my rant..why are there no young people.

eseyoung said:

Here is where things start to go wrong...around the same time a club member heard my wife and I taking, and thought what we were talking about applied to him...it didn't. Long story short is it set him off into a rage where, in front of my daughter, not only berated us but put his hands on my wife. Obviously, this didn't sit well and within the hour we and the boat were gone. The only thing anyone offered to do was `moderate` the situation...while the situation is water under the keel, his words ring out. Which was basically said that we were too young to be there and it wasn't a place for kids. Now I wouldn't let the words of one deter me but certainly his opinion was shared by other, as evident in lack of interest from the officers.

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I can't quite interpret that to mean you simply went for a ride, or dropped your club membership...

In either case, perhaps there are some constructive things you could consider trying.

- Follow up on whether the dude has rage issues, or Altzheimers, dementia, etc. Could be an early warning...

- Know that not everyone knows how to deal with conflict, in person, up close. The other officers may actually be sympathetic, but might not have known what to do on the spot. Discuss.

- If they are indeed sympathetic, discuss a solution to the dude. An apology. Counseling. Cancelled membership. Assault charges. Be creative.

- If the officers and other club members are not sympathetic, make a big deal about discontinuing your membership. Be sure they know why. Request remaining fees be returned. They're not keeping their end of the bargain. Bury the club. Take a large percentage of remaining membership with you... perhaps to a new club.

And so forth. Might be something could turn a turd into an oyster.

Or something like that...

-Chris

I think offering a phone call to the local PD will calm him down. It should and if it doesn't then I would press charges.
Bill

angus99 said:

Eric, PM sent.

In our club, we've had our share of drunks and idiots over the years. Fortunately, our officers don't tolerate behavior like this and go after those who perpetrate it.

When a drunk veteran member grabbed my wife's butt during a dinner one evening, she loudly called him on it and then reported it to me. I calmly put my arm around his shoulder and assured him I'd break his arm if he ever did it again. I then reported it to the rest of the board (I was dockmaster's that year). When he sobered up, he apologized profusely because he knew the behavior was way out of bounds for our club and he risked suspension or expulsion. For the next 10 years, he apologized every time he saw me despite my reassurance that it was in the past and to stop worrying about it.

The reaction by the club to your experience is disturbing to say the least.

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II certainly can't see it happening at PYC. They are very welcoming for young members, but have been known to work them to death. Great people there. Many of the past commodores are my good friends.

Have had two different experience with yacht clubs. These were over a 30year span and in different parts of the country. Neither was a success. The problem in both cases was too much fighting, name calling and stupid posturing. In one case it was the boaters vs. the beach people. In the second case it was old vs. new.

In both cases the constant bickering drove us away. In my opinion we as a society have gotten more contentious than ever. Maybe I am just not a joining type, but for me, after stressfully work weeks I simply had no time or energy for the negativity.

Locate a marina that suits you and make friends around that group, join some other groups that think similar to you and your family. If that doesn't work, boating is fun when you are doing, go for it.

If that guy had put his hands on my wife, his biggest problem would not have been me.LOL

Have fun
John

Vashon_Trawler said:

The income gap is reminiscent of the guided age.

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That's what I get for typing late a night... I meant Gilded Age!

Here's a good presentation from 2011 on Recreational Boating trends... some interesting data presented. Slide 9 shows that most boaters are presently in the 50-54 age range. While in 1998, most boaters were age 40-44.

http://consensus.fsu.edu/Boat-Summit/pdfs/Industry_Trends_Growth_Summit_(Dammrich).pdf

angus99 said:

Eric, PM sent.

In our club, we've had our share of drunks and idiots over the years. Fortunately, our officers don't tolerate behavior like this and go after those who perpetrate it.

When a drunk veteran member grabbed my wife's butt during a dinner one evening, she loudly called him on it and then reported it to me. I calmly put my arm around his shoulder and assured him I'd break his arm if he ever did it again. I then reported it to the rest of the board (I was dockmaster's that year). When he sobered up, he apologized profusely because he knew the behavior was way out of bounds for our club and he risked suspension or expulsion. For the next 10 years, he apologized every time he saw me despite my reassurance that it was in the past and to stop worrying about it.

The reaction by the club to your experience is disturbing to say the least.

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II certainly can't see it happening at PYC. They are very welcoming for young members, but have been known to work them to death. Great people there. Many of the past commodores are my good friends.

We choose to take the boat and all of our stuff immediately after the incident. We cleaned out our dock box and moved the boat to a marina for a week to let our emotions settle. At the end of the week, we talked to the bridge and decided that we needed to move permanently.

As for the physical part of the altercation, it was mild. It was him poking his finger into her shoulder. But it was still putting his hands on her which is unacceptable at any level.

Most clubs here go out of their way to attract younger members.

Clubs also have a discipline process if a member acts in a manner harmful to the club. Ask the commodore or manager how to begin the process if you want.

Unless membership is free I would not walk away from my fees because of some jerk. Get involved a bit and see if you don't find a different reception.

Our club has put in an elaborate children's play area and has lowered initiation fees for younger members. We do get younger members but they do not take part in club activities. Whether it's raft-ups, pot lucks, cruiser navigation, sail fleet, anglers, etc. they do not participate. Their boat gets put in the slip and that's the end of it, just another slip-hugger. The average age of the active membership is well up into the 60's.

ancora said:

Our club has put in an elaborate children's play area and has lowered initiation fees for younger members. We do get younger members but they do not take part in club activities. Whether it's raft-ups, pot lucks, cruiser navigation, sail fleet, anglers, etc. they do not participate. Their boat gets put in the slip and that's the end of it, just another slip-hugger. The average age of the active membership is well up into the 60's.

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I would attribute dock hugging to the higher costs of fuel. In the early 2000's until about 2007 most of the boats in our marina got used. Now year after year less boats are leaving the dock. I think there is a direct correlation with the increased costs for fuel. I personally think it's killing use and resale of the big boat Gassers.
Bill

Their loss. I think that you will probably be relating your story to other young people. Certainly if asked. The club does not need that, but sounds like it is deserved.

A good club with a pool, sailing classes, and other activities for kids can be a good family investment. If it is focused on the older members only run away. We have been a member (not now), but for the benefits of the Florida Council----not the social aspects. We have done some cruises, but prefer doing our own thing.

I dropped all of my memberships, formal volunteering and community involvement a few years ago. Yes one of them was on the executive of the "yacht club."

Great decision for me. Lots less stress. I have enough structure and obligations in my life. I don't need more in my recreation or leisure time.

I'll still volunteer, but on a case by case basis, and for a finite amount of time or to achieve an objective.

eseyoung said:

We choose to take the boat and all of our stuff immediately after the incident. We cleaned out our dock box and moved the boat to a marina for a week to let our emotions settle. At the end of the week, we talked to the bridge and decided that we needed to move permanently.

As for the physical part of the altercation, it was mild. It was him poking his finger into her shoulder. But it was still putting his hands on her which is unacceptable at any level.

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Wifey B: Now it's finger instead of hands. And it's shoulder. Sorry, but there's a difference. Still wrong. But enough to clean out and leave? No. Enough to talk about when he sobered up if he wasn't sober then, yes. And someone brought up, what did happen to precipitate him doing that? Still doesn't justify his action but if I'm the one handling your complaint I do need to know. I mean man I think the dude was like totally out of line but I don't think you guys handled it the best in the world either. Now sometimes we don't when an action shocks us.

I mean I see myself saying, "Do you want to lose that finger or perhaps another appendage instead?" Maybe something like "If you can't control your finger maybe my hubby and I should amputate it for you." But I would most definitely not have left. When I'm going to leave somewhere it's going to be on my terms, not some buffoon's. And I wouldn't have gone to the board. I believe between my hubby and me we could have impressed upon him that touching me would never be tolerated and he got off lucky that time.

Northern Spy said:

I dropped all of my memberships, formal volunteering and community involvement a few years ago. Yes one of them was on the executive of the "yacht club."
.

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Wifey B: That's just like a job. A bad job. An unpaid bad job.

I would have asked him how he would like that finger broken off and shoved where there is no sun light. Then reported his actions to the board. I disagree that the situation was badly handled. Poking someone with a finger is provocative.The guy opened himself up to some serious reaction. I sometimes forget my age, and that puts me in danger of getting my ass kicked. I may lose, but I'll hurt 'em.

"WASHINGTON—Contradicting the long-held belief that they would just go off and destroy anyone who tried to mess with them, a Department of Health and Human Services report published Thursday revealed that U.S. males would be on average 4,000 percent less effective in a fight than they imagine. “Despite the typical American male’s conviction that he would viciously beat down anyone who came at him and end the whole thing with one punch, we found that in the event of an actual violent altercation, most adult men would almost certainly injure themselves far worse than any assailant,” read the 80-page report, which went on to confirm that nearly all American males would be unable to execute a single maneuver they envision themselves capable of performing, be it an uppercut, a roundhouse, or grabbing an opponent by the back of the neck and smashing his face down into the bar. “Predictions of being amped up on massive adrenaline rushes or having multiple friends jump in to back them up are similarly unfounded, with over 75 percent of confrontations instead projected to end with panicked apologies or pleas to be let out of a headlock.” The report stated, however, that the majority of men correctly estimate that such fights would last a total of six seconds." [Source of quote: The Onion]

Yep, I would probably get my ass kicked, but not without a fight. So, who are these supermen that are kicking our asses? Maybe the "Onion" has the answer.

If I ever run into any of those Onion guys, they're the first ones to get their heads smashed into the bar.

All kidding aside, touching someone--especially a woman, and especially during a heated exchange--is crossing a major line for most people. Eric handled it a lot better than I would have.

Oops! Forgot to add the smiley face to my post! Just a little bit of humor, guys, with no disparagement intended at all.

It appears a large amount of testosterone has escaped containment and found its way to the trawler forum. A bunch of old guys sitting at their computers imagining how much fun it would be to beat the crap out of an old man.

Two things:
1) If you beat a person for poking your wife, it's likely that you will be the one riding in the back of a police car. If he punched her or knocked her down you might be justified but not for a poke.

2) There is not enough evidence presented here to convict or acquit anyone. We have one side of the story and as we should all know, there are three sides to every story, this guy's, the other guy's and the truth.

The facts that the officers of the club would not take action and the OP decided to leave and not come back tells me that he and/or his wife were not entirely blameless.

Ron, you're making a lot of assumptions. How you can say they are partly to blame because they decided to leave is frankly ridiculous. I know Eric personally, have been to the YC in question and trust his description of the event.

dimer2 said:

[
If someone laid their hanfds on my wife they would be picking themselves out of the water or off the floor, and I'd probably have broken my hand.
Bill

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When I was Commodore of our club I banned a member for touching a female member of the staff. I was only able to get nine members of the bridge to support my action, the other four members were not present at the meeting.

Don't know what I would have done if the jerk had grabbed one of the wives.

The hoity toity yacht club just up the road from us has a swimming pool, tennis courts and a thriving junior program. They have a younger membership than our club but the same percentage of slip huggers. This club has an outpost on Catalina Island that is so little used by their members that it might be given back to the Conservancy that runs the island.

If the economy ever returns and average middle class folks can actually afford to boat in my local waters I might help start a local chapter of the Redneck Yacht Club. Sounds like the kind of place where I'd fit right in.

A place without pretense.

First, I didn't beat down anyone. A situation where we were berated in front of our 4 year old and someone physically touched my wife, not to "beat her" Rather, IMHO it was to intimidate. It worked. We left.

The words were much more hurtful than anything physical. His opinion was obviously shared by others, as evident by the inaction of the bridge.

Well it worked. We left.

I am a very non confrontational person. The club, boating its all suposed to be fun. Confrontatin, for me isn't.

CPseudonym said:

If the economy ever returns and average middle class folks can actually afford to boat in my local waters I might help start a local chapter of the Redneck Yacht Club. Sounds like the kind of place where I'd fit right in.

A place without pretense.

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That is a mighty big IF.

CPseudonym said:

If the economy ever returns and average middle class folks can actually afford to boat in my local waters I might help start a local chapter of the Redneck Yacht Club. Sounds like the kind of place where I'd fit right in.

A place without pretense.

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Need a YC mascot? Poster child?

rwidman said:

It appears a large amount of testosterone has escaped containment and found its way to the trawler forum. A bunch of old guys sitting at their computers imagining how much fun it would be to beat the crap out of an old man.

Two things:
1) If you beat a person for poking your wife, it's likely that you will be the one riding in the back of a police car. If he punched her or knocked her down you might be justified but not for a poke.

2) There is not enough evidence presented here to convict or acquit anyone. We have one side of the story and as we should all know, there are three sides to every story, this guy's, the other guy's and the truth.

The facts that the officers of the club would not take action and the OP decided to leave and not come back tells me that he and/or his wife were not entirely blameless.

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Ron, as a former F-LEO I can tell you if someone grabbed my Wife to intimidate her the tables would turn quickly. I won't or wouldn't put up with it at all. I said the guy would have to pick himself back up or get out of the water, one doesn't need to punch someone to knock them down. I did make a comment that I might break my hand that would be determined by the OM's actions. Sorry I never initiate a fight but I'm not walking away from anyone who would try and berate or intimidate my wife. It has -0- to do with Testosterone and everything to do with protecting or standing up for your wife. As I said women are hands off when it comes to guys of any age.
Bill

eseyoung said:

The words were much more hurtful than anything physical. His opinion was obviously shared by others, as evident by the inaction of the bridge.
Well it worked. We left.
.

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Wifey B: Well, you present the story but it keeps changing in important ways. It may seem the same to you but to me it's significant. First it was hands on her. Then it was finger poke of shoulder. Now you're saying the words were the real problem. Well, we can't comment on those because we have no idea what either your wife or he said.

I mean I don't talk to a bunch of older strangers the same I do to my younger friends. I don't want to freak them out too bad. Although sometimes that's fun. But seriously, did you then gather yourself and leave more over the words than the poke? Sounds like you wanted to make a statement by leaving and then the board to rally to your cause and beg you to stay. And they didn't.