When Is It Time To Say Good Bye?

[Moonstruck]

Ted, B and B said the right things, and I echo his post. I will add that I do have an inkling of what you are going through. You see, about 11 years ago I lost my wife of 44 years to cancer. She was a partner in everything we did. As I look back, you are doing everything you can. You can do no more. You will take care of her to the end. What a comfort you must be to her. Now, it will be up to the All Mighty to take her the rest of the way. Prayers for her and you.

 

[High Wire]

One of the guys in my storage yard calls it the "Land of shattered dreams".

 

[Donna]

I think you're on the mark BandB. My wife and I bought this boat two and a half years ago after being "landbound" for close to eighteen years, commercial fished before that.
The idea was to live aboard (we did move aboard immediatly), change a few things for better livability, and explore the BC coast.
Cancer came to call, diagnosed in October. Friday evening I put her in the hospital. Today she moves to hospice. Has maybe one and a half to four weeks.
I'll do what I can to keep the boat (or a boat). Maybe we (the boat and I) will
"die" together.

Ted

I am so Very sorry Ted.

 

[Insequent]

Ted
I'm like Moonstruck - I went through the same, just before he did. Some posts above cover it pretty well and I echo their sentiments.

But I'd just like to note some comments one of the doctors made to me. Look after yourself, and family at the same time. Don't make any decisions in the next little while that you don't need to make.

Friends and family mean a lot, and are a big help. Including here on TF. It goes without saying that if you need anything, just ask any of us. You always have the memories. God bless.

 

[Insequent]

As to the boat the OP refers to. If I was at the marina I'd ask around to try and find out what the situation is. The owner might appreciate some help to look at the situation, and decide what to do next. eg Its likely better on the hard somewhere than sitting in the water, where it will decay faster and might just sink.

At the end of my dock there is a Skookum 53. No mast, and its been covered with a tarpaulin for the three years I've been there. It has not moved. After a big storm Paul visits to check the bilge is still dry. Otherwise he is never there. Apparently it had a fire inside and needs completely refitting.

His dream is to fix it up and go cruising, but he has neither the time or money to get the work done. Someone contacts him regularly wanting to buy it. Paul's wife is urging him to sell. He refuses to let go of his dream. That's fine, his boat and his choice. But I would like him to get some cost estimates of what it would take - I don't think he really has any idea. You don't, until you are part way though! Once he finds out, he could be cruising years earlier and for less cost by buying a boat in operating condition, if cruising really is his dream.

But, his dream might also be the pleasure and sense of achievement in doing the restoration. If so, he should take it to one of the low cost hardstand yards to await his attention. He owns his slip, but has still paid $20k in maintenance levies in the last 3 years. His slip is desirable (I asked to buy it), and it would rent for $1000/month. He could be $10k ahead by now rather $20k in the hole. Money that could be spent on the boat. It makes no sense to me.

 

[BruceK]

Ted, so sorry,but so glad you had 2.5 years enjoying your new boat together.
The "King and Queen" of our marina ,at age 79, upgraded to a near new 40ft Riviera, after talking about it for years. She had leukemia, going in and out of remission, I thought, that`s strange. Then I thought, no it`s not, I know why, it`s the right move. She passed away earlier this year, they had time to enjoy it together.
May peace and comfort come to you and your wife.

 

[Lou_tribal]

The true story is that the owner of the boat choose to pay his marina by automatic bank withdrawal but in fact the guy died many years ago in his ER. One day when his bank account will be dry, in many many years as his bank account was very well garnished, one will open the boat and found some bones in the ER. The boat will then be classified as historic piece and become a legendary museum visited by thousand of trawler owners each year, by the time it will be a pilgrimage for boaters. Who knows, maybe in some thousands of years this boat will be a church and the guy will be considered as the trawler owners Messiah.

Of course all this is pure phantasmagoria from a sick mind, but just wanted to give our friend Ted something totally stupid to read just to change his mind

Wish you the best Ted

L.

 

[Dougcole]

My thanks to the "gang" on the forum.
It passes time and I am still learning from you. Can't ask for more.

Ted

I lost my Father in law about 8 months ago, and my mom just a few months back. Neither compares to what you are going through, but my thoughts and prayers are with you. There are no words to say other than to tell you that you are not alone.

 

[foggysail]

Ted-- Dreams are sometimes hard to become a reality and painful when forced to give them up. I know this is a painful time for both of you whom we will share our prayers. Try to keep as much of the dreams you and your wife enjoyed as long as possible.

Foggy

 

[BandB]

As I look back, you are doing everything you can. You can do no more. .

That's the most difficult part of it for many. We're all use to fixing everything and making things ok and then we face the time we feel so helpless. Just remember you're doing more than you realize. You can't fix the physical but you're there for the mental side of things and just having you by her side is precious.