Humor

Pay Attention ...

... I'm going to explain this only once.

LiveLeak.com - Now Hold On A Minute How Does This Work Again? - Missile Guidance System

". I'm going to explain this only once."

Alo Alo? The Brit series?

BaltimoreLurker said:

... I'm going to explain this only once.

LiveLeak.com - Now Hold On A Minute How Does This Work Again? - Missile Guidance System

Click to expand...

Or - - > An abbreviated way of saying this: Angle of the dangle is directly proportional to the hypotenuse of the square!


During amorous times...That same "missile" guidance effect works very well in the bedroom too!

A priest, a rabbi and a zebra walk into a bar.
The bar tender looks up and says ...
What the hell is this, some kind of joke ?

There are three kinds of people in the world when it comes to understanding math....


#1 those who do
#2 those who don't

Global Warming

Global Warming... 2015???

What Happens When Men Bake Cookies

What Happens When Men Bake Cookies!

Greetings,
Mr. B. Shouldn't those be buns?

Hee Hee!!


Forky
1983 Present 42 Sundeck
Twin Lehman 135's

Bacchus said:

Global Warming... 2015???

Click to expand...

Wifey B: 2015 is up there......on your chart....think celebrity wardrobe malfunctions....

Ron Chestna 89 years of age was stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and was asked where he was going at that time of night.

Ron replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

The officer asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"

Ron replied, "That would be my wife."

...

Helium Beer Sampling

This gives Light Beer a whole new meaning!

Picked this from a friend on another web site.

Stop it......


Forky
1983 Present 42 Sundeck
Twin Lehman 135's

Holy smokes, Ray!! You should post that on the Toilet Paper thread.

..

Larry M said:

..

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Sent that one to my pilot friends if they still are. Thanks, Larry.

Bob and wife got into a spat regarding how cloths he'd recently purchased her... too soon just didn't quite fit anymore.

At spat end wife told Bob that if he wanted to get back in good graces with her she'd better find a present in driveway tomorrow that goes 0 to 200 in seconds.

Next morning she saw a box in driveway.

When she opened it she found an expensive bathroom scale.

Bob has not been see for weeks now.

Craig that is SO funny!!!!


Forky
1983 Present 42 Sundeck
Twin Lehman 135's

Vincenti is on his deathbed and knows the end is near. His priest, guards, nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him.

In a frail voice, he asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak:
“My son, Benito, I wanta you to take da Mayfair houses, My daughter, Sybil, you taka the apartments over in da east end, My son, Jamie, I want you to taka the offices over in da City Centre. Sarah, my dear wife, please take all da residential buildings on da banks of the river.”

The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his extensive holdings, and as Vincenti slips away, the nurse says, "Mrs. Vincenzo, your husband must have been a hard-working man to have accumulated all that property".

Sarah replies, "Property ? .... da ******* had a paper route!”

Admit it, that's gonna be Don Moon on his deathbed

CPseudonym said:

Admit it, that's gonna be Don Moon on his deathbed

Click to expand...

You got me, Craig.

CPseudonym said:

Admit it, that's gonna be Don Moon on his deathbed

Click to expand...

Papers Don bequeaths are stock certificates... not news pater routs.

When you're over 70 who give a ****

I was standing at the bar one night, minding my own business. This FAT ugly chick came up behind me,

grabbed my ass and said, "You're kind of cute you gotta phone number?" I said, "Yea you gotta pen?"

She said "Yea", I got a pen".

I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you". Cost me 6 stitches.

When you are over seventy . . . who gives a ****?



Cowboy: "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."

Cashier: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"

Cowboy: "Nah.. She's purty good lookin'....."

When you are over seventy, who gives a ****?

***********

I was talking to a girl in the bar last night. She said,

"If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."

I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

When you are over seventy, who gives a ****?

***********

I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.

The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

When you are over seventy, who gives a ****?

***********

I went to the pub last night and saw a FAT chick dancing on a table. I said, "Good legs."

The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so."

I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

When you are over seventy, who gives a ****?