RT Firefly
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Easy now fellas..
Humor
- Thread starter Keith
- Start date
The friendliest place on the web for anyone who enjoys boating.
If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.
If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.
HopCar
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Vader on a tater?
HopCar
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Did you mean bought stocks in goat life jackets?
I should have stocked them in my marine store. I did stock dog life jackets, why not goat jackets?
BruceK
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Why not? Huge sales potential!
I reminded of the " Monty Python" Big Red Book(don`t think it was red) which included the names of around 20 people and listed things they had said about goats. 19 were attributed with "Nothing" but Sir Walter Raleigh was recorded as saying:
"It`s getting cold, I must put on a goat"( Editor: Possibly Misheard)"
Al
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4 Husbands
The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation. "He's a funeral director," she answered.
"Interesting," the newsman thought.
He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, and a preacher when in her 60's, and now - in her 80's - a funeral director.
The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.
(Wait for it)
She smiled and explained,
"I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."
(Oh, just hush-up and send this one on to somebody who needs a laugh.)
The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation. "He's a funeral director," she answered.
"Interesting," the newsman thought.
He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, and a preacher when in her 60's, and now - in her 80's - a funeral director.
The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.
(Wait for it)
She smiled and explained,
"I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."
(Oh, just hush-up and send this one on to somebody who needs a laugh.)
Al
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The Goldberg Brothers - The Inventors of the automobile Air Conditioner
Here's a little known fact for automotive buffs, or just to dazzle your friends. The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Maxwell, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946 , the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees.
The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.
Henry was curious and invited them into his office. They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car. They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees inside, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off immediately.
The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent.
The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label, 'The Goldberg Air-Conditioner,' on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed.
Now old man Ford was more than just a little anti-Jewish, and there was no way he was going to put the Goldberg's name on two million Fords.
They haggled back and forth for about two hours and finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names would be shown...
And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show -- Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max -- on the controls.
Control yourself! Just forward it on. This is what happens when you're retired and have too much time on your hands
Here's a little known fact for automotive buffs, or just to dazzle your friends. The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Maxwell, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946 , the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees.
The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.
Henry was curious and invited them into his office. They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car. They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees inside, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off immediately.
The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent.
The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label, 'The Goldberg Air-Conditioner,' on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed.
Now old man Ford was more than just a little anti-Jewish, and there was no way he was going to put the Goldberg's name on two million Fords.
They haggled back and forth for about two hours and finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names would be shown...
And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show -- Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max -- on the controls.
Control yourself! Just forward it on. This is what happens when you're retired and have too much time on your hands
boathealer
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Al
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It snowed last night...
8:00 am: I made a snowman.
8:10 - A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.
8:15 - So, I made a snow woman.
8:17 - My feminist neighbour complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere.
8:20 - The gay couple living nearby moaned it could have been two snow men instead.
8:22 - The transgender man.women...person asked why I didn't just make one snow person with detachable parts.
8:25 - The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.
8:28 - I was being called a racist because the snow couple is white.
8:31 - The middle eastern gent across the road demanded the snow woman be covered up .
8:40 - The Police arrived saying someone had been offended.
8:42 - The feminist neighbour complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needed to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.
8:43 - The council equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.
8:45 - TV news crew from sky showed up. I was asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I replied "Snowballs" and am now called a sexist.
9:00 - I was on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.
9:10 - I was asked if I have any accomplices. My children were taken by social services.
9:29 - Far left protesters offended by everything marched down the street demanding for me to be arrested.
By noon it all melted
Moral:
There is no moral to this story. It is what we have become, all because of snowflakes.
8:00 am: I made a snowman.
8:10 - A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.
8:15 - So, I made a snow woman.
8:17 - My feminist neighbour complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere.
8:20 - The gay couple living nearby moaned it could have been two snow men instead.
8:22 - The transgender man.women...person asked why I didn't just make one snow person with detachable parts.
8:25 - The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.
8:28 - I was being called a racist because the snow couple is white.
8:31 - The middle eastern gent across the road demanded the snow woman be covered up .
8:40 - The Police arrived saying someone had been offended.
8:42 - The feminist neighbour complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needed to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.
8:43 - The council equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.
8:45 - TV news crew from sky showed up. I was asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I replied "Snowballs" and am now called a sexist.
9:00 - I was on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.
9:10 - I was asked if I have any accomplices. My children were taken by social services.
9:29 - Far left protesters offended by everything marched down the street demanding for me to be arrested.
By noon it all melted
Moral:
There is no moral to this story. It is what we have become, all because of snowflakes.
RT Firefly
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AlaskaProf
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Al
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"Also not really humor.
Those with an agenda will post their views regardless of the title/content of a thread.
At least this phenomena serves to identify the poster's views.
Thanks, I guess."
You are correct laddie, more reality than humor.
Those with an agenda will post their views regardless of the title/content of a thread.
At least this phenomena serves to identify the poster's views.
Thanks, I guess."
You are correct laddie, more reality than humor.
Al
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Minor operation
A beautiful young girl is about to undergo a minor operation. She's laid on a hospital trolley bed with nothing on, except a sheet over her. The nurse pushes the trolley down the corridor towards the operating theatre, where she leaves the girl on the trolley outside, while she goes in to check whether everything is ready. A young man wearing a white coat approaches, lifts the sheet up and starts examining her naked body. He puts the sheet back and then walks away and talks to another man in a white coat. The second man comes over, lifts the sheet and does the same examinations. When a third man does the same thing, but more closely, she grows impatient and says: "All these examinations are fine and appreciated, but when are you going to start the operation?"
The man in the white coat shrugged his shoulders: "I have no idea. We're just painting the corridor."
A beautiful young girl is about to undergo a minor operation. She's laid on a hospital trolley bed with nothing on, except a sheet over her. The nurse pushes the trolley down the corridor towards the operating theatre, where she leaves the girl on the trolley outside, while she goes in to check whether everything is ready. A young man wearing a white coat approaches, lifts the sheet up and starts examining her naked body. He puts the sheet back and then walks away and talks to another man in a white coat. The second man comes over, lifts the sheet and does the same examinations. When a third man does the same thing, but more closely, she grows impatient and says: "All these examinations are fine and appreciated, but when are you going to start the operation?"
The man in the white coat shrugged his shoulders: "I have no idea. We're just painting the corridor."
BruceK
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In fairness to Al, it`s poking fun at political correctness. As one of the minorities teased, I took no offence.
A Court I haunted appointed its first and (then) only female Judge,Judge O`Toole. Thence referred by some practitioners as Judge NoToole. As PC took effect, Judge Coleman was renamed Judge Coleperson by some,avoiding PC offense.
I guess you had to be there. Or not. A somewhat "Clubby"court of regulars. With some non regulars complaining they could not appear there for lack of 2 members to sign them in.
A Court I haunted appointed its first and (then) only female Judge,Judge O`Toole. Thence referred by some practitioners as Judge NoToole. As PC took effect, Judge Coleman was renamed Judge Coleperson by some,avoiding PC offense.
I guess you had to be there. Or not. A somewhat "Clubby"court of regulars. With some non regulars complaining they could not appear there for lack of 2 members to sign them in.
To each their own, I just set the 'humor' bar a bit higher, I guess.
The endless whining about political correctness in the guise of humor is more sad than funny.
YMMV.
BruceK
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Fair comment.Though "whining" is a tad harsh.
Another little legal anecdote. A fine lawyer, later appointed to the Court of Appeal, would avoid a Judge`s questions the frank answer to which would likely demolish the case he was arguing, with the response: "Your Honor is such a tease". Few could get away with it, but he did.
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Al
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Four ‘Senior’ women were in a beauty parlor getting their hair done when in walks a young chick with a low-cut blouse that revealed a rosebud tattoo above one boob. One lady leaned over to another and said, “She doesn’t know it yet, but in 50 years she’ll be wearing a long-stemmed rose in a hanging basket.”
FF
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All humor has a point, the brunt of the joke needs a good outlook to enjoy it, or a least to grin & bare it.
Those that complain about humor frequently simply don't understand the joke.
Those that complain about humor frequently simply don't understand the joke.
wkearney99
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And yet sometimes those that do complain about the humor don't understand why others require denigrating someone just so they can get a laugh. Grin and bear it seems like a reasonable idea, until you're the one bearing the brunt of it, over and over. But hey, feel free to wear your bigoted perspectives on your sleeves.
Rodney Dangerfield made million$$$ - denigrating himself... no harm no foul!
He "just couldn't get no respect"!! LOL
wkearney99
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Exactly, himself, and he was funny doing in it!
menzies
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There's a long long list of Jewish comedians and comediennes who made fun of themselves and their religion ( mother's, princesses, rabbis etc. etc.). Same for Irish.
It has long been accepted that you can make fun of yourself (and any ethnic or religious aspects that pertain to yourself) but not of others outside of that sphere.
It has long been accepted that you can make fun of yourself (and any ethnic or religious aspects that pertain to yourself) but not of others outside of that sphere.
O C Diver
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Rodney Dangerfield made million$$$ - denigrating himself... no harm no foul!
He "just couldn't get no respect"!! LOL
I guess you've forgotten about the jokes about his exwife and kids.
"They call my daughter Federal Express. When she goes out on a date, she guaranteed to be there over night."
Ted
