Spouses and partners - Page 2

ksanders · 04-21-2014, 09:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BandB

I'd suggest for some of those whose spouses have rough water issues to really consider stabilizers or paravanes if you don't have them.

GREAT ADVICE!

I had my current boat on the hard for a eight month long refit and repower.
I wanted to put on stabilizers and the ship yard, who is very familiar with this model wanted me to put on a hard chine and hull extension modification.

So I balked. I did neither. Classic consumer mistake, and one I don't make often.

The next time my boat gets to Washington state its getting a pair of stabilizers. Not to make the boat more seaworthy, its plenty seaworthy for coastal cruising. The stabilizers will make it more comfortable.

kolive · 04-21-2014, 10:42 AM

My wife had the original idea to buy a boat. W were taking our German exchange student out into the San Juan Islands on a Whale watching boat one spring break. We sat outside the entire time on this small boat talking about how nice it was and she asked why can't we do this. One the way home we stopped at "Boat Country" by Dagmars and crawled over boats for the next 4 hours. Did not know a things about them but decided we liked the Tolly 26 the best of all the boats we looked at and could realistically think about affording. That is when I contracted the "Yachtworld Disease". I am glad Yachtworld does not have an hour meter for viewing their site, it would be embarrassing.

We ended up getting a 19' Starcraft Islander cuddy cabin my wife noticed in Portland. Started buddy boating with our Coast Guard Aux friends in the San Juan's. Took the boat to the tip of Vancouver Island to fish for a Springs and looked towards the Broughtons as a place to go next. Decided we did not like the fast boat experience and starts looking at trawlers. She loves everything about boating!

Found an Albin 25 on Craigslist that was perfect for our first trawler. Decided to take a class to really learn more about this style of cruising and how to drive a single screw boat through AYC Yacht Charters in Anacortes. Great decision as we learned a lot in those 3 days in the Islands. I got the confidence to drive, dock, plan and take care of our boat from this class. My wife was feeling pretty sickly during the trip. Little did we know.... When we got home a couple of weeks later she was admitted to the hospital for emergency open heart surgery to remove a tumor the size of a golf ball from her right atrium! Boating on hold, nothing else matters now. The surgery was May 21st.

We spent most of the summer in recovery at home. She is amazing and does great recovering and in August asks, Can we take our Albin out for a short trip please? Wow! We go to Stuart Island in the San Juan's and she wants to hike out to the lighthouse, 3 miles. We take our time and she does awesome. Loved the trip and now begins planning for longer trips next summer.

I do the docking, we both drive, cook, clean and maintain the boat. I do the mechanical but she is very interested and helps check all systems. Tying up when docking is something she is very good at and does not care for others that try to take HER lines and do it their way, her way is our way.

We have a Grand Banks now and feel like we have boating luxury accommodations. She comes from a long family history of boating. Her relatives were Whalers out of Connecticut and Captains on the Great Lakes where she grew up. She is half Otter, the nicer half and loves to swim and be in the water. I am more hesitant about being in the watery realm, not the best swimmer but working through it and always wearing a life vest when I jump in. I Love watching her swim and play in the water. She spent the better part of two hours swamping our kayaks to see if she could empty them out and climb back aboard and laughing the entire time. I have to work hard to get her out of the water.

I am so blessed to have her as my mate and partner. Boating is just better because of her. We spend a lot of time together and love it. Can't wait to get out there again. Her Heart a Birthday is coming up soon and we celebrate it every year. She will be 6 years new this May.

GFC · 04-21-2014, 11:52 AM

When my wife and I first met about 9 years ago she'd never been on a boat. I had a 33' express cruiser and welcomed her aboard. Well, as many of you know, when you walk down into the cabin the first thing you see is the bed. That kind of freaked her out because she began to mentally speculate about why I'd brought her on the boat.

Her first overnight cruise was a trip up the Snake River and through the lock at Ice Harbor Dam. It was WINDY and the boat was rolling around. She was tasked with going on deck to put out the fenders and handle the dock lines. She didn't like it, but she did a good job of it and I was proud...and told her so.

Since that time we've gotten married (almost 6 years ago) and she'd become almost as much of a boat lover as I am. She's handled the driving duties for up to 2 hours on a section of the Columbia with many turns in the channel while I napped, has backed the boat into the slip, and doesn't hesitate to take the helm. She's not real confident yet in her abilities, but she's getting there. She's actually a lot better than she believes, I just haven't yet convinced her of that.

She also helps out with the maintenance. She's much smaller than I (I'm 6'2"/235lbs) and she's about 5'4" (weight not to be disclosed) so she is able to wiggle into those tight spaces much easier than I can. Two years ago she changed the impeller on our genset without my assistance. I just showed her the photos of what it looked like and walked her through the process and she had completed the job in about 20 minutes. All I had to do was prep the new impeller before she installed it.

She also has helped change the impellers on the Cats and loves the challenge. When we do an oil change, she's the one who fits into the small area ahead of the stbd engine to flip the switches on the oil change system. She handles that part, I handle the hose and oil containers.

She's a gourmet cook so whenever we cruise she does all the menu planning and most of the cooking (I grill the meat if that's on the menu).

She's also a GREAT deck hand. Last year we were coming up the Columbia River and entered one of the locks, being the last of 6 boats into the lock. The wind was blowing but she was able to get us securely tied to the bollard before any of the other boats were secured.

We make a pretty good cruising couple. There's no question about who is in charge, and she follows directions well and quickly when we're docking.

Like Keith said above, I'm blessed to have her as my mate and my wife....and I let her know that frequently.

THD · 04-21-2014, 12:34 PM

An interesting and informative thread. I am towards the OC end of the spectrum. We have been together almost 25 years. My wife has always known of my love for boats and my long term cruising desires (anyone who knows me for more than about an hour, will learn these things about me!). But she never quite believed it all. We spent out first ten years in NYC and DC making a living, no boats. A bit later in our lives, we adopted our daughter from China about 14 years ago and have shared the joy of raising her. As we became financially able and bought the boat a few years ago, my wife still did not take the idea of extended cruising that seriously. She did spend time with her Dad some 45 year ago in a 26' Chris on LI Sound, so she has some history. She has become competent and able on the boat, but limited to Puget Sound and PNW cruising. When we have been out in weather, she endures, but does not enjoy it. She is quite a bit less adventurous than me and is much more tied to place and things than I am. My daughter meanwhile, is ready to take off tomorrow morning and see the world!

I think that once our daughter is off to college, we will be in the situation where I do the extended cruising and she flies in to stay. She will do some short term (Caribbean island to island and similar), but not much more than that.

If that ends up being our compromise, and it works for us, I am fine with it.

BandB · 04-21-2014, 12:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kolive

My wife had the original idea to buy a boat. W were taking our German exchange student out into the San Juan Islands on a Whale watching boat one spring break. We sat outside the entire time on this small boat talking about how nice it was and she asked why can't we do this. One the way home we stopped at "Boat Country" by Dagmars and crawled over boats for the next 4 hours. Did not know a things about them but decided we liked the Tolly 26 the best of all the boats we looked at and could realistically think about affording. That is when I contracted the "Yachtworld Disease". I am glad Yachtworld does not have an hour meter for viewing their site, it would be embarrassing.

We ended up getting a 19' Starcraft Islander cuddy cabin my wife noticed in Portland. Started buddy boating with our Coast Guard Aux friends in the San Juan's. Took the boat to the tip of Vancouver Island to fish for a Springs and looked towards the Broughtons as a place to go next. Decided we did not like the fast boat experience and starts looking at trawlers. She loves everything about boating!

Found an Albin 25 on Craigslist that was perfect for our first trawler. Decided to take a class to really learn more about this style of cruising and how to drive a single screw boat through AYC Yacht Charters in Anacortes. Great decision as we learned a lot in those 3 days in the Islands. I got the confidence to drive, dock, plan and take care of our boat from this class. My wife was feeling pretty sickly during the trip. Little did we know.... When we got home a couple of weeks later she was admitted to the hospital for emergency open heart surgery to remove a tumor the size of a golf ball from her right atrium! Boating on hold, nothing else matters now. The surgery was May 21st.

We spent most of the summer in recovery at home. She is amazing and does great recovering and in August asks, Can we take our Albin out for a short trip please? Wow! We go to Stuart Island in the San Juan's and she wants to hike out to the lighthouse, 3 miles. We take our time and she does awesome. Loved the trip and now begins planning for longer trips next summer.

I do the docking, we both drive, cook, clean and maintain the boat. I do the mechanical but she is very interested and helps check all systems. Tying up when docking is something she is very good at and does not care for others that try to take HER lines and do it their way, her way is our way.

We have a Grand Banks now and feel like we have boating luxury accommodations. She comes from a long family history of boating. Her relatives were Whalers out of Connecticut and Captains on the Great Lakes where she grew up. She is half Otter, the nicer half and loves to swim and be in the water. I am more hesitant about being in the watery realm, not the best swimmer but working through it and always wearing a life vest when I jump in. I Love watching her swim and play in the water. She spent the better part of two hours swamping our kayaks to see if she could empty them out and climb back aboard and laughing the entire time. I have to work hard to get her out of the water.

I am so blessed to have her as my mate and partner. Boating is just better because of her. We spend a lot of time together and love it. Can't wait to get out there again. Her Heart a Birthday is coming up soon and we celebrate it every year. She will be 6 years new this May.

What a great story. So glad she's doing well. Her enthusiasm for living, truly living rather than just existing, I bet played a large part in her recovery. My wife giggles a lot and then it gets to me. I didn't laugh out loud much before her and never giggled.

Wifey B: hehe....oh I loved about her and the kayak. Sounds like us on these silly $120 styrofoam like sail boats we use to have on the lake.

BandB · 04-21-2014, 12:44 PM

Mike and Tina:

Sound a lot like us in the mutual boating connection.

THD:

It's what every works for you.

BandB · 04-21-2014, 12:50 PM

This is so great to learn all this about many of you. Non couples can feel free to post a bit too about their cruising even if off topic. We just love seeing others who love the water as much as us.

We really like Trawler people. None of our boats are trawlers and we like to go faster. But when we reach the marina we gravitate toward Trawler people. We're far more likely to have dinner or go check out the town with the couple on the Grand Banks than the "Yacht" owners or the Go-fast owners. We're younger than most of this group, but we enjoy more similar things in ports. We're taking in the community, it's history and uniqueness, not checking out all the clubs in town. And we share your love for the water and for exploring and seeing new things and old things again.

AusCan · 04-21-2014, 02:02 PM

My wife doesn't have the passion of boating that I do, but she loves relaxing on the boat, visiting new places on the boat, swimming, snorkeling, exploring deserted beaches.
No desire in being at the helm, but will if I need a break. She doesn't mind rough water, unless the boat is heeling hard. She's not overly technically minded or interested in the maintenance, but willing to help handing me tools or checking over the boat while I am working overseas.

But she understands completely my love for boating and is 100% supportive in the time I spend on it. She still wants to do some serious cruising one day, although we would have to find the right boat for this. I don't want to venture too far out into the Southern Ocean in my 30 footer with her quite yet, as it may put her off. Small steps.

But we are both really looking forward to joining friends on their Lagoon 440 for a month on the Dalmatian coast in in July. That is more her style.

mattkab · 04-21-2014, 03:04 PM

This was a fun thread to read. I'll add ours...

Quote:

Originally Posted by BandB

Is your spouse or partner as passionate about boating as you?

As passionate about boating? Maybe not, but she does love boats and being on the water.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BandB

How much do they participate?

Fully? As much as expected? When I'm aboard she is aboard as well 90% of the time. The only time she isn't is because I'm taking someone out to go fishing, or making a transit during work hours where she can't be there.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BandB

What aspects of boating do they like and what do they dislike?

We truly treat our boat like a second home and she seems to enjoy just being aboard. We watch movies and sporting events from the slip quite often, and will many times go down to the boat just to have dinner, never leaving the slip.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BandB

What is their role in boating versus yours?

I do much of the heavy lifting - big maintenance items (waxing/buffing, oil changes, bottom cleaning), big projects. I also cook (because I cook at home too). She will do the majority of the cleaning inside, and some of the cleaning outside. All the woodwork/cetol is hers. She likes to paint, and doesn't mind pressure washing. When docking/undocking, I'm at the helm and she tends the lines. Underway she has zero problem taking the helm for a time.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BandB

Does your interest of boating and their lesser interest ever create problems? Or the other way around?

No. Financially we sometimes get a bit stressed, especially since I've left large companies with their good salaries and benefits to start my own. But that stress would be normal even without the boat.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BandB

Do the two of you follow the stereotypes or reverse them in some areas?

She doesn't like to be cold, so if the weather turns nasty I'm the one outside. I cook

Quote:

Originally Posted by BandB

What is an extended cruise like together?

We haven't done one yet, but hope to this summer. "Extended" for us would be a week or two. We've done 3-4 days at most.

Max Simmons · 04-21-2014, 03:14 PM

[QUOTE=BandB;228666]Is your spouse or partner as passionate about boating as you?

Nope. Now looking for replacement!

BandB · 04-21-2014, 03:21 PM

[QUOTE=Max Simmons;228883]

Quote:

Originally Posted by BandB

Is your spouse or partner as passionate about boating as you?

Nope. Now looking for replacement!

I once had a lady working for me and she and her husband were a very happy couple. He did hunt and fish which she didn't but no issues. However, she always said that the day they retired they'd have to get a divorce as she wanted the beach and warm and he wanted the mountains and cold. She joked about it but I know in reality it did worry her.

I had a man who worked for me work right past his retirement age, but his wife reached retirement age and told him that she was going to travel and see the country and he needed to decide if he was coming or going to stay and keep working. He retired and they bought a nice motorhome.

alormaria · 04-24-2014, 12:40 PM

Lately she is more than supportive. I'm getting tired of it and she just took a boating class.

Pineapple Girl · 04-24-2014, 02:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BandB

I'd suggest for some of those whose spouses have rough water issues to really consider stabilizers or paravanes if you don't have them.

A cheaper thing to try is zofran. Available by perscription. helped one of our crew on our Hawaii trip tremendously. Nothing else helped him. Minimal side effects, if any. YMMV.

Pineapple Girl · 04-24-2014, 02:34 PM

After my first marriage ended I followed my long time dream and took sailing lessons. With my "keelboat certification" in hand, I went to look at a sailboat for sale on Craigslist. A man on the dock warned me off the boat and told me to come to the yacht club for wednesday night races. The first one I went to, I met my husband. Our first date was sailing on is 30' boat, just the two of us. Heaven. We have been married ten years this October. We sailed to Hawaii (from san francisco) in 2010 with that man I met at the dock and some others. So I am ok with the ocean and swells, and night boating.

We switched to power boating after the Hawaii trip and LOVE LOVE LOVE it. We both love boating and plan our trips and do maintenance together. We want to do the Great Loop one day. I would be happy to live aboard but he doesn't want to unless we are cruising full time.

The only problem we have had is we bought a runabout last summer that was a total money pit. My husband made me get rid of it and I told him I felt like I had to put my dog to sleep. So we just got another (newer) one last weekend.

Our normal cruise is a weekend, occasionally a week. We spend our time kicking back, maybe doing projects or just chilling. We both cook (he grills) and work on stuff. No fishing. I have a paddleboard and tootle around the anchorage. We might hop in the dinghy and explore. We love watching football on the boat; we are huge Niners fans and schedule our boating around what games we are going to. Bottom line we both LOVE being on the boat. We both know we are very lucky to share our passion for boating.

AusCan · 04-24-2014, 02:39 PM

I am so glad my wife is not prone to sea-sickness. She handles rough conditions better than anyone else I boat with, even though she gets a little nervous at times.
I avoid inviting some good friends aboard when boating on rough days, as I know they be feeling ill. Its nice that it doesn't restrict the times my wife joins me.

psneeld · 04-24-2014, 02:55 PM

Motion isn't just about seasickness...it's also about moving around and just plain doing things....

The calm waters of the ICW allow for relaxation and chores without having to have everything tied down and risking injury moving around...after days of it...anything but slight motion and the occasional wake, almost seems painful.

Anything that can get rid of some of the motion is definitely worth it although not absolutely necessary...well for many boats many, but some not as much.

Nomad Willy · 04-24-2014, 03:30 PM

PG,
I love the part about putting your runabout to sleep.

goboatnow · 04-24-2014, 04:15 PM

When my GF and I just met she was very green to boating. Our first date was out on a lake on my runabout with beautiful weather, amazing food, great wine with the most amazing lady I had ever met. She was hooked on boating and I was hooked on her.

Forward 9 years. We're getting set to move from inland dirt dwellers to full time liveaboards. We both love everything about boating and the boating lifestyle. Many of the best times we've had have been on the water. That might be ocean, lakes rivers, whatever. We both love it all.

She's not much into the technical aspects but is willing to try anything. Together we will go far.

Underway · 04-24-2014, 07:40 PM

[QUOTE=BandB;228666]Is your spouse or partner as passionate about boating as you?

Nope

How much do they participate?

Summer liveaboards. I single hand the boat and she moves the car.

What aspects of boating do they like and what do they dislike?

The quiet and the spectacular views from the sundeck (while in the slip).

Noisy transients on smelly boats. Other live aboards who want to be your best friends...particularly if they're in the adjacent slip...on a stinky boat.

What is their role in boating versus yours?

I maintain and operate the boat. She agrees to keep it.

Does your interest of boating and their lesser interest ever create problems? Or the other way around?

No. We have an understanding. The boat has become a dock condo in recent years with limited side trips beyond the extended solo voyages to move the boat to/from winter storage.

Do the two of you follow the stereotypes or reverse them in some areas?

See above

What is an extended cruise like together?

We've done numerous one or two week excursions over the years...most often to the North Channel of Lake Huron or Georgian Bay. Good times and great memories for both of us....except for the time she failed to properly secure a stern line on a dock cleat and the line came loose subsequently wrapping around the prop shaft....and the time....

Sortie · 04-24-2014, 09:02 PM

My situation is somewhat different. My wife of 48 years , married into a family heavily involved in boating. She was from Pittsburg and had no boating interest at all. Most of my boating revolved around fishing, mostly big game. Over the years we used our sport fishing boats for weekend and week long cruisers. She has always been involved in everything around boating and other interest.

We retired to Florida, from Mass, in 2000. Our plan was to stay with the fishing/cruises for a while then switch to a trawler and do some extensive long range trips . In 2008 we started to execute our plan. In 2009 Sue was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. She is physically fit and healthy, she can not write her name or read it. She needs help getting dressed, bathing, walking etc. She constantly is striving to remember who she is and where she is. This past spring and summer we took our last weekend trip. This spring we took her last day trip.

It breaks my heart see her like this. Sometimes I am ready to sell the Sue Marie, then I wonder what I would do without being able to spend a few hours a week on her.

Hindsight is always 20/20, but reality is not. We have had a wonderful marriage and full life together. I could never had found a better wife. Much of our good times was around the boating life style. We spent many happy evenings in the cockpit having a cocktail and enjoying the natural beauty around us.

John