Dad grew up poor on a small Mississippi farm -

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My father was the son of a share cropper in Oklahoma. Proves you dont need help if you are willing to work.

Oh, I used the GI bill at 33 to earn both my degrees. Its never too late.

To my sons:
If you buy a sport car made damn sure it is red

When you sits down to play poker, if after five minutes you don't know who the fool is it is time to leave

When it comes to women make damn sure you are thinking with the right head.

The boys are fine

I'm trying to teach my 15 YO son to saltwater fly cast right now.

I was a tarpon on fly guide for about 15 years, and I'm a pretty solid caster even now. Years ago I tried to teach my very intelligent, coordinated, athletic wife to cast. That was a dismal failure.

Hopefully it will go better with my son.

A whole set of skills. My oldest daughter worked in the plumbing shop after school stocking fittings, repairing tools, pulling materials for jobs and loading out trucks. Went along on service calls. She learned how a service business functions and gained a respect for tradesmen who twist wrenches. Her younger brother did the same, and went on to work full time as an apprentice under me as well as my senior tech. He now works in the trade on the opposite coast and sis lives there, too. Neither really had the desire to take over the business when I quit to cruise full time, they knew the demands; but they both acknowledge the time spent in the family business was invaluable in their subsequent endeavors. Middle daughter-different story.

Hopefully:

To be a little skeptical
To respect women
That effort is more important than outcome
Don't trust anyone that doesn't like dogs
and to listen to the Ocean....it has a lot to say.

I received this and it was said that Bill Gates authored it. I am not sure that Bill Gates authored this, BUT it really doesn't matter who authored it. It could have been written by a homeless beggar.

In any case, It is good advice for young people today.

Rule 1 : Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2 : The world doesn't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3 : You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4 : If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5 : Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity.
Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: They called it opportunity.

Rule 6 : If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault,
so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7 : Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you
talk about how cool you thought you were:
So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room..

Rule 8 : Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer.

*This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9 : Life is not divided into semesters.
You don't get summers off and very few employers
are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF.
*Do that on your own time.

Rule 10 : Television is NOT real life.
In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11 : Be nice to nerds.
Chances are you'll end up working for one..

My 13 year old can run a boat better than most adults.

When he was 6 I showed him how to follow a compass and he crossed us to the Bahamas in a 23’ boat. He’s now moved on to bigger boats.

My 11 year old is in a similar situation but doesn’t care too much about the boats. He can run a small boat with ease though.

Achievement.
Being good to others.
Cooking.

I called skills, tools when teaching my 3 sons and daughter. I believe I gave each one the same tool box with the same set of instructions as they were growing up.

With my youngest now 40, I have observed that they all use their tool boxes. They have become very efficient with the tools they prefer to use and less efficient with the ones they dislike. I guess they are developing their own tool boxes to pass on to their kids.

However, one son prefers to use his hammer to cut wood instead of his saw. He eventually gets the job done, but .... He has decided not to have children.

Didn’t do kids but if I had I’d want to pass on the ability to have an intelligent conversation. That includes a large and broad range of knowledge and the art of delivering it to smart people that will have very meaningful things to return in the conversation.

Nomad Willy said:

Didn’t do kids but if I had I’d want to pass on the ability to have an intelligent conversation. That includes a large and broad range of knowledge and the art of delivering it to smart people that will have very meaningful things to return in the conversation.

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That is an excellent point. My sister and I were given the privilege and expectation to participate in discussions with the family. My mom was a teacher by profession and my dad was a teacher by inclination. They rejected the old notion that children should be seen and not heard. My wife and I showed the same respect to our kids and they can have intelligent conversations with anyone on most any topic.

No children so below not passed down but rather most significant traits / skills passed down to me.

Both my dad & grandfather were great role models / mentors.

Both were handy - able to do most any job found around the home - carpentry, plumbing, electrical, concrete, roofing etc - granddad built cottages by himself to establish a summer resort.

The most important thing learned was "attitude"
1) Strong work ethic - not afraid to work hard, sweat or get dirty

2) The only thing that is "rocket science" is rocket science - so if you don't know how to do something figure it out - find out how to do it - read (no internet / YouTube back then!) and talk to others that know more than you. Then don't be afraid to give it a try - even if not perfect the first time you know you can do it and likely know how to do it better the second time.

3) Don't be afraid to follow your dreams - Granddad worked for a municipality but he loved hunting & fishing. He bought land in the Mtns of NY - built a resort - became a licensed guide and made a decent living with fishermen, hunters and summer vacationers and the grandkids got to grow up working summers at the resort having fun but more importantly learning the whole time.

Thanks Dave,
My mom was a teacher too. Dad was a publisher. My life was filled w smart people. Mom always gave me a long leash or none. Started out in Juneau and mom and I went to Seattle every summer on the steamer. She gave me the run of the ship. Never got into trouble but the other mothers on board were appalled at my mom’s child rearing techniques. Maybe I learned not to fall overboard because of my long leash.

There is a lot to that "long leash" I remember at the age of 12 I told my mother I wanted to ride my bicycle, 50 miles, to Mt Palomar where I wanted to "live off the land" for two weeks. She said "OK" and off I went. I returned two weeks later with a broken leg that I didnt know was broken till 50 years later when a doctor asked me when I broke it. I learned a lot on that trip. Then 60 years after the trip I found out that my mother had asked my Scout Master to follow me all the way to Palomar to make sure I was safe. .After two days he came back and told her I was fine. He didnt witness the accident that broke my leg, but I survived it on my own.

My mother believed, as a mother Eagle does, that the young will never fly if they are not kicked out of the nest.

Wifey B: Do what is right. Obviously people differ on what they feel is right but you must base it on your own beliefs. If you see someone in need, help. Don't think of this and that and why and why not, just do it. Take a chance if you must. It may even lead sometimes to serious consequences, but you'll always feel good about yourself.

Work hard , be happy , love and keep good rum on the shelf .

In the end, memories will always be worth more than money or the things money can buy.

We can also learn from our children...see signature below for the wise lesson our daughter taught me in her toddler years

It has been said that we can inherit insanity from our children.