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Old 05-14-2021, 09:19 PM   #61
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I had a husband (now deceased), have a daughter, SIL and two grandsons! I love them to pieces!
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Old 05-15-2021, 12:02 AM   #62
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Greetings,
Mr. k. I had exactly the same thought. Thanks.


That looks like a relative in law on the wife side of outlaws.
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Old 05-15-2021, 09:43 AM   #63
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My 2cents? If she won't even get on a boat to look at one,she's trying to change you into someone you're not.
It seems like "most "women want to turn us into that "perfect"man. And there isn't one out there. She's trying to kill your dream. I've lost 3 girlfriends over boats. No biggie. I love my old Grand Banks, and she treats me good. She doesn't want me to change, unlike the 3 ex's.
Bottom line? You dodged a bullet. Be glad you found out now,and not AFTER you had bought your boat.
Live your dream Capt.
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Old 05-15-2021, 10:37 AM   #64
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My 2cents? If she won't even get on a boat to look at one,she's trying to change you into someone you're not.
It seems like "most "women want to turn us into that "perfect"man. And there isn't one out there. She's trying to kill your dream. I've lost 3 girlfriends over boats. No biggie. I love my old Grand Banks, and she treats me good. She doesn't want me to change, unlike the 3 ex's.
Bottom line? You dodged a bullet. Be glad you found out now,and not AFTER you had bought your boat.
Live your dream Capt.
Wifey B: Just as he's trying to change her into someone she isn't. Don't place the blame on her as it's both of them equally.

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Old 05-15-2021, 10:54 AM   #65
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If she won't even get on a boat to look at one,she's trying to change you into someone you're not.

But he's trying to change her into someone she's not.

It seems like "most "women want to turn us into that "perfect"man. And there isn't one out there.

And most of you who've posted here want to turn US into the "perfect " woman that doesn't exist either. It's not surprising that so many of you have multiple exes..."my way or the highway" isn't the basis for good relationships.

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Old 05-15-2021, 11:35 AM   #66
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If she won't even get on a boat to look at one,she's trying to change you into someone you're not.

But he's trying to change her into someone she's not.

It seems like "most "women want to turn us into that "perfect"man. And there isn't one out there.

And most of you who've posted here want to turn US into the "perfect " woman that doesn't exist either. It's not surprising that so many of you have multiple exes..."my way or the highway" isn't the basis for good relationships.

--Peggie
Wifey B: YAY Peggie!

It is amazing to read how one sided their comments are. I'm so disappointed at how many see this as her fault. It'd definitely both. And you're being quite ugly. but very right in pointing our how many here have multiple exes. It's like sitting around (and same with a bunch of women as with a bunch of men) and the ones who want to give you matrimonial or relationship advice are the ones on their umpteenth spouse with many additional failed relationships.

So, I'll give you my take. People don't talk enough up front as they're scared to deal with real issues. They don't discuss those things really important to them. They're afraid of subjects that might be problematic. This relationship could have been resolved on the day these two met with open and honest discussion.

Dating should be a time of discovery. However, seems like couples are afraid of what they might discover. Easy if your entire relationship is going our for dinner, shows, tourist activities, and sex. Movie is like the most useless date as you sit quietly for 2 hours and don't talk. I see couples who never discuss children and find out he wants a large family and she wants no kids. It's not his fault for wanting many or her fault for wanting none. It's their fault for never talking it out. There are many issues that must be resolved or you're doomed. Living on a boat full time vs never getting on a boat even once is a pretty big divide and insanity to be talking about it at this late point.
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Old 05-15-2021, 11:50 AM   #67
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There is something warm and fuzzy having two perfect women explaining how to find a perfect woman.
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Old 05-15-2021, 12:13 PM   #68
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There is something warm and fuzzy having two perfect women explaining how to find a perfect woman.
Wifey B:

Actually just pointing out finding a partner, regardless, and that those who always blame the other for failed relationships are not likely to be on the path to success. I didn't even indicate it as an issue of either sex.

Funny thing about the perfect man or woman. Only takes one other person to believe she or he is that. 99.9999999% of the men or women around would have run far away from me in the first six months of dating if not the first night. Neither of us had ever been in a serious relationship and neither believed they were ever likely to be.

Funniest is that superficially and at first glance, hubby and I would have seemed to most about as opposite and likely incompatible as any two people could be. Wild young girl vs distinguished serious business man. I think of Promises Promises when he is so elated to discover she likes basketball. Well, I like basketball, but hubby and I talked and talked about our lives, our aspirations, our likes and dislikes, our fears and insecurities, our values.

Dating is typically such a lousy way to figure things out. Nice restaurant is fun. Movie or concert is fun. Sex is fun. Ok, we're perfect for happily ever after then. Omg what bs, what an artificial pretense dating can be. I've seen couples date for months and know nothing about each other.

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Old 05-15-2021, 12:54 PM   #69
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George and Ruth--a real couple, btw (see my first post)--managed to have it both ways, so it is possible... IF both people want it to be.

It's not only during dating that people don't talk enough. So many couples divorce after about 20 years because they invested all their energy in their children and their own careers, none in their own relationship...and find that they no longer have a relationship once the kids have grown up and left home. So instead of trying to rebuild their relationship, the husband bails out of the marriage and goes in search of the "perfect" woman....and that's what's wrong with your comment, Steve:

There is something warm and fuzzy having two perfect women explaining how to find a perfect woman

They don't exist!!



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Old 05-15-2021, 01:01 PM   #70
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Owned the GB42 when I met my future wife. After lunch that first day, I took her out for and afternoon run to the barrier island; just a three-hour tour. Five months later we were married, and have enjoyed boating together ever since. She is the one who misses the GB after we sold it than I ever will.
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Old 05-15-2021, 01:17 PM   #71
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Old 05-15-2021, 06:22 PM   #72
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Maybe there's nobody to blame...

I always say none of us really knows what goes on behind bedroom doors so never assume one or the other is to "blame".

But I will say, if she won't even try something you are really interested in....I personally wouldnt give her a second chance,

I have been through my share and women destined for boating are not plentiful. Daytripping...no problem...leaving family behind...not in their makeup. Works for some but not the majority in my experience. Nesting is a strong personality trait. Heck lots of guys have it too, so the reverse of a woman cruiser looking for a cruising man could be difficult also. But again my experience is at least 10 to 1 men solo cruisers to women. And many of the women cruisers I have met arent all that interested in men.

Really depends on you....some people hate doing things alone and want a close companion, some can go good lengths of time without anyone....its a hard decision what you are..

Chose wrong now and a great companion but not cruiser might be gone....but don't choose and a dream might be gone.....or turn to crap in the future. I hated those times I chose one over the other as it went back and forth more than a couple of times..

I have cruised with a good travelling companion with benefits for years....but ultimately we had to separate as we were too different on some topics.

Things have worked out for now....but I have had a lifetime of boating and heavy cruising might be behind me so other activities are looking good....but still keeping the trawler.

Good luck.
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Old 05-15-2021, 06:53 PM   #73
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Have the boat before the woman. Then when she leaves, you still have the boat, your life isn't disrupted. You don't have to pack up, no transition payments, you just sail away.

Years ago I went on a quest for a woman that was no trouble. Eventually I gave up. Not only did I not find one, I never even heard of one.
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Old 05-15-2021, 07:19 PM   #74
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You ladies defending the girl: She knew what his plans were as they started the relationship. If she had a problem with the plans, that was the time to voice them. Not two years later.

And then to not even want to talk about it? That is unreasonable.

The guy should not have his decades old dream quashed. He should continue with her invited, her choice whether to join, or not.
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Old 05-15-2021, 07:37 PM   #75
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You ladies defending the girl: She knew what his plans were as they started the relationship. If she had a problem with the plans, that was the time to voice them. Not two years later.

And then to not even want to talk about it? That is unreasonable.

The guy should not have his decades old dream quashed. He should continue with her invited, her choice whether to join, or not.
Wifey B: She knew and he knew her stance. At no point did he ever say her stance changed. I do agree he should continue without her and she should continue without him. You don't invite partners, you plan together and clearly they can't.

If her aversion to boating isn't a new revelation, he has nothing to complain about. If it's a new revelation then they have even more serious issues. Either way they should part now as they don't love each other in a way that can make it work.
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Old 05-15-2021, 09:40 PM   #76
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seems to me that these two are not compatible.

A couple must either have similar dreams, or one of them needs enough love to give up their dreams for their partner.
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Old 05-15-2021, 10:02 PM   #77
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seems to me that these two are not compatible.

A couple must either have similar dreams, or one of them needs enough love to give up their dreams for their partner.
Wifey B: and they don't have it and neither has enough love to change. No one's fault. Just the facts.
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Old 05-15-2021, 10:22 PM   #78
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Had a flashback. (not directed at anyone)
This thread reminded me of Ann Landers who was actually a man giving this type of advice to people with the same questions. That was some 50 years ago? Nothing changes.
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Old 05-15-2021, 10:41 PM   #79
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Wifey B: and they don't have it and neither has enough love to change. No one's fault. Just the facts.
Exactly! Not all relationships can or should be salvaged, even decades long ones.

It does not have to be anyones fault. We all have one chance at this life and in the end what matters is how happy we were along the way.

In the end we all die alone.
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Old 05-15-2021, 10:56 PM   #80
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Wifey B: She knew and he knew her stance. At no point did he ever say her stance changed. I do agree he should continue without her and she should continue without him. You don't invite partners, you plan together and clearly they can't.

If her aversion to boating isn't a new revelation, he has nothing to complain about. If it's a new revelation then they have even more serious issues. Either way they should part now as they don't love each other in a way that can make it work.
Look at the first two paragraphs of post #1. According to him, she did change her stance.
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