Admiral Happiness

[Shrew]

It would seem equally detrimental....long term to force someone into a boating lifestyle as to force someone out of it. Either you're both in, or your both out. Somewhere in between and the person forced to compromise with hold latent animosity. That doesn't tend to remain latent over time.

I hear people say "You're going to end a relationship over a '<BLAH>???!!!" Nobody makes that conscious decision up front, but that ends up being the catalyst long down the road, whether they want to admit it or not.

 

[Solly]

It will be a sad captain that ignores an admirals wishes.

Doesn't matter whos navy your in.

 

[hollywood8118]

The irony with my better half is that while she likes being called "The Admiral" she gets pretty peeved being called " she that must be obeyed".. even though as The Admiral I damn well better fall in line with her wishes (or orders).

I have been been fortunate to be able to sail for many years under her command.. and she reminds me on almost a daily basis.
HOLLYWOOD

 

[BandB]

Sometimes "irreconcilable differences" work out WAY better for one and/or both.

Wifey B: They can, especially if they involve values or things very important. Unfortunately it doesn't happen often in a friendly way and that's sad. I wish people could just agree they weren't best together but still love each other.

My fave story of this is someone most wouldn't think of as a wild, crazy man and his wife. Warren Buffett and Susan. Her dream was Hollywood and Music and more and his remained in Omaha. He bought her a great Malibu home. She left in love but before she left, she introduced Astrid as she didn't want to leave him alone. Astrid moved in. Their Christmas cards were signed as from the three of them. There was this beautiful love between the three of them. He never was going to divorce Susan and she came home as she became ill. He and Astrid took care of her and only a couple of years after that did he marry Astrid.

It was simple. I love you and I love you but to pursue my dreams I must be on the West Coast and my life is here in Nebraska. You hear the phrase normally in talking about kids but "loving them enough to let go" or "love enough to set free." They did and I find it one of the most beautiful love stories ever.

Hubby and I didn't use the words "Till Death Do Us Part" in our wedding but instead "As Long as it works for both of us." We intend and believe it will be forever, but we want it only if it truly is working for both of us. We can't imagine otherwise but we just didn't feel we could pledge until death regardless of anything that might happen.

I hate the thought of people divorcing, but I hate the thought of people staying together unhappily even more. Older people would often cite the rise in divorce rates but a lot of that was in earlier periods people stayed together even if miserable. I had a friend in NC who told her parents she and her husband were divorcing. Her mother said to her "But that's just feelings" and told her they could change. Basically it was that feelings weren't important, jobs and finances and other things were and she liked her daughter's husband. Now, clearly she didn't see as others did him degrading her, criticizing her, making fun of her and overall being mean to her every chance he had even in front of friends, but feelings are what it's all about.

 

[BandB]

The irony with my better half is that while she likes being called "The Admiral" she gets pretty peeved being called " she that must be obeyed".. even though as The Admiral I damn well better fall in line with her wishes (or orders).

I have been been fortunate to be able to sail for many years under her command.. and she reminds me on almost a daily basis.
HOLLYWOOD

Wifey B: How is she with "Goddess?"

 

[ksanders]

Wifey B: Very well written, Kevin. If you win through pressure, you really will have lost. That kind of win isn't worth it.

I feel for couples whose interests don't match up. If it's small things that take a day here or there, no big deal, but something like RV'ing or Boating or Travel in general or living in the city or country, it's a real challenge.

And that's also why we have terms like "irreconcilable differences" and one really needs to think of what things are worth ending up there.

Sometimes it’s as simple as choosing what is more important... Your relationship or your cruising dreams.

I’l be honest here... I could take off tomorrow and live a full time cruising lifestyle. I have the boat to do it, 100% set up for full time cruising along any coastline. I have the finances to do it, and I have the ability time wise. I could literally leave port today and be happy as a clam. We would not have to sell our home, or even rent it out, all we would have to do is lock it up, set the alarm, and count on buying new house plants upon our return.

My wife of 28 years not so much. She is happy for up to a week or so on the boat at a time and that’s about it. It’s not our boat that is the issue, it’s ANY boat that is the issue. Yes we could buy a larger boat, Yes I have considered it, No it would not help push her over the edge one bit. She likes her life and I can appreciate that, after all I have spent almost three decades with her making that life. We have things pretty darn good, nice lakefront home, nice community, everything nice and comfortable.

So I am in a position of choosing. A couple of years ago it came to a head and I moved onto the boat for the summer. I had a WONDERFUL time, except my partner was not there.

So... I Choose her over my dreams of full time cruising. Have I lost something, you bet I did. Have I gained or better put kept something, YES! Something to me that is more valuable than my dreams.

How is this going to work out in the long run, Frankly I do not know. She might choose to help out with my dreams and accompany me down the west coast into Mexico. Maybe she will choose not to. Perhaps I’ll make the trip in stages partially alone, and partially accompanied. You just never know. Perhaps we’ll do as she suggests and after the Covid thing dies down we’ll spend much of our winters traveling. I just do not know.

What I do know, first hand is that if only one person wants something one person has to give in, or you will not be happy together. I gave in, I choose Her, and I’m happy with that.

 

[Codger2]

Sometimes "irreconcilable differences" work out WAY better for one and/or both.

Amen, brother!

 

[hollywood8118]

Wifey B: How is she with "Goddess?"

Not really sure... I endeavor to treat her as one so it may stick


I call her "Ironwoman" most of the time when ashore, she earned that nickname as a six time 1/2 Ironman and three time full Ironman.



Typically I use "Admiral" when aboard. Luckily we share a love of all things boating and travel so the cruising life works well for us. We both cannot wait to get back to it full time.

HOLLYWOOD