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Old 05-15-2021, 07:09 PM   #2301
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I think that this one got me today.
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Old 05-15-2021, 08:29 PM   #2302
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I think that this one got me today.
That is funny!

No-seems' out yet? How are their volcanic eruption bites doing this year?? LOL I remember it well!
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Old 05-17-2021, 07:02 PM   #2303
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Old 05-21-2021, 07:58 PM   #2304
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Old 05-26-2021, 07:49 PM   #2305
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Fred`s long distance eyesight is not great, and especially troublesome playing golf when he can`t accurately track where the ball lands.

His wife says, Why not take my Uncle Joe along, he`s 102 yo, but still has perfect vision and would enjoy the outing"
So Fred does that. He drives off the first tee, as usual he loses sight of where the ball lands and says to Uncle Joe "Did you see where it landed?" "Yes I did, quite clearly" says Uncle Joe. "So where did it land?" asks Fred. Uncle Joe: " Sorry Fred, I `ve forgotten".
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Old 05-28-2021, 07:27 PM   #2306
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Old 05-28-2021, 08:12 PM   #2307
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Unexpected use for a trawler. Transporting sheep from an island farm to onshore to a fate best not explored.
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Old 05-28-2021, 08:27 PM   #2308
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Unexpected use for a trawler. Transporting sheep from an island farm to onshore to a fate best not explored.
I understand that the famous song by The Seekers, I’ll Never Find Another You, was first released in Australia as I’ll Never Find Another Ewe.
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Old 05-28-2021, 08:29 PM   #2309
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I understand that the famous song by The Seekers, I’ll Never Find Another You, was first released in Australia as I’ll Never Find Another Ewe.
AKA, "The Ram`s Lament" (Not to suggest the ram was seeking an underage "lam")
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Old 05-29-2021, 01:26 AM   #2310
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A friend calls her boyfriend "Wombat". A wombat is a completely herbivorous native animal, about 1 metre long,solidly built like a little bulldozer with a reputation for digging tunnel burrows and undermining. They look like this;

Anyway, she calls him Wombat. She says it`s because when he visits, he eats roots shoots and leaves.
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Old 05-31-2021, 05:26 AM   #2311
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v

VERY
INTERESTING STUFF


In the
1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed
To beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb.
Hence we have 'the rule
Of thumb'


Many years ago in
Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled 'Gentlemen
Only...Ladies Forbidden'...and thus, the word GOLF entered
Into the English language.
------------
--------- --------- --------- ----
The first couple to
Be shown in bed together on prime time TV was Fred and Wilma
Flintstone
------------
-- ------------ --------- --------
Men can read smaller
Print than women can; women can hear better.

------------
--------- --------- --------- ----
Coca-Cola was
Originally green.
------------
--------- --------- --------- ----

It is impossible to lick
Your elbow.
------------
--------- --------- --------- ----
The State with the
Highest percentage of people who walk to work:
Alaska

------------
--------- --------- --------- ----
The percentage of
Africa that is wilderness: 28%
(now get This...)
The percentage of
North America that is wilderness: 38
------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------

The cost of raising
A medium-size dog to the age of eleven
$ 16,400
------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------
The average number
Of people airborne over the U.S. In any given
Hour:
61,000Â

(this is significantly less since Covid-19)

-----------

--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

------
Intelligent people
Have more zinc and copper in their hair..

------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------
The first novel ever
Written on a typewriter, Tom Sawyer.
------------
-- ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
--------- -
The San Francisco
Cable cars are the only mobile National
Monuments.
-----------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------
Each king in a deck
Of playing cards represents a great king from history:

Spades - King David
Hearts - Charlemagne
Clubs -Alexander,The Great
Diamonds - Julius Caesar
------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------
111,111,111 x
111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987, 654,321

------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------

If a statue in the
Park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air,
The person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in
The air, the person died because of wounds received in battle.
If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died
Of natural causes

(If the statue is on the ground it is because of political reasons!)


-
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Old 05-31-2021, 05:27 AM   #2312
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Only two people
Signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4, John Hancock
And Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but
The last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.

------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------
Q. Half of all
Americans live within 50 miles of what?
A. Their birthplace
------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------

Q. Most boat owners
Name their boats. What is the most popular boat name
Requested?

A.
Obsession

------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------
Q.. If you were to
Spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you
Would find the letter 'A'?

A. One
Thousand

------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------

Q. What do
Bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser
Printers have in common?


A. All were invented
By women.

------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------

Q. What is the only
Food that doesn't spoil?

A.
Honey
------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
---
In Shakespeare's
time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes.
When you pulled on the ropes, the mattress tightened,
making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the
phrase...'Goodnight , sleep tight'

------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------

It was the accepted
practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the
wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with
all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because
their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the
honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.

------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------

In English pubs, ale
is ordered by pints and quarts.. So in old England , when
customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them 'Mind
your pints and quarts, and settle down.'

It's where we get
the phrase 'mind your P's and Q's'

------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------

Many years ago in
England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or
handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill ,
they used the whistle to get some service. 'Wet your whistle'
is the phrase inspired by this practice.

------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------
At least 75% of
people who read this will try to lick their
elbow!

------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------
Don't delete this paragraph below
just because it looks weird. Believe it or not, you can read
it.

I cdnuolt blveiee
taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The
phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at
Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the
ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the
first and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae The rset can be a
taotl mses and you can still raed it wouthit a porbelm. This
is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by
istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?

------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------
YOU
KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2021 when..

1. You accidentally
enter your PIN on the microwave.
...
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Old 05-31-2021, 08:28 AM   #2313
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Hmmm, I get this:

The word 'golf' is not an acronym for anything. Rather, it derives linguistically from the Dutch word 'kolf' or 'kolve,' meaning quite simply 'club. ' In the Scottish dialect of the late 14th or early 15th century, the Dutch term became 'goff' or 'gouff,' and only later in the 16th century 'golf.
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Old 05-31-2021, 08:50 AM   #2314
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+1 on golf, but many of the others I believe are true.
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Old 05-31-2021, 08:51 AM   #2315
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Old 05-31-2021, 11:43 AM   #2316
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...
Well, he is still doing better than Steve Jobs.
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Old 05-31-2021, 12:50 PM   #2317
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Well, he is still doing better than Steve Jobs.
Good point!
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Old 06-01-2021, 07:47 AM   #2318
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Old 06-04-2021, 05:29 AM   #2319
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My goal for 2021 was to lose 10 Kilos.Only have 14 to go.Â
 Â
Ate salad for dinner. Mostly croutons and tomatoes. Really just one big round crouton covered with tomato sauce, and cheese. FINE, it was a pizza....OK, I ate a pizza! Â
ARE YOU HAPPY NOWÂ ?
 Â
A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.  Â
 Â
Senility has been a smooth transition for me.  Â
 Â
I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented. I forgot where I was going with this.  Â
 Â
I love approaching 80, I learn something new every day and forget 5 other things.  Â
 Â
A thief broke into my house last night. He started searching for money so I got up and searched with him.  Â
 Â
Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed.  Â
 Â
It's weird being the same age as old people.  Â
 Â
When I was a kid I wanted to be older...this is not what I expected.  Â
 Â
Chocolate is God's way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.Â
 Â
It's probably my age that tricks people into thinking I'm an adult.Â
 Â
Marriage Counselor: Your wife says you never buy her flowers. Is that true?Â
Him: To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers.Â
 Â
Never sing in the shower! Singing leads to dancing, dancing leads to slipping, and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked. So remember..Don't sing!Â
 Â
I see people about my age mountain climbing; I feel good getting my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.Â
 Â
If you can't think of a word, say "I forgot the English word for it."Â That way people will think you're bilingual instead of an idiot.Â
 Â
I'm at a place in my life where errands are starting to count as going out.Â
Â
Coronacoaster: noun; the ups and downs of a pandemic. One day you're loving your bubble, doing workouts, baking chocolate cake and going for long walks and the next you're crying, drinking gin for breakfast and missing people you don't even like.
 Â
I'm at that age where my mind still thinks I'm 29, my humor suggests I'm 12, while my body mostly keeps asking if I'm sure I'm not dead yet.Â
 Â
I don't always go the extra mile, but when I do it's because I missed my exit.Â
 Â
You don't realize how old you are until you sit on the floor and then try to get back up.Â
Â
We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads.



















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Old 06-04-2021, 06:36 AM   #2320
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Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.
The pharmacist at the counter asked the older boy, 'Son, how old are you?'
'Eight', the boy replied.
The man continued, 'Do you know what these are used for?'
The boy replied, 'Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four."
"Oh, really?" the pharmacist replied with a grin.
"Yes." the boy said. "We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim, play tennis and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do none of those." 😂😂
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