Tell us something about you that sounds FAKE

[Art]

One of my brushes with the law.

35 years later, she's still my girlfriend

Murray...

One of your brushes... with the law??

Last sentence is priceless - congrats!

 

[MurrayM]

One of your brushes... with the law??

Picture if you will, four college lads enter a tricycle race at the local sleazy bar.

There were two cash prizes, one for best team costumes and another for the actual race, which was a timed relay around the bar using a kids tricycle.

We went as the East German Women's Swimming team and squeezed ourselves into the college cheerleaders outfits. As an aside, my girlfriend took a picture of the four of us sitting in the hotel lobby and we all were wearing powder blue underwear. Weird.

We won both the costume contest and the tricycle race, then found out we couldn't take the money out of the bar, and had to spend it. No problem!

Later in the evening...an RCMP officer came into the bar so I shimmied up beside him, leaned gently into his shoulder and said in my deepest East German accent, "Come capitalist pig-dog, we make love".

I didn't end up in jail.

 

[Art]

Picture if you will, four college lads enter a tricycle race at the local sleazy bar.

There were two cash prizes, one for best team costumes and another for the actual race, which was a timed relay around the bar using a kids tricycle.

We went as the East German Women's Swimming team and squeezed ourselves into the college cheerleaders outfits. As an aside, my girlfriend took a picture of the four of us sitting in the hotel lobby and we all were wearing powder blue underwear. Weird.

We won both the costume contest and the tricycle race, then found out we couldn't take the money out of the bar, and had to spend it. No problem!

Later in the evening...an RCMP officer came into the bar so I shimmied up beside him, leaned gently into his shoulder and said in my deepest East German accent, "Come capitalist pig-dog, we make love".

I didn't end up in jail.

Murray... be fun to meet some day and trade stories! Not all are printable.

 

[greatpapabear]

I love sailing...

 

[slowgoesit]

Murray...

One of your brushes... with the law??

Last sentence is priceless - congrats!

I've heard on good authority that handcuffs can really hurt! Someone told me that.

 

[slowgoesit]

I once flew an airplane through a mountain of solid rock!

There was a slight offset in timing however. May 18th 1980, I lived in Lakewood, WA and we felt Mt. St. Helens blow. For several summers previously, we had been regulars on Spirit Lake, canoeing and camping. I was supposed to be on a field trip to the mountain on May 18th as part of a geology class I was taking. We had clearance into the red zone though our instructors work in volcanology. She got sick, the field trip was cancelled, but two of the kids in the class went anyway. They were found several months later in their car off the road, covered with several feet of ash.

About a year later, I took a Cessna 150 into the crater early one morning, approached from the rim side, dropped over the rim into the crater with flaps down and S turned through the crater and out the blown out side. Felt really weird to fly though what a year before had been solid rock!

Myself and a friend were "asked to leave" the Empress Gardens in Victoria, BC for "slurping our tea". . . . The NERVE of them! We even had a pinky fingers out and everything!

On the controls of an aircraft that had a collision with itself on the ground. Only $14.7mil ECD.

Wife and I married in Germany at the local Landestampt (spelling). Service was in German, which I didn't speak very well. I THINK we're married, 31 years later!

 

[OldDan1943]

I've heard on good authority that handcuffs can really hurt! Someone told me that.

Only to hear the cop say, "They are brand new cuffs. They will stretch out a little as you wear them."

 

[Northern Spy]

Greetings,
Mr. PB. I'm guessing proctologist.

Dairy farmer.

 

[Art]

I've heard on good authority that handcuffs can really hurt! Someone told me that.

Depending on how pissed off the cops are... hands can go completely numb... or so I've been told! - LOL

 

[ABfish]

I operated a dirt (oval) race track for three years. Joined as an investor, the manager quit, and I ended up in charge.

Never a dull moment, basically a reality show in real time. A woman cut (slashed) another woman in the parking lot during my last season.

Found out I could work two full time jobs if I had to.

Probably would have gotten a divorce if it had gone on much longer. Kids were young and wife was not impressed.

 

[JohnEasley]

I have delivered babies on four separate occasions. I'm not a doctor, nurse, or midwife. I'm an ex-cop who happened to be in the right (or wrong) place at the right time. Three boys and a girl. They named the girl Johna.

 

[Boat]

When I was a little kid I met Prince Edward, Duke of Windsor.

 

[angus99]

When I was a college freshman, Richard Nixon refused to shake my hand.

 

[porman]

When I was a college freshman, Richard Nixon refused to shake my hand.

Did you have long hair?

 

[twistedtree]

I love sailing...

OMG, you MUST be lying.

 

[greysailor]

I spent many days watching these blue lights, and surprisingly, have never grown an extra appendage! ?

 

[AusCan]

My wife and I were wandering down the beach near Negril, Jamaica in the early 80's . We came across a beach party and were invited to join. We shared some of the local smoke with a guy in dreadlocks before he got up on the stage and the band fired up. Everyone is dancing. We left after an hour or so because the band kept playing the same song over and over. It wasn't until the next day that we worked out we were at a video shoot with Eddy Grant playing Electric Avenue.

 

[greatpapabear]

OMG, you MUST be lying.

Me tell a fib? Never...

 

[Mako]

I spent many days watching these blue lights, and surprisingly, have never grown an extra appendage! ?View attachment 101042

Yep me too. We used to wear our dosimeters on our flies of course. Eventually I even had a couple of kids who seem normal - well sometimes

 

[Group9]

I was an FBI agent and a DEA agent, and the best story that I could tell, that no one would believe, is still classified, anyway.

 

[OldDan1943]

I was an FBI agent and a DEA agent, and the best story that I could tell, that no one would believe, is still classified, anyway.

A boat load of beautiful naked women?
You can tell me, I had a top secret clearance

 

[slowgoesit]

I was an FBI agent and a DEA agent, and the best story that I could tell, that no one would believe, is still classified, anyway.

I'll bet you really bought that badge at a swap meet, am I right?

 

[Group9]

I'll bet you really bought that badge at a swap meet, am I right?

I actually did buy a couple of fake badges. A lot of us did, because losing your real badge (which we would put away for safekeeping) was a big deal, whereas losing a fake one was nothing but whatever you paid for it.

The guy I bought my last one from ended up getting indicted for selling them!

 

[OldDan1943]

I actually did buy a couple of fake badges. A lot of us did, because losing your real badge (which we would put away for safekeeping) was a big deal, whereas losing a fake one was nothing but whatever you paid for it.

The guy I bought my last one from ended up getting indicted for selling them!

LOL You lose your gun too?

 

[Bob Noodat]

I died at age 4 in the world's smallest republic, and recall it quite clearly.

My parents and I were crossing northern Italy in summer 1957. We were actually in San Marino, the world's smallest, and one of the oldest, republics, which is entirely within Italy. No borders except for road signs that you had entered or left.

Dad had stopped our 1954 Morris Oxford for a roadside picnic (as the English tend to do) on a quiet back road, parking on a blind corner in the hilly forested countryside. The car was one side of the road, the picnic was to be on the other side under a big tree. My mother was laying out the picnic, Dad was by the car, the other side of the road fetching something, and I thought I'd go and see what he was doing. I can see him quite clearly still.

As I crossed the road a typical Italian scooter, Vespa or Lambretta no doubt, came around the bend at high speed with two young guys on it. The rider swerved to miss me as his passenger stuck out his right boot and hit me in the chest. I still see the scooter and that boot. The impact threw me through the air, 30 feet according to my father, and I slammed up against the tree about 6 feet up. I remember the impact, and my head stinging, in fact, just thinking about it makes my head sting in the same place right now. I put my right hand to the back of my head and then looked at it. It was crimson, and I can still see that vividly.

I staggered forward, and I remember standing among four sets of legs, as my parents and the two young Italian guys were all just frozen, watching me. I see those legs now, my mother's in a skirt. Then I collapsed, and my heart stopped beating.

The scooter rider (who must have been beside himself, poor guy) just happened to be a medical student on his summer vacation. He got my heart going again, and then he and his friend led us into the nearby town of San Marino where there was a convent hospital.

I was in a coma and had a collapsed lung, which was reflated. I lay in a coma for 8 days. My first recollection after collapsing was waking in a big bed in a white room, and of a nun in grey habit looking at me in astonishment and running out to fetch my mother.

That's pretty much it. I recovered fully apart from a slightly slow left side of my body and big holes in my mid-term memory that mean that whole days, events, and even people will randomly disappear without recollection. I have often wondered what happened to that young Italian doctor and how traumatised he must have been by the whole event.

 

[angus99]

Did you have long hair?

Long hair, John Lennon glasses and a T-shirt with a butterfly on it. But those were only contributors to the main reason Nixon refused to shake my hand.

I was totally apolitical in my freshman year and, as he walked down the line of college students pressing the flesh, I was to be next. He looked at me, then looked over my shoulder and then straight into my eyes and the smile vanished from his face. He quickly pulled his hand back and went on to the next person.

I thought, “What?” Then I turned around and saw the sign a person behind me had been holding over my shoulder, which Nixon must have thought I had something to do with. It said “PUT A DICK IN THE WHITE HOUSE?” Strangely enough, he didn’t appreciate the humor.

 

[angus99]

I died at age 4 in the world's smallest republic, and recall it quite clearly.

My parents and I were crossing northern Italy in summer 1957. We were actually in San Marino, the world's smallest, and one of the oldest, republics, which is entirely within Italy. No borders except for road signs that you had entered or left.

Dad had stopped our 1954 Morris Oxford for a roadside picnic (as the English tend to do) on a quiet back road, parking on a blind corner in the hilly forested countryside. The car was one side of the road, the picnic was to be on the other side under a big tree. My mother was laying out the picnic, Dad was by the car, the other side of the road fetching something, and I thought I'd go and see what he was doing. I can see him quite clearly still.

As I crossed the road a typical Italian scooter, Vespa or Lambretta no doubt, came around the bend at high speed with two young guys on it. The rider swerved to miss me as his passenger stuck out his right boot and hit me in the chest. I still see the scooter and that boot. The impact threw me through the air, 30 feet according to my father, and I slammed up against the tree about 6 feet up. I remember the impact, and my head stinging, in fact, just thinking about it makes my head sting in the same place right now. I put my right hand to the back of my head and then looked at it. It was crimson, and I can still see that vividly.

I staggered forward, and I remember standing among four sets of legs, as my parents and the two young Italian guys were all just frozen, watching me. I see those legs now, my mother's in a skirt. Then I collapsed, and my heart stopped beating.

The scooter rider (who must have been beside himself, poor guy) just happened to be a medical student on his summer vacation. He got my heart going again, and then he and his friend led us into the nearby town of San Marino where there was a convent hospital.

I was in a coma and had a collapsed lung, which was reflated. I lay in a coma for 8 days. My first recollection after collapsing was waking in a big bed in a white room, and of a nun in grey habit looking at me in astonishment and running out to fetch my mother.

That's pretty much it. I recovered fully apart from a slightly slow left side of my body and big holes in my mid-term memory that mean that whole days, events, and even people will randomly disappear without recollection. I have often wondered what happened to that young Italian doctor and how traumatised he must have been by the whole event.

Winner!

 

[Group9]

LOL You lose your gun too?

No, but I came close one time.

I had come back from an operation really late one night, and I was beat dead tired, and I laid my submachine gun on the roof of my car (intending to grab it and take it inside as leaving those in parked cars was verboten), but forgot it, and walked inside and left it there, just twenty feet from the street. I didn't realize it until they next morning, when I went out to get my newspaper and saw in sitting there!

 

[OldDan1943]

No, but I came close one time.

I had come back from an operation really late one night, and I was beat dead tired, and I laid my submachine gun on the roof of my car (intending to grab it and take it inside as leaving those in parked cars was verboten), but forgot it, and walked inside and left it there, just twenty feet from the street. I didn't realize it until they next morning, when I went out to get my newspaper and saw in sitting there!

Okay, you should feel better now. After all these years, you confessed to us and not your boss. LOL

 

[Barking Sands]

I flew a helo into a smoking rumbling volcano a week after it erupted and it was the second largest eruption in the 20th century.