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The friendliest place on the web for anyone who enjoys boating.
If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.
If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.
wkearney99
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- Grand Banks 47 Eastbay FB
What, just one? No double-clamping?
Moonstruck
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A Merry Christmas Story
Three pilots died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You
must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'
The Army helicopter pilot thumbed through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It's a candle, he said.
'It did make light; you may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said
The Air Force pilot reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'
Saint Peter said, 'they had a ring to them, you may pass through the pearly gates'.
The Navy pilot started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's
panties..
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and
asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'
He replied, 'These are Carols.'
And So The Christmas Season Begins.
Three pilots died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You
must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'
The Army helicopter pilot thumbed through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It's a candle, he said.
'It did make light; you may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said
The Air Force pilot reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'
Saint Peter said, 'they had a ring to them, you may pass through the pearly gates'.
The Navy pilot started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's
panties..
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and
asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'
He replied, 'These are Carols.'
And So The Christmas Season Begins.
FF
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LIVING WILL
I, ___________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of a pinhead partisan politician who could not pass ninth-grade biology if his or her life depended on it, and who is interested in simply running up the bills.Â
If a reasonable amount of time passes, and I fail to ask for at least one of the following:
Beer______ Vodka Rocks ______ a Margarita ____ a Scotch ______
Glass of wine_______ a Bloody Mary ______ a Gin and Tonic _______
If a reasonable amount of time passes, and I fail to ask for at least one of the following:
Beer______ Vodka Rocks ______ a Margarita ____ a Scotch ______
Glass of wine_______ a Bloody Mary ______ a Gin and Tonic _______
a Tee Time ______ a Steak ___________ Lobster or Crab Legs ______
the Nurse's Legs ____ the Remote Control ____ a Bowl of Ice Cream ____
the Nurse's Legs ____ the Remote Control ____ a Bowl of Ice Cream ____
the Sports Page_____ Sex _____ Chocolate_____ a Car Magazine _____
..it should be presumed that I will not ever get any better.
When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes, and call it a day.Â
At this point, it is time to call the New Orleans Jazz Funeral Band to come and do their thing at my funeral, and ask all of my friends to raise their glasses to toast the good times we have had
..it should be presumed that I will not ever get any better.
When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes, and call it a day.Â
At this point, it is time to call the New Orleans Jazz Funeral Band to come and do their thing at my funeral, and ask all of my friends to raise their glasses to toast the good times we have had
Signature:____________________ Date: ____
NOTE: ÂI also hear that in Ireland they have a Nursing Home with Pubs.
The patients are happier, and they have a lot more visitors.
Some of them do not even need embalming when their time comes;
if they are cremated, it's really colorful to watch.
The patients are happier, and they have a lot more visitors.
Some of them do not even need embalming when their time comes;
if they are cremated, it's really colorful to watch.
Last edited:
FF
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[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]
AMAZING FACT – HAPPY BIRTHDAY EVERYONE!
We are all 2018 this year! The whole world is the same age!
It happens only once every 1,000 years.
Your age + your year of birth = 2018.
This is true for everyone.
It is both strange and inexplicable. Try it and see.
It will not happen again for another 1,000 years.
So HAPPY BIRTHDAY everyone!!
We are all 2018 this year! The whole world is the same age!
It happens only once every 1,000 years.
Your age + your year of birth = 2018.
This is true for everyone.
It is both strange and inexplicable. Try it and see.
It will not happen again for another 1,000 years.
So HAPPY BIRTHDAY everyone!!
[/FONT]
[/FONT]
Currently 48, born 1970 =2018
Next year 49+1970=2019
Year after 50-1970=2020
Last year 47+1970=2017
Seems to be a bit more frequent than once every thousand years.
30+1970=2000
31+1970=2001
Seems it works this entire century. Yet most read about the current year and don't check any others.
Lets try someone born in 2090
2090+30=2120
2090+29=2119
So not just century.....was it true previously?
1970+20=1990
1989+1=1990
1876+25=1901 so was true for everyone in 1901 wasn't it?
Simple math, birth year plus age always equals current year.
Last edited:
RT Firefly
Enigma
RT Firefly
Enigma
Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing
it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring
day, decided he just had to play golf.
So... he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling
sick and persuaded him to say Mass for him that day.
As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father
Norton headed out of town to a golf course about forty
miles away.
This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone
he knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee, he
was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone
else was in church! At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord
while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed,
"You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?"
The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not."
Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight
towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and
fell into the hole.
IT WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE!
St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and
asked, "Why did you let him do that?"
The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going to tell?"
it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring
day, decided he just had to play golf.
So... he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling
sick and persuaded him to say Mass for him that day.
As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father
Norton headed out of town to a golf course about forty
miles away.
This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone
he knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee, he
was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone
else was in church! At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord
while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed,
"You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?"
The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not."
Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight
towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and
fell into the hole.
IT WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE!
St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and
asked, "Why did you let him do that?"
The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going to tell?"
Moonstruck
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- USA
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- Moonstruck
- Vessel Make
- Sabre 42 Hardtop Express
A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi were sitting around drinking coffee. Someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard, a real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another, and they decided that each would find a bear and attempt to convert it to their religion.
Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experiences.
Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first.
Well, he said, 'I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear came after me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb.'
Reverend Billy Bob the Baptist spoke next. He was in a wheelchair and had an IV drip. 'I went out and found me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from the Bible! But that bear came after me. We wrestled down one hill, until we came to a creek. So I quickly dunked him and baptized his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb'.
The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. The Rabbi looked up and said: "Looking back on it - circumcision may not have been the best way to start"!
Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experiences.
Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first.
Well, he said, 'I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear came after me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb.'
Reverend Billy Bob the Baptist spoke next. He was in a wheelchair and had an IV drip. 'I went out and found me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from the Bible! But that bear came after me. We wrestled down one hill, until we came to a creek. So I quickly dunked him and baptized his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb'.
The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. The Rabbi looked up and said: "Looking back on it - circumcision may not have been the best way to start"!
FF
Guru
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- Oct 12, 2007
- Messages
- 22,552
Subject: How Great is Costco
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor."
"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," said Mike. "There's a diagnostic computer down at Costco. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars. A lot cheaper than a doctor."
So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Costco. He deposits ten dollars and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:Â "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping at Costco."
That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample from himself for good measure.
Joe hurries back to Costco, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The computer prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9).
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7).
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.
6. Thank You for shopping at Costco!
"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," said Mike. "There's a diagnostic computer down at Costco. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars. A lot cheaper than a doctor."
So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Costco. He deposits ten dollars and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:Â "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping at Costco."
That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample from himself for good measure.
Joe hurries back to Costco, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The computer prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9).
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7).
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.
6. Thank You for shopping at Costco!
Three Bears
Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty. 'Who's been eating my porridge?' he squeaks.
Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair... He looks into his big bowl and it is also empty. 'Who's been eating my porridge?!?' he roars.
Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, 'For God's sake, how many times do I have to go through this with you idiots?
It was Mummy Bear who got up first.
It was Mummy Bear who woke everyone in the house.
It was Mummy Bear who made the coffee.
It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away.
It was Mummy Bear who swept the floor in the kitchen. It was Mummy Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch The newspaper and croissants.
It was Mummy Bear who set the damn table.
'It was Mummy Bear who walked the bloody dog, cleaned the cat's litter tray, gave them their food, and refilled their water.
And now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-arses downstairs and grace Mummy Bear with your grumpy presence, listen carefully, because I'm only going to say this once....
I HAVEN'T MADE THE F***** PORRIDGE YET
Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty. 'Who's been eating my porridge?' he squeaks.
Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair... He looks into his big bowl and it is also empty. 'Who's been eating my porridge?!?' he roars.
Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, 'For God's sake, how many times do I have to go through this with you idiots?
It was Mummy Bear who got up first.
It was Mummy Bear who woke everyone in the house.
It was Mummy Bear who made the coffee.
It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away.
It was Mummy Bear who swept the floor in the kitchen. It was Mummy Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch The newspaper and croissants.
It was Mummy Bear who set the damn table.
'It was Mummy Bear who walked the bloody dog, cleaned the cat's litter tray, gave them their food, and refilled their water.
And now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-arses downstairs and grace Mummy Bear with your grumpy presence, listen carefully, because I'm only going to say this once....
I HAVEN'T MADE THE F***** PORRIDGE YET
A 6 year old and a 4 year old are raking the yard.
The 6 year old asks, "You know what? I think it's about time we started learning to cuss."The 4 year old nods his head in approval.
The 6 year old continues,"When we go in for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass."
The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios.
WHACK!
He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up,and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit,slapping his rear with every step.
His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!"
She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"
"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios!"
The 6 year old asks, "You know what? I think it's about time we started learning to cuss."The 4 year old nods his head in approval.
The 6 year old continues,"When we go in for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass."
The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios.
WHACK!
He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up,and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit,slapping his rear with every step.
His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!"
She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"
"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios!"
FF
Guru
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- Oct 12, 2007
- Messages
- 22,552
[FONT="]Florida Woman Stops Alligator Attack Using a Small Beretta Pistol[/FONT]
[FONT="]Another good reason to have a concealed weapons permit.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Florida Woman Stops Alligator Attack Using a Small .22 cal Beretta Pistol:[/FONT]
[FONT="]This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator.[/FONT]
[FONT="]What's the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself?[/FONT]
[FONT="]Here's her story in her own words:[/FONT]
[FONT="]"While out walking along the edge of a pond just outside my house in The Villages with my soon to be ex-husband, discussing property settlement and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft. alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water.[/FONT]
[FONT="] It began charging us with its large jaws wide open. She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive. If I had not had my little Beretta .22 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today![/FONT]
[FONT="]Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took. The gator got him easily, and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace.[/FONT]
[FONT="] The amount I saved in lawyer's fees was really incredible.
[/FONT]
[FONT="] His life insurance was a big bonus![/FONT]
[FONT="]Another good reason to have a concealed weapons permit.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Florida Woman Stops Alligator Attack Using a Small .22 cal Beretta Pistol:[/FONT]
[FONT="]This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator.[/FONT]
[FONT="]What's the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself?[/FONT]
[FONT="]Here's her story in her own words:[/FONT]
[FONT="]"While out walking along the edge of a pond just outside my house in The Villages with my soon to be ex-husband, discussing property settlement and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft. alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water.[/FONT]
[FONT="] It began charging us with its large jaws wide open. She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive. If I had not had my little Beretta .22 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today![/FONT]
[FONT="]Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took. The gator got him easily, and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace.[/FONT]
[FONT="] The amount I saved in lawyer's fees was really incredible.
[/FONT]
[FONT="] His life insurance was a big bonus![/FONT]
HopCar
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- Possum
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- Ellis 28
True story- Each year the scientists in Everglades National Park count the eggs in alligator nests. It takes a team of two men to count a nest. The scientist opens the nest and counts the eggs. His helper fends off the Momma Gator with a stick. One year they needed some volunteers to handle the stick. They posted signs asking for volunteers. The last line on the sign said “Slow runners preferred “.
LaBomba
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Parrots
A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquired.
"They say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'" the woman said embarrassingly.
"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, "I can see why you are embarrassed."
He thought a minute and then said, "You know, I may have a solution to this problem. I have two male parrots whom I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house and we will put them in the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship. I'm sure your parrots will stop saying that...that phrase in no time."
"Thank you," the lady responded, "this may very well be the solution."
The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house.
As he ushered her in, she saw his two male parrots were inside their cage, holding their rosary beads and praying.
Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.
After just a couple of seconds, the female parrots exclaimed out in unison, "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?"
There was a stunned silence.
Finally, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and said, "Put the beads away, Francis, our prayers have been answered!"
A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquired.
"They say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'" the woman said embarrassingly.
"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, "I can see why you are embarrassed."
He thought a minute and then said, "You know, I may have a solution to this problem. I have two male parrots whom I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house and we will put them in the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship. I'm sure your parrots will stop saying that...that phrase in no time."
"Thank you," the lady responded, "this may very well be the solution."
The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house.
As he ushered her in, she saw his two male parrots were inside their cage, holding their rosary beads and praying.
Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.
After just a couple of seconds, the female parrots exclaimed out in unison, "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?"
There was a stunned silence.
Finally, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and said, "Put the beads away, Francis, our prayers have been answered!"
For those who have Facebook.
https://m.facebook.com/groups/822572341170005?view=permalink&id=2335646163195941
https://m.facebook.com/groups/822572341170005?view=permalink&id=2335646163195941
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