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The friendliest place on the web for anyone who enjoys boating.
If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.
If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.
Al
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How many of we boaters does this represent?-AL
A young guy from Idaho moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid says. "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in Idaho."
Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job.
"You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor.
"How many customers bought something from you today?"
The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, “One."
The boss say’s "Just one? Our sales people average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day.
That will have to change, and soon, if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. One sale a day might have been acceptable in Idaho, but you're not on the farm anymore, son."
The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kind of bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?"
The kid looks up and says "$101,237.65."
The boss, astonished, says, "$101,237.65 ?! What the heck did you sell?"
The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."
The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK?"
The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing!'"
A young guy from Idaho moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid says. "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in Idaho."
Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job.
"You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor.
"How many customers bought something from you today?"
The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, “One."
The boss say’s "Just one? Our sales people average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day.
That will have to change, and soon, if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. One sale a day might have been acceptable in Idaho, but you're not on the farm anymore, son."
The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kind of bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?"
The kid looks up and says "$101,237.65."
The boss, astonished, says, "$101,237.65 ?! What the heck did you sell?"
The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."
The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK?"
The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing!'"
Crusty Chief
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Al! Where do you dig this stuff up?
Hi Jeff - Not seen you for some time. Been camp/boating all over! - Art
jeffnick
Guru
I don't hang out here much anymore since I'm just an ancient bottom feeding houseboater.
We have been camping - bought a 16' guest proof travel trailer.
One More Time Around: Wolf Pup - Cross Country 2017
And helping other folks get out on the water.
One More Time Around: Land and Sea Rescue
Al
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Just come a-drifting along and I snag one or two:
ATTENTION: Please DO NOT – I repeat – DO NOT use the $1 – $2 – $50 or the $100 bills. They have pictures of former slave owners on them! Send them all to me and I will dispose of them properly! DO NOT just throw them away. They need to be disposed of properly and I am certified to do so. Send a Private Message to me if you need my mailing address. We must get these out of circulation immediately. Thank you for your cooperation.
PS - Loose change not accepted.
Al
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An elderly couple were having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said,
"Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there's something
I have to know. In all of these 50 years, have you ever been
Unfaithful to me?"
Martha replied, "Well Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes,
I've been unfaithful to you on three occasions during these
50 years, but always for a good reason.
Henry was obviously hurt by his wife's confession, but said,
"I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by
'good reasons?' "
Martha said, "The first time was shortly after we were married,
and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn't
pay the mortgage. Do you remember that evening I went to see
the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would
be extended?”
Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said, "I can forgive
You for that. You saved our home, but what about the
second time?"
Martha asked, "Do you remember when you were so sick,
but we didn't have the money to pay for the heart surgery
you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and,
if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge."
"I recall that," said Henry. "And you did it to save my life, so of course
I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time."
"All right," Martha said. "So do you remember when you ran for
president of your golf club, and you needed 53 more votes?”
"Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there's something
I have to know. In all of these 50 years, have you ever been
Unfaithful to me?"
Martha replied, "Well Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes,
I've been unfaithful to you on three occasions during these
50 years, but always for a good reason.
Henry was obviously hurt by his wife's confession, but said,
"I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by
'good reasons?' "
Martha said, "The first time was shortly after we were married,
and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn't
pay the mortgage. Do you remember that evening I went to see
the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would
be extended?”
Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said, "I can forgive
You for that. You saved our home, but what about the
second time?"
Martha asked, "Do you remember when you were so sick,
but we didn't have the money to pay for the heart surgery
you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and,
if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge."
"I recall that," said Henry. "And you did it to save my life, so of course
I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time."
"All right," Martha said. "So do you remember when you ran for
president of your golf club, and you needed 53 more votes?”
An elderly couple is sitting in the kitchen one morning, having their usual quiet breakfast. She in her old, thin nightgown...he in his robe.
As usual, he's holding up the paper, checking the scores.
She is feeling wistful, thinking of the old days when their love was young.
"Arthur", she finally says, "do you still find the me attractive?"
Without moving his paper, he says, "Yeah...sure, Martha".
"But Arthur, she says, "am I still sexy to you ?"
From behind the paper he says, "Yeah, yeah...you're still sexy."
"But Arthur!", she says, "You barely look at me anymore!"
He puts down his paper and looks across the table. "Martha!", he says earnestly, "I love you so much. You are ravishing!...the most wonderful, sexy woman on earth! I couldn't live without you!"
"Oh, Arthur!", she says, "When you talk that way to me, I can feel my nipples get hot!"
He picks up his paper again and says, "Well, they should be hot. One's in your coffee and the other's in your oatmeal."
As usual, he's holding up the paper, checking the scores.
She is feeling wistful, thinking of the old days when their love was young.
"Arthur", she finally says, "do you still find the me attractive?"
Without moving his paper, he says, "Yeah...sure, Martha".
"But Arthur, she says, "am I still sexy to you ?"
From behind the paper he says, "Yeah, yeah...you're still sexy."
"But Arthur!", she says, "You barely look at me anymore!"
He puts down his paper and looks across the table. "Martha!", he says earnestly, "I love you so much. You are ravishing!...the most wonderful, sexy woman on earth! I couldn't live without you!"
"Oh, Arthur!", she says, "When you talk that way to me, I can feel my nipples get hot!"
He picks up his paper again and says, "Well, they should be hot. One's in your coffee and the other's in your oatmeal."
Al
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BUSINESS PRINCIPLES 101
Joe-Willy wanted desperately to have sex with this really cute, really hot girl in his office.... but she was dating someone else.
One day he got so frustrated that he went to her and said, 'I'll give you $100 if you let me have sex with you.'
The girl looked at him and then said, 'Are you crazy? HELL NO.'
Joe-Willy said, 'I'll be real fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you pull up the skirt and bend over, and I'll finish by the time you've picked up the money.'
She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her boyfriend, she called him and explained the situation. Her boyfriend says,
'Ask him for $200, and pick up the money really fast. He won't even be able to get his pants down.' She agreed and accepts the proposal.
Over half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend's call.
Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks, 'What happened?'
Still breathing hard, she managed to reply, 'The bastard had all quarters!’
Financial lesson here: ‘Always consider a business proposition in its entirety before agreeing to it.
You may get screwed.
Joe-Willy wanted desperately to have sex with this really cute, really hot girl in his office.... but she was dating someone else.
One day he got so frustrated that he went to her and said, 'I'll give you $100 if you let me have sex with you.'
The girl looked at him and then said, 'Are you crazy? HELL NO.'
Joe-Willy said, 'I'll be real fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you pull up the skirt and bend over, and I'll finish by the time you've picked up the money.'
She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her boyfriend, she called him and explained the situation. Her boyfriend says,
'Ask him for $200, and pick up the money really fast. He won't even be able to get his pants down.' She agreed and accepts the proposal.
Over half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend's call.
Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks, 'What happened?'
Still breathing hard, she managed to reply, 'The bastard had all quarters!’
Financial lesson here: ‘Always consider a business proposition in its entirety before agreeing to it.
You may get screwed.
Al
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Coffee with Jesus
A Republican, in a wheelchair, entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Republican looked across the restaurant and asked is that Jesus sitting over there?" The waitress nodded "yes"! So, the Republican requested that she give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him.
The next patron to come in was a Libertarian, with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus, over there?"
The waitress nodded, so the Libertarian asked her to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, "My treat."
The third patron to come into the restaurant, was a Democrat on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, "Hey there honey! How's about getting me a cold mug of Miller Light!
He, too, looked across the restaurant and asked, "Isn't that God's boy over there?
The waitress nodded, so the Democrat directed her to give Jesus a cold beer. "On my bill," he said loudly so everyone in the restaurant could hear.
As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Republican, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Republican felt the strength come back into his legs, got up and began to praise the Lord. Jesus passed by the Libertarian, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Libertarian felt his back straightening up, he raised his hands and he, too, began to praise the Lord
Then, Jesus walked, with a huge smile on his face, towards the Democrat. The Democrat jumped up and yelled, "Don't touch me....... I'm on disability."
For Those Who Understand, No Explanation is necessary.
For Those Who Do Not Understand,
No explanation is possible.
A Republican, in a wheelchair, entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Republican looked across the restaurant and asked is that Jesus sitting over there?" The waitress nodded "yes"! So, the Republican requested that she give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him.
The next patron to come in was a Libertarian, with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus, over there?"
The waitress nodded, so the Libertarian asked her to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, "My treat."
The third patron to come into the restaurant, was a Democrat on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, "Hey there honey! How's about getting me a cold mug of Miller Light!
He, too, looked across the restaurant and asked, "Isn't that God's boy over there?
The waitress nodded, so the Democrat directed her to give Jesus a cold beer. "On my bill," he said loudly so everyone in the restaurant could hear.
As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Republican, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Republican felt the strength come back into his legs, got up and began to praise the Lord. Jesus passed by the Libertarian, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Libertarian felt his back straightening up, he raised his hands and he, too, began to praise the Lord
Then, Jesus walked, with a huge smile on his face, towards the Democrat. The Democrat jumped up and yelled, "Don't touch me....... I'm on disability."
For Those Who Understand, No Explanation is necessary.
For Those Who Do Not Understand,
No explanation is possible.
Al
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Suppose some think skinned soul will call me 'Racist'
Chief Two Eagles....
An old Indian Chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a ceremonial pipe and eyeing two Government officials sent to interview him.
"Chief Two Eagles" asked one Official, "You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advances.
You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done." The Chief nodded in agreement.
The Official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"
The Chief stared at the Government Officials for over a minute and then calmly replied,
"When white man found this land, Indians were running it."
"No taxes."
"No debt"
"Plenty buffalo."
"Plenty beaver."
"Women did all the work."
"Medicine man free."
"Indian man spent all day hunting and fishing."
"All night having sex."
Then the Chief leaned back and smiled,
"Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that."
Chief Two Eagles....
An old Indian Chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a ceremonial pipe and eyeing two Government officials sent to interview him.
"Chief Two Eagles" asked one Official, "You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advances.
You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done." The Chief nodded in agreement.
The Official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"
The Chief stared at the Government Officials for over a minute and then calmly replied,
"When white man found this land, Indians were running it."
"No taxes."
"No debt"
"Plenty buffalo."
"Plenty beaver."
"Women did all the work."
"Medicine man free."
"Indian man spent all day hunting and fishing."
"All night having sex."
Then the Chief leaned back and smiled,
"Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that."
Al
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Menzies, it is without a doubt that you and I are antagonistic towards each other related to political stances. It will not become any better with cheap shots. The forum is bigger than that. If you have an issue with my postings or I with yours, take the PM route and let me or I to you, know. The folks on the forum need not be exposed to this level of derision you continue to submit.
In short: Grow a pair, laugh a bit. Life is short enough without aggravation.
Regards,
Al-Ketchkan
Al - I disagree with lots that you post... as you too do with lots of mine. Your jokes are not in that category though! One way or another it sure seems you are an OK dude!!
Not knowing you very well... I can still feel confident enough to say I believe we could fight aggressors back to back... then slap high fives after the row ended!
Not knowing you very well... I can still feel confident enough to say I believe we could fight aggressors back to back... then slap high fives after the row ended!
A Texan is duck hunting right along the Louisiana border. He hits a duck but it flutters down on the other side of the barb wire fence.
A little Cajun fella sees the duck go down and walks over, just as the Texan is reaching for the duck.
"Hey dere, ma fren", says the Cajun. Tha's my duck! It's on da Loo-siana side."
"Nope, I shot it on the Texas side, buddy", says the Texan. "It's mine."
The Cajun says, "Well now, dis happens from time to time, so we has got a way to decide dis 'roun here. We stand face to face wid our legs apart, an' we take turns kickin each other in da crotch, see, an' da one that goes down first, is da loser."
The Texan thinks to himself this guy is pretty small, and I can win this...so he says, "Alright pardner. You're on!"
The Cajun says, "Fair enuff fren',,,an' since you so much bigger dan me, den I'll go firs'."
They face off and the Cajun kicks the Texan right in the jewels, hard. The Texan's knees buckle, and he's seeing stars, but between gasps of air he stays in his feet. "Oh...ugh...ok...", he says. "Now it's my turn."
And the Cajun says, "Nah, cher...you can keep dat duck..."
A little Cajun fella sees the duck go down and walks over, just as the Texan is reaching for the duck.
"Hey dere, ma fren", says the Cajun. Tha's my duck! It's on da Loo-siana side."
"Nope, I shot it on the Texas side, buddy", says the Texan. "It's mine."
The Cajun says, "Well now, dis happens from time to time, so we has got a way to decide dis 'roun here. We stand face to face wid our legs apart, an' we take turns kickin each other in da crotch, see, an' da one that goes down first, is da loser."
The Texan thinks to himself this guy is pretty small, and I can win this...so he says, "Alright pardner. You're on!"
The Cajun says, "Fair enuff fren',,,an' since you so much bigger dan me, den I'll go firs'."
They face off and the Cajun kicks the Texan right in the jewels, hard. The Texan's knees buckle, and he's seeing stars, but between gasps of air he stays in his feet. "Oh...ugh...ok...", he says. "Now it's my turn."
And the Cajun says, "Nah, cher...you can keep dat duck..."
I'll hug Menzies but only him at the moment. You find it humorous to abuse someone who started by simply suggesting the post belonged in OTDE which is set up for political posts. Then telling anyone who disagrees with you that they need to grow a pair of balls and lighten up.
Now, hopefully back to humor and the humor that is better suited for OTDE can go there.
Xsbank
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Actually, BandB, that wasn't me. Your reading comprehension needs some work. Go back and read it again then get back to us.
A snowflake offended by a joke? Move along, nothing to see here.
A snowflake offended by a joke? Move along, nothing to see here.
