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06-17-2022, 05:34 PM
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#2521
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Guru
City: Tri Cities, WA
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 4,406
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Constipated? This'll scare the crap out of ya!
__________________
Mike and Tina
1981 Boston Whaler 13'
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06-17-2022, 09:35 PM
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#2522
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Guru
City: Sydney
Vessel Name: Sojourn
Vessel Model: Integrity 386
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 13,329
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Got myself banned from our local mime club. Apparently it was something I said.
__________________
BruceK
2005 Integrity 386 "Sojourn"
Sydney Australia
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06-21-2022, 06:37 PM
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#2523
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Enigma
City: Slicker?
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 16,565
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Greetings,
From a British site:
__________________
RTF
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06-24-2022, 07:28 PM
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#2524
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Guru
City: Sydney
Vessel Name: Sojourn
Vessel Model: Integrity 386
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 13,329
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__________________
BruceK
2005 Integrity 386 "Sojourn"
Sydney Australia
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07-08-2022, 07:43 PM
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#2525
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Guru
City: Sydney
Vessel Name: Sojourn
Vessel Model: Integrity 386
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 13,329
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__________________
BruceK
2005 Integrity 386 "Sojourn"
Sydney Australia
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07-12-2022, 02:16 PM
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#2526
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Senior Member
City: North NJ
Vessel Name: Bassey
Vessel Model: 17' Bass
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 438
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Good ol Calvin
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07-12-2022, 07:15 PM
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#2527
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Guru
City: Bethesda, MD
Vessel Name: Solstice
Vessel Model: Grand Banks 47 Eastbay FB
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 2,164
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Because our galley counters have so much extra space...
__________________
-- Bill Kearney
2005 Eastbay 47 FB - Solstice, w/Highfield CL360 tender
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07-12-2022, 09:48 PM
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#2528
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Guru
City: ketchikan, Alaska
Vessel Name: 'SLO'~BELLE
Vessel Model: 1978 Marben-27' Flybridge Trawler(extended to 30 feet) Pilothouse Pocket Cruiser[
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,206
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Sunday school teacher is teaching a young class. She introduces the topic by stating,
"Today the subject is the Resurrection. Does anybody know about the Resurrection?"
A small hand from the back of the room rises. "Yes" the teacher acknowledges the hand,
"If it last more than four hours you suppose to call a doctor"
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07-13-2022, 06:25 AM
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#2529
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Guru
City: Bethesda, MD
Vessel Name: Solstice
Vessel Model: Grand Banks 47 Eastbay FB
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 2,164
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Al
Sunday school teacher is teaching a young class. She introduces the topic by stating,
"Today the subject is the Resurrection. Does anybody know about the Resurrection?"
A small hand from the back of the room rises. "Yes" the teacher acknowledges the hand,
"If it last more than four hours you suppose to call a doctor"
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My favorite way to have gotten detention in catholic school was to ask "if you can show me where Jesus ever said "Holy Days of Obligation" then I'll go to some random mass. Conveniently the trip to the office did, in fact, get me out mass that morning.
__________________
-- Bill Kearney
2005 Eastbay 47 FB - Solstice, w/Highfield CL360 tender
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07-13-2022, 06:53 AM
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#2530
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Guru
City: Stratford, CT
Vessel Name: Blue Moon
Vessel Model: Mainship Pilot 355
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 3,937
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True funny memory of my dad. When I was growing up, Jehovah's witnesses would often show up at our door handing out pamphlets and looking for recruits. My dad was a devout Catholic and used to engage with them if he had the time, I think it was for his own entertainment. I remember one time he channeled George Carlin and asked them, "If God is all-powerful, can he make a rock so big, that he himself can't lift it?" They walked away speechless. lol
__________________
“In my walks, every man I meet is my superior in some way, and in that I learn from him.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson
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07-13-2022, 07:26 AM
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#2531
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Guru
City: SF Bay Area
Vessel Model: Tollycraft 34' Tri Cabin
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 12,569
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A Conundrum:
Sister Mary: God is all forgiving!
Me: Then why does he send you to hell if you die before asking forgiveness.
Result: Dear Sister Mary rushes back to my desk with her flat ruler in hand... well... Those of you who were mixed up in 1950's Catholic religious teaching know what happened next!!
In Effect: Sister Mary taught me early on the TRUE Meaning of BS!!!
co·nun·drum
/kəˈnəndrəm/
noun
a confusing and difficult problem or question.
"one of the most difficult conundrums for the experts"
Similar: vexed question / quandary / dilemma /puzzle / enigma / mystery / poser / facer / stumper
a question asked for amusement, typically one with a pun in its answer; a riddle.
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07-14-2022, 04:28 PM
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#2532
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TF Site Team
City: Jacksonville
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 11,681
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….
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07-17-2022, 12:03 PM
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#2533
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Senior Member
City: Puget Sound
Vessel Name: Muirgen
Vessel Model: Beebe passagemaker 50
Join Date: Mar 2021
Posts: 312
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yeah about that..
__________________
"I don't want to die with a boring obituary"
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07-20-2022, 11:02 PM
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#2534
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Hospitality Officer
City: Pittwater
Vessel Name: Sarawana
Vessel Model: IG 36 Quad Cabin
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 1,897
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This one needs a little background.
Our national carrier Qantas has received a deluge of complaints regarding getting the airline back in operation after our Covid shutdown. On top of this the CEO has a new pay rise taking him to an annual salary of +$22M
So, on to the joke......
A man is alone in an airport lounge. A beautiful woman walks in and sit down at the table next to him.
He decides because she's wearing a uniform, she's probably an off-duty flight attendant.
So he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies for, thereby impressing her greatly.
He leans across to her and says the British Airways motto :
'To Fly. To Serve'?
The woman looks at him blankly
He sits back and thinks up another line.
He leans forward again and delivers the Air France motto
'Winning the hearts of the world'?
Again she just stares at him with a slightly puzzled look on her face.
Undeterred, he tries again, this time saying the Malaysian Airlines motto
'Going beyond expectations'?
The woman looks at him sternly and says
'What the f**k do you want?'
'Aha!' he says, "Qantas".
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07-26-2022, 02:45 PM
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#2535
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TF Site Team
City: Jacksonville
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 11,681
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….
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07-26-2022, 03:15 PM
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#2536
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Guru
City: Vermont
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 10,092
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Andy G
This one needs a little background.
Our national carrier Qantas has received a deluge of complaints regarding getting the airline back in operation after our Covid shutdown. On top of this the CEO has a new pay rise taking him to an annual salary of +$22M
So, on to the joke......
A man is alone in an airport lounge. A beautiful woman walks in and sit down at the table next to him.
He decides because she's wearing a uniform, she's probably an off-duty flight attendant.
So he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies for, thereby impressing her greatly.
He leans across to her and says the British Airways motto :
'To Fly. To Serve'?
The woman looks at him blankly
He sits back and thinks up another line.
He leans forward again and delivers the Air France motto
'Winning the hearts of the world'?
Again she just stares at him with a slightly puzzled look on her face.
Undeterred, he tries again, this time saying the Malaysian Airlines motto
'Going beyond expectations'?
The woman looks at him sternly and says
'What the f**k do you want?'
'Aha!' he says, "Qantas".
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Qantas must be partners with United
__________________
MVTanglewood.com
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07-29-2022, 08:35 PM
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#2537
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Guru
City: Sydney
Vessel Name: Sojourn
Vessel Model: Integrity 386
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 13,329
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__________________
BruceK
2005 Integrity 386 "Sojourn"
Sydney Australia
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07-30-2022, 11:03 AM
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#2538
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Guru
City: Seattle
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 3,312
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@BruceK, I sorta did something like that once. In order to not look like a fool, I blamed it on Bigfoot
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08-05-2022, 07:25 PM
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#2539
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Guru
City: Sydney
Vessel Name: Sojourn
Vessel Model: Integrity 386
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 13,329
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__________________
BruceK
2005 Integrity 386 "Sojourn"
Sydney Australia
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08-06-2022, 07:17 PM
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#2540
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Guru
City: SF Bay Area
Vessel Model: Tollycraft 34' Tri Cabin
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 12,569
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Big Billboard Sign on Highway...
HOTEL "PRETTTY GIRL" Women Owned!!
Ted, a tired salesman, stops in for a quick night's sleep:
At checkout...
Customer, Ted - Good Morning, I'd like to pay my one night bill
Clerk, Jen - That will be $250.00 please
Customer, Ted - $250 is way too much for a few hours sleep in that small room's single bed, I won't pay it
Clerk, Jen - That's our price
Ted - Please get the manager
Manager, Pam arrives - Yes, can I assist
Jen - Ted thinks $250 is too much for the room and does not want to pay
Manager, Pam - But Ted... that's our cost
Ted - That's simply way too much for only a few hours sleep
Pam - Ted... we also have a theater, pool and tennis court you could use; as well as sauna, hot tub and exercise club ready for you to use. We can't help it if you chose not to use those fun features. The price is still $250 whether you take advantage of that fun or not.
Ted - Here's a check for payment
Pam - But Ted, that check is for only $50.00
Ted - I was ready for you to sleep with me. My cost for that is $200.00. I can't help it if you chose not to use that fun feature. The price is still $200 whether you take advantage of that fun or not. Enjoy your day!
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