Humor

Although I'm not versed in photoshop - at all. Someone who is could probably make a really interesting design-original stating same.

That is truly a cool pleasure-boating logo!

Hmmmm. Wonder how big the original file is?? Might be sufficient for a screen print job. Any of the techies here know???


1983 Present 42 Sundeck
Twin Lehman 135's

I just docked in Mississippi today, looked everywhere....no T shirts!

Hmmmm- I'm gonna see you guys in the AM Blue- we can go looking for T shirts if u want . Then after it warms up a little- I'm gonna go looking for my lost wallet. Wind outa the north ~. I'm hoping it washes up on the north shore of Deer Island. Gonna walk about a mile along the beach after getting dropped off. Needle in a haystack- but gonna give it a try.


1983 Present 42 Sundeck
Twin Lehman 135's

Probably old but still funny...

...

Doesn't represent my political position, but if we can't maintain a sense of humor and irreverence then we are lost. Political correctness be damned.

#allfridaysmatter

CPseudonym said:

#allfridaysmatter

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Laughed out loud. Really. Thanks.

Vladimir Putin and Obummer are takin' a walk in the countryside when they come upon a sheep with it's head caught in a fence. Vlad drops trou and has his way with the sheep. He then turns to the Exalted One and says, "You're next." The Holy One then bends over and sticks his head in the fence.:lol:

ancora said:

Vladimir Putin and Obummer are takin' a walk in the countryside when they come upon a sheep with it's head caught in a fence. Vlad drops trou and has his way with the sheep. He then turns to the Exalted One and says, "You're next." The Holy One then bends over and sticks his head in the fence.:lol:

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Yup...'bout sums things up don't it.

O what a wonderful day it will be!!

For the moment set aside for whom you are cheering and savor the outcome regardless.

'O WHAT A WONDERFUL DAY IT WILL BE!!




1. President Ted Cruz and Vice President Carly Fiorina are sworn
into office.

2. In a rare event on inauguration day, Congress convenes for an
emergency meeting to repeal the illegal and unconstitutional Socialist
healthcare farce known as Obamacare. The new Director of Health and
Social Services, Dr. Ben Carson announces that an independent group of
healthcare management professionals is hired to handle healthcare
services for poor and low income people. They are also assigned the
duty of eliminating Medicare and Medicaid fraud. Government’s costs
for public healthcare are reduced by 90%. Healthcare insurance
premiums for working Americans are reduced by 50%. The move saves
billions of taxpayer paid dollars. Healthcare service in the U.S
improves 100%.

3. Newly appointed department of Homeland Security Chief Joe
Arapio (former sheriff of Maricopa County, AZ) announces the immediate
deployment of Troops to the U.S. Mexico border to control illegal
immigration and the immediate deportation of illegals with criminal
records or links to terrorist groups. New bio-encrypted Social
Security ID’s are required by every American citizen. Birthright
citizenship is abolished. All immigration from countries that represent
a threat to the safety of American citizens is terminated indefinitely.
The move saves American taxpayers billions of dollars. Several prisons
are closed.

4. Newly appointed Secretary of Business and Economic
Development Paul Ryan eliminates more than half of the Government
agencies operating under the Obama administration saving taxpayers
billions of dollars. Stocks rise 100%.

5. Newly appointed Director of Government Finance Rand Paul
announces the abolition of the IRS and displays a copy of the new
Federal Tax Return form. It consists of one page. The instructions
consist of two pages. The Federal Reserve is audited. The move saves
American taxpayers billions of dollars and increases tax revenue.

6. Hillary Clinton is in jail, where she belongs. Her cell is
directly across from Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton who are serving time
for ‘Hate Crimes." She bitches at them constantly from behind the bars
of her cell in what some might call cruel and unusual punishment.

7. Bernie Sanders is in the nuthouse, where he belongs. His room is
directly across from Nancy Pelosi, Debbie Wasserman Schultz, Chris
Matthews and Al Franken. They meet for tea every day at ten and
discuss the success and benefits of Communism and Socialism throughout
the world. They also wonder when the “Mothership” is going to pick
them up and return them to their home planets.

8. Windows 12 is released. It is designed for humans, doesn’t try
to satisfy the needs of every person on the planet, doesn’t require a
degree in nuclear physics to operate and looks just like Windows 7
except it is easier to use.

9. Barack Obama flees the United States under cover of darkness and
returns to his homeland of Kenya before his trial for treason begins.
He deplanes on a remote jungle airstrip. It was reported that he was
last seen wandering through the jungle singing “Hakuna Matata” with a
chimp named Commie.

10. Oscar Meyer announces the introduction of a new cholesterol and fat
free pepperoni that tastes just like regular pepperoni.

11. Not to be outdone, Kraft Foods announces the introduction of
several varieties of cholesterol and fat free cheeses that taste just
like regular cheese.

12. A committee is not established to determine what is causing global
cooling. Billions of taxpayer dollars are saved.

13. Jennifer Anniston calls me, crying. She tells me it was a big
mistake dumping me and begs me to take her back. I decline, explaining
that I am happily married. She is devastated and cries for days.
Justice is served.

14. Dead people are no longer allowed to vote in Chicago, a huge blow
for the Democrat Party in the State of Illinois.

15. I receive a call from an attorney in Ireland. He explains that I
have inherited a brewery and coastal estate in Ireland from a distant
relative and that I need to be in Dublin as soon as possible to sign
the papers. Ten hours later we tour our new vacation home. There is a
red Ferrari in the garage, also part of the inheritance.

And this my friends constitutes A GREAT DAY!!!!!! January 20, 2017
Just 419 days (from today) left until Obama’s term expires...but who's
counting?

If you wife or girlfriend ever asks, "If I was to arrange a threesome for your birthday, which of my friends would you pick to join in?"

Never give two names!

16. As part of respecting our heritage ,,marksmanship , pistol and long gun will be part of the requirement to obtain a JHS (9th grade) diploma.

Other items not taught today , reading, writing and math will also be required.

FF said:

16. As part of respecting our heritage ,,marksmanship , pistol and long gun will be part of the requirement to obtain a JHS (9th grade) diploma.

Other items not taught today , reading, writing and math will also be required.

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No, no, Fred. We are under attack from ISIS. The obvious solution is to disarm the populace, and make them defenseless.

One of my favourite "bad guys" passed away today. RIP Robert Loggia ... and don't tail gate.
* turn volume on

..

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http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-kp9dUl08xCA/UODmryuwAYI/AAAAAAAApn4/-nFoS6F0cFE/s1600/AxFoCM-CMAEH868.jpg
WORLD WAR III
IN THE PLANNING STAGES

Donald Trump and Marco Rubio are sitting in a bar.


A guy walks in and asks the barman,
'Isn't that Trump and Rubio sitting over there?'
The bartender says, 'Yep, that's them.'



So the guy walks over and says, 'Wow, this is a real honor!
What are you guys doing in here?'



Trump says, 'We're planning WW III.'
The guy says, 'Really? What's going to happen?'



Rubio says, 'Well, we're going to kill 140 million Muslims and one blonde with big tits.'



The guy exclaimed, 'A blonde with big tits?

Why kill a blonde with big tits?'



Rubio turns to Trump and says, 'See, I told you, no one gives a **** about the 140 million Muslims.’

The Irish Angler

THE IRISH ANGLER



The rain was pouring down. And there standing in front of a big puddle outside the pub was an old Irishman,
drenched, holding a stick, with a piece of string dangling in the water.

A passer-by stopped and asked, "What are you doing?"

"Fishing", replied the old man.

Feeling sorry for the old man, the gent says, "Come in out of the rain and have a drink with me."

In the warmth of the pub, as they sip their whiskies, the gentleman cannot resist asking,

"So how many have you caught today?"

"You're the eighth" said the old man.

Those Scots:

I like the story the Grand Canyon is the result of an enthusiastic search by a Scotsman for a sixpence he dropped.
I also like their whiskey.

That would be Whisky, not Whiskey ! just saying!

When the gospel first arrive in the British Isles the English liked it because they could use it to build an empire, the Welsh liked it because they could sing about it, the Irish liked it because they could fight over it and the Scots liked it because it was free.

A foursome of male golfers, all in their 40's, discussed where they should meet for lunch.
Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hooters because the waitresses were young, good looking, had big breasts and wore short-shorts.




Ten years later, at age 50, the golfing buddies once again discussed where they should meet for lunch.

Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hooters because the food and service was good, they had many televisions to watch the games on, and the beer selection was excellent.




Ten years later, at age 60, the foursome again discussed where they should meet for lunch.

Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hooters because there was plenty of parking, they could dine in peace, and it was good value for the money.




Ten years later, at age 70, they discussed where they should meet for lunch.

Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hooters because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and had a toilet for the disabled.




Ten years later, at age 80, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch.

Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hooters because they had never been there before.

GFC said:

Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hooters because they had never been there before.

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Do you have sauve faire?

Well, it is kind of an Illusive thing to determine. Here is one way.

You are having sex with a woman who invited you home from a bar. Her husband walks in and says, "please continue".

If you can continue you surely have sauve faire.

Moonstruck said:

If you can continue you surely have sauve faire.

Click to expand...

That's the short version (just the punch line really) from a British comedian whose name escapes me. The joke was about "The epitome of sophistication". I've never seen or heard it since the late 60's or early 70's, and Google has nothing on it. So here it is, as best I can recall:

Three British gentlemen were sitting at the club, and the subject came up of how to define sophistication.

The first gentleman says "Sophistication is when you're lying in bed with this pretty young lass when her husband walks in. If he says "So sorry" and walks out, that's the epitome of sophistication.

The second gentleman says "No, if you're lying in bed with the pretty young lass, and her husband walks in and says "So sorry, *do carry on*", that is the epitome of sophistication.

The third gentleman takes a long drag on his pipe, pauses for a moment, and says "No. If you're lying it bed with this pretty young lass, and her husband comes in and says "So sorry, do carry on"... Now, if you CAN carry on, THAT is the epitome of sophistication.

Since I retired I've felt kind of lost...adrift...no purpose in life...no goal...no title.


That all changed recently. I now am my wife's Sexual Advisor.


How did that happen, you ask? Well let me tell you the short version.


She told me recently that when she wanted my F*cking Advice she'd ask for it.


I'm pretty happy with my new title.