Solo Cruising

[BandB]

You see, this will likely be my wife's final season of boating, frankly, her final season in this life. She has terminal cancer. I thought about postponing buying another boat. But being the completely selfless woman that she is, she encouraged me to acquire the new boat because it's my passion. She's even urged me to find a new first mate after she's gone. What a woman!

We've enjoyed over 27 years together and have had many terrific adventures, on and off the water. I wish to make this season as delightful as I can, and pray for calm seas and sunny skies.

Wifey B: So sorry you're having to deal with what you are. I do admire her telling you to live life after she's gone. I've been around a couple of interesting situations.

We employee a captain whose current wife is also one. However, his first wife wasn't a boat person and she died of cancer. While she was dying she told him with his current wife present that the two of them should get married after she died. Well, they were best friends until he was able to move on and now have been happily married for many years.

I can't imagine the feeling of losing a spouse, but I can't imagine a spouse not wanting you to live life to it's fullest once they're gone.

Best of luck to both of you. May her final time bring her some pleasure and have as little pain as possible and may you find the strength to handle the loss.

 

[alvasurg]

Funny this thread should come up today. We are n a short 4 day trip on the Erie canal and can tell that my wife will be"done" by that time. I also am semi retiring next year and plan to take 2-3 week cruises, likely solo. I am currently planning great lakes cruising but ultimately take a boat down to our place in Florida and then head to the Bahamas.
Im currently in a Formula 41, not your typical long distance cruising and will sell it to buy something I can handle alone, possibly with her onboard intermittently.
Any suggestions for boats I should consider? Beneteau Swift 42 seems best for me. Any experience out there with this boat and solo cruising?

 

[MichaelB1969]

Well, this is a nice change. Not that exchanging info about the technical aspect of boats and sharing nautical adventures isn't really good. But men expressing themselves emotionally is special though.


We sold our Monk 42 last year for several reasons, including the lack of thrusters and heat/air. The main reason, however, was we needed something smaller and easier to handle. Why, you ask? Because in the not too distant future, I'll be handling a boat solo. Thus, the attraction of a Mainship 34T with bow and stern thrusters as well as reverse air. It's nice to know that I'll not be the only solitary boater.



You see, this will likely be my wife's final season of boating, frankly, her final season in this life. She has terminal cancer. I thought about postponing buying another boat. But being the completely selfless woman that she is, she encouraged me to acquire the new boat because it's my passion. She's even urged me to find a new first mate after she's gone. What a woman!



We've enjoyed over 27 years together and have had many terrific adventures, on and off the water. I wish to make this season as delightful as I can, and pray for calm seas and sunny skies.

So sorry to hear this. Cheers to calm seas and sunny skies this season for you and your amazing wife.

 

[Cigatoo]

Well, this is a nice change. Not that exchanging info about the technical aspect of boats and sharing nautical adventures isn't really good. But men expressing themselves emotionally is special though.


We sold our Monk 42 last year for several reasons, including the lack of thrusters and heat/air. The main reason, however, was we needed something smaller and easier to handle. Why, you ask? Because in the not too distant future, I'll be handling a boat solo. Thus, the attraction of a Mainship 34T with bow and stern thrusters as well as reverse air. It's nice to know that I'll not be the only solitary boater.



You see, this will likely be my wife's final season of boating, frankly, her final season in this life. She has terminal cancer. I thought about postponing buying another boat. But being the completely selfless woman that she is, she encouraged me to acquire the new boat because it's my passion. She's even urged me to find a new first mate after she's gone. What a woman!



We've enjoyed over 27 years together and have had many terrific adventures, on and off the water. I wish to make this season as delightful as I can, and pray for calm seas and sunny skies.

Best wishes to you and your wife.

 

[O C Diver]

Well, this is a nice change. Not that exchanging info about the technical aspect of boats and sharing nautical adventures isn't really good. But men expressing themselves emotionally is special though.


We sold our Monk 42 last year for several reasons, including the lack of thrusters and heat/air. The main reason, however, was we needed something smaller and easier to handle. Why, you ask? Because in the not too distant future, I'll be handling a boat solo. Thus, the attraction of a Mainship 34T with bow and stern thrusters as well as reverse air. It's nice to know that I'll not be the only solitary boater.



You see, this will likely be my wife's final season of boating, frankly, her final season in this life. She has terminal cancer. I thought about postponing buying another boat. But being the completely selfless woman that she is, she encouraged me to acquire the new boat because it's my passion. She's even urged me to find a new first mate after she's gone. What a woman!



We've enjoyed over 27 years together and have had many terrific adventures, on and off the water. I wish to make this season as delightful as I can, and pray for calm seas and sunny skies.

Ross, very sorry to hear about your wife's condition. Hope you and your wife have a great final boating season together.

Ted

 

[DBrunes]

RossWilson, my heart goes out to you guys. Can't be easy. But I admire your will to enjoy this season. The age old, live each day like it is your last.

Fair Winds and following seas to you both... on the water and in the transition.

May the ocean hold you both in it's arms when you need it.

And seems like this community is there for you as well.

 

[HeadMistress]

This thread brings to mind one of my favorite boat name stories (true, btw)...


"John" was a happily married man who'd wanted a boat all his life, but his wife Ruth wanted nothing to do with the idea...didn't even like being ON a boat. John begged and pleaded to no available for years until finally Ruth gave in, "ok, you can buy a boat, but only on one condition: I never have to set foot on it." He agreed to her terms and bought a lovely boat that he named RUTHLESS.


--Peggie

 

[RT Firefly]

greetings,
Ms. H. See post #24.

 

[HeadMistress]

greetings, Ms. H. See post #24.

I hadn't seen post 24 but I know that my RUTHLESS story is true...It was first posted in the CompuServe Sailing Forum in the '90s by a good friend who knew it firsthand 'cuz he was one of "John's" dockmates. It's a good enough story that's been around so long that it's not surprising there'd be versions of it told by people who remember the punch line, but not much more.



--Peggie

 

[caltexflanc]

Somehow, this thread reminds me of the old Ole and Lena joke:

"Ole died. So Lena went to the local paper to put a notice in the obituaries. The gentleman at the counter, after offering his
condolences, asked Lena what she would like to say about Ole.
Lena replied, "You yust put 'Ole died'."
The gentleman, somewhat perplexed, said, "That's it? Just 'Ole died?' Surely, there must be something more you'd like to
say about Ole. If its money you're concerned about, the first five words are free. We must say something more."
So Lena pondered for a few minutes and finally said, "O.K. You put 'Ole died. Boat for sale."

 

[Ken E.]

This thread brings to mind one of my favorite boat name stories (true, btw)...


"John" was a happily married man who'd wanted a boat all his life, but his wife Ruth wanted nothing to do with the idea...didn't even like being ON a boat. John begged and pleaded to no available for years until finally Ruth gave in, "ok, you can buy a boat, but only on one condition: I never have to set foot on it." He agreed to her terms and bought a lovely boat that he named RUTHLESS.

Peggy, I had to chuckle on the Ruthless moniker. In eastern Washington State, in wheat country far from ocean, Herb and Ruth had a big farm. Herb passed away. The farm became the Triple R spread. Ruthless Ruth Ranch. True story.

 

[DD788Snipe]

to everyone that doesnt want to be alone . i worked away all the time and people would say dont you miss home or your wife i would tell them as long as i keep one leg shaved i never get lonely at night

[emoji1787][emoji1787]

 

[DD788Snipe]

I'm sorry to hear that Ross. I hope you and the Admiral enjoy your year and make many memories together. Cancer sucks and takes too many of our friends and loved ones away too soon. Fair winds and calm seas to you both.

 

[sdupleich]

Ross - I’m so sorry for your wife’s illness. You’re so lucky that she recognizes your need for being on the water and also for companionship once she’s gone. We’ll be here for you throughout your journey.

Sandy

 

[sdupleich]

In our case - I’m the wife and I absolutely love being on the boat and on the water but it means nothing to me without my husband. We discovered our love for boating together and have always run the boat together. Most times I’m the one at the helm and I handle the majority of the maintenance and “wrenching” when possible and handle the contractors/mechanics when it’s beyond my capability. In our marriage we get along best when we’re together all the time. Absence has never helped us and we’ve worked hard never to be apart for very long. I can’t imagine either of us wanting to take off on the boat without the other. We are very much looking forward to our upcoming 3 week trip to Desolation Sound this summer, most of it on the hook and it will just be the two of us (and the dog).

It actually saddens me that more women are not more interested in boating. Being on the water brings me a peace that I’ve never felt anywhere else except maybe at the top of a mountain back when I used to ski. I have a stressful job and boating just melts that stress away. Puttering around the boat working on projects and learning new things stimulates my creative side and I’m never short on learning new things every time I’m on board.

Sandy

 

[Flybull]

Great point, Sandy.

My wife and I live aboard now, and although most of the time we are at the dock because I work 5 days a week and she runs a small business in town, we can't imagine not being on the water. 2 days off on the hook is like a week of vacation as far as stress relief and total relaxation. We live on a beautiful large lake and because we take off on thursdays and fridays, we have the cove to ourselves except for the occasional bass boat that trolls in and out.

We also don't like to be separated at all... would rather spend our time together than with anyone else. The kids are out of the house now which is why we made the move to the boat full time. In fact, I'm typing this on my way out of the office... will be getting underway within 2 hours and will hook out until Friday afternoon.

I too wish more women would care for boating more... too many boats at the docks that haven't even been de-winterized yet this year...

 

[O C Diver]

In our case - I’m the wife and I absolutely love being on the boat and on the water but it means nothing to me without my husband. We discovered our love for boating together and have always run the boat together. Most times I’m the one at the helm and I handle the majority of the maintenance and “wrenching” when possible and handle the contractors/mechanics when it’s beyond my capability. In our marriage we get along best when we’re together all the time. Absence has never helped us and we’ve worked hard never to be apart for very long. I can’t imagine either of us wanting to take off on the boat without the other. We are very much looking forward to our upcoming 3 week trip to Desolation Sound this summer, most of it on the hook and it will just be the two of us (and the dog).

It actually saddens me that more women are not more interested in boating. Being on the water brings me a peace that I’ve never felt anywhere else except maybe at the top of a mountain back when I used to ski. I have a stressful job and boating just melts that stress away. Puttering around the boat working on projects and learning new things stimulates my creative side and I’m never short on learning new things every time I’m on board.

Sandy

Sandy, do you have a sister?

As Don Rickels was known to say in his act, " I married, but my wife is ill".

Ted

 

[Pluto]

I’m the guy who started this thread. I was reluctant to ask the question about solo cruising because it’s so personal, but I’m glad I did. I am shocked at the number of responses. Thank you all for your honest and sometimes uncomfortable comments. I no longer feel alone in my situation. Your a great group of folks. Thank you all .
See you out there.

 

[sdupleich]

Sandy, do you have a sister?

As Don Rickels was known to say in his act, " I married, but my wife is ill".

Ted

Nope - just a younger (married) brother! Ha ha!

I am definitely an anomaly and I know it but I don't mind. I'm currently Fleet Captain for our yacht club and have previously served as Commodore. I guess I like to do what is unexpected.

 

[sbu22]

"Attempting to understand another couple's relationship is like being stranded on a strange planet where you don't speak the language." Poorly quoted from Robert Heinlein, I believe.

Whatever works for you and yours.

 

[BobK]

Going through a similar experience.

Well, this is a nice change. Not that exchanging info about the technical aspect of boats and sharing nautical adventures isn't really good. But men expressing themselves emotionally is special though.


We sold our Monk 42 last year for several reasons, including the lack of thrusters and heat/air. The main reason, however, was we needed something smaller and easier to handle. Why, you ask? Because in the not too distant future, I'll be handling a boat solo. Thus, the attraction of a Mainship 34T with bow and stern thrusters as well as reverse air. It's nice to know that I'll not be the only solitary boater.



You see, this will likely be my wife's final season of boating, frankly, her final season in this life. She has terminal cancer. I thought about postponing buying another boat. But being the completely selfless woman that she is, she encouraged me to acquire the new boat because it's my passion. She's even urged me to find a new first mate after she's gone. What a woman!



We've enjoyed over 27 years together and have had many terrific adventures, on and off the water. I wish to make this season as delightful as I can, and pray for calm seas and sunny skies.

My wife is in the final stages of brain cancer and I'm finding myself in a very similar situation. We first met at a labor day weekend dock party in NJ 33 years ago and boating and spending time on the water has been a part of our lives ever since. We've had many terrific adventures as well and those memories will be with me forever.

Shortly after we were married we both agreed that when one of our lives comes to an end the other should not feel as if they need live the rest of their life alone, life must go on and it's ok to find love again.

She still hasn't given up the fight and is continuing to receive treatment but she's losing ground and has little time left. The thought of cruising solo without her by my side is extremely painful to think of right now but I do plan to buy a liveaboard boat within the next year or two and follow the dream we started. I'm praying for fair winds, calm seas and sunny skies for you and hope our wakes cross someday.

 

[BobK]

Life is a journey, not a destination.

I’m the guy who started this thread. I was reluctant to ask the question about solo cruising because it’s so personal, but I’m glad I did. I am shocked at the number of responses. Thank you all for your honest and sometimes uncomfortable comments. I no longer feel alone in my situation. Your a great group of folks. Thank you all .
See you out there.

Thanks for creating this post. It's therapeutic and helpful to learn from and be inspired by the challenges others face. Nothing is certain in life and life is what we make of it. I think all boaters and cruisers get that and see the world just a little differently.

 

[RossWilson]

Thanks for your messages BobK and Pluto. Indeed, it is good that we feel comfortable enough to express our feelings on such sensitive topics.

Boating season last year was, for obvious reasons, not very good for me. I did do some solo navigating, but not much nor very far. I did bring Good Vibrations down the Trent Severn Waterway last June, but with my daughter and grandson serving as first mate. The government imposed isolation due to the world's current madness only exacerbated my aloneness without my beloved wife.

As of March 12th, I made it through one year since she passed, and I much look forward to spring launch this year. Maybe our wakes will cross some day, BobK. If you're ever up in my neck of the woods, look me up. I feel your pain. Remember - this too shall pass.

 

[IH82BL8]

Sorry to come along after the fact, I know this is an old thread.


My wife seems to be showing less interest in the boat with every passing year. I am slated to retire in eight years and when that happens I'd love to set out on the great loop. The most likely candidate I can think of for travelling companion is my daughter. She'll be turning 21 that year and, depending on where she is with her education, I'm hoping she'll want to go along.