Admiral Happiness

[proudsailor]

Hi all! Long time sailor w/ a lovely spouse who's spent all of 4 total days on our three sailboats owned over two decades! She's agreed to consider a trawler as a possible live aboard. Trying to figure out next steps whether we sell it all and plunge into something like a Kadey Krogen whaleback 48' or a 40' half or more the cost something (Symbol? Marine Trader? GB? Smaller KK?) and do it part time. Lurking about Trawler Forum as a mechanism to figure out how to do this. We've been trolling yachtworld, have visited a couple of local trawler shows along the Chesapeake. Grateful for the collective wisdom of those spouses who grew into their trawler enjoyment (and from those captains who were successful at reeling them in)

Likewise- any boat thoughts? We're not speed demons- I'm a sailor for pete's sake- 7kts is fast to me! Efficiency, roominess, and reliability are key. I'd stop work now and cruise forever..... if I had permission

Oh and I won't ask about what anchors are best. I've read ahead...

 

[RT Firefly]

Greetings,
Welcome aboard. Sincerest apologies but the first thing that came to mind, given her boating history, when I read "...She's agreed to consider a trawler..." is she's saying that to shut you up. Again, sorry. I'm probably TOTALLY wrong.

 

[psneeld]

Have seen many couples like this...

Man with cruising dreams, woman with day tripping satisfaction.

Occasionally the other way around.

Be careful giving up what you love for fools gold.

No matter what boat you might wind up with....it may still be a different world your wife doesn't care to enter.

I heard the tale of the guy who suprised his wife with a new Fleming 55 after she commented that it looked nice.

She walked on, walked off and told him to get rid of it.

Sometimes you play the cards you are dealt with and enjoy the game...drawing to a straight flush is a dangerous bet.

 

[MurrayM]

Hi, welcome aboard

Too many variables (do you scream at her while docking or anchoring?) for anybody to give substantial advice. Good luck...

 

[SoWhat]

Why has she only spent 4 days on your last 3 boats????
(and what makes you think she will spend more than 4 days on your next 3 boats????)

 

[Rebel112r]

That kind of change, looks like a risky bet. If you have enjoyed the 3 sailboats, you will probably enjoy the trawler. Life is short!

 

[CPseudonym]

Charter for a week the most luxurious boat you could realistically afford to purchase. Ask her two weeks after you get back home if she would like to do it more often. If the answer is anything but an immediate, full throated unqualified yes keep your sailboat.

 

[psneeld]

I have a good friend in a similar situation.

You are the only one that knows your wife (well, out of all of us)....what are her likes, dislikes.

If every time after sailing, she can't wait to get home, changed and out to dinner......sounds really familiar no matter how good of a spirt she is on your sailboats or friends boats.

If she doesn't have a passion for hanging out in marinas and on boats...living aboard would be a huge stretch in my mind.

If she comments how nice some homes are and they are larger than yours....forget about living aboard.

Unless she is a tiny homes reality TV watcher or constantly talks about travel and reducing her possessions and simplifying life....living aboard is the wrong path to jump into.

Another friend of mine just sold his sailboat and bought a 49 Meridian. One trip down the ICW was lovely....it was also the last one for her even though he did all the right things to make it nice.

The true liveaboard spouse is a rare breed, heck anyone who wants to live aboard full time is a rare breed. Not to say many dream but never get there.

 

[Bruce B]

I can only speak for my own reality here but....
If I ever referred to my wife as "The Admiral" I believe she would divorce me!
Bruce

 

[Lou_tribal]

Welcome aboard! Looking at the thread title, at least I can say you are in the right direction, making her happy is the warranty of your success

 

[Nightsky]

4 days total over the last 2 decades. Seems to me your wife is not much of a boat person. Before going out and buying a trawler, I would try chartering one and see how she responds to that. She may still not be a boat person.

 

[cool beans]

. . .you could also divorce her before you buy a boat that way she wouldn't have a way to punish you for buying it after the fact

 

[eyschulman]

. . .you could also divorce her before you buy a boat that way she wouldn't have a way to punish you for buying it after the fact

this makes the assumption you could afford a boat after a divorce. No I think the charter route is the logical way to go. No my wife would not be happy living on a boat. She has been a good sport and put up with our summer 6 week cruises and when younger a few years of two 3 month spells aboard but never having to give up her land base. Mutual compromise is often the glue of marriage.

 

[High Wire]

Welcome aboard!
Charter for a week. She will either love it or hate it. Either way you will know which way you're headed.

 

[eyschulman]

Welcome aboard!
Charter for a week. She will either love it or hate it. Either way you will know which way you're headed.

I think chartering is good but add the issue of giving up a land base. Some woman can be happy on a boat but can not give up the land base and that becomes a problem for full time live aboard. So there are two distinct issues here, one tolerating or enjoying being on a boat and the other accepting the boat gipsy life.

 

[ranger58sb]

Charter first, then one step at a time afterwards using input from after-action discussions.

Let her pick the charter -- area, boat, friends accompanying (or not), maybe crewed (or not), etc.

-Chris

 

[BandB]

I can only speak for my own reality here but....
If I ever referred to my wife as "The Admiral" I believe she would divorce me!
Bruce

Wifey B: D would.

Odds of it working out now are 100 to 1 against. You have a history. We learn from history. She's managed fine without boating and with you off boating. I hate typing this. I wish she felt like I do about boating.

Now if you want to prove to yourself that it won't work or find it might, the charter is the way to go. One twist. Charter for a week. Then as soon as you get home, ask if she is ready to go back to another charter the next week. You'll know by the look of shock I'm afraid.

Just relook at your words. She agreed (sounds like you dragged her kicking all the way to get that)...to "consider"...(ok she's made no commitment, just shut you up for the moment)...as a "Possible". How many qualifiers can you put in one sentence.

Old line here: She convinced against her will, remains unconvinced still.

 

[proudsailor]

Hilarious! Love all the responses. Appreciate all the insights, keep em coming...

She's been actually pushing to consider a trawler (not the other way around) so she could join in my boating passion. She hates the down low feel of a sailboat interior. I love the snugness of our aft berth and she is immediately claustrophobic. We've seen some trawlers that she actually is excited about. I suspect that it would be more of a floating condo initially until she gets more comfortable.

We've talked about the charter option and will definitely do that. I'm the realist in her push for us to consider a trawler and have dragged my feet purposely for fear she's like some that have been described in this thread- buy one, hates it after a try or two, then done. I can singlehand my sailboats, not so sure of the same for a 40 or 50 foot trawler.

Bruce- don't tell her I called her an admiral please! But she really does control the brakes on this. Would've signed a contract and been underway already if I was sure she knew what she was getting into.

 

[RT Firefly]

Greetings,
Mr. p. If that is the case, I take it all back (post #2).

 

[LaBomba]

Welcome to the forum proudsailor. I can see by your latest post that you are going into this with your eyes wide open. This is one area where both of you will have to totally agree or it won't work. Even if not a liveaboard, if she likes day or short trips on a trawler because she is not in a "cave" may be a big improvement over your current conditions and you may find yourselves spending a lot more time together. One step at a time. Good luck!

 

[markpierce]

My Perla doesn't like sailboats because "they are too close to the water." Does fine in my trawler, but then neither of us have a desire to spend long periods aboard.

 

[hmason]

We had a Cal 33 sailboat and my wife loved day sailing but refused to stay on board overnight. She said she refused to be subterranean. I know, below the waterline is more accurate.

Then we bought a trawler and time aboard increased dramatically. The wife then asked to try 6-months aboard as an experiment. It's now 6-years later and we are still aboard although we did upsize the boat. In March the house goes up for sale and we are totally committed.

 

[menzies]

Kick her to the curb.

Time to move on.

Your next will be a curvaceous blonde or red head with 48DD bikinis. It doesn't matter what resources she brings with her.

You will be in boaters heaven until you croak from a massive heart attack brought on by multiple orgasms every night.

But you will die very very happy.

Then the bimbo gets half the money that your missus and her kids would have received.

* * * * * *
OK, now we have the dummy set-up, when you are ready to show your wife this post let me know and I will delete this part!

 

[Peter B]

Greetings,
Mr. p. If that is the case, I take it all back (post #2).

Another 'Outlander' tragic, perchance..? I admit to being guilty as charged.

 

[Mako]

I can singlehand my sailboats, not so sure of the same for a 40 or 50 foot trawler.

I think you've got that backwards. A power boat is way easier to manage than a sailboat. Sitting in your 'jammies and socks, with the heater going and the wipers wiping, a cup of coffee in your hand, the autopilot ticking, the engine purring....

Twin engines on a 60-70 footer can be managed solo even when docking. A single with a bowthruster, perhaps even easier.

Don't doubt yourself. As an experienced sailor you will have no issues with a 40-50 powerboat although you'll want to gain confidence with some handling lessons at first. Enjoy!

 

[menzies]

Here, practice your twin engine maneuvering!

Play Atari Battlezone - IGN

 

[menzies]

My Perla doesn't like sailboats because "they are too close to the water." Does fine in my trawler, but then neither of us have a desire to spend long periods aboard.

What is the significance of the dinosaurs?

 

[Bacchus]

Proudsailor...

Welcome to the dark side!

My $0.02 is similar but slightly astray from the TF crowd that already responded.

I agree - chartering will help you both decide a lot - however - extrapolating a one week experience to FULL TIME and selling the home base is IMHO a bigger leap than from sail to power.

For background - that comes from a couple that easily travels in motorhome & trawler for 1-3 mos but would not consider it w/o a home base to come back to. We've often said that might be a condo near / on the water if we found the right location / opportunity.
My brother's a blow-boater and she's learned that a sailboat is not for her - if I were to go that route I'd be in your current situation.

I would suggest - find a boat that you both can experience the trawler lifestyle that could provide comfort for extended cruising (mos). but you might want to start w/ short - medium cruises to "test the waters" - extend the time if all goes well - then decide whether full time and selling home base could really work.

I understand that approach might mean a different boat in the future and I understand the risk of $ to sell & upgrade. You have to balance that risk against the $ if you go "all-in" to start and it doesn't work?

And the lesson I learned from the last boat purchase was - make the process fun and enjoyable for both. When I first broached the subject of bigger boat w/ more amenities / comfort my admiral thought I was smoking or drinking something I shouldn't. However - after a few boat shows and exploring some potential candidates w/ brokers we found one we both liked and it spoke to us - condition & price were both issues and the admiral agreed - find one of these in good condition at a reasonable price and let's go for it. The above excursions were leisurely and w/o pressure - B&B's, dinner out to talk +/- of what we saw during the day. I also had a written list of musts & wants that included our collective inputs - so the admiral had equal inputs to the wish list

Bottom line - Only you & the admiral can decide if you are the adventurous type and making a commitment to sell the home as an "experiment" is for you or you'd be better off "testing the waters" before jumping in, better suits your temperament.

Enjoy the search and decision process however it turns out.
and BTW - my admiral enjoys the title - recognizes it gives her the status she desires...more so than first mate!!!

 

[johnrupp]

Proudsailor...



Welcome to the dark side!



My $0.02 is similar but slightly astray from the TF crowd that already responded.



I agree - chartering will help you both decide a lot - however - extrapolating a one week experience to FULL TIME and selling the home base is IMHO a bigger leap than from sail to power.



For background - that comes from a couple that easily travels in motorhome & trawler for 1-3 mos but would not consider it w/o a home base to come back to. We've often said that might be a condo near / on the water if we found the right location / opportunity.

My brother's a blow-boater and she's learned that a sailboat is not for her - if I were to go that route I'd be in your current situation.



I would suggest - find a boat that you both can experience the trawler lifestyle that could provide comfort for extended cruising (mos). but you might want to start w/ short - medium cruises to "test the waters" - extend the time if all goes well - then decide whether full time and selling home base could really work.



I understand that approach might mean a different boat in the future and I understand the risk of $ to sell & upgrade. You have to balance that risk against the $ if you go "all-in" to start and it doesn't work?



And the lesson I learned from the last boat purchase was - make the process fun and enjoyable for both. When I first broached the subject of bigger boat w/ more amenities / comfort my admiral thought I was smoking or drinking something I shouldn't. However - after a few boat shows and exploring some potential candidates w/ brokers we found one we both liked and it spoke to us - condition & price were both issues and the admiral agreed - find one of these in good condition at a reasonable price and let's go for it. The above excursions were leisurely and w/o pressure - B&B's, dinner out to talk +/- of what we saw during the day. I also had a written list of musts & wants that included our collective inputs - so the admiral had equal inputs to the wish list



Bottom line - Only you & the admiral can decide if you are the adventurous type and making a commitment to sell the home as an "experiment" is for you or you'd be better off "testing the waters" before jumping in, better suits your temperament.



Enjoy the search and decision process however it turns out.

and BTW - my admiral enjoys the title - recognizes it gives her the status she desires...more so than first mate!!!

Excellent advise, I couldn't have said it better.

 

[BandB]

and BTW - my admiral enjoys the title - recognizes it gives her the status she desires...more so than first mate!!!

Wifey B: D, Bruce's wife, and I would definitely not go for first mate. Captain, if you must give us titles, just the same as our spouses.