It's been a rough decade and bad year.

Let me first thank those that have shown me kindness and support over the years and through my health problems. Thank you all. It has been a rough decade. This year has been extremely bad. Just when we thought it couldn't get worse.



Before I get into that let me explain my situation. I have had the Great Loop dream since I found out about it in my mid 20's. It was a retirement plan, then health happened. I thought I would have a chance to experience at least some of the GL earlier than planned. It's not off yet but may get pushed out a few more years than the planned departure year of 2021.



Recently, after a long and difficult discussion, my significant other and I decided to separate when our son goes into the USAF in 2021. She wants to move back to KY to be with her children and be a grandmother to her granddaughter. My SO had two daughters before we met. I have an older son and we have a son together. While she is in KY with her children, I would go off on my grand adventure around the GL and see her off and on over the next few years until my return.


Now back to yesterday. My SO received an after-hours phone call from her gynecologist. She had an appointment last week and I took her to it. The doctor said everything seemed normal. She has had a pain in her leg and hip for years and never mentioned it to the gynecologist. It didn't seem to be related to any female issues. Turns out it's a sign of cancer in a woman's reproductive system. On the call, which I was allowed to listen to, the doctor had to tell her that it's a good chance she has cancer. The signs for it came back on her PAP test. He tried his best to get her to come in this morning for further testing. She scheduled a visit with him for two weeks later. After the call, I tried to get her to go in. She didn't want to miss work. Sure we could use the money but we can also tighten up and miss a meal out or two to make sure she's still with us.


At this point I am going out of my mind with concern for her health and she doesn't seem to concerned. I hope there was a test problem and the new tests, that will be done in two weeks, come back normal or at least something curable.



This year has been the worst. A year ago next month I was diagnosed with a benign pituitary tumor and have been receiving treatment for that. We have been in three wrecks since February. I was alone in one. None of them our fault. The only bright spot for her has been the birth of her first granddaughter. The bright spot for me has been my oldest son getting himself straightened out and in college.





Thanks for reading through my ramblings. I just feel like life is getting out of hand. I'm trying to stay positive and keep a good outlook on the future. Something has got to give eventually and things should start to get better.

Best future luck - Ben!

Wow, tough times Ben on a lot of fronts.

Keep posting though, sharing does help, even with us mugs!

And take the boat out for a day here and there, I always find that, when I just step on the boat, many worries just fall away for a time.

Ben it sounds like tough times for sure . Keep your head up and keep pushing on ,things will get better.

Ben, I second Menzies' comments about taking the boat out when you get a few hours. It always helps me get my head straight.


Keep on trucking. Things will get better.

Thanks, fellows. We are sitting here doing research and trying to get a plan of attack just in case the news turns out to be bad. Surprisingly, it's lifting both our spirits.

Keep plugging away and, like others said, take care of your soul and get out on the boat.

Yikes Ben. So sorry to hear about all the major health problems. I agree that talking about it and planning things out may end up helping your attitudes and outlook.

Let us know if we can help out in any way.

Ben, I'm 4 years into throat cancer from the HPV virus.(human Papilloma Virus) The Pap test is used to diagnose this in women. Do some research and find the best cancer hospital within a reasonable distance. Cancer centers have access to treatments and clinical trials not available to smaller hospitals
Good luck
John

Good luck Ben, wish you the best. Keep hope, there's always light.

L

Thank you everyone for keeping us in your thoughts and sending best wishes.

Stickman said:

Keep plugging away and, like others said, take care of your soul and get out on the boat.

Click to expand...

I'm currently boatless. I sold my fishing boat about 12 years ago to get back into motorcycles.

cardude01 said:

Yikes Ben. So sorry to hear about all the major health problems. I agree that talking about it and planning things out may end up helping your attitudes and outlook.

Let us know if we can help out in any way.

Click to expand...

So far it has, but we can sense the fear in each other about the possible outcome.


Everyone can help out by keeping the threads and posts coming on the forum. I have been learning a great deal from everyone's threads and posts. This is my escape until I can cast off the lines myself and make the great escape.

johnma said:

Ben, I'm 4 years into throat cancer from the HPV virus.(human Papilloma Virus) The Pap test is used to diagnose this in women. Do some research and find the best cancer hospital within a reasonable distance. Cancer centers have access to treatments and clinical trials not available to smaller hospitals
Good luck
John

Click to expand...

Thanks John. I hope you're well and in remission.



We have several very well known cancer centers right here in our county and close by. Gibbs Cancer Center has received many awards for their inventive ways for treating cancer. Of course, we will seek several opinions from different doctors before deciding what we feel is right for her.

Lou_tribal said:

Good luck Ben, wish you the best. Keep hope, there's always light.

L

Click to expand...

Thanks. Somedays it's a bit difficult but we manage to keep it up.

Greetings,
Mr. b2. Nothing I can say can change your situation. The good thing is, if there can be any good, is that you now know what what is going on. NOT any outcome yet but what is going on. The BEST cures are early diagnosis AND a positive outlook. You've got both.
Best wishes.
As an aside, the Admiral whipped throat cancer last year. Clean bill of health.

You want to seek out one of the national cancer institute designated comprehensive cancer centers. These are top notch teaching hospitals that receive significant government funding. These are where the first clinical trials usually occur for new therapies. They also see so many patients that they can spot the really odd stuff. There are no comprehensive cancer centers in Kentucky. I think the closest to you are Vanderbilt or Ohio state. A second opinion from one of these centers is well worthwhile even if treatment is carried out by a local doctor.

Good luck!

Best of luck Ben.
Thank you for sharing difficult situations and decisions.
Let's hope that this is the darkest moment and dawn will be coming soon.

May you have Fair Winds and Following Seas.

Dear Ben - I believe this song says what we all wish for you and yours!

RT Firefly said:

Greetings,
Mr. b2. Nothing I can say can change your situation. The good thing is, if there can be any good, is that you now know what what is going on. NOT any outcome yet but what is going on. The BEST cures are early diagnosis AND a positive outlook. You've got both.
Best wishes.
As an aside, the Admiral whipped throat cancer last year. Clean bill of health.

Click to expand...

Thanks and happy to hear a good outcome for the missus.

Mkeller said:

You want to seek out one of the national cancer institute designated comprehensive cancer centers. These are top notch teaching hospitals that receive significant government funding. These are where the first clinical trials usually occur for new therapies. They also see so many patients that they can spot the really odd stuff. There are no comprehensive cancer centers in Kentucky. I think the closest to you are Vanderbilt or Ohio state. A second opinion from one of these centers is well worthwhile even if treatment is carried out by a local doctor.

Good luck!

Click to expand...

Thanks for that bit of info. We are still in Spartanburg, SC until mid to late 2021 at the earliest for moving. I'll be researching with your info in mind. I'm hoping we can conquer this beast before then. It's difficult rearranging lives in the middle of dealing with a health crisis.

Wxx3 said:

Best of luck Ben.
Thank you for sharing difficult situations and decisions.
Let's hope that this is the darkest moment and dawn will be coming soon.

May you have Fair Winds and Following Seas.

Click to expand...

Hey, Richard! Thank you.



I'm looking forward to more blog updates. I enjoy escaping into your posts. I'm ready to set off to Asia for some good food and adventures.

Art said:

Dear Ben - I believe this song says what we all wish for you and yours!

Click to expand...

Thanks, Art.

When I was first diagnosed it was at a local hospital. It was there that I had surgery #1. When they told me i had to go through 35 radiation treatments and 7 chemo sessions I did a google search for "best cancer hospitals in America". I settled on Penn (University of Pennsylvania) they put me on a clinical trial and two more surgeries. The trial used my own cells and turned them into "killer T cells". I was in remission 1 month after setting my foot in Penn. The difference between a National Cancer center and a local hospital is night and day.
John

The local hospital also said I might lose all taste, some hearing, as well as speech and the ability to swallow. At Penn my doctor told me I had a 97% chance of being 100% cured.

I just did a search and MUSC in Charleston is #24 in the country for cancer and #18 for OBGYN.
Good luck
John

Thanks, John. I'll be checking into them.

I second Johnma s suggestion. My diagnoses was made by a local doctor that said I had nothing to worry about because Prostate cancer was slow growing and I would probably die of something else first. I did not like that diagnoses because I didnt want to die of something else!!!! I went to MDA in Houston for a second opinion.. They informed me the first diagnoses was wrong and that I had a FAST growing version of the disease and I had maybe 6 month to live if I didnt do something FAST.

I went straight to MDA and had it removed. That was 15 years ago.

Sometimes the second opinion is not so welcome,but in this case it saved me from dying 14 years ago.

My wife also was diagnosed with stage 3 Uterine cancer and her doctor sent her straight to MDA. That was 10 years ago.

We are both cancer free, not just in remission. We are, in their words, CURED,because we went to a major Cancer hospital, not a local.

Look at Duke as well as you're considering opinions. Don't do anything major without a second opinion.

We all react differently to news of this nature so not surprisingly your wife is showing less concern than you. Often we show more concern for the one we love than for ourselves.

Don't assume the worst, just consider that is one of many possibilities. Waiting to know is often the most difficult part.

While Duke has a tremendous cancer program, perhaps even better they have a multi-discipline approach too. It includes treatment for the combination of conditions most have but also treatment for the person, for their mental and emotional health as well as that for family members. Don't hesitate to meet with others undergoing similar challenges and/or to get counseling. It will not only help you to live with what is going on, but will help more than you know with treatment and recovery. The drive to spend time with her grandchild may do as much for her as any medical treatment. Also, any time with family during treatment can be uplifting. This all assuming there is something that needs treatment.

You need to take care of yourself just as you do her. Both of you will likely try to be strong for the other when both of you need to be able to open up and share your weakness and fear as well.

Jimisbell mentions MDA and it has an excellent reputation. Duke is very convenient to Spartanburg though, just over 3 hours on the interstate.

Keep one thing in mind too and that is we don't have expiration dates stamped on our butts. Doctors must be honest but sometimes thats alarming and turns out to be undue alarm. I know someone told in 2007, they had two years to live due to a lung disease and today they're the same as they were then.

A stark reminder to all of us how unimportant our boats and boating are. One final piece of advice and it's something we should do anyway, but especially when facing health challenges. Live each day as if it's your last. Don't just make bucket lists, check items off. Look at those things most important and get them done. The person I mentioned above made a one year list and then repeated it with similar lists every year. I think of a man we know who was diagnosed with Lymphoma. He went to Mt. Sinai in NY, although he lived in Miami, as he was a native New Yorker. He had his first rounds of chemo and asked his doctor if he could go home to Miami for the two weeks. His doctor said, "you'll be nauseous." He said "I'd rather be nauseous in Miami than in NY". Well, he got into a Marlin tournament at the last minute and won it and joked that the chemo must have given him extra strength for the long fight to land it. He continued living. I've known people who died inside the day they received the diagnosis. Whether one has a month or 30 years, we need to take advantage of the time we do have.

Our thoughts and hopes are with the two of you.

Sometimes it is not convenient to go to a major cancer hospital. Convenience should NEVER be a consideration. Your health is worth inconvenience.Sometimes it is out of your insurance, That IS a consideration. But as to cost,I would spend every cent if it would save either of us. Your nest egg is what you save for the future. If you have no future you dont need a nest egg. So spend it for health to insure your future. Your children would rather have you than an inheritance.


My wife had the same reaction as yours. Its called denial. She wanted to wait just in case it might go away. Didnt say that,but I could sense it. People do that with cancer because 40 years ago it was incurable. That is not the case today. But waiting does not help, it may be a fulfilling.


My wife was very emotional about it and I had to deal with it. In my case, I am an engineer and I looked at it as a problem to be solved. Very unemotionally so I went about solving the problem while she cried. Different reactions by different people.

jimisbell said:

I second Johnma s suggestion. My diagnoses was made by a local doctor that said I had nothing to worry about because Prostate cancer was slow growing and I would probably die of something else first. I did not like that diagnoses because I didnt want to die of something else!!!! I went to MDA in Houston for a second opinion.. They informed me the first diagnoses was wrong and that I had a FAST growing version of the disease and I had maybe 6 month to live if I didnt do something FAST.

I went straight to MDA and had it removed. That was 15 years ago.

Sometimes the second opinion is not so welcome,but in this case it saved me from dying 14 years ago.

My wife also was diagnosed with stage 3 Uterine cancer and her doctor sent her straight to MDA. That was 10 years ago.

We are both cancer free, not just in remission. We are, in their words, CURED,because we went to a major Cancer hospital, not a local.

Click to expand...

Good to hear that. We plan to seek multiple opinions some will be from larger nonlocal hospitals. Maybe even out of state. Thanks for sharing.

ben2go said:

Good to hear that. We plan to seek multiple opinions some will be from larger nonlocal hospitals. Maybe even out of state. Thanks for sharing.

Click to expand...

Thats great.Just dont shop around too long. Time is of the essence for a cure.

BandB and jimisbell



Thank you both for your support, words of wisdom, and experience. It is difficult to not get sucked in and get overly emotional to soon.



We're not worried about saving or keeping money. We will do what we can with what we have. Unfortunately, we have a son that is still in school. So time will have to be split. That's going to be difficult.



I've tried to get her to talk to me about things she wants to do or experience, even before all of this. She grew up in the high mountains of KY around the coal mines. They didn't watch TV often and mostly took care of the home and worked. I love her but she has never had much interest outside of working and family life. I had to talk her into the few vacations we have taken over the past 17 years we've been together. A bucket list might be a grocery list.

jimisbell said:

Thats great.Just dont shop around too long. Time is of the essence for a cure.

Click to expand...

Of course, I think we will have an idea within a couple weeks at most.

I can only speak for myself as everyone is different. Friends sometimes call me Spock because of my unemotional approach to life. My wife, though she is a Registered Nurse, is the opposite, very emotional, and doesnt really trust medicine.


For myself, I have avoided bucket lists because for me that means surrender but others have their signposts. None are wrong, just different.


This Thursday we will celebrate our 60th anniversary. I cant imagine being without her and she feels the same....(I hope...LOL) So whatever it takes we will both resist till the end, though we are Christians. And of course that has helped US through the past 15 years.

jimisbell said:

I can only speak for myself as everyone is different. Friends sometimes call me Spock because of my unemotional approach to life. My wife, though she is a Registered Nurse, is the opposite, very emotional, and doesnt really trust medicine.


For myself, I have avoided bucket lists because for me that means surrender but others have their signposts. None are wrong, just different.


This Thursday we will celebrate our 60th anniversary. I cant imagine being without her and she feels the same....(I hope...LOL) So whatever it takes we will both resist till the end, though we are Christians. And of course that has helped US through the past 15 years.

Click to expand...

We have bucket lists although we're young. We have those things we want to do, places we want to go, and they change regularly. I guess the way to describe it is we're goal oriented. We have so many things we want to do but we do always emphasize what is next. Clearly his wife has one very important one and that is time with her grandchild. Sometimes focusing on those type things, the positive aspects of life, the things we really want to do, provides us so much strength.

If bucket list is a negative term in one's mind, then I suggest personal goals. With us it's places but it's also people and making sure we talk to them and see them enough. Right now it's time to make one of our trips to NC and SC as soon as possible. It also includes hopes and goals for those close to us. There's nothing in life that brings us more pleasure than watching kids grow into young adults and then to more mature adults.

I guess in a way we set goals much like I'm use to in business. That forces us to develop action plans to meet those goals. I know this way isn't right for most people but it works with my warped mind.

https://www.cancer.gov/research/nci-role/cancer-centers/find

This is the link to the directory for the comprehensive cancer centers. There are none in s Carolina. I can recommend Duke from personal experience with my dad. In florida I send everyone to Moffitt.

For sake of full disclosure, I am opening an office for a preclinical stage cancer immunotherapy company on the Moffitt cancer center campus this fall.

BandB said:

We have bucket lists although we're young. We have those things we want to do, places we want to go, and they change regularly. I guess the way to describe it is we're goal oriented. We have so many things we want to do but we do always emphasize what is next. Clearly his wife has one very important one and that is time with her grandchild. Sometimes focusing on those type things, the positive aspects of life, the things we really want to do, provides us so much strength.

If bucket list is a negative term in one's mind, then I suggest personal goals. With us it's places but it's also people and making sure we talk to them and see them enough. Right now it's time to make one of our trips to NC and SC as soon as possible. It also includes hopes and goals for those close to us. There's nothing in life that brings us more pleasure than watching kids grow into young adults and then to more mature adults.

I guess in a way we set goals much like I'm use to in business. That forces us to develop action plans to meet those goals. I know this way isn't right for most people but it works with my warped mind.

Click to expand...

I agree completely. I do have some things I want to do but they are not on a list. My current "goal" is to live to the year 2091 when I plan on immigrating to Mars.