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02-11-2017, 11:17 AM
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#1
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Veteran Member
City: washington DC
Vessel Name: La Barca Beulah
Vessel Model: DeFever 44 OC
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 74
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Admiral Happiness
Hi all! Long time sailor w/ a lovely spouse who's spent all of 4 total days on our three sailboats owned over two decades! She's agreed to consider a trawler as a possible live aboard. Trying to figure out next steps whether we sell it all and plunge into something like a Kadey Krogen whaleback 48' or a 40' half or more the cost something (Symbol? Marine Trader? GB? Smaller KK?) and do it part time. Lurking about Trawler Forum as a mechanism to figure out how to do this. We've been trolling yachtworld, have visited a couple of local trawler shows along the Chesapeake. Grateful for the collective wisdom of those spouses who grew into their trawler enjoyment (and from those captains who were successful at reeling them in )
Likewise- any boat thoughts? We're not speed demons- I'm a sailor for pete's sake- 7kts is fast to me! Efficiency, roominess, and reliability are key. I'd stop work now and cruise forever..... if I had permission
Oh and I won't ask about what anchors are best. I've read ahead...
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02-11-2017, 11:23 AM
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#2
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Enigma
City: Slicker?
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 16,563
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Greetings,
Welcome aboard. Sincerest apologies but the first thing that came to mind, given her boating history, when I read "...She's agreed to consider a trawler..." is she's saying that to shut you up. Again, sorry. I'm probably TOTALLY wrong.
__________________
RTF
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02-11-2017, 11:35 AM
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#3
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Guru
City: Ft Pierce
Vessel Name: Sold
Vessel Model: Was an Albin/PSN 40
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 28,147
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Have seen many couples like this...
Man with cruising dreams, woman with day tripping satisfaction.
Occasionally the other way around.
Be careful giving up what you love for fools gold.
No matter what boat you might wind up with....it may still be a different world your wife doesn't care to enter.
I heard the tale of the guy who suprised his wife with a new Fleming 55 after she commented that it looked nice.
She walked on, walked off and told him to get rid of it.
Sometimes you play the cards you are dealt with and enjoy the game...drawing to a straight flush is a dangerous bet.
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02-11-2017, 11:40 AM
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#4
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Guru
City: Kitimat, North Coast BC
Vessel Name: Badger
Vessel Model: 30' Sundowner Tug
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 5,946
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Hi, welcome aboard
Too many variables (do you scream at her while docking or anchoring?) for anybody to give substantial advice. Good luck...
__________________
"The most interesting path between two points is not a straight line" MurrayM
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02-11-2017, 11:46 AM
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#5
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Guru
City: Boston
Vessel Name: Adelante
Vessel Model: IG 30
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 1,609
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Why has she only spent 4 days on your last 3 boats????
(and what makes you think she will spend more than 4 days on your next 3 boats????)
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02-11-2017, 11:46 AM
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#6
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Guru
City: Birch bay wa
Vessel Name: Rogue
Vessel Model: North Pacific 42
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 648
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That kind of change, looks like a risky bet. If you have enjoyed the 3 sailboats, you will probably enjoy the trawler. Life is short!
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02-11-2017, 11:48 AM
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#7
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Guru
City: Hotel, CA
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 8,323
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Charter for a week the most luxurious boat you could realistically afford to purchase. Ask her two weeks after you get back home if she would like to do it more often. If the answer is anything but an immediate, full throated unqualified yes keep your sailboat.
__________________
Craig
It's easier to fool people than to convince them that they've been fooled - Mark Twain
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02-11-2017, 12:11 PM
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#8
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Guru
City: Ft Pierce
Vessel Name: Sold
Vessel Model: Was an Albin/PSN 40
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 28,147
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I have a good friend in a similar situation.
You are the only one that knows your wife (well, out of all of us)....what are her likes, dislikes.
If every time after sailing, she can't wait to get home, changed and out to dinner......sounds really familiar no matter how good of a spirt she is on your sailboats or friends boats.
If she doesn't have a passion for hanging out in marinas and on boats...living aboard would be a huge stretch in my mind.
If she comments how nice some homes are and they are larger than yours....forget about living aboard.
Unless she is a tiny homes reality TV watcher or constantly talks about travel and reducing her possessions and simplifying life....living aboard is the wrong path to jump into.
Another friend of mine just sold his sailboat and bought a 49 Meridian. One trip down the ICW was lovely....it was also the last one for her even though he did all the right things to make it nice.
The true liveaboard spouse is a rare breed, heck anyone who wants to live aboard full time is a rare breed. Not to say many dream but never get there.
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02-11-2017, 12:24 PM
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#9
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Guru
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,274
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I can only speak for my own reality here but....
If I ever referred to my wife as "The Admiral" I believe she would divorce me!
Bruce
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02-11-2017, 12:41 PM
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#10
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Guru
City: Quebec
Vessel Name: Bleuvet
Vessel Model: Custom Built
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 4,375
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Welcome aboard! Looking at the thread title, at least I can say you are in the right direction, making her happy is the warranty of your success
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02-11-2017, 12:48 PM
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#11
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Senior Member
City: Comox
Vessel Model: 1989 Wellington 57 motorsailer
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 281
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4 days total over the last 2 decades. Seems to me your wife is not much of a boat person. Before going out and buying a trawler, I would try chartering one and see how she responds to that. She may still not be a boat person.
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02-11-2017, 12:59 PM
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#12
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Senior Member
City: Norfolk, VA
Vessel Model: Bayliner 3870
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 308
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. . .you could also divorce her before you buy a boat that way she wouldn't have a way to punish you for buying it after the fact
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02-11-2017, 01:08 PM
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#13
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Guru
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,288
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cool beans
. . .you could also divorce her before you buy a boat that way she wouldn't have a way to punish you for buying it after the fact
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this makes the assumption you could afford a boat after a divorce. No I think the charter route is the logical way to go. No my wife would not be happy living on a boat. She has been a good sport and put up with our summer 6 week cruises and when younger a few years of two 3 month spells aboard but never having to give up her land base. Mutual compromise is often the glue of marriage.
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02-11-2017, 01:15 PM
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#14
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Guru
City: Cape May, NJ
Vessel Name: Irish Lady
Vessel Model: Monk 36
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,964
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Welcome aboard!
Charter for a week. She will either love it or hate it. Either way you will know which way you're headed.
__________________
Archie
Irish Lady
1984 Monk 36 Hull #46
Currently in Cape May, NJ
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02-11-2017, 01:56 PM
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#15
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Guru
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,288
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Quote:
Originally Posted by High Wire
Welcome aboard!
Charter for a week. She will either love it or hate it. Either way you will know which way you're headed.
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I think chartering is good but add the issue of giving up a land base. Some woman can be happy on a boat but can not give up the land base and that becomes a problem for full time live aboard. So there are two distinct issues here, one tolerating or enjoying being on a boat and the other accepting the boat gipsy life.
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02-11-2017, 03:09 PM
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#16
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Guru
City: Annapolis
Vessel Name: Ranger
Vessel Model: 58' Sedan Bridge
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 7,088
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Charter first, then one step at a time afterwards using input from after-action discussions.
Let her pick the charter -- area, boat, friends accompanying (or not), maybe crewed (or not), etc.
-Chris
__________________
Chesapeake Bay, USA
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02-11-2017, 03:24 PM
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#17
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Guru
City: Fort Lauderdale. Florida, USA
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 21,449
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bruce B
I can only speak for my own reality here but....
If I ever referred to my wife as "The Admiral" I believe she would divorce me!
Bruce
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Wifey B: D would.
Odds of it working out now are 100 to 1 against. You have a history. We learn from history. She's managed fine without boating and with you off boating. I hate typing this. I wish she felt like I do about boating.
Now if you want to prove to yourself that it won't work or find it might, the charter is the way to go. One twist. Charter for a week. Then as soon as you get home, ask if she is ready to go back to another charter the next week. You'll know by the look of shock I'm afraid.
Just relook at your words. She agreed (sounds like you dragged her kicking all the way to get that)...to "consider"...(ok she's made no commitment, just shut you up for the moment)...as a "Possible". How many qualifiers can you put in one sentence.
Old line here: She convinced against her will, remains unconvinced still.
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02-11-2017, 07:52 PM
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#18
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Veteran Member
City: washington DC
Vessel Name: La Barca Beulah
Vessel Model: DeFever 44 OC
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 74
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Hilarious! Love all the responses. Appreciate all the insights, keep em coming...
She's been actually pushing to consider a trawler (not the other way around) so she could join in my boating passion. She hates the down low feel of a sailboat interior. I love the snugness of our aft berth and she is immediately claustrophobic. We've seen some trawlers that she actually is excited about. I suspect that it would be more of a floating condo initially until she gets more comfortable.
We've talked about the charter option and will definitely do that. I'm the realist in her push for us to consider a trawler and have dragged my feet purposely for fear she's like some that have been described in this thread- buy one, hates it after a try or two, then done. I can singlehand my sailboats, not so sure of the same for a 40 or 50 foot trawler.
Bruce- don't tell her I called her an admiral please! But she really does control the brakes on this. Would've signed a contract and been underway already if I was sure she knew what she was getting into.
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02-11-2017, 08:10 PM
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#19
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Enigma
City: Slicker?
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 16,563
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Greetings,
Mr. p. If that is the case, I take it all back (post #2).
__________________
RTF
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02-11-2017, 08:16 PM
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#20
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Guru
City: Beaverton, Ontario
Vessel Name: Looking Glass
Vessel Model: Carver 370 Voyager
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,240
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Welcome to the forum proudsailor. I can see by your latest post that you are going into this with your eyes wide open. This is one area where both of you will have to totally agree or it won't work. Even if not a liveaboard, if she likes day or short trips on a trawler because she is not in a "cave" may be a big improvement over your current conditions and you may find yourselves spending a lot more time together. One step at a time. Good luck!
__________________
Allan
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