Finishing high school while cruising?

[Capt. Rodbone]

I’ll start with the question and then fill in with a bit of detail which may influence some of the answers you kind forum folks might be willing to share. What might you suggest I research as to an online finishing of high school option for my teenage son? He is just a bit more than his senior requirements away from getting his diploma.

He is 19. We have had quite a bit of trouble with him over the last few years. Making poor decisions on who he spends time with, doing drugs and drinking, and not taking his schoolwork seriously. He has spent some time in juvenile detention. We have tried very hard to get him to go to counseling since he was 15, but he refuses. Although he has said “the right things” before he is saying them again and there does appear to be at least an initial desire to put his life on a better path. About a year and a half ago my wife and I offered him the option of going cruising on our recently acquired 40 ft Schooner for a few months or even a year or so while he finishes school on board and he thinks about what he would like to do next. At that point he had no interest in doing so but now possibly out of not really having many more viable choices he would like to do it. My wife isn’t much for offshore sailing nor extended periods of being on board the sailboat, but we recently also bought a 42 ft Grand Banks. She would be more inclined to spend more time onboard if we were to take the trawler and not the schooner. We both think it may be a better idea anyway if we attempted this as a father and son thing with him knowing she would join us every few weeks or so in different ports. I should note he has basically the same relationship with each of us, meaning neither of us are better suited in our eyes or his regarding how we parent and communicate with him.
I’m going into this eyes wide open and realize that just by casting off there are not Magic changes taking place however such a change to a completely new and exciting if he will allow it to be environment could be what he needs, especially since he sounds more ready now than he has in the past. There will have to be specific rules that are followed and they will be laid out in detail with him. I’m going to also admit here that we’ve tried many things including home school and boarding schools that in the past haven’t worked. If he isn’t ready for a change in his life’s direction and this doesn’t work at least we will know we tried yet another way to help him.
So back to my initial question are there curriculums any of you would point me to, and have any of you been through similar situation and would offer advice?

 

[RT Firefly]

Greetings,
Mr. CR. Phew! What a question! I can empathize...


Sounds to me your boy is adrift. In spite of the fact you want to do what YOU feel is best for him, that decision has to come FROM him. Does he have ANY interests, at all? Perhaps academic schooling is not for him, at this point. Music? Art? Building repairing "stuff"? Animals?



Education is not about filling a bucket. It's about lighting a fire...

 

[Bmarler]

teens are masters at saying what they think you want to hear, but their actions spell out their intentions pretty clearly.
i applaud you for trying to take action. confining yourself on the boat with a teen can be challenging. i raised a daughter while living aboard and it was both good and bad at the same time. teens want more privacy than a boat typically provides, but it also makes it super easy to keep tabs on them. now that she's grown i get lots of gratitude for the way she was brought up.
getting your boy away from the influences that are causing the bad behavior is a good idea, but can you completely remove him? will social media still be there to connect him? a challenge to be sure.

i would think now would be a very good time to try to finish school online, there must be a ton of programs to choose from. what i don't know is if they vary by state. i'm in washington and my brothers kid just finished an online high school program, but i don't know if it's good for other states.

 

[Fr8dog61]

I feel your pain. I have 2 daughters both in their thirties now. The younger one has had similar issues, and is still trying to find herself. I agree with Mr RT on all points, but would add don’t give up! As for finishing school while cruising, that sounds great if your son is interested. You can always try and see. But ultimately he will need to decide the path to follow. Good luck and all the best for all 3 of you!

 

[TBill36]

It will be hard, but if you go down the cruising path, make him responsible for something. Let him make the decisions and be willing to live with the consequences. Make him the captain from piloting to maintenance and give him something to take pride in for making the right decisions and the consequences for making the wrong ones. Set a budget for fueling, docking, and routine maintenance and let him manage the schedule and expenses. A GED should not be that hard to acquire and if he came out of it as an experienced captain you win all the way around.

 

[leeman]

I don't know if this applies to Americans or just the commonwealth, or if their is something similar in the states, but the Duke of Edinburgh Award program comes to mind. My brother completed the program and received the award. He was duly proud of his accomplishment. It is quite all encompassing and could be worked on just about anywhere. You could even create your own program.
I'm impressed you are taking such an interest and making the commitment. I have another brother that could have used a father like you.
Good luck!

 

[mvweebles]

HS diploma is a symptom. Cure the underlying discontent and the rest will tend itself. Are you sure you're the right person to do an outward bound program with your son? Wayward kids tend to bolt and/or still find ways to misbehave. Possible this is above your pay grade.

I once took an owners son (18) aboard for a delivery from SoCal to Cabo San Lucas. Snotty rich kid. It took all of three hours for him to realize it was my boat, not his daddy's, while I was there, that he was no more than crew, and I had no hesitation to drop him at a desolate Mexican village and let he and his dad figure out passage home to Michigan. I didn't change the kid, but I did scare the crap out of him and got his attention in a way a parent could not.

Regardless, best of luck.

Peter

 

[maggiecat1003]

As a father facing similar challenges with a 21 year old alcoholic and drug addict son your care and commitment to your child is clear.

I hope you and he can make a positive choice that helps you all.

If I could make this type of opportunity work in our lives (which we cannot for many reasons) I would give it a try if all are agreed.

Best wishes to you, your son and family.

 

[JLD]

I am going to suggest that y'all need to give counseling another shot. Perhaps there is an underlying reason for his behavior that a professional could help you understand and that would also help him. If he is unwilling to go alone, then perhaps he would go with either you and/or your wife.

Perhaps a Great Loop trip would be a good experience for the whole family. Take about a year, and is fairly low stress.

Jim

 

[Blissboat]

Because your son is, as you say, "just a bit more than his senior requirements away from getting his diploma," the place to start is with the guidance counselors at the school where his present transcripts are. In 2022, every school district has been engaged with virtual, online learning in some form or fashion. If your thought is for him to earn a diploma from that district (the easiest play, at this point in his education), they will have to be on board with whatever curriculum / platform he uses to complete his graduation requirements. Those requirements will be specific to that school, or to the State of Alabama.

If the local school district can't help, then you may as well forget about them as a diploma-granting institution anyway, and search further afield. Sorry I can't name any particular resources, but plenty of other cruising families do this - it shouldn't be too hard.

The thing I most want to say is that you are offering your son a great gift. Whether he accepts it and makes the most of it will have to be up to him, but either way, you (and maybe he) would always regret not at least giving it a try. It seems nothing bad can come of it!

 

[BandB]

Wifey B: Have you and your wife gone for counseling?

You need to in order to handle this situation and I suspect strongly a counselor would advise you that counseling for your son should not be optional. He refuses. Time for him to get a job and support himself. Tough love? Yes, it is, but not only does he and has he had serious problems, he refuses to get help to address them. How did a 15 year old refuse? At 19, he can as he can walk out the door. But then if he does, he will learn how ill equipped he is. Yes, he may hit rock bottom, but then maybe he'll agree to get help or the courts will order it.

I feel so sad reading your situation, but have to be hard on you and on your son. No rewarding him with a boat trip. Sorry. Can't run from this problem. There's something serious that has never been addressed and we don't know the underlying problem as you don't know what it is. Without knowing it and certainly without intending to be, you may be a part of it.

I admire your desire to fix things, but you can't. You've tried, you've had time. Going with him on a long vacation isn't going to do so. I hate saying the next part, but you may never fix what is wrong with him. All you can work on and control the success of is yourselves. Counseling for yourselves might provide you solutions that would help him. Perhaps even seeing the two of you get counseling would over time make it more palatable to him.

I praise you for the courage of opening up here and hate that my answer must be so direct and harsh and not the simple answer you wanted. I am an educator so believe in education. Nearly every state has a high school online program but they require attendance on a regular basis and hard work. Penn Foster has an excellent program as well. However, education is just part of this and not the primary part.

Other than being an educator what do I base my answer on? 20 years working with over 200 kids coming through an orphanage. They have had problems most of us can't imagine, but counseling has always been a key. Amazing the things that come out, the realizations they have over time. I can tell you without hesitation that your son is masking with behavior and sadness some intense anger. That's what so often we all cover up. I have that anger over my childhood and so does my hubby and his parents were likely model parents in the eyes of most and until their deaths never knew his depression or anger because even he didn't fully understand the extent.

Please, please, please, I beg you, get counseling and insist on the same for him. (No emoji's here for me as I have none to express my begging of you).

Now, for an upbeat story.

2013, our managing boat captain who also trained us, asked if we would talk to his granddaughter. Her parents were at wit's end with her and had sent her to talk to the minister who had told them she was headed down a horrible path and they had tried everything but he said none of it was working. Seems the biggest problems were she wouldn't follow his teachings, didn't dress like she should and cursed and he accused her of using drugs which would explain it supposedly. She was a few days prior to her high school graduation.

Now, we were the last people I would have thought he would have chosen. He knew how we skinny dipped with all our friends and many other things about us, all very unparent-like.

She called us about 11:00 pm that night as we were in bed under the sheets. First thing she asked was were we naked and we said yes. She told us to pull the sheets down and we said, not until you're 18. Turns out we listened when no one else would. This beloved minister was doing this to her because, unlike many other girls in the church who he praised to their parents, she refused to sleep with him. She hadn't told her parents because she knew he would deny it and they've believe him.

Tabitha's plans were to graduate and then head to Raleigh and get a job as a stripper. We listened to her plan and never told her it was bad as she had really thought through all aspects of it and we had two friends by that point who paid their way through college by stripping (one now a CEO and the other a Surgeon). We asked if we could talk about it when we came for her graduation and she was shocked we'd come and said $%# yeah. I was so angry but hubby was already making calls, searching for a private detective agency at midnight.

Within the week and by the time we went to NC for her graduation, many of his victims had been identified (turned out to be 13 but just trial on three). Our detective went to the Sheriff and Tabitha was hooked up with microphones and he was taken down. We invited her for a brief vacation in FL and arranged counseling. We invited her to stay but the rules were either work or go to school and counseling. She became quickly referred to as our daughter and her mom referred to us as her adoptive parents. Her father left her mom for a more religious woman, her mom went back to school and is a nurse. We're still the least prepared parents ever. But then we adopted new parents so why not flip the other way. Still I'm sure rare that she at 26 will come and leap on top of us in bed, even when we're naked. It's just knowing she's always welcome by us.

Oh, and the parental rules she hated at home, we had as many and she followed without a problem, even some most would be shocked by.

She started college having no idea why but ended up with Bachelors, Masters, and Doctorate and degrees in Psychology, Social Work and Management of Non-Profit. She runs our foundation. Next Saturday is her wedding, in our back yard. Wonderful guy and we adore his parents. We're so happy and so proud and so sad that she's moving out and forward, even if she's only moving 9 houses away.

We give her parents credit for teaching her right from wrong. They just got caught up in a cult, for lack of any other word, and she had to get help elsewhere. Oh, she's still hated in her hometown by many for tricking the wonderful minister.

A lot of things can change after high school. Kids can still sort out any issues. We hope one day you'll have the joy we have with Tabitha today. His life is just getting started, but until he decides that he's willing to do what it takes, it won't happen. And, in my opinion, your plan won't work, but then I'm not his counselor or yours, just please encourage him to see one and see one yourselves as parents. Here's hoping, even if no guarantees.

 

[psneeld]

I tried to read the above posts but I didnt see much about meeting kids aboard boats going to school.

I have met maybe 10 teenage kids who finished "high school" while cruising with their parents. Most were a mix of home schooling and random time spent in actual schools.

Most kids were well above average in classroom work, and well adjusted.

I would check with a couple svhools near you and see how bouncing back and forth can be accomplished on yours and his schedule. Sometimes the breaks in what kids often see as drudgery make the diffetence.

Good luck.

 

[Steppe]

I'm sorry, but what does all this have to do with trawlers?

There has to be some other "social media" resource to deal with parenting. I understand the OP's pain but geez, go talk with the pros in councilng at your local school or church.

 

[Datenight]

I'm sorry, but what does all this have to do with trawlers?

There has to be some other "social media" resource to deal with parenting. I understand the OP's pain but geez, go talk with the pros in councilng at your local school or church.

Really?
Rob

 

[Benthic2]

The soft approach hasn't worked. If you come up with a plan for him to finish school it will be one more thing he resents about you and your involvement. When he decides a high school diploma is important, he'll get one. Let him make his own plan. Start charging him rent, let him shop and cook for himself. Let him start to see what reality is like. The high school diploma is probably only necessary if he's going to college which probably isn't in the cards yet. Luckily there seems to be labor shortages everywhere. You can be very successful in the trades ( carpenter/electrician/plumber ) without a diploma, there are all sorts of training programs at community colleges like phlebotomy, EMT, lab techs and so on. Stress that you love him and want what is best for him but you are out of ideas. It is time he charted his own course. It will be hard to watch him stumble but those experiences will help him in the long run. Different court systems handle things differently but as a product of the juvy system, they may have training programs, or at least have a list of employers willing to hire someone with a bit of "legal bagage". Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future and as long as he knows you are in his corner, when he decides on what he wants to do, he will ask for help if the lines of communication can stay open. What will be difficult is if he decides he wants to hike the Appalachian Trail, or move to Hawii and be a pro surfer, and you don't approve.....
I would also agree that seeing a therapist would be beneficial for you guys even if he doesn't go. You are on a difficult path and having some guidance from people that understand the particulars of your family dynamic will help you handle your end of things better.

 

[BandB]

Wifey B: Even though you asked publicly, I now wish I'd answered you privately. Best of luck. If you want to discuss further, either publicly or privately, I'll be glad to.

 

[Benthic2]

I realize I didn't really address your original question, so.....

The Alabama Community College System offeres free GED classes or a path to getting a HS Diploma:

High School Diploma Option Program
Did you miss out on your high school diploma because of the graduation exam or because you did not gain enough credits? The Alabama Nontraditional High School Diploma Option (HSDO) was designed just for you! ACCS works with your local high school for you to obtain the requirements that you need to earn your high school diploma. Connect with your nearest Adult Education Provider to find out the steps you need to take to get your diploma!

ACCS.edu for more info.

 

[BruceK]

I'm sorry, but what does all this have to do with trawlers?

There has to be some other "social media" resource to deal with parenting. I understand the OP's pain but geez, go talk with the pros in councilng at your local school or church.

Should not "councilng" be "counseling" or depending on country "counselling"?

 

[BandB]

Should not "councilng" be "counseling" or depending on country "counselling"?

Wifey B: Hard to know what he meant as the pros in Counseling of the type we're suggesting are definitely not in schools or churches.

 

[magna 6882]

It seems to me kids connect good or bad with the other kids at school or there local community. My observation is most people seem to feel lifelong connections to the kids they hung out with before entering adulthood. My kids, now in there fortys still stay tight with there high school friends more then current friendships. I was talking to a professor onetime about a study where they took a hard look at small groups from different areas of the country,poor to rich,and when they relocated one group to the other they assimilated with that area.The reason for this study was to figure out why a county like Haiti couldnt assimilate to a more advanced society. I told my brother about my conversation and he then talked his daughter to move to a more uppity region locally. She married a software tech and is now a school teacher.
Your idea is somewhat along the same lines of this study. Move the subject individual into society that he then will acclimate to to reach a different end .I also do think some therapy to identify any challenges that could need to be addressed before your experiment.

 

[CharlieO.]

Can he be reenrolled in the local school district and receive remote learning?

Sign up for home schooling?

Can set up remote learning. People complete college degrees without ever setting foot on campus.

Can you do boat work together before casting the lines? I'm not necessarily talking major boat jobs, but to test his commitment and willingness to be a part of whole picture. Some of the things you need to work side by side with him in close quarters, some things you need to line him out on independent tasks.

If there is a major issue that boils over while aboard while you are hours away from port? Not like he can just stomp off and disappear for a while to get his space.

Hope your family gets to a positive resolution on this for everyone!

 

[UnalnV]

The soft approach hasn't worked. If you come up with a plan for him to finish school it will be one more thing he resents about you and your involvement. When he decides a high school diploma is important, he'll get one. Let him make his own plan. Start charging him rent, let him shop and cook for himself. Let him start to see what reality is like. The high school diploma is probably only necessary if he's going to college which probably isn't in the cards yet. Luckily there seems to be labor shortages everywhere. You can be very successful in the trades ( carpenter/electrician/plumber ) without a diploma, there are all sorts of training programs at community colleges like phlebotomy, EMT, lab techs and so on. Stress that you love him and want what is best for him but you are out of ideas. It is time he charted his own course. It will be hard to watch him stumble but those experiences will help him in the long run. Different court systems handle things differently but as a product of the juvy system, they may have training programs, or at least have a list of employers willing to hire someone with a bit of "legal bagage". Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future and as long as he knows you are in his corner, when he decides on what he wants to do, he will ask for help if the lines of communication can stay open. What will be difficult is if he decides he wants to hike the Appalachian Trail, or move to Hawii and be a pro surfer, and you don't approve.....
I would also agree that seeing a therapist would be beneficial for you guys even if he doesn't go. You are on a difficult path and having some guidance from people that understand the particulars of your family dynamic will help you handle your end of things better.

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Thanks for the information!

 

[RT Firefly]

Greetings,
Seems Mr. CR hasn't responded and it's been upwards of 2 years. I REALLY hope the young man has found some direction.
Life and social pressures do seem to be radically different now as opposed to when I was growing up although it's VERY difficult to assess as I'm observing from a different age bracket.


I reiterate, anyone has to find a life (in general) that interests them or they will get stuck in the work, eat, sleep, work rut simply to survive with nothing to fulfill that desire that was never achieved and/or devolve into drugs, alcohol and/or crime to escape the demons that will surely arise.

 

[PierreR]

Surprisingly I just went through something like this.
I bought my boat in Louisiana and needed to bring it back to Ohio, I was looking for crew and asked a friend of mine if he would be interested. I certainly did not expect him to come as his is a 9-5 in a job he's in but does not like.

He called me back a day later and said I cannot but my son might be interested. His son, 19 years old did graduate but was totally rudderless and could easily go down the wrong path. His father wanted him to go to college and was hoping I would give the kid a sense of direction.
His son accepted and I picked him up on my way near Tampa. I explained what I needed and medieval maritime law as it relates to things like drugs and asked for his help in remaining legal. I said I would treat him like and adult and not as a kid.

Turns out the kid needed way more sleep than he was getting at home. About 10 hours a day to clear his head. He would get up and help me get underway and sleep for another 3-4 hours. That was fine with me as long as I could count on him when I needed to.

I did not approach the adult child relationship and conversed like an adult to adult. It did not take long to have life's examples on display. the derelicts were on full display. Him " Why do people live that way and why don't they get run out?" Me "Remember the medieval laws and it all starts with a dream. The wind is free but catching it is not and this is the unintended consequences of that reality. None of these folks expected to end up in their situation." Him " do they ever sink and what do they do then?" Me" They swim ashore and lose everything and its then someone else's expensive problem." The power of that without relating it to his situation was powerful. The opulence on display? But are they happy and do they have a fulfilling life? Lesson; you are in the drivers seat and your choices matter without a child adult conversation. I encouraged him to talk to a lot of people. He found the rich to be upbeat and engaging and the pour to generally be their own worst enemy.

He finally started to ask questions about his future, not wanting to end up on a derelict due to unintended consequences. Those conversations went right to passion and common sense. I exude and inspire both.

He finally shared with me his dream of wanting to be a professional ski instructor to make a living. He knew that I was in the top one tenth of a percent of alpine skiers and knew the path and the realities of that dream.
Long story short, I agreed to mentor as long as he bought in 100%. I had been working on a system of teaching that bypasses 95% of the learning curve to high level skiing. He bought in 100% and I took him from intermediate to high level skier in two months with no snow in sight. I could not be more thrilled.

His father skis a a high level and ended up losing his job because he had no passion for it and is following the same dream. Miracles are possible, I only wish I was much younger, I have skied for 64 years. Yup, not very compatible with trawlers and snow birding.

You may not be the right person to bring you son around as there is always the father child relationship. Follow passion and seek common sense and life is quite full filling.
Bottom line; What are you pretending not to know and what is your son pretending not to know?

 

[RT Firefly]

Greetings,
Mr. PR. Thanks. Rudderless is a good description and it meshes well with my comment (post #2) "adrift". All too many young people and I'm NOT limiting this to teens, as such, really haven't found their niche. Hell, I didn't find MY life's calling until I was 22. Pure academia didn't interest me. I loved, and still do, working with my hands.


MY opinion only:



As I see the current educational system it is STILL geared toward the lame, stale "Go to college and get a good job" mantra and any alternative is poo-pooed by both the schools and a lot of parents. I still think the basic 3 R's are absolutely necessary but beyond that....


Schools are great for a good part of the younger folks BUT those that are essentially bored with the system fall by the wayside. Their enormous potential to excel in a "non-traditional field" is stifled by the very mechanism that is attempting to "educate" them. They are labeled failures and pushed aside. Therein lies the source of Demons! (IMO). Drugs and alcohol were mentioned. Yep, dope/drunk up and those demons disappear...for as long as the mind is numbed. Rest assured as some know, said demons "magically" pup up again. Gee, who knew? Certainly not the user. He/she doesn't even recognize those demons for what they are. Only the reality that the abused substances make them go away. Eventually the law gets involved. Don't even get me started on the penal system! Punish. Don't reform. More demons.





As parents our "job" is to nurture and bring up the child and help them succeed in what THEY eventually choose to do NOT what we think they should be doing hence the question I posed in my post "Does he have ANY interests, at all?....Music? Art? Building repairing "stuff"? Animals?"


Mr. PR. As you found out, your friend's son loved skiing and I applaud your actions to steer him in this direction.


Many have mentioned counseling or the church. Sorry. THAT wouldn't be my approach at all especially NOT the church. 1000% NOT THE CHURCH!
The young man in question (OP's son) is befuddled enough.



We've got 2 kids. Each took an entirely different (both educational and career) life's path and both are happy successful at what they've chosen to do.


I do hope Mr. CR will give us an update-either good or bad. Thanks

 

[kthoennes]

I read this relatively short thread with interest when it popped up in 2022, but never posted anything. We've got two boys that have been a huge challenge in many ways, but if there's one thing I've learned, every situation and kid's personality and family dynamic is unique so I was (and still am) reluctant to offer my opinion to the OP and offer kid advice. We may both be in the same war (to use an extreme metaphor) but different trenches. I will make one observation though, one generality that I do think is valid. I know everybody likes to beat up on modern education, but I do think that's a generally valid view. I think the lazy, weak, low-standards, low-expectations, over-funded, feel-good, over-administered and under-taught educational system has contributed to a lot of this aimless drifting. I'm not even talking about regular academics (although that's a disaster too in my opinion). Even in the trades -- for example, when I was in high school the "shop kids" completely disassembled and reassembled an entire (donated) car every year. That kind of thing almost never happens now at the HS level. We have enough income to send our kids to probably the best school in our city, and it is good in many ways, but it's also shocking at what our boys don't know. The time off is outrageous -- they'll soon go into a nearly three week Christmas break with no school, and zero homework in the meantime. I could go on but when kids go through years of low expectations, it does precious little to build character. Parents have to do it in other ways instead, or the kids have to be exceptionally self-motivated.

I say all this not to just randomly vent, but to make the point that the posts above about expectations and crewing boats and building personal discipline and focus and goals with adult-ish challenges like (serious) boating are right on target. They won't get it in schools anymore. Now the kids have to forge character and focus and practical accomplishments elsewhere, like in the engine bay of a pitching boat -- and some never do.

(I see RT isn't a fan of church. I have the completely opposite opinion, faith is the bedrock of my life and our family. Even so, when it comes to building kids' character I think the problem is that the culture is deeply and overwhelmingly hostile to all that "church stuff" and it can so easily and quickly fall away once the kids leave a Christian family bubble. I worry about that bubble all the time (not only faith but even something as mundane as the limited time I have left to teach them anything useful and mechanical so they're not helpless as adults). I know "church kids" are certainly not perfect by any means but I think in general I'd rather have our teens in a church youth group outing or a Christian summer camp, than in the "general population," given a choice. At least in those environments they're encouraged to think about their own character and duty and virtue and behavior. They certainly don't get it anywhere else. And I'd rather have them sailing than at some tailgate party at the end of a dirt road somewhere.)