Solo Cruising

Being on the boat is my happy place. However the wife has had enough. She might meet me at a destination once in a while, if there is shore power and the boat doesn’t rock, but she is not into the cruising part.
I spent 4 months in the keys and Bahamas last year with occasional trips home. I loved it. We just sold our house near Savannah and bought a condo in NC to be near the grandkids. It’s a gated community with all maintainence done by the HOA. Wife is happy and I am free to cruise.
I just wonder how many other guys do that? Is it weird or creepy for a guy to enjoy the beauty and solitude as much as I do?
It can get lonesome. Maybe I’ll get a dog.

I am solo now, prefer a fun crew...but staying at it for now.

I suspect you'll find a fair number of guys in a similar state. My wife doesnt dislike the boat, it's just not "her thing".Last summer she spent three weeks aboard, a fragment of a five month cruise and seemed to enjoy herself...well, except for being under way in dense fog.

Some years ago after retiring and my wife continued to work with no interesr in full time cruising, I headed off on my own. Sailed from Tampa area up to Maine and back to Annapolis.

No real sailing problems, hooked up with cruisers along the way (in the good sense of the word) and in general had a good time. Wife flew in to join me for a week several times.

Must admit the experience wasn’t particularly good for our marriage, but we survived. PM if you would like to know more.

David

I am in the same position as others. I cruise alone now. I also stay or live on my boat most of the time when I’m not at work (I do not work a “normal” 8-5 schedule).

My wife and I have finally reached a equilibrium of sorts. She is comfortable and happy puttering around her house, flowers, garden, etc... and I need to do, see, explore. This difference in wants, goals, and desires has ended many a marriage so I am glad we figured it out.

I do not feel weird or guilty because I am doing what I want to do, and she is doing what she wants to do. Where we have common interests we do those things together. So... I am learning how to cruise alone. How to dock alone, and how to explore alone, and how to be happy at that.

This spring I made my first long distance solo cruise, which was a bit ofer 300NM with the nice fishing town of Cordova to explore. That was a fun trip, and a learning experience.

Next week I will be departing on my second long solo voyage, which will involve a approx 150NM open water crossing of the gulf of Alaska. That will be a long day at 8 knots, but I’ll make sure the weather is really good before departing. I’ll explore the fishing and Coast Guard town of Kodiak Alaska, and then make the return trip, all solo.

This is all in preparation for 2021 when I retire and will make the over 3500 mile voyage from Alaska to Baja, solo.

Pluto said:

Being on the boat is my happy place. However the wife has had enough. She might meet me at a destination once in a while, if there is shore power and the boat doesn’t rock, but she is not into the cruising part.
I spent 4 months in the keys and Bahamas last year with occasional trips home. I loved it. . . . Wife is happy and I am free to cruise.
I just wonder how many other guys do that? Is it weird or creepy for a guy to enjoy the beauty and solitude as much as I do?
It can get lonesome. Maybe I’ll get a dog.

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In my cruising years I met several married solo sailors, & they (& the wives I happened to meet in ports) seemed to have made the necessary adjustments to such arrangements. I also had several women cruising friends who had made agreements with their husbands to cruise for limited times, usually for a year. Each one of them ended up falling in love with the cruising life, & some went on for thousands more miles. That said, I long ago discovered that there is a big difference between East & West Coast cruising styles. I'm from Newport Beach & the majority of cruisers I've known have been sailors, well accustomed to life on the hook & at sea. Most of us will do just about anything to avoid firing up a generator, & even in port prefer a mooring to a dock. In 4 years of bluewater crusing I think I used my microwave twice; the stovetop pressure cooker was faster & certainly quieter. East Coast cruising, especially via the ICW was a totally different experience for me, & my own preference is to be at least 200 miles offshore & away from traffic.


I've lived more than 3/4 of a century, & have learned through my own experience that not only does each couple have to define their own relationship, but that those relationships change & adjust over time, sometimes in unexpected ways. Best wishes to both of you as you discover the best way to navigate forward--

My wife might be good for an overnighter or two in perfect weather, but that's it. I'm building a boat designed for two - but knowing I'll be operating alone most of the time. I figure I'll be out with another dude or maybe even another couple as often as I'm out with my wife.

But since I miss her when I'm gone, I'm choosing to limit my cruising area and duration so we're not apart for months at a time. I think the compromise is what works for you and your wife.

I'm comfortable being alone, but I'd rather not be alone for weeks at a time so I'm arranging my cruising life so I don't have to be.

Very thoughtful words, guys.

My cruising is about 30 or 40% solo. Usually I go for 5 or 6 days and work on a boat project, or do some fishing.
I enjoy solo cruising, cruising with my wife, cruising with friends, or with my children equally. But all in different ways.

Since I am still working, we haven't had to face that decision. If my wife is gone, I'll usually take the opportunity to get out on the boat. She will be gone for 10 days this summer going to Norway with her Mom and Brother. Just this morning I was trying to figure out if I could get away from the office for a week while she is gone and get a a short trip in. Likely, it won't happen as it is really hard to get away from the office now, but maybe....


I don't feel weird being on the boat alone. I like the solitude. I don't have to worry about others. If I skip a few meals, it isn't a problem. If get up at daybreak, up anchor and take off, I'm not disturbing anyone. It gives me a chance to read or work on boat projects, or take that longer hike.


However, my wife is very jealous of my time and attention. She would NOT be happy if I were to take a week an go off by myself. Maybe that will change once I retire and actually have more time.

Good thread.

I also enjoy the solitude of being on the ocean myself.

My wife and I spend a lot of time together at the dock, at anchor, and harbor cruising, mostly with her friends.

She has always been a good sport to let me head offshore to fish and dive with friends, including longer trips to the Islands.

I am hoping to retire next year and my wife will continue working for a few more years, so things will change slightly. With more time, I will cruise longer and farther, and my wife will join me for layovers when she can. I don’t plan to be gone too long, and will always spend time with her doing things she also enjoys.

Still on the same subject, but flipping it somewhat.

It is unbelievable the number of people (usually women) who comment to us after we arrive back from our trips something along the lines of "Oh we couldn't be on the boat that long together, don't you guys get on each other's nerves being that close for so long?"

This was especially true last year when we arrived back from our three month Bahamas trip and were leaving in another month for a couple of months in the Chesapeake.

I guess we are just as happy sitting in the salon or cockpit quietly reading for hours on end and get our solitude together!

Count me as one of the fortunate ones. My wife has always loved the boating, cruising and liveaboard life as much or more than me.

My wife would not like me going out on the boat without her. She loves being on the boat. At the same time, I work in Los Angeles and am there four days a week so we are apart much of the time anyway. Been doing that for fourteen years. Not ideal, but it works. We've been married 38 years now.

My wife cruises everywhere with me and it’s great. There is however something to be said for a trip alone. Do what you want, eat when you want. Without having to think about anyone else.
I was a serious diver. I never liked buddying up. I just don’t want to have to think about anyone. I would dive solo and loved it.

Fortunately my wife loves boating, probably would not be married to her if she didn’t. Our dates back in high school revolved around boating and we are still at it 50 years later.

My wife has been on my boat one time for about five minutes. Needless to say, I cruise solo 98% of the time. Did the Great Loop in 2017 solo. My wife is a good sport. Her comment is, "your dream, go enjoy it ". Would certainly prefer she come with me. If she doesn't enjoy it or it makes her miserable, I'm just as happy that she is not there.

We talk essentially every evening. To be fair, she does things that I have less than no interest in, and she doesn't try to force me to participate in them. You have to do what works for your family.

Ted

Ted, does she winter with you once you are down in Florida?

menzies said:

Ted, does she winter with you once you are down in Florida?

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She spent 3 weeks with me in January in Florida. She will be a university Dean again starting July 1st outside Chicago. So, the next 6 years will be limited time together. Probably doesn't make sense to most people. She's living her career dream; I'm living my cruising dream.

Ted

My wife of 28 years is a wonderful person who simply has different dreams.

Where I dream of retiring and traveling out of Alaska for the winters, she dreams of sitting in our home, and taking care of her pets, and exercising, and leading very much one day the same as another.

We upsized the boat from our cabin cruiser and I think she saw a more comfortable fishing platform to enjoy 2-4 days on the water four or five times a year, and I saw it as a ticket to warmer climates.

We have come to realize that we both have different desires for our older years. She is content traveling to Hawaii a couple times a winter, and that is not enough for me. I have offered to buy a 2nd home in Hawaii to snowbird to, or any place she is comfortable if she does not want to travel by water. I have offered to buy a motorhome.

It took us a long time and almost having our marriage end to realize that there is nothing wrong with either of us. She and I just want different things out of our older years.

So I have quit pressuring here to travel extensively, and she realizes as i wrap up my career that she and I are going to be apart for a few weeks to a month at a time while I travel. I have spent most of my career working 50% of the year in remote Alaskan locations, so it’s not like we have ever really been around each other full time. Frinds and family have noticed and commented that we seem to be happier when I am home and then gone again, rather than when I take a local job.

So... I will travel and she will either join me in port, or not, it wll work out eiter way.

My wife died before I retired and bought the boat. In our younger days she was even more keen on boating and diving than I was, but over time she became more interested in the kids etc than boating.

I mostly cruise solo. Last year it was 5 months cruise along the Great Barrier Reef. I did fly home for a few days at one point, and one of my brothers joined me for some time in the Whitsunday's, but mostly I was solo. I grew up on a farm, no neighbours for a few miles so I 'got used to my own company'. Although I don't mind other people being around, I fine without them. I do like internet access though, and tend to hang on TF quite a bit!

The one downside of cruising solo for me is no overnight passages. I could not set autopilot and alarms and go to sleep. Some cruisers do, and lots of sailors will do it, but for me its just not going to happen. Someone has to be on watch. I like to anchor in daylight unless its somewhere I'm very familiar with, but will happily get up at dark-something o'clock if need be to get in a long day, say more than 100 nm. Without overnight passages then cruising grounds can be a bit more limited.

On our last Bahamas trip, we kept running into a boat with five married guys in their seventies, whose wives had all decided they were done with cruising. They said they had been doing the trip for a few years now and had a blast every time.

I have decided that is my fallback plan, now!

Wife never liked the boat. She would take a day trip or spend the night in the slip if winds were calm. I knew that when I bought the boat. I enjoyed spending the night in the slip by myself but did not like cruising alone. Owned the boat 29 months, log book showed 27 cruises. Sold the boat, nobody cared. Lost my ass on the big boat adventure. Now I spend the fun money on camper and motorcycles. I'm glad I had the experience, but it is not for everyone. My marina is full of seldom used and poorly maintained vessels.

ksanders said:

It took us a long time and almost having our marriage end to realize that there is nothing wrong with either of us. She and I just want different things out of our older years.

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While it is none of my business, I'm happy to hear this is the case. I was curious seeing your solo cruising thread and wondering what happened to the Lisa of Lisa's Way.

I don't know if the story was actually true but I heard of a couple that used to race sailing dinghy's together. It was a big part of their life together. When they split up, he kept the boat and renamed it Ruthless, her name was Ruth.

dhays said:

Since I am still working, we haven't had to face that decision. If my wife is gone, I'll usually take the opportunity to get out on the boat. She will be gone for 10 days this summer going to Norway with her Mom and Brother. Just this morning I was trying to figure out if I could get away from the office for a week while she is gone and get a a short trip in. Likely, it won't happen as it is really hard to get away from the office now, but maybe....


I don't feel weird being on the boat alone. I like the solitude. I don't have to worry about others. If I skip a few meals, it isn't a problem. If get up at daybreak, up anchor and take off, I'm not disturbing anyone. It gives me a chance to read or work on boat projects, or take that longer hike.


However, my wife is very jealous of my time and attention. She would NOT be happy if I were to take a week an go off by myself. Maybe that will change once I retire and actually have more time.

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Just wait until you retire and are at home all the time. She'll be begging you to go take a solo trip


Just kidding of course, but that is another dimension to the puzzle - retirement. Some people transition, are happy, and never get bored. Others play 50 rounds of golf then wonder what to do next. The sudden increase in togetherness upsets the equilibrium that you and your spouse developed over the past decades, so you need to find a new equilibrium.


Reading all this I realize how lucky I am that my wife likes cruising just as much as I do. In fact, I think she likes it more. Or maybe she has fewer things to keep her busy when we are not cruising, so she's more anxious to return.


We have been off our boat now for a year, and still have another year before our next boat will be ready. So it's been an interesting adjustment, but we both have plenty to do - at least so far....

AlaskaProf said:

I suspect you'll find a fair number of guys in a similar state. My wife doesnt dislike the boat, it's just not "her thing".Last summer she spent three weeks aboard, a fragment of a five month cruise and seemed to enjoy herself...well, except for being under way in dense fog.

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Maybe you should not travel in dense fog.

We’ve had boats that we could stay on for 20 years. We both retired about 10 years ago and that’s when we bought the 38 on the Mississippi. Before our boats had been on a Corp lake about 30-40 minutes from home, we were on the boat every weekend. The plan on the 38 was to move it to the lake after spending a month on the river, needless to say that never happened. The marina is 250 miles and 4 hours away, I started staying on the boat for a couple of weeks at a time. After a couple years I started staying months at a time. My wife will come over every other weekend or so or go on cruises of 2 weeks or less. Anything longer than that and she is out, with flowers, garden and beehives that are her thing I understand. Of course this year the boat hasn’t been out of the slip because of the flooding on the upper Mississippi. That’ll change in a week or so if the river keeps going down. I do a lot of singlehanded boating to local destinations 40-50 miles, more than that and I’ll find someone to go along to help with locking and docking.

Wifey B: No, I'm not going to go cruise for weeks without my hubby.

We're miserable when apart but lucky we both love boating. However, I was reading an article today about married couples who live apart. Some just have weekends together, some have months at a time apart. Much like seen here. Many talk about how perfect it is for them to have the time together and yet have time to pursue their own careers or interests.

I've heard of military where hubby was in service, wifey home with family. He retired and family was miserable. I've heard of sales people who spent a couple of weeks at a time on the road, then weekend home, long range truck drivers the same, who when they retired were not happy together all the time. I knew a couple who vacationed separately as he loved the mountains and she loved the beach and she always joked that guess they'd have to divorce when they retired for him to move to the mountains and her to the beach.

People need to not worry what others think or what society's so-called norms are but just do what makes them happy.

Gdavid said:

While it is none of my business, I'm happy to hear this is the case. I was curious seeing your solo cruising thread and wondering what happened to the Lisa of Lisa's Way.

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Yes, thanks for clarifying Kevin. I was curious also, pleased to hear its still Lisa's Way and not Lisa's gone away!

to everyone that doesnt want to be alone . i worked away all the time and people would say dont you miss home or your wife i would tell them as long as i keep one leg shaved i never get lonely at night