Humor

A friend said that she was proud of the fact that her husband finally has a pair of big balls. (Spherical fenders for going through locks.)

DWHatty probably would not tell you, but he polishes Walt's balls every year.

Moonstruck said:

A friend said that she was proud of the fact that her husband finally has a pair of big balls. (Spherical fenders for going through locks.)

DWHatty probably would not tell you, but he polishes Walt's balls every year.

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I wouldn't tell anyone either! Must be fun if he enjoys doing it annually!! Are they pink?

I've got four pink balls, two small and two medium; two on each side (and that's not counting the phallic-shaped.) What does that make me?

FlyWright said:

I wouldn't tell anyone either! Must be fun if he enjoys doing it annually!! Are they pink?

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I freely admit it.

There are actually four of them and two, while not pink, have red (not Breton Red) rings around them. And, yes, I do enjoy polishing them annually.

They were a nice gift from, and remind me of, our absent from TF Walt (aka Seahorse II).

Hey Al and the rest of you San Frannys. I just found a map of your area. Is it accurate?

dwhatty said:

Hey Al and the rest of you San Frannys. I just found a map of your area. Is it accurate?

Click to expand...

You're VERY Close!!

Manure... An interesting fact

Manure : In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything
had to be transported by ship and it was also before
the invention of commercial fertilizers, so large
shipments of manure were quite common.


It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a
lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it,
not only did it become heavier, but the process of
fermentation began again, of which a by product is
methane gas of course.


As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can
see what could (and did) happen.Methane began to
build up below decks and the first time someone came
below at night with a lantern, BOOM!

Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it
was determined just what was happening

After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped
with the instruction ' Stow high in transit ' on them, which
meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower
decks so that any water that came into the hold would not
touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane.
Thus evolved the term ' S.H.I.T ', (Stow High In Transit)
which has come down through the centuries and is in
use to this very day.


You probably did not know the true history of this word.

Neither did I, .....I had always thought it was a golf term

brian eiland said:

Manure :

You probably did not know the true history of this word.

Neither did I, .....I had always thought it was a golf term

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It definitely is a modern golf term. I've used it on the rare occasions that I have essayed the "good walk spoiled".

As to the etymology of the word S.H.I.T., I like your humorous version but, alas, it may not be correct.

Snopes darn it.

Then there is SHSU, Sam Houston State University, located in Huntsville, Texas. It was founded in 1879 as Sam Houston Normal Institute. In 1923 it became Sam Houston State Teacher's College. In 1965, it became Sam Houston State College. Then in 1967, it became Sam Houston State University. All seems rather straightforward.

However, there continued to be talk of changing it's name again. In fact the talk was so serious over several decades within the Texas State University System’s Board of Regents, that in 2007 the Texas Legislature finally passed House Bill 1418 preventing the regents from changing the name to Sam Houston Institute of Technology.

**** is one of the minor boat words, usually used by the captain shortly after moving the throttle lever fully forward instead of the gear lever while backing, the intention being to halt reverse progress by moving the gear lever into forward.

A major boat word would be "Oh F***!" Which would be normally used when the dinghy with the brand new 15 horse Yamaha outboard, mounted on the swim grid, is used to halt rearward progress.

dwhatty said:

As to the etymology of the word S.H.I.T., I like your humorous version but, alas, it may not be correct.

Snopes darn it.

Click to expand...

I suspected that, but I just found that version of the origin of the word very funny. ...sent to me by my golfing brother

dwhatty said:

Hey Al and the rest of you San Frannys. I just found a map of your area. Is it accurate?

Click to expand...

ROFLMAO! That's pretty accurate and timely. I'm sitting onboard right now at RICH PEOPLE YACHTS and will return on Monday via thesewer to GANGS, METH LABS & TRUCK STOPS marina.

Fortunately, I can wear my pink hat here without fear of ridicule.

Camelflage

dwhatty said:

Hey Al and the rest of you San Frannys. I just found a map of your area. Is it accurate?

Click to expand...

Here's a shot of Meg and me near the "Tourist Jail" during the 2014 Fleet Week Airshow.

Someone please stop the boat rocking.



(2012 Fleet Week onboard FlyWright)

A husband and wife are shopping in their local store. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in the cart.

"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife.

"They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans" he replies.

"Put them back, we can't afford them", demands the wife.

They carry on with their shopping. A few aisles farther on, the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband.

"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife.

Her husband retorts, "So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price."

Now that right there is funny no matter what she says.

Greetings,
The "Diesel smell in boat" thread reminded me of this:
Two young fellows (friends) went to a job interview.
When asked about previous experience, the first young man said Diesel Fitter. He was hired @ $20/hr.
The second young man recounted his experience as sewing the elastic bands on the tops of panty hose. He was hired @ $10/hr.
After the interviews, the two young men compared notes. The second young man immediately went back to the interviewer and asked why the first guy was getting 2X his salary.
The interviewer said the first guy was in a higher paying job category.
Second guy said nonsense. That first guy worked on the end of my panty hose line as quality control. He would pick up a finished pair of panty hose stretch the elastic and say "Yep, diesel fitter...

This is very funny.
https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10154636606720713

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?"



She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Little Akio, a bright foreign exchange student from Japan, who had his hand up: "Patrick Henry, 1775," he said.



"Very good! -- Who said, 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth'?"



Again, no response except from Little Akio: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863."



"Excellent!" said the teacher continuing, "Let's try one a bit more difficult -- Who said, 'Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country'?"



Once again, Akio's was the only hand in the air and he said: "John F. Kennedy, 1961.



The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed of yourselves, Little Akio isn't from this country and he knows more about our history than you do."



She heard a loud whisper: "F---! those Japs."



"Who said that? -- I want to know right now!? she angrily demanded.



Little Akio put his hand up, "General MacArthur, 1945."



At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke.'
The teacher glares around and asks, 'All right! -- Now who said that?"
Again, Little Akio says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."



Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? -- Suck this!"



Little Akio jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"



Now with almost mob hysteria someone said, "You little ****! -- If you say anything else -- I'll kill you!"



Little Akio frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Michael Jackson to the children testifying against him, 2004."



The teacher fainted. As the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh ****, We're screwed!"



Little Akio said quietly, "The American people, November 6, 2012."

The Bridge

A man on his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, God said,


'Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.'

The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.


'God replied, 'Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking, the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take!
I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.'

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'God, I wish that I, and all men, could understand women. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy.


God replied:

"You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

Today (well tonight) is Halloween. So here ya go:
Top Ten Reasons Trick or Treating is Better Than Sex
1. You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.

2. If you get tired, you can wait ten minutes and go at it again.

3. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.

4. You don't have to compliment the person who gives you some.

5. It's O.K. when the person you're with fantasizes you're someone else because you
are.

6. Forty years from now you'll still enjoy candy.

7. If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door.

8. It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.

9. Less guilt the morning after.

10. You can do the WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD!

SAYING GOODBYE TO MOTHER

We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard.

We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house. The cat we had put out in the back yard, scoots back into the front door. We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.

My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night, so she decides to tell the taxi driver that ‘I will be out soon, He's just going upstairs to say Goodbye to my mother.'

A few minutes later, I get into the cab. 'Sorry I took so long,' I said, as we drove away. 'That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me, but it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!

The cab driver hit a parked car.

Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.

The 10 pm news was coming on . The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"

Bob said, "You know, I bet he'll jump."

The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."

Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!"

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.

The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob, saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money."

Bob replied, "I can't take your money. I saw this earlier on the=2 05 pm news, and so I knew he would jump."


The blonde replied, "I did too, but didn't think he'd do it again."

Bob took the money...

Greetings,
Ya'll know you're in the south when....

If you ever do the west coast, in Monterey, at the Presidio museum, they have the history of the fort there, including a recipe for possum something or another - for the whole battalion, so it starts out with "50 - 60 possum, skinned"..... and goes downhill from there.

Of course, those types of dinners are historic here in The South, just not at those quantities.

Three men are sitting naked in the sauna. Suddenly there is a beeping sound. The first man presses his forearm and the beeping stops. The others look at him questioningly.

"That's my pager," he says. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."

A few minutes later a phone rings. The second man lifts his palm to his ear.

When he finishes he explains, "That's my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."

The third man, feeling decidedly low-tech, steps out of the sauna. In a few minutes he returns with a piece of toilet paper extending from his rear.

The others raise their eyebrows.

"I'm getting a Fax."