Humor

I had to check to make sure my wife didn't post this....

With thanks to the Saturday off piste musings of a financial reporting service:

Brilliant!

The answer to there’s no possible reason to have a umbrella on a boat.

George was depressed and had had enough. Covid, the political situation, climate change, his boat had just sunk, it was all too much.

He drove his car into the garage, sealed the window and door with tape and tuned to his favourite Radio Station. He got into the drivers seat, put the windows down and started the engine.


Two days later a concerned neighbour called the emergency services.


They pulled him out, perfectly OK.


His Tesla battery pack though was completely shot..........................

I'm sure a few of you have seen this one before.
"Posted on the for sale board at the marina"

HOW TO SAIL A SAILBOAT.
1. Figure out where you want to go.
2. Whichever way it is, do NOT aim the sailboat in that direction.
3. Aim the sailboat in the some other direction.
4. Trust me, this is the way sail boaters do it.
5. They are heavy drinker.

RonR said:

I'm sure a few of you have seen this one before.
"Posted on the for sale board at the marina"

HOW TO SAIL A SAILBOAT.
1. Figure out where you want to go.
2. Whichever way it is, do NOT aim the sailboat in that direction.
3. Aim the sailboat in the some other direction.
4. Trust me, this is the way sail boaters do it.
5. They are heavy drinker.

Click to expand...

Mmm,but if it`s not upwind.....
Anyway, a somewhat weary husband, and wife, retire to bed. Wife is unexpectedly amorous and invites husband to "whisper something dirty" into her ear. Husband complies,whispering " kitchen, bathroom, lounge room ...."

I found this free movie on Amazon Prime recently. It's lighthearted fun and should give you a chuckle or two while having a nautical theme. LMK if you liked it.

https://www.amazon.com/All-at-Sea-B...1_5?keywords=all+at+sea&qid=1638197135&sr=8-5

Greetings,

RT Firefly said:

Greetings,

Click to expand...

You should... Never show your cards! We all... Have cards!!

RT Firefly said:

Greetings,

Click to expand...

It's self-preservation.. You can't un-see that.

….

Philosophy Professor " What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? "


Student replies " I dont know and I dont care! "

Poor George, the Millenial...


George was sick of the world. Tired of Covid-19, Brexit, Russian belligerence, China, Election conspiracies, global warming, racial tensions, BLM riots and the rest of the disturbing stories that occupy media headlines.

George decided to end himself.

George drove his car into his garage and then sealed every doorway and window as best he could.

He got back into his car and lowered all the windows, selected his favorite radio station, then he started the car.

Two days later, a worried neighbor peered through his garage window and saw him in the car.

She notified the emergency services and they broke in, pulling George from the car.

A little sip of water and, surprisingly, he was in perfect condition, but his Tesla had a dead battery.

Max1 said:

A little sip of water and, surprisingly, he was in perfect condition, but his Tesla had a dead battery.

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https://www.trawlerforum.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1054852&postcount=2435
That joke hasn't improved a bit since November 22 (#2435)

Keith said:

OK, here we go.

A MALE FAIRY TALE
Once upon a time, a prince asked abeautiful Princess "Will you marry me?" the Princess said "NO' and the Prince lived happily ever after, riding motorcycles, dating thin, long legged, big breasted women half his age and cheerleaders and hunting and fishing and racing cars and going to naked bars and drinking whiskey and beer and Captain Morgan and never paid child support or alimony and never lost his house and kept his guns and ate spam and potato chips and beans and never got cheated on and all his friends and family thought he was cool as hell and he had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up. The end!

Click to expand...

LOL! A great life indeed!

[FONT=&quot]A group of women from Perth, Australia were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with their husbands. [/FONT]



[FONT=&quot]The women were asked, "How many of you love your husband?"
All the women raised their hands. [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?"
Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn't remember.
The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband - "I love you, Sweetheart"
Next the women were instructed to exchange phones with one another and read aloud the text message they received in response to their message.

Below are 11 hilarious replies.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]If you have been married for quite a while, you understand that these replies are a sign of true love.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Who else would reply in such a succinct and honest way?


1. Who the hell is this?
2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what?
3. Yeah, and I love you too. What's wrong?
4. What now? Did you wreck the car again?
5. I don't understand what you mean.
6. What the hell did you do now?
7 Don't beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need.
8. Am I dreaming?
9. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.
10 I thought we agreed you wouldn't drink during the day.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot](My personal[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot]favourite!)[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]11. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn't she[/FONT][FONT=&quot].[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]

A Calafornian movie star takes her 15 year old daughter to the Doctor. The Doctor examines her and pronounces his diagnisis.


" Mrs Dempsey, your daughter Ceilia is pregnant! "


" Dont be so ridiculous Doctor - Ceilia has never been alone with a man in her life.We have a Lifestyle Coach and Chaperone to ensure just that!


The Doctor goes to a window, throws it open and looks into the night sky - for twenty minutes.


" Doctor - what are you doing? " enquires the Mother.


" Well Mrs Dempsey - the last time this happened a Star rose in the East. " came the reply from the Doctor. " I dont want to miss it this time...................."

…..

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZM8E9kM7G/

Ted

"Stick Library" for dogs at a beach in Yeppoon,Northern Queensland. Similar to free exchange book library. Persuading "Fido" to return a borrowed stick might be tough.

Since we’re talking about dogs.

An old, blind Marine wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,

'Before you tell that joke I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'

The blind Marine thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'

Sometimes, I sit and wonder about what actually happened to all those people I gave directions to.

FF said:

Sometimes, I sit and wonder about what actually happened to all those people I gave directions to.

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See - "Wrong Turn" 2003

FF said:

Sometimes, I sit and wonder about what actually happened to all those people I gave directions to.

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Don't worry, I am sure they turned and turned and turned out OK