Women in boating and here.....

Admiral and Captain leave for weekend on boat in couple hrs.

There - I said it and she likes it - The "A" word!! :lol:


Admiral: A word and/or meaning raucously enjoyed by some... dreaded by others! Usually meaning not too much to most!

PG I was going to ask you to post a pic of your new runabout.

Thanks. Is she an OB. Or IO?

ActiveCaptain said:

I've always thought the whole "admiral" thing to be very disrespectful. The way it's often meant is, "well, I'm the captain of the boat but my wife can pull the plug even though she can't operate the boat."

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Well, yeah, that's exactly what my Admiral is, and she'll be the first one to tell you that. She likes being the Admiral, she doesn't know anything about the boat and knows she's got a steep learning curve ahead of her once we start cruising, but she loves the water and for that reason, I adapt. I never thought anything about the term being derogatory. Neither did she.

Like any other term, sometimes it fits.

Eric, I/O volvo 5.0

My wife, like Jennifer, has dockophobia. She tenses up even handling lines. I often handle everything solo even when she is aboard, just to avoid stressing her out. We had a difficult situation docking in the wind on one of her first times aboard, and she hasn't quite gotten over it yet.

Other than that, she's very helpful. She, as well our teenagers, can take the helm in open water; they've all had practice at MOB drills and are getting confident on watch if I have a nap. But docking - not a chance. I think my daughter will be ready to try before my wife.

most first aid along the coastal US is good but with the internet...only a click away...CPR is overrated to the max on the water (read wilderness).

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I wish I had seen this earlier.

I'm sorry but this is really bad and dangerous advice. If this had any effect on any reader, please research it more from people involved with emergency medical response.

If there is ever a real medical emergency, even I wouldn't grab for my iPad and the internet as an early response. And I've seen blood shooting out of places on patients where it didn't belong and don't panic about those kinds of things. Trust me, if you see that happening on a loved one, you won't be able to remember how to turn on the computer.

Now sure, get a tick bite, and the computer is great. But there's a certain amount of basic first aid and emergency medical knowledge that anyone venturing off needs to know. And that includes most of the ICW.

I've had the unpleasant opportunity to perform CPR multiple times. It is never like it looks on TV and patients never cough and wake up after it. But CPR does something critically important - it keeps the patient alive until more definitive care is available. The main issue with cruising is that the medical response time increases from under 10 minutes on land to 30-45 minutes on water (and even longer). 50 miles out to sea, yeah, CPR won't matter - the patient is going to die. But that's quite a rare mode of cruising for most of us. For a significant amount of our time on the water, we're within VHF response to some fire department. You'd be amazed.

This is one of the reasons why it is so important for a significant other to be able to operate the boat and keep it moving and in safe water. It's got to be near second nature because they might be having to render emergency care at the same time during a very, very stressful situation.

Bottom line - learn CPR now unless you've had a course in the last 2 years. It is not a waste of time at all and it's not something to ignore. It's simple and it will save the life, probably of someone you love.

Pineapple Girl said:

My husband and I know a lot of boating couples through our years of yacht club membership. I know ONE woman who will take her boat out by herself. Not me. I will drive and I will dock on a face dock but I am pertrified of our slip. Too much $$$ floating around. I need to try it sometime at slack with no wind.

We know a few couples where the wife has zero to do with the boat. Some we have never seen her, others maybe seen her at a land event. For them, they are happy to let the guy do his thing while they do theirs. Know several sailors who race on Saturday while the wife is shopping or riding her horse or whatever thing she does. Works for them but would not be MY thing. I LOVE that my husband and I boat together.

As for division of duties on the boat and the idea of "admiral" yes my husband will tell people I am the admiral and ulitimately in charge. I am NOT one to second guess him--we make our plans together and do boat projects together. It think it is more if I do voice a concern he will defer to me as he wants me to be happy and feel safe on the boat. Really we have rarely had any situations where this has come into play and if it does, we discuss and agree on a course of action. I think it is more a man's joke to call his wife the admiral. Whatever.

As to the forum, he also has an account but rarely comes on here. He does not do social media stuff or online stuff much at all. I have a blog, though I haven't kept it up much lately. I used to be way more active on here but I am just too busy lately to take the time. Just chanced upon this thread!

I just got a new toy last weekend to add to our fleet.

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Nice runabout Jennifer! You going to use as a tow-behind at all... so you always have a scotter available while on the hook with Big Mo Boat?

What type runabout was it that you mentioned as a "Money Pit"?

I offed one of the $$$$ grabbers last year. It was a 19' Maliby Skier that needed restoration. We're currently sticking with our fun little 4 seater Crestliner 50 hp Johnson o/b tow behind!

Happy Boating Daze! - Art

My wife and I have been boating for most of 40 years having started out racing sail boats. Our crew for passages is her sister who races her own sailboat. My wife can and does handle maintenance when needed, can dock the boat, do navigation, etc as well as most but prefers to not be captain (that's me) as from our racing days the rule has always been that there can only be one captain on a boat.
I always thought the admiral thing was a bit campy. In our case she is the 1st officer. As the second in command she has skills and capabilities similar to mine plus is responsible to provide feedback, make provisional plans and disagree with options for the captain. The Navy way. Overall, I'm responsible for whatever happens. The Navy way.
When I became sick in the Exumas this winter and had to leave the boat she and her crew sister and now the new #1 brought the boat back to the mainland without a problem, moved the boat a couple of times since and has been doing required maintenance for the last couple of months. She was trained, stepped up to the plate and has enjoyed all the new learning experiences that comes with her command.
Having said all of this, my wife was prepared for taking over command. While maintenance and some aspects of running the boat were areas that I always took care of she and her sister took notes, made check lists and took mini classes from me on things like the difference between DC and AC power.
I know I'm gifted.

We do watch standing in two hour shifts when cruising. Your watch, you dock it, lock thru, etc. If in doubt we team up to handle the situation. Builds confidence and safety in worse case situations. Good feeling to know if somehow you go overboard that your mate can hit the MOB button and do a 360 to retrieve you. Not to speak of the before mentioned emergency medical situations.
Bill

BandB said:

Very good way to approach. We learned so much in our boat search by chartering too.

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The training/class/school that is at the current top of the list has three classes. Two classes can be taken together and take about a week. The third class is a short offshore trip that also takes a week.

At a minimum, we would take the first two classes and MAYBE start charting a boat in NC for short, inshore trips. The third class is really important because it will be a big test for the wife and seasickness. Certainly after the third class, limited chartering would be doable.

I have two parallel careers and both require constant training/education. One career has mandatory training every year and some of the classes are on the same subject year after year after year which might sound repetitive, which it is, but that is a good thing. I have noticed, even though I KNOW the subject matter, I ALWAYS learn something new each class.

There is a different course that seems similar to the school I just mentioned and I think we might take it too. This class is in an area I used to sail in and it would be nice to go back and see how things have changed. A different teaching captain will also provide a different perspective.

Chartering is the step after some training, and depends on how the training goes with both of us, but especially the wife.

Later,
Dan

My wife is great at locking, anchoring (she mans the helm) and steering a straight line but thats about it. We are both happy with that, she loves boating and is a fantastic chef. We have done a few 1,000 mile plus trips and it has always worked fine for us.

As far as forums go, forget it. She can turn on the computer and get to Facebook and Candy Crush, no interest in anything else online!

It all works for us...

ronlord said:

My wife is great at locking, anchoring (she mans the helm) and steering a straight line but thats about it. We are both happy with that, she loves boating and is a fantastic chef. We have done a few 1,000 mile plus trips and it has always worked fine for us.

As far as forums go, forget it. She can turn on the computer and get to Facebook and Candy Crush, no interest in anything else online!

It all works for us...

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We both laughed at that. I was typing on the forum last night with an 18 year old on the sofa with my wife and me. She says, "Ooh, boring....wasting your time on forums." This is the same girl who is some incredible ranking in Candy Crush and constantly playing Angry Birds on her phone.

To each their own. I don't grasp the joy of Angry Birds but the millions of dollars voted on it clearly show many disagree with me.

This has been very interesting as well as the other similar recent threads to read how different couples work together in boating and how their roles are defined. The key is finding that which works for you. But it's also working with your partner, family, and friends to find ways to help them enjoy spending time with you on the water. And if that's not their thing, then can't force it. I think sometimes it's difficult for us when we do love something so much to appreciate that others may just not like it. I know avid golfers. Play constantly. Something about hitting a ball and then chasing it around a few miles in the hot sun and waiting for others to play so it takes hours I just don't love. But then I do appreciate it as a great way to socialize with friends. Typically you have four hours to talk with only a few seconds at a time for silence.

My better half is always with me on the boat along with our kids (2.5 and 4)and every time we hit the waves im just so relaxed and happy that we can be together that i gladly take on everything. Piloting, docking, shopping food and drinks, breakfast, planning and cooking both lunch, dinner and even do the dishes. All of this dutys fall upon my "wife" when we are at home since i very often workes late + she takes care of are children, anyway, she gets off duty on the boat and i really enjoy being the "householder" when we are onboard, w this said the wifey loves being at sea(lake) and everything about it except anchoring in crowded places )

ps: she wood take the helm in an emergency or in well known waters but docking.....mmmhh probably not.

I don't like anchoring in crowded places either. In that regard cruising in Alaska was heaven .... most of the time. Now we're back in civilization.

The Facebook page "Women Who Sail" is quite active and covers much more than traditional "pink" issues. Don't know an equivalent outlet for trawler women and don't know how you can tie the almost addiction to Facebook into activity on this Forum.

Bay Pelican said:

The Facebook page "Women Who Sail" is quite active and covers much more than traditional "pink" issues. Don't know an equivalent outlet for trawler women and don't know how you can tie the almost addiction to Facebook into activity on this Forum.

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Wifey B: I think you can easily make sense out of the female predominance on facebook versus male predominance here. Facebook is more a social gathering and less a factual exchange. In a psychological sense it is that emotions and feelings are expressed more on facebook and thoughts more here. Now that doesn't mean any place doesn't have both. Just I think that's why the demographics vary to such an extreme. I'm certain there are more reasons such as women liking the aesthetics and sensitivities of boating while men are more into the hull and engines.

Now for my man and me...there are many topics here we don't participate in simply as they're not in our area of interest. Most of them involve maintenance. But to us that is easy enough to just ignore. I'm sure there are many people this thread doesn't interest. But just because there are aspects of a website or magazine of anything else that doesn't interest you, doesn't mean you can't get a lot of enjoyment from the part that does. Similarly we don't own nor do we plan to own a sailboat, but we still love to read about the destinations sailboaters go to, about their cruising grounds, about spending time on the water.

BandB said:

Wifey B: I think you can easily make sense out of the female predominance on facebook versus male predominance here. Facebook is more a social gathering and less a factual exchange. In a psychological sense it is that emotions and feelings are expressed more on facebook and thoughts more here.

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Now, Now, we did too have a "sunset" thread. See, that takes care of our touchy/feely side.

BandB said:

Wifey B: I think you can easily make sense out of the female predominance on facebook versus male predominance here. Facebook is more a social gathering and less a factual exchange. In a psychological sense it is that emotions and feelings are expressed more on facebook and thoughts more here. Now that doesn't mean any place doesn't have both.

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I think there's a different reason. It's something I've been studying for 5 years and comparing different social media and other sites trying to bring boaters together.

TrawlerForum is certainly a social place. I think it's more technical than some Facebook groups but that's because it's more male dominated. There are many Facebook groups that also talk nuts and bolts and recipes - I'm a moderator of one.

I think the reason for the difference is very simple. It's all about anonymity. The more anonymous you get, the more male dominated the media becomes. Also, the more anonymous you get, the more nasty things get and the quicker things turn to ugly exchanges. That could be caused by male domination too but ultimately it comes from anonymity.

This type of statement usually brings out someone saying that they're not anonymous here. And some here are not very anonymous. By enough are and over and over again, that proves to be the factor.

Facebook is most surely not anonymous. Yes, you can fake your entire account but that's pretty rare and hard to do. Most people there are genuine allowing you to know more about them. Reputation is more important in Facebook where your real friends and family see your exchanges. No one but other trawler owners see what you write here and in most cases, you can't tell who the person really is.

...just my observations.

Bygge said:

My better half is always with me on the boat along with our kids (2.5 and 4)and every time we hit the waves im just so relaxed and happy that we can be together that i gladly take on everything. Piloting, docking, shopping food and drinks, breakfast, planning and cooking both lunch, dinner and even do the dishes. All of this dutys fall upon my "wife" when we are at home since i very often workes late + she takes care of are children, anyway, she gets off duty on the boat and i really enjoy being the "householder" when we are onboard, w this said the wifey loves being at sea(lake) and everything about it except anchoring in crowded places )

ps: she wood take the helm in an emergency or in well known waters but docking.....mmmhh probably not.

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That's a nice post! - Thank You!! - Art

Bet you guys hold hands a lot... Linda and I do too!

ActiveCaptain said:

I think the reason for the difference is very simple. It's all about anonymity. The more anonymous you get, the more male dominated the media becomes. Also, the more anonymous you get, the more nasty things get and the quicker things turn to ugly exchanges. That could be caused by male domination too but ultimately it comes from anonymity.

This type of statement usually brings out someone saying that they're not anonymous here. And some here are not very anonymous. By enough are and over and over again, that proves to be the factor.

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Agree. As I've noted before, people feel perfectly safe saying things on line that would get them punched out in real life. There is even a name for it: Online Disinhibition Effect (Google it). I don't think women are immune, but when you get too many bulls in the pasture it's bound to result in ugly exchanges. Fortunately, on TF, the good guys outnumber the a$$hole$.

Now, bracing for the posts that will prove the above true

Fortunately, on TF, the good guys outnumber the a$$hole$.

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We may be outnumbered, but that doesn't deter us from trying to help at the same time!

caltexflanc said:

We may be outnumbered, but that doesn't deter us from trying to help at the same time!

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And I thought everybody had one.

Comments to comments are in gray.

psneeld said:

think the skill sets broadly needed, and in no particular order, are:

1. Boat handling - Good for both, mandatory for one The wife told me this weekend that she wanted very much to learn to handle the boat. Why I asked? She said, "In case you make me mad, I want to be able to take the boat and leave you on shore!" I THINK she was kidding.... Right?
   

1. Risk evaluation - Unless trained in it and use of checklists and mandates... it only comes with intense training and/or experience (I helped research DoD's operational risk management doctrine). As long as you take each step of intensity with one step of experience...most make out just fine. You'll know when it's time to graduate from each level if you are astute and listen to experience. One of my jobs/careers is all about Risk Evaluation and one of my off work jobs very much is about the evaluation of risk. I have no desire to go to the Caribbean. None. Zip. Nada. But we will go to the Caribbean if we are able to do what we want. We have to work up our skills and going to the Caribbean would be one of the training trips. Plus the wife wants to see the Caribbean. I just view the Caribbean as a training trip.
   
2. Navigation - actually the easiest of all for coastal US...especially with learning the use of a chartplotter (which rarely fail) and something like Active Captain to give you a decent guide along the way. Navigation is pretty "simple" today. The sailing I did with my dad, NOT that long ago in my mind but it is in years, was all done with paper charts a compass and a depth sounder. The only other electrical device we had was VHF. How did we survive?! I have been downloading charts and looking at the coast way up here in NC and I have been shocked at the shallowness of the water! I was used to shallow water in the Keys but I did not expect this much shallow water up here. I really do not like the PDF charts but the price is right! They are too hard to read to find information quickly. Certainly we would have a chart plotter but paper charts are a must have as far as I am concerned. Far faster to read and find information.
   
3. First Aid - most first aid along the coastal US is good but with the internet...only a click away. Things like paramedic skills are great but hard to fit into an already busy schedule and hopefully with the click of an EPIRB....the USCG will be there within the hour. From 35 years as a first responder on the water...buy an AED and learn how to use it...CPR is overrated to the max on the water (read wilderness). I think I will make a different post about this one.
   
4. Weather forecasting ...learn to read between forecast lines and how local weather will differ than the "area" broadcasts you really get from most media sources... I am reading the Dashew's storm tactics book which is now a free download along with their weather book. The book is discussing the weather systems that hit the Hobart Race back in the 90's and there was a very small chance of the weather blowing up like it did for the race but it did. Our goal would be to avoid bad weather and even with my limited weather knowledge we would not have left port with the weather map at the start of the Hobart Race. No way. We just would have had to wait a few days then leave... Course, the hard part is when on a passage, weather is heading for you and you have to decide which way to go to avoid what is on the way....
   
5. Mechanical skill ...nice but only not required...many a professional captain doesn't know which end of a screwdriver to hold. Let a pro keep your boat in tiptop shape...and mech skills are less important. venture across oceans or to the ends of the earth...different story. I have had two diesel trucks and a tractor so working on these engines is not new to me. I really want hydraulics on the boat for certain things since it is reliable and easily fixed for the most part. The wife grew up on a farm so she can do basic engine work as well. Since we want to travel away from the US we need to have some skills.
   
6. Radio communication....nice but relatively easy to get the hang of...just listen and learn. Not too much else you have to learn beyond what you hear every weekend on ch 16 and 13. Remember if your radio is DSC capable..and it's MMSI programmed with a GPS input... the red button is the most you need to know other than plain language. You don't have to sound like a seasoned fishing boat capt...in fact, many of them sound stupid anyway. If really in trouble, the on switch of the EPIRB/PLB is all you really need anyway. For what we want to do, we would have SSB and maybe Sat phones. Having the proper license also helps satisfy license requirements in other countries.
   

It's really not all that hard to do coastal and interior US...just some basics and off you go. If it was that hard..many here wouldn't be here.... And from what I have seen on the water, I am surprised SO MANY are still here at all.

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Later,
Dan

I had the pleasure of meeting a woman this past weekend who lives aboard her 34 CHB in Sausalito, CA. Some of our Northern California boaters may know her from a frequent references in a monthly article written by Kim Haworth in the monthly magazine Bay and Delta Yachtsman. Her name is Esther...commonly referred to by Kim as Divine Esther.

She bought her boat new in 1980 and has maintained the boat herself all these years and almost always travels solo. She saw us arrive the day with fellow TFer remwines in his Down East trawler, so she was hoping we were a part of a larger trawler boat-in. We had to disappoint her with news that we were it!!

She is passionate about all things trawler-related and loves to talk about the SF Bay and California Delta. She invited us aboard her boat and we gave her a tour of FlyWright.

I described Trawlerforum and told her we needed more trawler women on the forum. She was not familiar with forums but I sure hope we see her contributing here soon. We could have talked for hours, but Meg and I had commitments with other friends and had to meet up with them so we had to cut our visit with Esther short.

It was a real kick meeting her and experiencing her enthusiasm first hand. As I told her in the note we left at her door upon departure, I hope our wakes cross again someday soon.

FlyWright said:

I had the pleasure of meeting a woman this past weekend who lives aboard her 34 CHB in Sausalito, CA. .....She bought her boat new in 1980 and has maintained the boat herself all these years and almost always travels solo.

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It`s no surprise,I know several female sailboat owners who handle, maintain, and manage their boats with competence and efficiency. They might seek assistance with some aspects, but so do guys, look at the TF threads.

BruceK said:

It`s no surprise,I know several female sailboat owners who handle, maintain, and manage their boats with competence and efficiency. They might seek assistance with some aspects, but so do guys, look at the TF threads.

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If any person, male, female, or otherwise (after all, this is 21st Century!!) think that they are able enough or smart enough to handle everything regarding boats, boating, or marine life in general... then... please sit down; I would be very wary of your input!

Because: Only competent “eyes-wide-open” experienced (sometimes trained) boaters/mariners should get to stand and answer questions, such as the really good bunch of posters have here.

This is a great TF thread. I’m absorbing it all in regarding Emergencies.

It would be nice to see/hear/read more girls’ input on TF. That said; Face Book, in general as compared to a boating forum, seems to fit more in nature with as well as to the liking of women. And, that’s perfectly OK with me!!


Happy Boating Daze! - Art

I have moved the First Aid posts to http://www.trawlerforum.com/forums/s3/first-aid-while-boat-14797.html#post230497 to preserve the subject matter of this thread.

Now here is a determined woman!

https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=white+spot+pirates&sm=1

Over the weekend the wifey and I were discussing our Future In Boating.

The problem we have is Time and Money. We have neither to do much boating now. The best we can do is prepare for our long term plans. Make little steps in the right direction so to speak.

Over the weekend it became apparent that we have several clocks running regarding boating.

• Retirement to give us time.
• Retirement to give us money to use the time.
• Certain investments that would buy the boat and time earlier than retirement.
• Kids still in school.
• Kids going to go off to college.
• Do we leave the kids after they graduate from college and "sail" off into the sunrise?
• Family members that might need our time and money for elderly care?

After we discussed this list, the wifey said we need to sell everything, buy a boat and go NOW! That is my girl!

Last night we were streaming a Doc Martin episode. For those who have not seen Doc Martin, it is about a surgeon who goes back to a coastal town he knew as a kid to be the GP. I won't spoil it by saying WHY he has to be a GP. The show is filmed in Port Isaasc, Cornwall, UK. The port is a very little port dating back to Henry the 8th I am. It is absolutely gorgeous and the photography is stunning.

The episode we watched last night featured a sail boat at sea just off the coast. So very pretty. When the tide is out, the boats in the port are grounded. The episode we watched last night had two characters walking among the grounded boats and I was intently watching to see how the boats were using the mooring lines. To heck with the plot lines!

Anywho, the photography in the episode was more stunning the usual, especially with the sail boat going to sea after clearing a headland.

The wifey said, if we did not have kids, we would sell everything and get the boat.

Later,
Dan