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09-20-2023, 10:33 PM
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#1
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Senior Member
City: Valley Cottage NY
Vessel Name: Savage
Vessel Model: Seaton 50 expedition trawler
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 277
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Happy wife happy life? Hmmm
Not working out too well for me. She says: 'it's too complicated, things are always needing work, stuff breaks and I'm fed up with it'.
I've asked fellow marina buddies and we're all agreed. Sure, stuff needs work, breaks and yes, boats can be complex. I'm a competent mechanic, electrician, woodworker and can refinish as needed.
I'm at a crossroads. I love the boat and have plenty of skin in the game (and blood). But is it worth a divorce?
Thankfully I'm a car guy too and may have to switch to my other passion just to keep my wife happy. Will I regret this? Can a person be just as happy touring Europe in a classic car instead of a classic trawler?
I am indeed getting old and have a few medical issues. But can I live with saying OK, I'll sell the boat so we can be happy together?
__________________
I spent most of my money on boats, booze and women. The rest I just wasted.
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09-20-2023, 10:41 PM
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#2
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Veteran Member
City: Semiahmoo
Vessel Name: Endeavor
Vessel Model: Grand Banks 32
Join Date: Nov 2021
Posts: 70
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"Yes, honey, the boat IS for sale. It just takes time,,," ;-)
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09-20-2023, 10:56 PM
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#3
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TF Site Team
City: MX, thru Canal to Bahamas
Vessel Name: Muirgen
Vessel Model: 50' Beebe Passagemaker
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 3,140
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Endeavor GB 32
"Yes, honey, the boat IS for sale. It just takes time,,," ;-)
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And while it's for sale, it needs to be used to keep everything working properly! And the more places you go with it, but more likely someone is going to see it that want's to buy it! Work with me here, okay?!?  
__________________
Vessel Name: Muirgen
Vessel Model: 50' Beebe Passagemaker
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09-20-2023, 10:58 PM
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#4
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Enigma
City: Slicker?
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 16,329
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Greetings,
Mr. 2. Hmmmm...is the boat the issue or is this a manifestation of deeper problems?
__________________
RTF
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09-20-2023, 11:20 PM
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#5
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Guru
City: Port Townsend Washington
Vessel Name: " OTTER "
Vessel Model: Ocean Alexander Europa 40
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 2,357
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RT Firefly
Greetings,
Mr. 2. Hmmmm...is the boat the issue or is this a manifestation of deeper problems?
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Bingo!
You hit the nail square on the head
Hollywood
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09-20-2023, 11:31 PM
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#6
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Guru
City: Coupeville Wa.
Vessel Name: Pelorus
Vessel Model: Californian 42 LRC
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 2,238
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What RT and Hollywood said.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RT Firefly
Greetings,
Mr. 2. Hmmmm...is the boat the issue or is this a manifestation of deeper problems?
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hollywood8118
Bingo!
You hit the nail square on the head
Hollywood
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__________________
Some things are worth doing simply because they are worth doing.
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09-20-2023, 11:50 PM
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#7
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Guru
City: Between Oregon and Alaska
Vessel Name: Charlie Harper
Vessel Model: Wheeler Shipyard 83'
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 2,980
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Most women are never happy. Selling the boat only removes one item in her list. Tomorrow she'll have found something brand new to be unhappy about.
Until I learned, I tried to make women happy. After a time I quit trying. Later I quit caring.
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09-21-2023, 12:22 AM
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#8
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Guru
City: Homer, Ak
Vessel Name: Unicorn
Vessel Model: 1970 50' DEFEVER OFFSHORE CRUISER Timber
Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 502
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dont get rid of the boat., you will regret that. nothing can replace cruising the oceans.
dont get rid of her either, just give her more TLC and attention. it may work better if she thinks she is #1 in your priority list.
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09-21-2023, 12:24 AM
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#9
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Guru
City: Homer, Ak
Vessel Name: Unicorn
Vessel Model: 1970 50' DEFEVER OFFSHORE CRUISER Timber
Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 502
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oh yeah and change this "I spent most of my money on boats, booze and women. The rest I just wasted"
women first
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09-21-2023, 12:38 AM
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#10
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Guru
City: Sydney
Vessel Name: Sojourn
Vessel Model: Integrity 386
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 13,103
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An old TF thread says you acquired the boat in June 21. "Getting it right", involving lots of time and money, usually happens in the early years. Which in this case were affected by Covid.
Is "Me or the (toy)" a recurrent stance ?
Is it an attempt at manipulation,or assertion?
Was the Seaton 50 "a step too far" in terms of complex systems needing attention? Is the objection realistic?
Unless it relates just to this boat,RTF and others may be right.
Will you be happy touring Europe in a classic car sitting 2 feet from the person who effectively forced you to sell the boat? Will the classic car be the next objection?
It`s risky giving advice in this situation with scant knowledge of circumstances and background and one side of the issue. So I`m raising questions rather than offer opinion, even though it`s sought. It`s a very personal decision many would reach privately, maybe with the help of a trusted friend. Perhaps there is no appropriate trusted friend who understands the emotions of a boat owner, especially with a special boat like this one.
It seems the OP is at a fork in the road.I sincerely hope the responses, wide as they may range, are helpful.
__________________
BruceK
2005 Integrity 386 "Sojourn"
Sydney Australia
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09-21-2023, 01:19 AM
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#11
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Moderator Emeritus
City: Au Gres, MI
Vessel Name: Black Dog
Vessel Model: Formula 41PC
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 20,554
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Well, you may have gone about it the wrong way, you need to vet the woman before you get married. We have been married 52+ years gone through 24 boats and at this point she rarely even asks what things cost for the boat. But most of our dates before we were married were on boats. She agreed to living on a boat before we were married but it just never worked out, not because of her but rather just life happened. So now we live on the water and have the boat tied up behind the house. I tell her, and most people that we meet, that she has a good deal going and not to mess it up…. But honestly she is wonderful and I love her to no end.
__________________
Boat Nut:
If you are one there is no explanation necessary.
If you aren’t one, there is no explanation possible.
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09-21-2023, 02:53 AM
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#12
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Guru
City: Queensland
Vessel Model: Milkraft 60 converted timber prawn trawler
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 5,482
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Comodave
Well, you may have gone about it the wrong way, you need to vet the woman before you get married. We have been married 52+ years gone through 24 boats and at this point she rarely even asks what things cost for the boat. But most of our dates before we were married were on boats. She agreed to living on a boat before we were married .
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Similar to us.
First date 30+ years ago was antifouling a yacht.
Built two cats together
Let me stop work when the first one was launched so I could sail every day
She bought our current vessel for us when she retired at 52.
Never did get married.
__________________
Everything on a boat is broken, you just don't know it yet
Full time cruising is repairing boats in exotic locations
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09-21-2023, 04:27 AM
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#13
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Senior Member
City: Mooloolaba
Vessel Name: Serene
Vessel Model: Blue Seas 36
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 217
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I can't comment on the marriage, but I will say I have watched your YouTube videos and absolutely love your boat. If you sell it and then change your mind it will be very hard to find something similar. IMHO it is quite special.
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09-21-2023, 05:48 AM
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#14
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Guru
City: Kilmarnock VA
Vessel Name: Wandering Star
Vessel Model: PSN40
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 1,340
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Geez...the OP has come to TF for relationship advice? He's in trouble. 75% of the boating-related opinions on here are utter nonsense, much less marriage advice.
If my wife isn't onboard with something I want to do, I'm not doing it (and vise-versa). She's my only true passion.
__________________
-Shawn-
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09-21-2023, 06:50 AM
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#15
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Guru
City: Middle River
Join Date: Nov 2022
Posts: 501
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Start shifting assets, keep the boat
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09-21-2023, 07:32 AM
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#16
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Senior Member
City: Jacksonville
Join Date: Mar 2023
Posts: 475
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I figure the OP is just venting and knows the answer.
Unless he wants that divorcé, in which case it seems he came to the right place here.
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09-21-2023, 09:07 AM
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#17
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Guru
City: West Palm Beach
Vessel Name: Sun Dog
Vessel Model: Mainship 34
Join Date: Oct 2021
Posts: 540
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RT Firefly
Greetings,
Mr. 2. Hmmmm...is the boat the issue or is this a manifestation of deeper problems?
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Things that make you go hmmmmm.....
__________________
Phil
Sun Dog
1983 Mainship 34
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09-21-2023, 09:08 AM
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#18
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Guru
City: Oconto, WI
Vessel Name: Best Alternative
Vessel Model: 36 Albin Aft Cabin
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 3,097
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"It's never going to sell without a new radar unit" (etc.)
OR
"I'm going to miss her"
pete
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09-21-2023, 09:09 AM
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#19
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Guru
City: Centreville MD
Vessel Name: Resilient
Vessel Model: Helmsman Trawlers 38E
Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 1,462
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Seems like the boat is your dream.
Not her dream.
What's her dream?
Is there anything you can do to make the boat your joint dream, so everyone gets happy?
Or provide her with her dream while you pursue your dream, so everyone gets what they want?
The best reason to end the marriage is because the marriage is shot. I would not wish that on anyone, but sometimes its the best path. But I would not go there if this gets framed as we pursue my dream, period, or hit the highway.
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09-21-2023, 09:27 AM
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#20
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TF Site Team
City: Westerly, RI
Vessel Name: N/A
Vessel Model: 1999 Mainship 350 Trawler
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 4,052
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Does she like you spending time wrenching on cars? Does she take these long rides in the country with you?
The gist here ^^ is really......is she more tied to the foundation of 'Home', or is she happier when you are out of her hair?
Divorce is extreme. IF you're divorced will you still have this lifestyle? Who will you resent more, The boat if she's gone, or her if the boat is gone?
__________________
Shrew
/SHro͞o/
noun
1. A small insectivorous mammal resembling a mouse, with a long pointed snout and tiny eyes.
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