Spouses and partners

BandB · Apr 20, 2014

Is your spouse or partner as passionate about boating as you?

How much do they participate?

What aspects of boating do they like and what do they dislike?

What is their role in boating versus yours?

Does your interest of boating and their lesser interest ever create problems? Or the other way around?

Do the two of you follow the stereotypes or reverse them in some areas?

What is an extended cruise like together?

ksanders · Apr 20, 2014

My wife of 20+ years is not passionate about boating at all.

She is a creature of habit, and as such does not look upon new adventures like I do.

That said, there is a side of her that longs for the adventure, thats why she choose to marry a guy like me, as opposed to someone less adventurous.

She participates in boating, in helping to choose the boat, and to go with me. While onboard she drives the boat frequently, and takes part in all of the aspects that boating entails except maintenance. Thats my job. I keep the boat in tip top shape, and she wants no part in that. Its the same way around the house. She does not use tools regularly and has expressed no desire to learn. When I have asked about that in the past she says thats why she has a man around.

My wife loves to fish. Thats her favorite part of boating. She does not like big waves.

I've had several major hobbies in my adult life. I'm for example a Float rated pilot, and kept my plane at our home for years, exploring Alaskas back country. Boating is the hobby that seems to have stuck with me.

It has caused more than a little trouble for us over the years. Boats take not only money, they take time. The money part has caused her some heartache over the years, but not that much. Her problem is time. Time spent maintaining, or even on the boat is time not spent doing things around the house, or even just being at the house. We have a lakefront home with a dock in our yard and all the lake stuff, boats, jet skis, etc. Alaska summers are preciously short so she wants to enjoy our home. Ocean boating takes away from that.

Our typical trip is 3-4 days away from the harbor. We boat with our four dogs so we haven't taken any extended trips longer than that together. Boating in our part of the world is wilderness boating. We don't go see towns because there are only a couple of them, we go anchor off and enjoy the wilderness.

I will say that my wife is starting to see extended cruising in her future. She mentioned this last week how we need to take the boat south either this fall or next fall and use it as a base to play in warmer latitudes. She has finally figured out that we have a second home that we can position anywhere we want to along a coast, and move it at will. She isn't ready to lock up the house for the winter yet but she is wanting to try a month or so onboard and see how it works out. Being basically stuck inside for 5 months of the year is wearing on both of us, especially when she reads articles in Passagemaker like the one she read about the California Delta.

Part of this change in her accepting cruising longer term might be me though. I, in as nice and loving way that I can, have told her that I'm not going to grow old sitting in my house for 5 months out of the year, trapped. I have to go see things, to explore...Someplace warm.

I've given her all the options. We have a boat the size of an apartment. I've taken her to look at large motorhomes. We've talked about buying a second home somewhere like Hawaii, or the lower 48 and even moving out of Alaska.

We love our lakefront life. Its hard to describe to someone that's never lived it, but it is a different life. One thats hard to give up. We've lived on our lake for 19 years.

Exploring will probably be a winter time thing for us, and I'm good with that.

Egregious · Apr 20, 2014

BandB said:
Is your spouse or partner as passionate about boating as you?

How much do they participate?

It takes two people to handle all the work that needs to be done. It is kinda subjective.

What aspects of boating do they like and what do they dislike?

She loves everything except very rough conditions. I don't like them myself.

What is their role in boating versus yours?

I do most of the driving. She relieves me when I need it. I'm slowly teaching her to drive confidently, but that means never putting her in a scary situation. She has run us aground and I am so proud! She navigates. I handle radio communications. I keep the outside clean, she keeps the inside clean. I work on the mechanical stuff. She handles the ships log.

Does your interest of boating and their lesser interest ever create problems? Or the other way around?

No way man. She is cannot wait for our next cruise. She looks at boats on Yachtworld.com and she wants us to move closer to our boat so we can do more boating.

Do the two of you follow the stereotypes or reverse them in some areas?

Not sure what the stereotypes are, but yes I check the oil and she fixes sandwiches. We are both happy with our roles. If we were to take a year long cruise I think the roles would shift somewhat with me doing more of her stuff and she doing more of mine. I think the goal is to get to where we both can do everything as well as the other.

What is an extended cruise like together?

With us and our two dogs? Awesome. Loving every minute!

Portuguese · Apr 20, 2014

MY wife of 38 years is my best and strongest motivation.
We have been dreaming with our boat, soon to be launched, since we got married. When we were both teenagers and far from thinking about marriage, we use to go out and sail in my FIL’s boat. It was a 33’ South African Orient 33 sailboat.
When we started to put our ideas about Rainha Jannota together, she immediately volunteered to take care of the electrical systems as she knows that I hate de damn thing. She is also a fishing woman and for 6 years held the Latin America Sailfish Record for 20lbs line. We split any other tasks in a boat, and we love to have people visiting.
Yesterday we were having a conversation and she was telling me that as soon as the boat launches, she will stay there for at least 6 months, far from home.
That’s how much she loves boating.

BandB · Apr 20, 2014

ksanders said:
My wife of 20+ years is not passionate about boating at all.

She is a creature of habit, and as such does not look upon new adventures like I do.

That said, there is a side of her that longs for the adventure, thats why she choose to marry a guy like me, as opposed to someone less adventurous.

She participates in boating, in helping to choose the boat, and to go with me. While onboard she drives the boat frequently, and takes part in all of the aspects that boating entails except maintenance. Thats my job. I keep the boat in tip top shape, and she wants no part in that. Its the same way around the house. She does not use tools regularly and has expressed no desire to learn. When I have asked about that in the past she says thats why she has a man around.

My wife loves to fish. Thats her favorite part of boating. She does not like big waves.

I've had several major hobbies in my adult life. I'm for example a Float rated pilot, and kept my plane at our home for years, exploring Alaskas back country. Boating is the hobby that seems to have stuck with me.

It has caused more than a little trouble for us over the years. Boats take not only money, they take time. The money part has caused her some heartache over the years, but not that much. Her problem is time. Time spent maintaining, or even on the boat is time not spent doing things around the house, or even just being at the house. We have a lakefront home with a dock in our yard and all the lake stuff, boats, jet skis, etc... and Alaska summers are preciously short so she wants to enjoy our home. Ocean boating takes away from that.

Our typical trip is 3-4 days away from the harbor. We boat with our four dogs so we haven't taken any extended trips longer than that together. Boating in our part of the world is wilderness boating. We don't go see towns because there are only a couple of them, we go anchor off and enjoy the wilderness.

I will say that my wife is starting to see extended cruising in her future. She mentioned this last week how we need to take the boat south either this fall or next fall and use it as a base to play in warmer latitudes. She has finally figured out that we have a second home that we can position anywhere we want to along a coast, and move it at will. She isn't ready to lock up the house an for the winter yet but she is wanting to try a month or so onboard and see how it works out. Being basically stuck inside for 5 months of the year is wearing on both of us, especially when she reads articles in Passagemaker like the one she read about the California Delta.

Great post. A couple of things hit me. In both talking and reading, I'm struck by how many women really love fishing.

Also, the thought of it as a second home that can be relocated. I think many find keeping their boat in warmer climates but still spending some time at home works for them. And also the length of time away that is right varies by individual. Better to break with trips home if that keeps it enjoyable. We've found 6 weeks is normally our comfort time, although for Alaska we will be gone two months at one time. We miss our friends and "adopted family". We love being on the water but we also love being home and time with them. Typically we might cruise 6 weeks, home 3, cruise a month, home 2 weeks, cruise 6 weeks, home 3, cruise 8 weeks, home 4, cruise a month, home a month. Our pattern fits somewhat like that. Also, while Christmas in an exotic warm location sounds great, we make sure we're home for the holidays. We just have to share them with those special to us.

BandB · Apr 20, 2014

To answer my own questions.

We share the passion equally and all about it. We went to Maritime School together, we have been trained by Captain's together and we'll continue to upgrade our skills.

Now, I know this will be a horrible thing to many here, but maintenance of engines and other equipment we also do equally. Neither one of us does it at all. We don't enjoy it and would rather spend the time if we had to doing something in our professions to make money and pay someone else to do it. We want to enjoy cruising and we would not enjoy working on the boat at all.

For us boating has never been an issue. Our thoughts are just so nearly identical. We did have to figure out how long we would enjoy being away from home at a time and it's evolved to 6 weeks, maximum of 2 months. Short time home and then back on the water. We spend about 240 days a year cruising and another 40 or so boating at home on day or overnight trips. Last year we covered over 19,000 nautical miles on the water.

We love to explore. Explore everywhere and everything. We like the big city, we like the end of the road to nowhere. We love to see the history, the beauty of different areas. Don't miss any aquariums or lighthouses ever or any wildlife areas. We also love to see art and artists and artisans in different places. We plan together, but we never force ourselves into sticking to a schedule. We also don't try to see too much per day or everything in a port that we know we can come back to. We want to always have more there to see. On the other hand when we cruise somewhere like Alaska that we might not get back to we'll be more thorough. There is no end to the places we'd like to see sometime. We have zero interest in sightseeing by car or by plane, just by boat. Don't put many miles on our cars.

Main reason we drive three times or so per year to NC where we lived is an orphanage that we got very close to and kids there who we just adore. Also Christmas day after seeing them we always drive to Myrtle Beach to be with our parents and sister. Yes, our parents. I'll explain while she sits reading this and giggling. Our birth parents are now deceased and sadly were never persons we could think of in positive terms. But our first time vacationing together we met at a hotel in Myrtle Beach and the girl working the front desk was wonderful as were her parents who owned it. We became close. They were the only three we had with us for our wedding later. And to us they are our parents. We chose the best there are. And our sister is about to have a child making us an aunt and uncle. We were both only children.

We don't fit stereotypes well, more two minds working with each other. Now, I was the shy inhibited one and she the open wild child but she opened me up in ways I never though could happen. I was a businessman, she was a teacher specializing in reading programs, starting with elementary but expanding to all levels.

As to rough water and conditions, we are both respectful of it but not scared of moderately rough conditions and we just accept them rather than talking about an awful day. Sort of like a day at the rodeo or something.

Fishing was mentioned and we do very little on our own but occasionally go out with friends and also in some areas with guides, like Lake Okeechobee when we were there.

Sailing, we're too lazy to do. But we enjoy being on a sailboat if others are doing the work. Just day sailing. Chesapeake is our favorite of any sailing we've done.

Equal driving, equal docking, equal navigating. The one thing she does more than I do is calling ahead to marinas as we get near, changing plans with marinas if necessary, and talking to bridge tenders and lock masters. I still don't love calling people I don't love plus they will far more respond to her voice and tones.

Likes and dislikes. Like all except maintenance. True for us both. We also prefer marinas to anchorages although occasionally anchor. Anchor more during the day than overnight.

Other hobbies. Number one is music which we both love. We sing and she plays keyboard. And business is now a hobby. I was going to retire, then just couldn't go completely cold turkey so small business, little time required, watching those I mentor grow and run it incredibly well. And her hobby is still helping with reading programs.

How will boating evolve? We don't anticipate major changes until age and health require. At one time we might have anticipated no land home but then we made too many friends who are now like family to us.

We don't dive and friends keep telling us we most learn. We're great swimmers so would be natural, just not sure being under water is our thing.

We both love reading books of other cruisers and their trips. We often read together, both with our kindles and the same book loaded. Fortunately we read about the same speed.

The amount of time we spend together astonishes most people and would not work for most couples. That's one thing people face cruising but we do things so together whether on land or sea that it's not an issue for us. We don't run to opposite ends of the boat for alone time. To us alone time simply means the two of us.

Oh when cruising we do try to stay in shape and not just with all the walking. You can spend a lot of time sitting on a boat if not careful. We do even occasionally play tennis when cruising or play basketball. We'll find somewhere for them and just go do it.

ancora · Apr 20, 2014

My wife of 45 years is equally passionate about boating. We use our boat 12 months of the year and spend so much time at the yacht club people think we are live-aboards. My wife pilots the boat on log races ( I can't hold a course) and is actually the vice commodore of our racing association (even though, I hold the title.) Raft-ups are her biggest interest as it gives her a chance to be an on-the-water hostess. She dislikes being out on the ocean with swells over five feet but does not complain.
Our roles are equal as I spend as much time in the galley as she does (I love to cook) however, I am the bartender.
We both look forward to our annual cruise to Catalina Island with members of our yacht club. The wife loves to go harbor hopping up the coast and stopping at a different yacht club every night for dinner and shopping at the yacht club store. (Sometimes a free guest slip ain't all that free.)

BandB · Apr 20, 2014

ancora said:
My wife of 45 years is equally passionate about boating. We use our boat 12 months of the year and spend so much time at the yacht club people think we are live-aboards. My wife pilots the boat on log races ( I can't hold a course) and is actually the vice commodore of our racing association (even though, I hold the title.) Raft-ups are her biggest interest as it gives her a chance to be an on-the-water hostess. She dislikes being out on the ocean with swells over five feet but does not complain.
Our roles are equal as I spend as much time in the galley as she does (I love to cook) however, I am the bartender.
We both look forward to our annual cruise to Catalina Island with members of our yacht club. The wife loves to go harbor hopping up the coast and stopping at a different yacht club every night for dinner and shopping at the yacht club store. (Sometimes a free guest slip ain't all that free.)

What a wonderful situation. Sound like us in another 30 years.

Moonstruck · Apr 20, 2014

Where to start? To lose a cruising partner of 35 years, and then have another with no boating experience is a learning experience for both. People are different, and you have to be sensitive to those differences. I feel so fortunate to have another great cruising partner. Does she care for cruising as much as I? No. but I try to tailor our cruises to make certain she gets to do what she enjoys.

BandB · Apr 20, 2014

Moonstruck said:
Where to start? To lose a cruising partner of 35 years, and then have another with no boating experience is a learning experience for both. People are different, and you have to be sensitive to those differences. I feel so fortunate to have another great cruising partner. Does she care for cruising as much as I? No. but I try to tailor our cruises to make certain she gets to do what she enjoys.

Can't imagine how difficult that was but will tell you how much I admire you for continuing to teach and learn and find another great cruising partner. Something tells me you've made each a wonderful partner and that last sentence might go a long way toward saying why as you find ways to make it enjoyable.

Scary · Apr 20, 2014

Life has a way of throwing curve balls

My cruising partner of 34 years was killed in a car wreck while driving us to our boat in Seattle. We were in the process of moving the boat into Canada to begin cruising full time. In the past we had raced sailboats, climbed mountains, skied mountains, water skied, motorcycled, built a business together and raised a family. She was extremely goal oriented, I am more into the journey. She was game to do anything I wanted to do, it was really up to me to make it safe. She had total confidence in my ability to handle whatever came up. We had a lot of neat experiences. She never questioned my competence.
My new partner loves boating but hasn't shared the same kind of experiences and adventure. Cruising the Delta is an adventure for her, running at night frightening, waves in the ocean something that are life threatening. The yacht scene however great fun as well as the social aspects of boating. She likes the cooking and sleeping aboard, helps with the cleaning, loves being on the water. Maintenance and repairs my job. That hasn't changed. The new gal gets to run the boat once away from the dock. I don't think she will ever feel confident docking 66,000 lb, however she is pretty comfortable at the helm. Navigation will be up to me at least in the near future. Fortunately my daughter is very competent and having her along provides a great deal of confidence for her. After all if no one else seems concerned maybe its ok. The goal at least for me is to develop confidence in her and trust in me so that we can cruise together in remote locations alone. I'm just taking it one trip at a time exposing her slowly. Hopefully we get there before I'm to old to do it.

O C Diver · Apr 20, 2014

My wife hasn't been to the boat I purchased in January. I've already put 1,500 miles on it. Hoping she will give it a try later this summer. Hoping I can spark an interest with a weekend in a secluded anchorage with some good kayaking. Ambivalent would be a step in the right direction. Wish me luck.

Ted

BandB · Apr 20, 2014

Scary said:
My cruising partner of 34 years was killed in a car wreck while driving us to our boat in Seattle. We were in the process of moving the boat into Canada to begin cruising full time. In the past we had raced sailboats, climbed mountains, skied mountains, water skied, motorcycled, built a business together and raised a family. She was extremely goal oriented, I am more into the journey. She was game to do anything I wanted to do, it was really up to me to make it safe. She had total confidence in my ability to handle whatever came up. We had a lot of neat experiences. She never questioned my competence.
My new partner loves boating but hasn't shared the same kind of experiences and adventure. Cruising the Delta is an adventure for her, running at night frightening, waves in the ocean something that are life threatening. The yacht scene however great fun as well as the social aspects of boating. She likes the cooking and sleeping aboard, helps with the cleaning, loves being on the water. Maintenance and repairs my job. That hasn't changed. The new gal gets to run the boat once away from the dock. I don't think she will ever feel confident docking 66,000 lb, however she is pretty comfortable at the helm. Navigation will be up to me at least in the near future. Fortunately my daughter is very competent and having her along provides a great deal of confidence for her. After all if no one else seems concerned maybe its ok. The goal at least for me is to develop confidence in her and trust in me so that we can cruise together in remote locations alone. I'm just taking it one trip at a time exposing her slowly. Hopefully we get there before I'm to old to do it.

Wifey B: God I'm impressed by you guys. Moving on after tragedy strikes. Getting another partner but not expecting her to be the same and taking it slow while she gets acquainted with boating. You're freaking damn incredible guys....all of you who have done this. I hope my man would do the same if something happened to him. Of course, if he didn't, I'd somehow kick his a... from wherever I was.

BandB · Apr 20, 2014

O C Diver said:
My wife hasn't been to the boat I purchased in January. I've already put 1,500 miles on it. Hoping she will give it a try later this summer. Hoping I can spark an interest with a weekend in a secluded anchorage with some good kayaking. Ambivalent would be a step in the right direction. Wish me luck.

Ted

Wifey B: Has she had interest in the past? Have you asked her what kind of boating trip would interest her? If there's anything that would make her enjoy joining you more.

Wishing you luck. Can't force if she doesn't like it. Do you know what she dislikes? Just find whatever works for the two of you in your marriage.

Art · Apr 21, 2014

TY BandB - This is a Fun Thread!

My wife loves boats and being on the water... be it ski boats, runabouts, row boats, Fountain ocean racers, or multi cabin pleasure cruisers. We both like sail boats too... but not at this stage of life... too much of a PIA - LOL! Neither one of us have ever had a second of upset stomach due to sea conditions. Albeit in my history I have oodles more coastal cruising than she. Linda loves to cook – thank God! I love to eat – pretty good BBQer too!

My Admiral likes to keep inside of all boats clean. We swim every chance we get. As Captain, I do vast majority of outside cleaning but she does not at all mind helping. Mechanics and other build-it/fix-it things are my domain, just like I/she want it. She will do items like screen repairs, curtain sewing/hanging... etc. If I or she calls for assistance on anything either of us will jump right in to help make it work.

For several years we’ve been relishing the SF Delta’s warm fresh waters and using our perfect sized/equipped Tolly as a getaway for long weekends doing short cruises, hanging on the hook, and relaxing/playing... during spring, summer, fall. Before Delta-Play we ran around in SF Bay. We’re heading to boat for a weekend this Thursday.

We have much family on shore and spend much, much time with them. As years pass we are contemplating renting out our primary house as well as our beach house. We would sell our beloved 34’ Tollycraft tri cabin and pick up a 50’ to 65’ for costal cruising. Alaska in summer, Mexico in winter, SF Bay/Delta as home base. Time will tell how this all works out. We are both fearless regarding change and adventure; what we do is what we want to do.

I handle the boat under all conditions; she will cruise straight if I request while I accomplish something. Docking ain't her thing! Tying dock line, putting out fenders, fending off our tow behind runabout with boat-hook... etc – is!

I’m currently working on a Big Business Opportunity; much of what my future holds for the next ten years may substantially pivot on its outcome.
Happy Boating Daze! – Art :speed boat:

O C Diver · Apr 21, 2014

BandB said:
Wifey B: Has she had interest in the past? Have you asked her what kind of boating trip would interest her? If there's anything that would make her enjoy joining you more.

Wishing you luck. Can't force if she doesn't like it. Do you know what she dislikes? Just find whatever works for the two of you in your marriage.

My wife suffers from sea sickness on much smaller than a cruise ship. Nothing short of dry land seems to help. Hoping that boating on flat water such as the Erie canal will avoid the sickness and spark an interest. In her 1st marriage, she has gone several times on cruise ships. My challenge is to bring as many of the comforts of home, without the motion of the ocean. I accept that a fair amount of my cruising will be solo. We have many differnt interests and tend to do our own thing. I spend 1 out of every 4 days on (boating) or in (scuba diving) the water. She is an avid football fan, 30 hours a week between TV and online from before preseason to the Super bowl. Currently she works in KY and I work in MD and live 7 months a year in FL. She will retire in 9 years. It's a very different marriage. I tell people we are friends on Facebook and get together most federal holidays.

Ted

psneeld · Apr 21, 2014

My crew (girlfriend and dog...especially the dog) doesn't like anything more than ripples.....even the big sounds in Ga are tolerable most of the time if you pick the days.

Not a perfect way to travel by expensive trawler...but certainly if not on a tight schedule....you can go from NJ to the Keys and back and have more issues from wakes than waves.

Certainly some stretches are more interesting and smoother than others and near major modes of transportation. I think you could make it work with the slow immersion method...I wish you luck as my biggest hurdle coming up will be crossing the stream.

BandB · Apr 21, 2014

psneeld said:
My crew (girlfriend and dog...especially the dog) doesn't like anything more than ripples.....even the big sounds in Ga are tolerable most of the time if you pick the days.

Not a perfect way to travel by expensive trawler...but certainly if not on a tight schedule....you can go from NJ to the Keys and back and have more issues from wakes than waves.

Certainly some stretches are more interesting and smoother than others and near major modes of transportation. I think you could make it work with the slow immersion method...I wish you luck as my biggest hurdle coming up will be crossing the stream.

I'd suggest for some of those whose spouses have rough water issues to really consider stabilizers or paravanes if you don't have them.

O C Diver · Apr 21, 2014

Went from Ft Myers, FL to Crisfield, MD this month. Worst part of the trip was across a bay, Chesapeake bay. 3 to 4' with the occasional 5' to ring the boats bell, from Norfolk to Cape Charles (25 miles). That was after waiting in Norfolk for 3 days for a better forecast. I envision my wife showing up for the protected passages and deboating for the larger bodies of water. I think there is a lot of the ICW she would enjoy, the more remote undeveloped areas. See no reason to subject her to the areas where passage can be uncomfortable. I'm prepared to buy plane tickets and car rentals for her. Probably need to invest in Tracvision if I want her on the boat during football season. :flowers:

Ted

O C Diver · Apr 21, 2014

BandB said:
I'd suggest for some of those whose spouses have rough water issues to really consider stabilizers or paravanes if you don't have them.

While they may be an improvement, I don't think you grasp the severity of the situation. No pitching; no rolling. I'm hoping boat wakes won't make her sick. Think cruise ship in 10 to 15 knot winds stable.

Ted

ksanders · Apr 21, 2014

BandB said:
I'd suggest for some of those whose spouses have rough water issues to really consider stabilizers or paravanes if you don't have them.

GREAT ADVICE!

I had my current boat on the hard for a eight month long refit and repower.
I wanted to put on stabilizers and the ship yard, who is very familiar with this model wanted me to put on a hard chine and hull extension modification.

So I balked. I did neither. Classic consumer mistake, and one I don't make often.

The next time my boat gets to Washington state its getting a pair of stabilizers. Not to make the boat more seaworthy, its plenty seaworthy for coastal cruising. The stabilizers will make it more comfortable.

kolive · Apr 21, 2014

My wife had the original idea to buy a boat. W were taking our German exchange student out into the San Juan Islands on a Whale watching boat one spring break. We sat outside the entire time on this small boat talking about how nice it was and she asked why can't we do this. One the way home we stopped at "Boat Country" by Dagmars and crawled over boats for the next 4 hours. Did not know a things about them but decided we liked the Tolly 26 the best of all the boats we looked at and could realistically think about affording. That is when I contracted the "Yachtworld Disease". I am glad Yachtworld does not have an hour meter for viewing their site, it would be embarrassing.

We ended up getting a 19' Starcraft Islander cuddy cabin my wife noticed in Portland. Started buddy boating with our Coast Guard Aux friends in the San Juan's. Took the boat to the tip of Vancouver Island to fish for a Springs and looked towards the Broughtons as a place to go next. Decided we did not like the fast boat experience and starts looking at trawlers. She loves everything about boating!

Found an Albin 25 on Craigslist that was perfect for our first trawler. Decided to take a class to really learn more about this style of cruising and how to drive a single screw boat through AYC Yacht Charters in Anacortes. Great decision as we learned a lot in those 3 days in the Islands. I got the confidence to drive, dock, plan and take care of our boat from this class. My wife was feeling pretty sickly during the trip. Little did we know.... When we got home a couple of weeks later she was admitted to the hospital for emergency open heart surgery to remove a tumor the size of a golf ball from her right atrium! Boating on hold, nothing else matters now. The surgery was May 21st.

We spent most of the summer in recovery at home. She is amazing and does great recovering and in August asks, Can we take our Albin out for a short trip please? Wow! We go to Stuart Island in the San Juan's and she wants to hike out to the lighthouse, 3 miles. We take our time and she does awesome. Loved the trip and now begins planning for longer trips next summer.

I do the docking, we both drive, cook, clean and maintain the boat. I do the mechanical but she is very interested and helps check all systems. Tying up when docking is something she is very good at and does not care for others that try to take HER lines and do it their way, her way is our way.

We have a Grand Banks now and feel like we have boating luxury accommodations. She comes from a long family history of boating. Her relatives were Whalers out of Connecticut and Captains on the Great Lakes where she grew up. She is half Otter, the nicer half and loves to swim and be in the water. I am more hesitant about being in the watery realm, not the best swimmer but working through it and always wearing a life vest when I jump in. I Love watching her swim and play in the water. She spent the better part of two hours swamping our kayaks to see if she could empty them out and climb back aboard and laughing the entire time. I have to work hard to get her out of the water.

I am so blessed to have her as my mate and partner. Boating is just better because of her. We spend a lot of time together and love it. Can't wait to get out there again. Her Heart a Birthday is coming up soon and we celebrate it every year. She will be 6 years new this May.

GFC · Apr 21, 2014

When my wife and I first met about 9 years ago she'd never been on a boat. I had a 33' express cruiser and welcomed her aboard. Well, as many of you know, when you walk down into the cabin the first thing you see is the bed. That kind of freaked her out because she began to mentally speculate about why I'd brought her on the boat.

Her first overnight cruise was a trip up the Snake River and through the lock at Ice Harbor Dam. It was WINDY and the boat was rolling around. She was tasked with going on deck to put out the fenders and handle the dock lines. She didn't like it, but she did a good job of it and I was proud...and told her so.

Since that time we've gotten married (almost 6 years ago) and she'd become almost as much of a boat lover as I am. She's handled the driving duties for up to 2 hours on a section of the Columbia with many turns in the channel while I napped, has backed the boat into the slip, and doesn't hesitate to take the helm. She's not real confident yet in her abilities, but she's getting there. She's actually a lot better than she believes, I just haven't yet convinced her of that.

She also helps out with the maintenance. She's much smaller than I (I'm 6'2"/235lbs) and she's about 5'4" (weight not to be disclosed) so she is able to wiggle into those tight spaces much easier than I can. Two years ago she changed the impeller on our genset without my assistance. I just showed her the photos of what it looked like and walked her through the process and she had completed the job in about 20 minutes. All I had to do was prep the new impeller before she installed it.

She also has helped change the impellers on the Cats and loves the challenge. When we do an oil change, she's the one who fits into the small area ahead of the stbd engine to flip the switches on the oil change system. She handles that part, I handle the hose and oil containers.

She's a gourmet cook so whenever we cruise she does all the menu planning and most of the cooking (I grill the meat if that's on the menu).

She's also a GREAT deck hand. Last year we were coming up the Columbia River and entered one of the locks, being the last of 6 boats into the lock. The wind was blowing but she was able to get us securely tied to the bollard before any of the other boats were secured.

We make a pretty good cruising couple. There's no question about who is in charge, and she follows directions well and quickly when we're docking.

Like Keith said above, I'm blessed to have her as my mate and my wife....and I let her know that frequently.

THD · Apr 21, 2014

An interesting and informative thread. I am towards the OC end of the spectrum. We have been together almost 25 years. My wife has always known of my love for boats and my long term cruising desires (anyone who knows me for more than about an hour, will learn these things about me!). But she never quite believed it all. We spent out first ten years in NYC and DC making a living, no boats. A bit later in our lives, we adopted our daughter from China about 14 years ago and have shared the joy of raising her. As we became financially able and bought the boat a few years ago, my wife still did not take the idea of extended cruising that seriously. She did spend time with her Dad some 45 year ago in a 26' Chris on LI Sound, so she has some history. She has become competent and able on the boat, but limited to Puget Sound and PNW cruising. When we have been out in weather, she endures, but does not enjoy it. She is quite a bit less adventurous than me and is much more tied to place and things than I am. My daughter meanwhile, is ready to take off tomorrow morning and see the world!

I think that once our daughter is off to college, we will be in the situation where I do the extended cruising and she flies in to stay. She will do some short term (Caribbean island to island and similar), but not much more than that.

If that ends up being our compromise, and it works for us, I am fine with it.

BandB · Apr 21, 2014

kolive said:
My wife had the original idea to buy a boat. W were taking our German exchange student out into the San Juan Islands on a Whale watching boat one spring break. We sat outside the entire time on this small boat talking about how nice it was and she asked why can't we do this. One the way home we stopped at "Boat Country" by Dagmars and crawled over boats for the next 4 hours. Did not know a things about them but decided we liked the Tolly 26 the best of all the boats we looked at and could realistically think about affording. That is when I contracted the "Yachtworld Disease". I am glad Yachtworld does not have an hour meter for viewing their site, it would be embarrassing.

We ended up getting a 19' Starcraft Islander cuddy cabin my wife noticed in Portland. Started buddy boating with our Coast Guard Aux friends in the San Juan's. Took the boat to the tip of Vancouver Island to fish for a Springs and looked towards the Broughtons as a place to go next. Decided we did not like the fast boat experience and starts looking at trawlers. She loves everything about boating!

Found an Albin 25 on Craigslist that was perfect for our first trawler. Decided to take a class to really learn more about this style of cruising and how to drive a single screw boat through AYC Yacht Charters in Anacortes. Great decision as we learned a lot in those 3 days in the Islands. I got the confidence to drive, dock, plan and take care of our boat from this class. My wife was feeling pretty sickly during the trip. Little did we know.... When we got home a couple of weeks later she was admitted to the hospital for emergency open heart surgery to remove a tumor the size of a golf ball from her right atrium! Boating on hold, nothing else matters now. The surgery was May 21st.

We spent most of the summer in recovery at home. She is amazing and does great recovering and in August asks, Can we take our Albin out for a short trip please? Wow! We go to Stuart Island in the San Juan's and she wants to hike out to the lighthouse, 3 miles. We take our time and she does awesome. Loved the trip and now begins planning for longer trips next summer.

I do the docking, we both drive, cook, clean and maintain the boat. I do the mechanical but she is very interested and helps check all systems. Tying up when docking is something she is very good at and does not care for others that try to take HER lines and do it their way, her way is our way.

We have a Grand Banks now and feel like we have boating luxury accommodations. She comes from a long family history of boating. Her relatives were Whalers out of Connecticut and Captains on the Great Lakes where she grew up. She is half Otter, the nicer half and loves to swim and be in the water. I am more hesitant about being in the watery realm, not the best swimmer but working through it and always wearing a life vest when I jump in. I Love watching her swim and play in the water. She spent the better part of two hours swamping our kayaks to see if she could empty them out and climb back aboard and laughing the entire time. I have to work hard to get her out of the water.

I am so blessed to have her as my mate and partner. Boating is just better because of her. We spend a lot of time together and love it. Can't wait to get out there again. Her Heart a Birthday is coming up soon and we celebrate it every year. She will be 6 years new this May.

What a great story. So glad she's doing well. Her enthusiasm for living, truly living rather than just existing, I bet played a large part in her recovery. My wife giggles a lot and then it gets to me. I didn't laugh out loud much before her and never giggled.

Wifey B: hehe....oh I loved about her and the kayak. Sounds like us on these silly $120 styrofoam like sail boats we use to have on the lake.

BandB · Apr 21, 2014

Mike and Tina:

Sound a lot like us in the mutual boating connection.

THD:

It's what every works for you.

BandB · Apr 21, 2014

This is so great to learn all this about many of you. Non couples can feel free to post a bit too about their cruising even if off topic. We just love seeing others who love the water as much as us.

We really like Trawler people. None of our boats are trawlers and we like to go faster. But when we reach the marina we gravitate toward Trawler people. We're far more likely to have dinner or go check out the town with the couple on the Grand Banks than the "Yacht" owners or the Go-fast owners. We're younger than most of this group, but we enjoy more similar things in ports. We're taking in the community, it's history and uniqueness, not checking out all the clubs in town. And we share your love for the water and for exploring and seeing new things and old things again.

AusCan · Apr 21, 2014

My wife doesn't have the passion of boating that I do, but she loves relaxing on the boat, visiting new places on the boat, swimming, snorkeling, exploring deserted beaches.
No desire in being at the helm, but will if I need a break. She doesn't mind rough water, unless the boat is heeling hard. She's not overly technically minded or interested in the maintenance, but willing to help handing me tools or checking over the boat while I am working overseas.

But she understands completely my love for boating and is 100% supportive in the time I spend on it. She still wants to do some serious cruising one day, although we would have to find the right boat for this. I don't want to venture too far out into the Southern Ocean in my 30 footer with her quite yet, as it may put her off. Small steps.

But we are both really looking forward to joining friends on their Lagoon 440 for a month on the Dalmatian coast in in July. That is more her style.

mattkab · Apr 21, 2014

This was a fun thread to read. I'll add ours...

BandB said:
Is your spouse or partner as passionate about boating as you?

As passionate about boating? Maybe not, but she does love boats and being on the water.

BandB said:
How much do they participate?

Fully? As much as expected? When I'm aboard she is aboard as well 90% of the time. The only time she isn't is because I'm taking someone out to go fishing, or making a transit during work hours where she can't be there.

BandB said:
What aspects of boating do they like and what do they dislike?

We truly treat our boat like a second home and she seems to enjoy just being aboard. We watch movies and sporting events from the slip quite often, and will many times go down to the boat just to have dinner, never leaving the slip.

BandB said:
What is their role in boating versus yours?

I do much of the heavy lifting - big maintenance items (waxing/buffing, oil changes, bottom cleaning), big projects. I also cook (because I cook at home too). She will do the majority of the cleaning inside, and some of the cleaning outside. All the woodwork/cetol is hers. She likes to paint, and doesn't mind pressure washing. When docking/undocking, I'm at the helm and she tends the lines. Underway she has zero problem taking the helm for a time.

BandB said:
Does your interest of boating and their lesser interest ever create problems? Or the other way around?

No. Financially we sometimes get a bit stressed, especially since I've left large companies with their good salaries and benefits to start my own. But that stress would be normal even without the boat.

BandB said:
Do the two of you follow the stereotypes or reverse them in some areas?

She doesn't like to be cold, so if the weather turns nasty I'm the one outside. I cook

BandB said:
What is an extended cruise like together?

We haven't done one yet, but hope to this summer. "Extended" for us would be a week or two. We've done 3-4 days at most.

Max Simmons · Apr 21, 2014

BandB said:
Is your spouse or partner as passionate about boating as you?

Nope. Now looking for replacement!

Spouses and partners

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