View Single Post
Old 03-02-2017, 01:44 PM   #60
Benthic2
Guru
 
Benthic2's Avatar
 
City: Boston Area
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 2,289
Disqualifier: I've never lived aboard a normal sized boat and am divorced

However, I think you're setting your sights WAY TOO HIGH...in multiple areas. Even leaving the wife out of it for a minute...you're going from sail to power, homeowner to liveaboard..that is A LOT of change in your life....very hard to know that's going to work out the way you want.

The bigger issue: Converting your landloving wife to a liveaboard wife. Despite her great intentions and proclamations, she can't know what she's agreeing to...she has no frame of reference to say she'd like the live aboard lifestyle. Imagine if she asked you to go live in a yoga and meditation based commune where everything is grown organially and life is wonderful. As much as you might want to join her you can't say how you'll adapt to that lifestyle. Your asking her to do the same thing.

The trap here is that you give up what you know makes you happy with the goal of something new making you both happy. When she can't adapt the way she wants to, she feels bad, neither of you is happy and now you have a boat that you're not thrilled with because of the compromises you made to keep the wife happy. I really don't think its fair to your wife to take this step all at once.

First...if your wife wasn't in the equation, would you be considering the move to a trawler ? If the answer is no, think long and hard before you do.

If you would, I'd tell the wife that you're getting an "adjustment period" boat. Find a boat that isn't your perfect "forever" boat. Explain to the wife that you're giving yourself X ( at least 2 ) years to really understand the extended overnight experience on a trawler. You'll be taking a half dozen trips of increasing length and you hope she joins you on them. Start spending weekends on the boat at your home marina and she if she's willing to join you.....then increase time aboard but not necessarily the distance from home. Give her the option to go home and take a long shower, cook a big meal that uses 4 pots and 15 square feet of counterspace, Let her adapt at her own pace.

By buying a boat you know will only have for a limited time can buy something that you won't get killed on resale. You will also learn what features you and your wife can, and can't do without. You won't stress as much when you bounce off a piling or two. Plus.....you will give your wife an out after 2 years in case she doesn't want to make the change. You'll both have realistic expectations, and can then buy your "forever" boat.

If you go all in, all at once, you will be putting an enormous amount of pressure on your wife to accept something she doesn't have enough experience with to really understand, and it seems really, really unfair to her.

just my two cents.
Benthic2 is online now   Reply With Quote