Drummer48
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Recently divorced, should I live on a boat with my kids?
- Thread starter BWin
- Start date
The friendliest place on the web for anyone who enjoys boating.
If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.
If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.
Drummer48
Veteran Member
- Joined
- Nov 28, 2020
- Messages
- 35
- Vessel Name
- COOL CHANGE
- Vessel Make
- 38.5 Aft Cabin Cruisers
Smorss2011
Member
I would like to add that you should not force anyone into therapy, ever. I was happy when my parents divorced. Being forced into therapy made me anxious and upset. Therapy is for people who want it, and that includes children. They may very well be fine with having two peaceful households instead of one tumultuous one. That's ok.
Wifey B: Wifey B never suggested hers is the one and only way. She doesn't have direct personal experience. However, she's got experience with many friends and acquaintances and she knows the recommendations most counselors give in these situations. She based her opinion on that. All the advice given here by her and by others is simply opinions.
Now psneeld is getting a bit tiresome as he offers only opinions that no one else's opinions are valid and apparently of some belief that because no one can have all the answers then no one should offer opinions when questions are asked. A lot of wasted posts saying to ignore other posts.
Alaskaflyer
Guru
1. I have a teeny tiny bit of experience in this area.
2. You have to be happy in order to be capable of keeping others happy
3. Kids are amazingly resilient, I will offer a counterpoint to SoWhat that kids do not necessarily need friends and stability "above all else". But you aren't proposing to take them and shove off for a voyage to Tahiti without your spouse's permission like Stirling Hayden; you'll be living (presumably) at a marina near the same city, presumably near your spouse unless they are relocating, and presumably near your kids' friends and activities. Many marinas have a lot of fun things to do shoreside (pool, clubhouse.)
4. Going all the way back to the OP, maybe you should try to figure out if a liveaboard is right for you, regardless/separate from whether it will work out for kids and co-parenting. I'm of a mind that in DC it is an elegant solution to a real estate problem, and as someone around here mentioned a couple weeks ago, if Joe Manchin can do it... I almost took a transfer to DC in 2019, and I was 3/4 of the way down this particular road myself when other stuff caused me to turn down the transfer. But maybe you will hate it, particularly if you've never RV'd or had any significant boating experience. A 58 Hatt would be good square footage for a transition. BUT, maintaining a boat is harder than maintaining a condo where you can go weeks and months without having to do anything but vacuum the rug and clean the bathrooms and pay the bills. No one and I mean no one goes weeks and months on any boat without having to repair or replace a component of something or other, occasionally cheaply but more often it is aggravatingly difficult or expensive or both and very occasionally eye-watering-ly so.
2. You have to be happy in order to be capable of keeping others happy
3. Kids are amazingly resilient, I will offer a counterpoint to SoWhat that kids do not necessarily need friends and stability "above all else". But you aren't proposing to take them and shove off for a voyage to Tahiti without your spouse's permission like Stirling Hayden; you'll be living (presumably) at a marina near the same city, presumably near your spouse unless they are relocating, and presumably near your kids' friends and activities. Many marinas have a lot of fun things to do shoreside (pool, clubhouse.)
4. Going all the way back to the OP, maybe you should try to figure out if a liveaboard is right for you, regardless/separate from whether it will work out for kids and co-parenting. I'm of a mind that in DC it is an elegant solution to a real estate problem, and as someone around here mentioned a couple weeks ago, if Joe Manchin can do it... I almost took a transfer to DC in 2019, and I was 3/4 of the way down this particular road myself when other stuff caused me to turn down the transfer. But maybe you will hate it, particularly if you've never RV'd or had any significant boating experience. A 58 Hatt would be good square footage for a transition. BUT, maintaining a boat is harder than maintaining a condo where you can go weeks and months without having to do anything but vacuum the rug and clean the bathrooms and pay the bills. No one and I mean no one goes weeks and months on any boat without having to repair or replace a component of something or other, occasionally cheaply but more often it is aggravatingly difficult or expensive or both and very occasionally eye-watering-ly so.
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psneeld
Guru
Post # 20......
"Wifey B: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
If it was just you, I might be borderline, but it's not. You're all four going through a lot. Don't risk making it worse. You all need counseling too and don't think for a moment that the kids don't, that they're doing fine. They're not about to express their anger to the parents they love. .......cut. "
Post #22 by me
"There is a reason the advice is all over the place....I would be very cautious about listening to any specifics unless that person has walked a mile in the same shoes they are talking about.
I was in a very similar situation and I know better than to think any "similar" situation is even close, or close to what some think."
Post #41 by me
"Any advice that says positively one way or the other is .....I cant even say it.
There are situations that easily fit either side ...and even then there are infinite variations......but only one person in this thread can fit which pieces of the puzzle fit where.
Good luck and I would say a good mate with a beer will solve way more than much of this advice"
With the amount of pretty strong sounding, questionable advice on this forum....its a full time job steering people to listen or look for advice from other than this general forum population.....and I usually say don't listen to me either...find an expert or get a better consensus.
I have walked a ways in this guys shoes and pretty much most of the thread topics I post in.
Find me on other forums lately? I try not to because boating and a couple boys have been my only life for at least 3 decades.
"Wifey B: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
If it was just you, I might be borderline, but it's not. You're all four going through a lot. Don't risk making it worse. You all need counseling too and don't think for a moment that the kids don't, that they're doing fine. They're not about to express their anger to the parents they love. .......cut. "
Post #22 by me
"There is a reason the advice is all over the place....I would be very cautious about listening to any specifics unless that person has walked a mile in the same shoes they are talking about.
I was in a very similar situation and I know better than to think any "similar" situation is even close, or close to what some think."
Post #41 by me
"Any advice that says positively one way or the other is .....I cant even say it.
There are situations that easily fit either side ...and even then there are infinite variations......but only one person in this thread can fit which pieces of the puzzle fit where.
Good luck and I would say a good mate with a beer will solve way more than much of this advice"
With the amount of pretty strong sounding, questionable advice on this forum....its a full time job steering people to listen or look for advice from other than this general forum population.....and I usually say don't listen to me either...find an expert or get a better consensus.
I have walked a ways in this guys shoes and pretty much most of the thread topics I post in.
Find me on other forums lately? I try not to because boating and a couple boys have been my only life for at least 3 decades.
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BoatPoor
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Sorry that you and the girls are dealing with this. Oddly enough the boat that I'm buying was used just for the exact same purpose. The guy got a divorce so he and his two boys just moved aboard for about a year. While every situation is different, he said his kids loved it and it was a distraction from the ugliness that was going on between the parents.
