Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
 
Old 05-13-2021, 11:42 PM   #1
Veteran Member
 
City: Pacific Northwest
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 25
Anyone choose the boat over the woman?

Iíve got a great girlfriend of about two years whom I love, but sheís decided she wants absolutely nothing to do with the cruiser lifestyle. Wonít live on a boat. Wonít travel on a boat. Wonít vacation on a boat. Refuses to even spend one night on a boat.

I was up front when we met that cruising is my retirement plan. Told her this before our first date and she was receptive, but has now changed her mind. I want to see the world but I love the comforts of my own home. Donít really like hotels and despise commercial air travel. Figure Iíll buy a floating home I can take with me.

Itís not for lack of comfort here. Iím looking at power catamarans in the 80 foot range. Some of them have more square feet than my house. Anyway, itís come down to an ultimatum and it seems Iím the bad guy for choosing the boat. Really Iím choosing a lifestyle Iíve dreamed of and been working toward for about two decades now.

Has anyone had to make a similar choice? Howíd it turn out? Iím content to do this alone if I must, I quite enjoy my own company, but I sure would love a good woman by my side. Iíll have to let this one go, sadly, but thereís a part of me that wonders if finding a cruising partner will be more difficult than I thought.
__________________
Advertisement

boatlife is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-13-2021, 11:56 PM   #2
Guru
 
tiltrider1's Avatar
 
City: Seattle
Vessel Name: AZZURRA
Vessel Model: Ocean Alexander 54
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 2,582
It never comes down to boat vs woman. There were obviously other issues as well. It sounds like the decision was made so don’t dwell on it, move forward. It is important to be honest to others but it is important to be honest with yourself. It’s possible that she was receptive to the boat idea but later discovered that the boat scared her, who knows, doesn't matter now.

You are more likely to find a cruising partner on the water than on the land.
__________________

tiltrider1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-14-2021, 12:00 AM   #3
TF Site Team
 
Comodave's Avatar
 
City: Au Gres, MI
Vessel Name: Never Say Never
Vessel Model: President 41 DC
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 11,852
We are having our 50th anniversary this year and are currently looking for our 24th boat. We spent most of our dating time on boats. However I got a great one. Neighbor across the street met a woman, told her of his love for boats and boating, told her if she wasnít interested in boats to drop their relationship. Got married, had a baby the next year, divorced the following year since she lied to him about boats. Point is you and she need to have a frank discussion about what each of you want. Then either decide to proceed or not, donít let it go to marriage because one of you will end up resenting the other. Better to hash it out before you marry than to divorce, no one wins then except the lawyers. Good luck.
__________________
Boat Nut:
If you are one there is no explanation necessary.
If you arenít one, there is no explanation possible.
Comodave is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-14-2021, 12:07 AM   #4
Enigma
 
RT Firefly's Avatar
 
City: Slicker?
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 15,575
Greetings,
Mr. b. Just wasn't meant to be I suppose. I agree with Mr. t. Other issues. Hidden from you, for now, perhaps but...
__________________
RTF
RT Firefly is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-14-2021, 12:19 AM   #5
Guru
 
MurrayM's Avatar
 
City: Kitimat, North Coast BC
Vessel Name: Badger
Vessel Model: 30' Sundowner Tug
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 7,567
Quote:
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

Mark Twain


Get the boat.

Start the Dream.

The rest will follow
__________________
"The most interesting path between two points is not a straight line" MurrayM
MurrayM is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 05-14-2021, 01:14 AM   #6
Guru
 
BruceK's Avatar
 
City: Sydney
Vessel Name: Sojourn
Vessel Model: Integrity 386
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 12,326
Put directly, she has reneged on the deal you jointly made. The lawyer in me says "estoppel", the human says "commiserations.

Live your dream. Good things will follow.
__________________
BruceK
2005 Integrity 386 "Sojourn"
Sydney Australia
BruceK is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-14-2021, 04:21 AM   #7
Moderator Emeritus
 
ksanders's Avatar
 
City: SEWARD ALASKA
Vessel Name: LISAS WAY
Vessel Model: BAYLINER 4788
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 5,026
Lots of guys cruise alone.

Lots of guys that used to be married that chose a boating lifestyle post relationship.

Live your dream, you only get one shot at life.
__________________
Kevin Sanders
Bayliner 4788
Seward, Alaska
ksanders is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 05-14-2021, 04:59 AM   #8
Veteran Member
 
City: Vermont
Join Date: Sep 2020
Posts: 69
I too was upfront with my girlfriend, that my retirement plan was to live aboard and do some cruising. Fast forward eight years later she says "why wait? Lets just do it now."....We are starting our earnest boat shopping this weekend.
CharlieO. is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-14-2021, 07:00 AM   #9
Guru
 
mvweebles's Avatar
 
City: Saint Petersburg
Vessel Name: Weebles
Vessel Model: 1970 Willard 36 Trawler
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 2,623
Careful Boatlife. You're asking a boating forum about a boat they know vs a partner they don't. You've gotten responses from people who, on average, have over 10k posts on this forum, a proverbial echo chamber.

Pretty sure the concensus would be different if you posted to some sort of relationship healing forum.

Good partners are hard to find - good boats aren't. I know, it's about the lifestyle, not the boat. All I can say is make doubly sure you have exhausted all avenues before you pull the rip cord. Guys sometimes latch onto dreams such as living on a boat - the glamor can fade over time leaving you searching for the next dream
.....alone.

Maybe an RV instead of a boat. Who knows.

Good luck.

Peter
__________________
M/V Weebles
1970 Willard 36 Sedan Trawler
Current Location: Ensenada MX
mvweebles is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-14-2021, 07:21 AM   #10
JLD
Guru
 
City: Maryland
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 731
I think if you are asking it's already a foregone conclusion.

Jim
JLD is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-14-2021, 07:26 AM   #11
Veteran Member
 
City: Victoria B.C.
Join Date: Apr 2021
Posts: 32
Boat life, better lose the dame and go for the boat.
JWellington is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-14-2021, 07:29 AM   #12
Guru
 
OldDan1943's Avatar
 
City: Aventura FL
Vessel Name: Kinja
Vessel Model: American Tug 34 #116
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 7,623
Quote:
Originally Posted by MurrayM View Post
Get the boat.

Start the Dream.

The rest will follow


Once you find the boat that satisfies your needs, go for it. I hate to sound crass but, you can alway find another traveling companion.

WHY MARRY?
IF she insists on marriage, perhaps she wants more more more, including your estate, the one you planned on giving to your kids or relatives.
I dont know your age but, think twice about having or adopting kids. That's a sure way for her to get her hooks into your estate.

You need two more things beyond the boat, a vasectomy and a very strong, well defined pre-nup. The pre-nup saved my ass. LOL IF the woman refuses to sign a prenup, pray tell, that should give you a hint about her motives.

Yea yea, I know. I am a mean, nasty, selfish, self-centered, inconsiderate old bastard and SOB (and perhaps a 1/2 dozen other things). That's just me.

You want to leave her something? Leave her the boat to sell. That should bring her a pretty penny.

I can be sweet as apple pie until I sense I am being taken for a ride.
__________________
The meek will inherit the earth but, the brave will inherit the seas.
OldDan1943 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-14-2021, 07:55 AM   #13
Veteran Member
 
Selidster's Avatar
 
City: Trinidad, CA, USA
Vessel Name: Lemonade
Vessel Model: Kadey Krogen 42 - 016
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 85
I agree with JLD. If your asking its already your conclusion. But your looking for confirmation. Personally I believe in YOLO. If you don't live your dream you'll resent her and that could destroy the relationship. You don't want to go to your death bed say "I wish I had......" just my perspective.
Selidster is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-14-2021, 08:02 AM   #14
Guru
 
Blissboat's Avatar
 
City: Jacksonville Beach, FL
Vessel Name: Shallow Minded
Vessel Model: Shoal Cat
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 665
When a partner makes you feel like "the bad guy" because what you want is different than what she wants, the issue may have little to do with boats or boating. Not knowing either of you, that's a shot in the dark, but maybe something to consider - this time or next time.
__________________
"Less judgment than wit is more sail than ballast. Yet it must be confessed that wit give an edge to sense, and recommends it extremely." ~ William Penn
Blissboat is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-14-2021, 08:10 AM   #15
Guru
 
oscar's Avatar
 
City: Bethlehem, PA
Vessel Name: Lady Kay V
Vessel Model: 1978 Hatteras 53MY
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 1,107
When we were dating I took her out on Lake Erie on a J-22. And we're not talking a few hour sail, we're talking three day cruises. We had a 5 gallon bucket for a head and 4 bottles of wine. We had a ball. THEN I married her. That was 30 years, 5 boats and 6 RV's ago. We're STILL having fun cruising and glamping.

Like someone above said, if you're here asking the question here you've answered it. Just get the nasty bit over with and move on. And don't tell her it's about the boat. Tell her "It's not gonna work." It'll be the truth.
__________________
https://ladykay.blog/
oscar is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-14-2021, 08:40 AM   #16
Guru
 
Soo-Valley's Avatar
 
City: Gulf Islands, BC Canada
Vessel Name: Soo Valley
Vessel Model: Grand Banks 36
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 2,550
I heard that women have a gene that allows them to believe they can change the man into their vision. So they agree to everything until the knot is tied, then go to work in shaping the man. So I heard.
__________________
SteveK AKA Soo Valley
You only need one working engine. That is why I have two.
Soo-Valley is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-14-2021, 08:53 AM   #17
Guru
 
City: Currently hiding out in Smith, NV, USA
Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 732
To paraphrase someone famous who I canít recall, when there is doubtÖthere should be no doubt.

I agree that advice here will be somewhat skewed

That said, one of the friction points of my marriage (we all have them) is my wife assenting to my crazy passions over the years and then backtracking. More my fault that hers probably, but another old saying comes to mind:

One who is convinced against [her]will, remains unconvinced still. Iím still learning that.
Alaskaflyer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-14-2021, 08:53 AM   #18
Guru
 
City: Currently hiding out in Smith, NV, USA
Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 732
Quote:
Originally Posted by Soo-Valley View Post
I heard that women have a gene that allows them to believe they can change the man into their vision. So they agree to everything until the knot is tied, then go to work in shaping the man. So I heard.


Men want their women to never change and are disappointed.

Women want their men to change, and are disappointed.
Alaskaflyer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-14-2021, 08:58 AM   #19
Enigma
 
RT Firefly's Avatar
 
City: Slicker?
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 15,575
Greetings,
Mr. mv. With all due respect, this "proverbial echo chamber" disagrees. Mr. b has his dream. Been going on 20 some years. Whether or not it is simply a pipe dream, he should pursue it IMO. Might be a catastrophe, might not.



Relationships are NOT 50/50. They are 100/100 with each side contributing all they can for their partners happiness. A lot of compromises and also a lot of putting oneself out simply to make the other happy.



We too are going on 50+ years together. About 40 years ago, the mem-saab was hot to buy a vacation property (cottage). We very seriously looked all one summer and never quite found anything within our budget. THEN!, I got the idea of "let's get a boat". To say my mate was reluctant is an understatement BUT eventually she acquiesced and we bought our first boat. I DID agree that we would try it for a season and it would be sold if she didn't like the "lifestyle".


Long story short, immediately after our first trip I was informed that I would be in major, major shyte if I sold the boat. We've been boating, ever since. She is my best friend and I would do anything for her. I can't speak for her but I would like to think she would do the same for me. My wife is a saint!
__________________
RTF
RT Firefly is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-14-2021, 09:00 AM   #20
Veteran Member
 
Mr. Ed's Avatar
 
City: Edgewater, MD
Vessel Name: Barbara Ann
Vessel Model: Ranger Tug R31-S
Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 27
If you choose the woman, you'll probably always resent her for making you give up the boat. That feeling will fester and at some point will likely sabotage the relationship. If she forced herself to accept the boat, she might grow to like it, but probably would always resent it and it would eventually sabotage the relationship. Nobody ever won a prize for choosing to make themselves unhappy. Follow your instinct, and you'll have a happy, aquatic life.
__________________

Mr. Ed is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



» Trawler Port Captains
Port Captains are TF volunteers who can serve as local guides or assist with local arrangements and information. Search below to locate Port Captains near your destination. To learn more about this program read here: TF Port Captain Program





All times are GMT -5. The time now is 02:15 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 4
Copyright ©2000 - 2021, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0
Copyright 2006 - 2012
×