Wifey B: I must share a joyful moment in our lives. And for those offended by any sexual talk, please don't read.
In late May 2013, our Managing Captain asked us if we would talk to his granddaughter. Her parents had told him out out of control she was and their minister was saying she was evil and sinful and needed to be sent away to a camp or something, that he'd tried to help her and Satan just had her under his control. Meanwhile she'd told her grandfather her parents wouldn't listen to her and she was leaving as soon as she graduated high school and turned 18.
We couldn't imagine turning to us for help as we're far from what most would look for regarding parenting with our openness sexually and our nudity around our home, all of which he was well aware of, since he lived in our guest house. However, it indicated his desperation we felt so we agreed, but warned him with, "You do realize our call will not be at all conventional?" He laughed and said, "I'm banking on that."
She called us at 11:30 or so that night, with us already in bed. She had waited until her parents were asleep. She asked if we were naked and we said we were, she asked us to pull the cover off and we said, "No, you don't get to see until you're 18." She found out she couldn't shock us and we would talk about whatever she wanted. Then, she told us the full story. See, this minister had turned on her because she refused sex with him. He'd had it with most of the young girls of the church. So he turned on her dress, her language, her problem with rules, her disrespect for parenting and the church. Otherwise, she'd never been in any legal trouble or school trouble. Somehow though, her parents, like many in the community, had bought in completely to him, the cult leader, all knowing and infallible, a minister beyond refute.
We listened to her talk about her plans to leave town after graduation, move to Raleigh, and become a stripper. We listened, never told her that was a bad idea, because she'd really thought it out as easy way to support herself initially while raising money for college and she'd avoid the pitfalls like drugs. We have two friends who stripped their way through college, one a CEO, one a surgeon now, but also know the majority end up not so well. We simply asked if we could talk more when we came for her graduation and she got excited we'd come for it. We had just really invited ourselves.
After we hung up, I was distraught, but hubby was already searching for a detective in her area and we told the grandfather what was going on. By the time we went to NC, the detective had a long list of victims and was ready to go to the Sheriff. Sheriff was very professional and ready in spite of saying they'd run him out of town. It was a very small rural area.
We went to her graduation and met her parents and then used her undercover to take the minister down. Most of the church members still hate her and feel he was framed although he pled guilty to multiple cases of sex crimes with minors and with adults. This isn't a criticism of churches or religion, but it is quite common for ministers and priests to commit such crimes as they are given inordinate amounts of power. One clergy member in NC was charged with over 100 sex crimes.
We asked if she'd like to come to FL for a vacation and she jumped on the opportunity. At least it held back her stripper career. Her parents were still in disbelief and we recommended secular counseling. We required her to agree to counseling in FL. Understand we know nothing about parenting or anything related but we agreed after a few days she could stay, although we put in rules and the girl who wouldn't follow rules accepted our much different ones. For the summer, work around the house and on the boats doing "stew" duties, then either get a job or go to school. Didn't care what she wore, but when out, let us know where and when she'll be home and call if late and no sex, drinking, or drugs without talking to us about her plans in advance so she understood all aspects. We encouraged her to talk to the school counselor about courses and fine to not know what she wanted to do and change as many times as she wished.
Her parents seemed to understand how wrong things had been and referred to us as her adoptive parents. She even invited them to visit for Thanksgiving. They moved but the father joined a similar church and cheated with a lady there and is out of her life. Her mom, took her father up on help, went to school, became a nurse and then fell in love and married a younger doctor, we've labelled Dr. Boy Toy and he laughs but a good guy as is she. Her mom did instill values of decency and goodness in her as a child. In fact, it's those values that helped her say "no.". Still, she could never be back in her life as a parent and became more like a sister, since they were in college at the same time.
Tabitha shocked herself and fell in love with helping people and became very good at it, got a Bachelors, Masters, and Doctorate, with degrees in Psychology, Social Services, and Management of a Non-Profit and runs our private foundation. The concept of adult adoptive parents isn't totally foreign to us as in 2000, over Christmas holidays, we met the couple who became in our minds and theirs, our parents. No, can't legally adopt us as then our marriage would be a crime.
Tabitha met a wonderful man while working. He did pro-bono legal work for her. We love him and his parents. Next Saturday, the wedding, in our yard. Then she moves out and will live 9 houses away, which seems so distant. We'd long thought about legally adopting her but we hated not being able to adopt others we're close to as well and worried how they'd feel, but ultimately it was the right thing. So, at the age of 26, she legally became our daughter on Monday and, yes, I'm crying while typing this. We still know nothing about parenting and nothing conventional about our relationship with her. We sure did learn how it feels to watch them grow up, the joy and the pain. They accomplish all you hoped for and have the perfect fiancée and it's still painful to lose your little girl. My hubby, her daddy, finds it very difficult and I laugh at him but I do as well.
I know most of you have been through this, but we never expected to. No children were in our plans except the ones at school and the orphanage. Often the best things in life are not the ones you planned. They're the ones presented to you and you just hope to be wise enough to go for them. Just to confuse everyone, she'll take our name and she'll keep it after the wedding. Sometimes, if they must appear in court, there will be an advantage for she and her husband not to have the same last names. We're so happy and so proud and our emotions are a bit like:
:lol:
In late May 2013, our Managing Captain asked us if we would talk to his granddaughter. Her parents had told him out out of control she was and their minister was saying she was evil and sinful and needed to be sent away to a camp or something, that he'd tried to help her and Satan just had her under his control. Meanwhile she'd told her grandfather her parents wouldn't listen to her and she was leaving as soon as she graduated high school and turned 18.
We couldn't imagine turning to us for help as we're far from what most would look for regarding parenting with our openness sexually and our nudity around our home, all of which he was well aware of, since he lived in our guest house. However, it indicated his desperation we felt so we agreed, but warned him with, "You do realize our call will not be at all conventional?" He laughed and said, "I'm banking on that."
She called us at 11:30 or so that night, with us already in bed. She had waited until her parents were asleep. She asked if we were naked and we said we were, she asked us to pull the cover off and we said, "No, you don't get to see until you're 18." She found out she couldn't shock us and we would talk about whatever she wanted. Then, she told us the full story. See, this minister had turned on her because she refused sex with him. He'd had it with most of the young girls of the church. So he turned on her dress, her language, her problem with rules, her disrespect for parenting and the church. Otherwise, she'd never been in any legal trouble or school trouble. Somehow though, her parents, like many in the community, had bought in completely to him, the cult leader, all knowing and infallible, a minister beyond refute.
We listened to her talk about her plans to leave town after graduation, move to Raleigh, and become a stripper. We listened, never told her that was a bad idea, because she'd really thought it out as easy way to support herself initially while raising money for college and she'd avoid the pitfalls like drugs. We have two friends who stripped their way through college, one a CEO, one a surgeon now, but also know the majority end up not so well. We simply asked if we could talk more when we came for her graduation and she got excited we'd come for it. We had just really invited ourselves.
After we hung up, I was distraught, but hubby was already searching for a detective in her area and we told the grandfather what was going on. By the time we went to NC, the detective had a long list of victims and was ready to go to the Sheriff. Sheriff was very professional and ready in spite of saying they'd run him out of town. It was a very small rural area.
We went to her graduation and met her parents and then used her undercover to take the minister down. Most of the church members still hate her and feel he was framed although he pled guilty to multiple cases of sex crimes with minors and with adults. This isn't a criticism of churches or religion, but it is quite common for ministers and priests to commit such crimes as they are given inordinate amounts of power. One clergy member in NC was charged with over 100 sex crimes.
We asked if she'd like to come to FL for a vacation and she jumped on the opportunity. At least it held back her stripper career. Her parents were still in disbelief and we recommended secular counseling. We required her to agree to counseling in FL. Understand we know nothing about parenting or anything related but we agreed after a few days she could stay, although we put in rules and the girl who wouldn't follow rules accepted our much different ones. For the summer, work around the house and on the boats doing "stew" duties, then either get a job or go to school. Didn't care what she wore, but when out, let us know where and when she'll be home and call if late and no sex, drinking, or drugs without talking to us about her plans in advance so she understood all aspects. We encouraged her to talk to the school counselor about courses and fine to not know what she wanted to do and change as many times as she wished.
Her parents seemed to understand how wrong things had been and referred to us as her adoptive parents. She even invited them to visit for Thanksgiving. They moved but the father joined a similar church and cheated with a lady there and is out of her life. Her mom, took her father up on help, went to school, became a nurse and then fell in love and married a younger doctor, we've labelled Dr. Boy Toy and he laughs but a good guy as is she. Her mom did instill values of decency and goodness in her as a child. In fact, it's those values that helped her say "no.". Still, she could never be back in her life as a parent and became more like a sister, since they were in college at the same time.
Tabitha shocked herself and fell in love with helping people and became very good at it, got a Bachelors, Masters, and Doctorate, with degrees in Psychology, Social Services, and Management of a Non-Profit and runs our private foundation. The concept of adult adoptive parents isn't totally foreign to us as in 2000, over Christmas holidays, we met the couple who became in our minds and theirs, our parents. No, can't legally adopt us as then our marriage would be a crime.
Tabitha met a wonderful man while working. He did pro-bono legal work for her. We love him and his parents. Next Saturday, the wedding, in our yard. Then she moves out and will live 9 houses away, which seems so distant. We'd long thought about legally adopting her but we hated not being able to adopt others we're close to as well and worried how they'd feel, but ultimately it was the right thing. So, at the age of 26, she legally became our daughter on Monday and, yes, I'm crying while typing this. We still know nothing about parenting and nothing conventional about our relationship with her. We sure did learn how it feels to watch them grow up, the joy and the pain. They accomplish all you hoped for and have the perfect fiancée and it's still painful to lose your little girl. My hubby, her daddy, finds it very difficult and I laugh at him but I do as well.
I know most of you have been through this, but we never expected to. No children were in our plans except the ones at school and the orphanage. Often the best things in life are not the ones you planned. They're the ones presented to you and you just hope to be wise enough to go for them. Just to confuse everyone, she'll take our name and she'll keep it after the wedding. Sometimes, if they must appear in court, there will be an advantage for she and her husband not to have the same last names. We're so happy and so proud and our emotions are a bit like:
:lol:
I think it's like so many prejudices, that it results from just not knowing many of them personally. I'll put today's young people up against any generation. We, so called adults, can't talk, look at how we've screwed things up. 
