Doc
Guru
- Joined
- Oct 5, 2007
- Messages
- 508
Understanding Engineers #1
Two engineering* students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where* did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I* was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful* woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her* clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first engineer nodded* approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have* fit you anyway."
Understanding Engineers #2
To the* optimist, the glass is half-full.
To the pessimist, the glass* is half-empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs* to be.
Understanding Engineers #3
A priest, a* doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow* group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must* have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't* know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes* the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello, George.* What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't* they?"
The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind* firemen They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last* year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell* silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say* a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm* going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's* anything she can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play* at night?"
Understanding Engineers #4
What is the* difference between mechanical engineers and civil* engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons.
Civil engineers build* targets.
Understanding Engineers #5
The graduate with* a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an* engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an* accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an* arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with* that?"
Understanding Engineers #6
Three engineering* students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the* human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all* the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The* nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last* one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else* would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational* area?"
Understanding Engineers #7
Normal people* believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.*
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it* doesn't have enough features yet.
Understanding Engineers* #8
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called* out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful* princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.* The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a* beautiful princess and stay with you for one week." The engineer took* the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.* The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a* princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want."* Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into* his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told* you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week* and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said,* "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a* talking frog - now that's cool."*
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Two engineering* students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where* did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I* was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful* woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her* clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first engineer nodded* approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have* fit you anyway."
Understanding Engineers #2
To the* optimist, the glass is half-full.
To the pessimist, the glass* is half-empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs* to be.
Understanding Engineers #3
A priest, a* doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow* group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must* have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't* know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes* the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello, George.* What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't* they?"
The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind* firemen They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last* year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell* silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say* a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm* going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's* anything she can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play* at night?"
Understanding Engineers #4
What is the* difference between mechanical engineers and civil* engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons.
Civil engineers build* targets.
Understanding Engineers #5
The graduate with* a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an* engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an* accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an* arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with* that?"
Understanding Engineers #6
Three engineering* students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the* human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all* the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The* nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last* one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else* would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational* area?"
Understanding Engineers #7
Normal people* believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.*
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it* doesn't have enough features yet.
Understanding Engineers* #8
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called* out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful* princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.* The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a* beautiful princess and stay with you for one week." The engineer took* the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.* The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a* princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want."* Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into* his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told* you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week* and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said,* "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a* talking frog - now that's cool."*
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