I guess my first question is this - is there a huge difference between owning/operating a 36 vs 40/41 single engine? (besides the cost to dock)
No not really.
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I seem to favor the Defever. Is there a large quality difference between Defever and the Taiwanese boats?
Older used boats probable not. Their present condition and how maintained is more important.
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What type of loan options are there on boats like this?
Usually they will loan 75% to 80% of the appraised value. Most banks have an approved list of surveyors so best to use one they approve. I would talk to bank/finance before you make an offer on a boat. Get preapproved so you know how much they will loan to you. Boat loan are a lot harder and dirt loan. They can also help you with an acceptable offer.
Also check out insurance as that can get expensive and they will also give you what they will insure the boat for.
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Has anyone had any success in owning a boat like this with another couple?
Not a good idea. Unless you are the couple that does not care a dam about the boat, and let other couple foot the majority of the expense.
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We hope to eventually be traveling the ICW on the gulfcoast and to be home ported anywhere between Pascagoula MA to Panama City, FL. It would be lots of years before we'd become full time cruisers and branch out. Is there an advantage to being home ported in a marina vs owning a remote piece of land with a dock and eventual access to the ICW?
It depends on the length of time, the piece of land, and what its zoned for. Zoning is a big issue. We look at it and felt it was an addition amount sunk in the owning the boat. But we where not expecting to own living on the boat for 17 years.