Humor

FF · Apr 2, 2012

[FONT=&quot]IRISH[/FONT] GHOST STORY

[FONT=&quot]This story happened a while ago in Dublin, and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's true.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a big storm. The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stopped.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]John , desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got into the car and closed the door... only to realize there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on.
The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life. Then, just before the car hit the curve, a hand appeared out of nowhere through the window, and turned the wheel.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]John , paralyzed with terror, watched as the hand came through the window, but never touched or harmed him.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Shortly thereafter, John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road, so, gathering strength; he jumped out of the car and ran to it. Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just had.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realized he was crying... and wasn't drunk.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Suddenly, the door opened, and two other people walked in from the dark and stormy night. They, like John , were also soaked and out of breath.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at
the bar, one said to the other,

"Look Paddy....there's that idiot that got in the car while we were pushing it!"[/FONT]

BaltimoreLurker · Apr 2, 2012

The Pumpkin Patch

Recently, a female police officer arrested Patrick Lawrence , 22 year old white male, fornicating with a pumpkin in the middle of the night.

The next day, at the Gwinnett County (GA) courthouse, Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behaviour, public indecency and public intoxication.

The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking session when he decided to stop, ‘You know how a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles or at least I thought there wasn't anyone around’ he stated.

Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his pressing need. ‘Guess I was really into it, you know?’ he commented with evident embarrassment.

In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed to notice an approaching police car and was unaware of his audience until Officer Brenda Taylor approached him.

‘It was an unusual situation, that’s for sure,’ said Officer Taylor. ‘I walked up to Lawrence and he’s just banging away at this pumpkin.’

Officer Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence .

‘I said: ‘Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're having sex with a pumpkin??’

He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he looked me straight in the face and said:‘A pumpkin? **** … is it midnight already?’

The Washington Post wrote an article describing this as ‘Best come-back line ever.’

dwhatty · Apr 2, 2012

Good one.

RT Firefly · Apr 4, 2012

Greetings,
Ever wonder what that Nigerian you sent all your money to looks like ?

skipperdude · Apr 10, 2012

DANGEROUS

SAFER

SAFEST

ULTRA SAFE

What's for
dinner?

Can I help you
with dinner?

Where would you like
to go for dinner?

Here, have some wine.

Are you
wearing that?

You sure
look good in brown!

WOW! Look at you!

Here, have some wine

What are you
so worked up about?

Could we be
overreacting?

Here's my paycheck.

Here, have some wine.

Should you be
eating that?

You know, there are
a lot of apples left.

Can I get you a piece
of chocolate with that?

Here, have some wine.

What did you
DO all day?

I hope you didn't
over-do it today.

I've always loved you
in that robe!

Here, have some wine.

ARoss · Apr 19, 2012

Passport Application

PASSPORT APPLICATION LETTER

THIS IS PRICELESS:ACTUAL PASSPORT APPLICATION LETTER SENT BACK TO STATE DEPARTMENT

Dear Mrs. Ms. Or Sir:

I'm in the process of renewing my passport and still cannot believe this.

How is it that Radio Shack has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a cable TV from them in 1987 (23 years ago), and yet, the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date.

For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand? Ever heard of computers?

My birth date you have in my social security file. It's on EVERY income tax form I've filed for the past 30 years. It's on my Medicare health insurance card and my driver's license, it's on the last eight damn passports I've had, it's on every s tupid customs declaration form I've had to fill out before being allowed off the plane for the last 30 years. And it's on all those census forms that we have to do at election times.

Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Maryanne, my father's name is Robert and I'm reasonably confident that neither name is likely to change between now and when I die.

Between you an' me, I've had enough of this bureaucratic bullshit!

You send the application to my house, then you ask me for
my #*&#%*& address.

What is going on? You must have a gang of bureaucratic Neanderthal morons working there!

Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? And "No," I don't want to dig up Yasser Arafat, for **** sakes. I just want to go and park my ass on a sandy beach. And would someone please tell me, why would you give a damn whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days?

If I ever got the urge to do somethi ng weird to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, I'd sure as hell not want to tell anyone!

Well, I have to go now because I have to go to the other end of the city and get another #*@&#^@*@& copy of my birth certificate to the tune of $100.

Would it be so difficult to have all the services in the same area so I could get a new passport the same day? Nooooo, that would require planning and organization. And it would be too logical for the @&^*^%@% government.

You'd rather have us running all over the place like chickens with our heads cut off. Then, we have to find some ******* to confirm that it's really me in the damn picture - you know, the one where we're not allowed to smile... Hey, you know why we can't smile?

We're totally pissed off!

Signed

- An Irate Citizen.

P.S. Remember what I wrote about getting someone to confirm that the picture is me? Well, my family has been in the United States of America since 177 6. I have served in the military for something over 35 years and have had security clearances up the ying yang. However, I have to get someone important to verify who I am - you know, someone like my doctor....... WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN INDIA!

And you a**holes want to run our health care system?????

RT Firefly · Apr 20, 2012

Greetings,
Two fellows meet at an airport.
"Well hello Bob. We haven't seen each other in 30 years. How have you been and what are you up to?"
"Hello Arthur, good to see you. Yes it's been a long time. Well, I'm an insurance salesman, pretty successful, have two wonderful kids and three grand kids who I adore but I'm married to the spawn of Satan. Other than that, things are OK."
They chatted about old times for a while longer whereupon Bob asked...
"What have you been up to Arthur?"
Well Bob, I'm a hit man for the Mafia and rolling in dough. 22 year old girlfriend and drive a new car every year. Sorry to hear you're in such bad shape, wife wise. Tell you what. Since we were such pals in college, how's about I "solve" your wife problem?"
"Well....I don't know Arthur...."
"Awc'mon Bob, I'll do it for a buck!"
After a bit more coaxing, Bob agreed and gave Arthur her schedule...
"She does her grocery shopping every Thursday at 10 o'clock".
They parted company and Bob thought nothing more of it.
The following Thursday Arthur stalks Mrs. Satan at the store follows her out to the parking lot where he chokes her to death. The store clerk sees this and Arthur chokes him too. The head cashier witnesses the whole thing and Arthur does her in as well. By this time the police show up and make the arrest.
The next day the newspaper headlines read "ARTY CHOKES 3 FOR A DOLLAR AT PIGGLY WIGGLY.

Peter B · Apr 23, 2012

Awww those last two were good. I'll have to relay those to the family...

jeffnick · Apr 25, 2012

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.

PMS jokes aren't funny; period.

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

We're going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pointless.

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes give me the cr�s.

Velcro, what a rip off!

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

The earthquake in Washington obviously was the government's fault.

Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.

FF · May 4, 2012

WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:

Men Are Just Happier People --

What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack...

You can be President.

You can never be pregnant.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you,

He or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough..

You almost never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes..

Everything on your face stays its original color.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, even decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.

One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives

On December 24 in 25 minutes.

___________________________________

Men Are Just Happier People

NICKNAMES

If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and WWWildman

EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS

A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

this is so true

ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

SO, send this to the women who have a sense of humor and who can handle it .... and to the men who will enjoy reading it.

Gulf Comanche · May 9, 2012

There's an old sea story about a ship's Captain who inspected his sailors, and afterward told the first mate that his men smelled bad.

The Captain suggested perhaps it would help if the sailors would change underwear occasionally.

The first mate responded, "Aye, aye, sir, I'll see to it immediately!"

The first mate went straight to the sailors' berth deck and announced, "The Captain thinks you guys smell bad and wants you to change your underwear."

He continued, "Pittman, you change with Jones, McCarthy, you change with Witkowski, and Brown, you change with Schultz."

THE MORAL OF THE STORY:

Someone may come along and promise "Change"

But don't count on things smelling any better.

FF · May 11, 2012

> *Gun Collector* > > You may have heard on the news about a southern California man > put under 72-hour psychiatric observation when it was found he > owned 100 guns and allegedly had (by rough estimate) 100,000 > rounds of ammunition stored in his home. The house also featured > a secret escape tunnel. > My favorite quote from the dimwit television reporter: "Wow! He > has about a quarter million machine gun bullets." > The headline referred to it as a "massive weapons cache!" > > By southern California standards someone owning 100,000 rounds > would be called "mentally unstable." > > Just imagine if he lived elsewhere: > > In Arizona, he'd be called "an avid gun collector." > > In Arkansas, he'd be called "a novice gun collector." > > In Utah, he'd be called "moderately well prepared," but they'd > probably reserve judgment until they made sure that he had a > corresponding quantity of stored food. > > In Colorado and Montana, he'd be called "The neighborhood > 'Go-To' guy." > > In Idaho, he'd be called "a likely gubernatorial candidate." > > In Wyoming, he'd be called "an eligible bachelor." > > In Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama and Texas he would > be called "a deer hunting buddy." > > And, in Tennessee, he's just "Bubba" who's short on ammo. > >

FF · May 28, 2012

I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair. But, by turning to religion,

I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam,

and we're stoning her in the morning.

~ ~ ~

The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers,

so I did ... she's 21 and her name's Lucy.

~ ~ ~

Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting, "pedophile" and other names at me, just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.

~ ~ ~

My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said, "Son, that's three schools this year. You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."

~ ~ ~

The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries.

~ ~ ~

A man calls 911 and says, "I think my wife is dead." The operator says, "How do you know?" He says, "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up."

~ ~ ~

My girlfriend says she thinks that I might be a stalker.

Well ... she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.

~ ~ ~

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You obviously haven't been listening."

~ ~ ~

My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst. So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back.

~ ~ ~

The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we could contribute towards the floods in Pakistan . I said we'd love to, but our garden hose only reaches to the driveway.

~

Larry M · May 29, 2012

Future CEO.

FF · May 30, 2012

Stuff you didn't know you didn't know!

-------------------------------------------
Men can read smaller
print than women can; women can hear better.
--------------------- --------- --------- ----

Coca-Cola was originally green.
--------------------- --------- --------- ----

It is impossible to lick your elbow.
--------------------- --------- --------- ----

The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work:

Alaska
--------------------- --------- --------- ----

The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%
(now get this...)

--------------------- --------- --------- ----

The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
--------------- ------ --------- --------- --------- ---------------

The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven:

$ 16,400
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

The average number of people airborne over the U..S. in any given hour:

61,000
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

The first novel ever written on a typewriter, Tom Sawyer.
-- ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------

The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:

Spades - King David

Hearts - Charlemagne

Clubs -Alexander, the Great

Diamonds - Julius Caesar

--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987, 654,321
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4, John Hancock and
Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added
until 5 years later.

--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?

A. Their birthplace

--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?

A. Obsession
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Q.. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the
letter 'A'?

A. One thousand
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers have in
common?

A. All were invented by women.

--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?

A. Honey

--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year?

A. Father's Day

--------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled
on the ropes, the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the
phrase...'Goodnight , sleep tight'.

--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding,
the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a
honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey
month, which we know today as the honeymoon.

--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts. So in old England , when customers got
unruly, the bartender would yell at them 'Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down.'

It's where we get the phrase 'mind your P's and Q's'.
.
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Many years ago in England pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or
handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some
service. 'Wet your whistle' is the phrase inspired by this practice.

--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!

--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2012 when...

1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or
60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12 You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

~~~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~ ~~~~~~~

NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.

Go lick your elbow.

FF · May 31, 2012

The madam opened the brothel door in Elko County, Nevada, and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.

“May I help you sir?” she asked.

“I want to see Valerie,” the man replied.

“Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else,” said the madam.

“No, I must see Valerie,” he replied.

Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged $10,000 a visit.

Without hesitation, the man pulled out ten thousand dollars and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.

The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie.

Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was so very expensive. There were no discounts and the price was still $10,000.

The gentleman did not blink an eye. Again, he pulled out a wad of cash, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs...After an hour, he left.

The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, maybe a record in the history of brothels in Nevada, which date back into the early 19th century.

But without hesitation he paid Valerie the ten grand and off they went upstairs.

After their session, Valerie said to the man, “No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?”

The man replied, “Billings, Montana.”

”Really,” she said. “I have family in Billings.”

“I know.” the man said. “I regret to tell you, however, your sister died, and I am her attorney. She asked me to give you your $30,000 inheritance.”

The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain:

1. Death

2. Taxes

3. Getting screwed by a lawyer

Larry M · Jun 4, 2012

I've always wondered.

jeffnick · Jun 4, 2012

Every 20 seconds, somewhere on this earth, a woman gives birth to a child...she must be found and stopped.

KJ · Jun 8, 2012

Shark Attack

WTF -- or -- You've had one too many!

Larry M · Jul 9, 2012

The Cost of a Phone Call

GeorgeBush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell. While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.

Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check. Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When she is finished the devil informs her that the cost is 6 million dollars, so she writes him a check. Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is $5.00. When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got to call the USA so cheaply. The devil smiles and replies, " Since Obama took over , the country has gone to hell, so it's a local call."

RT Firefly · Jul 15, 2012

Greetings,
For our friends down under...

How to Catch a Kangaroo - YouTube

Carey · Jul 16, 2012

Boudreaux and Marie's 50th anniversary
Boudreaux and Marie were sitting at the breakfast table on the morning of their fiftieth anniversary. Boudreaux remarked", You know Cher, it's been fifty years since we sat here for our first breakfast together." Marie replied, "Yeh, an' if I remembers right, we was nekked as jaybirds dat morning." Boudreaux asks her, "Cher, what you tink? Should we get nekked?" Marie, of course agrees, and they strip off all of their clothes, and sitting back, Marie says, " Oh Boudreaux, my breasts are as hot for you today as dey were fifty years ago." Boudreaux tells her, "Mais, I guess so, one of dem is in your coffee, an' de other one is in your oatmeal!"

It's a different take on an old joke from one of my best friends in Grand Isle, LA.

Peter B · Jul 16, 2012

I wouldn't bank on that, RTF, if I was you....

RT Firefly · Jul 16, 2012

Greetings,
Well Mr. B, the whole exercise is somewhat moot as I don't have a shopping bag.

RT Firefly · Aug 29, 2012

Davy Jones · Aug 29, 2012

This pic was on another thread. I had to modify it a bit.

How to tie a boat, so it can't get away!

Rambler · Aug 30, 2012

RT Firefly said:

Used boat sale?

Rambler · Aug 30, 2012

Oh, and in the story that emerges, the wife finds out that the girlfriend was his passenger.

BaltimoreLurker · Aug 30, 2012

Is that a gas can in the aft port quarter? Out of fuel and blown/washed up on the rocks at high tide?

FF · Aug 31, 2012

Interesting Items

If you are right handed, you will tend to chew your food on the right side of your mouth.

If you are left handed, you will tend to chew your food on the left side of your mouth.

To make half a kilo of honey, bees must collect nectar from over 2 million individual flowers.

Heroin is the brand name of morphine once marketed by 'Bayer'.

Tourists visiting Iceland should know that tipping at a restaurant is considered an insult!

People in nudist colonies play volleyball more than any other sport.

Albert Einstein was offered the presidency of Israel in 1952, but he declined.

Astronauts can't belch - there is no gravity to separate liquid from gas in their stomachs.

Ancient Roman, Chinese and German societies often used urine as mouthwash.

The Mona Lisa has no eyebrows. In the Renaissance era, it was fashion to shave them off!

Because of the speed at which Earth moves around the Sun, it is impossible for a solar eclipse to last more than 7 minutes and 58 seconds.

The night of January 20 is "Saint Agnes's Eve", which is regarded as a time when a young woman dreams of her future husband.

Google is actually the common name for a number with a million zeros.

It takes glass one million years to decompose, which means it never wears out and can be recycled an infinite amount of times!

Gold is the only metal that doesn't rust, even if it's buried in the ground for thousands of years.

Your tongue is the only muscle in your body that is attached at only one end.

If you stop getting thirsty, you need to drink more water. When a human body is dehydrated, its thirst mechanism shuts off.

Each year 2,000,000 smokers either quit smoking or die of tobacco-related diseases.

Zero is the only number that cannot be represented by Roman numerals.

Kites were used in the American Civil War to deliver letters and newspapers.

The song, Auld Lang Syne, is sung at the stroke of midnight in almost every English-speaking country in the world to bring in the new year.

Drinking water after eating reduces the acid in your mouth by 61 percent.

Peanut oil is used for cooking in submarines because it doesn't smoke unless it's heated above 450F.

The roar that we hear when we place a seashell next to our ear is not the ocean, but rather the sound of blood surging through the veins in the ear.

Nine out of every 10 living things live in the ocean.

The banana cannot reproduce itself. It can be propagated only by the hand of man.

Airports at higher altitudes require a longer airstrip due to lower air density.

The University of Alaska spans four time zones.

The tooth is the only part of the human body that cannot heal itself.

In ancient Greece , tossing an apple to a girl was a traditional proposal of marriage.

Catching it meant she accepted.

Warner Communications paid $28 million for the copyright to the song Happy Birthday.

Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

A comet's tail always points away from the sun.

The Swine Flu vaccine in 1976 caused more death and illness than the disease it was intended to prevent.

Caffeine increases the power of aspirin and other painkillers, that is why it is found in some medicines.

The military salute is a motion that evolved from medieval times, when knights in armor raised their visors to
reveal their identity.

If you get into the bottom of a well or a tall chimney and look up, you can see stars, even in the middle of the day.

When a person dies, hearing is the last sense to go. The first sense lost is sight.

In ancient times strangers shook hands to show that they were unarmed.

Strawberries are the only fruits whose seeds grow on the outside.

Avocados have the highest calories of any fruit at 167 calories per hundred grams.

The moon moves about two inches away from the Earth each year.

The Earth gets 100 tons heavier every day due to falling space dust.

Due to earth's gravity it is impossible for mountains to be higher than 15,000 meters.

Mickey Mouse is known as "Topolino" in Italy.

Soldiers do not march in step when going across bridges because they could set up a vibration which could be sufficient to knock the bridge down.

Everything weighs one percent less at the equator.For every extra kilogram carried on a space flight, 530 kg of excess fuel are needed at lift-off.

The letter J does not appear anywhere on the periodic table of the elements.

And last but not least:
In 2012, December has 5 Fridays, 5 Saturdays, and 5 Sundays. This apparently happens once every 823 years! This is called 'money bags'. So send this on to 5 and money will arrive in 5 days. Based on Chinese Feng Shui,the one who does not pass this on will have money troubles for the rest of the year.

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