Humor

you don't know how much I needed those laughs -- Al-Gebra .. a nasty bunch led by Cal Cu Lus .............

Have seen some of these, but this is really a funny list.

Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Give him religion and he'll starve to death while
praying for a fish. Timothy Jones

When the white missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we had the land. They said 'Let us pray.' We closed our eyes. When we opened them we had the Bible and they had the land. Desmond Tutu

America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked. David Letterman

I'm not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. God dammit, I'm a billionaire. Howard Hughes

After the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box. Italian proverb

Men are like linoleum floors. Lay 'em right and you can walk all over them for thirty years. Betsy Salkind

The only reason they say 'Women and children first' is to test the strength of the lifeboats. Jean Kerr

I've been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither would take out the garbage. Zsa Zsa Gabor

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. Jeff Foxworthy

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. Prince Philip

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. Emo Philips.

Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself. Harrison Ford

The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. Spike Milligan

Lawyers believe a man is innocent until proven broke. Robin Hall

Kill one man and you're a murderer, kill a million and you're a conqueror. Jean Rostand.

Having more money doesn't make you happier. I have 50 million dollars but I'm just as happy as when I had 48 million. Arnold Schwarzenegger.

We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea. WH Auden

In hotel rooms I worry. I can't be the only guy who sits on the furniture naked. Jonathan Katz

If life were fair Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead. Johnny Carson

I don't believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we're very sceptical. Arthur C Clarke

Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap. Steve Martin

Home cooking: Where many a man thinks his wife is. Jimmy Durante

As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind - every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder. John Glenn

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat…? Steven Wright

America is so advanced that even the chairs are electric. Doug Hamwell

The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone. George Roberts

If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport. Jonathan Winters

I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it. Robert Benchley

This is all wrong! Duct tape, not electrical tape! PB Blaster and a BFH, not WD 40! And that brand of beer.....! I dunno about those Blowboaters!

The first thing a rag-bagger thinks when he sees something for the first time is "I wonder if I can eat that?".

In my life as a 3 year liveaboard rag-bagger, on my level anyway, the reason for the blow boat was to spend as little money as possible. You guys talk about slip/moorage costs - a rag-bagger leaves his boat anchored. You talk about haul outs - a rag-bagger careens his boat. You talk about GPS, computers with expensive nav programs, Spot, radar, sideband, liferafts - we used a cheap transister radio as an RDF had a compass and depth sounder. Aux power was a very simple hand start single cyl 10 hp diesel. No running wqter, let alone refrigeration and a single car battery to keep the anchor light on at night. No LED's back then so I used a 32volt bulb in the masthead 360 to minimize current. A fellow boater said the bulb was so dim you had to climp the mast and strike a match to see it it was working.

Anyway, stinkpotting, even as we do it, is significantly more expensive than sailing was - our total expenses while living aboard the 27' sailboat were less than $200/month which was easy enough to save while we stayed anchored in relative safety and worked during hurricane season.

A Christmas Story

A couple was Christmas shopping at the mall on Christmas Eve and the mall was packed.

As the wife walked through the mall she was surprised to look up and see her husband was nowhere around. She was quite upset because they had a lot to do.

Because she was so worried, she called him on her mobile phone to ask him where he was.

In a calm voice, the husband said, "Honey, you remember the jewelry store we went into about 5 years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we could not afford and I told you that I would get it for you one day?"

The wife choked up and started to cry and said, "Yes, I remember that jewelry store."


He said, "Well, I'm in the bar right next to it."

Kinda brings a tear to your eye!

Greetings,
Three friends from (insert race/ethnicity of choice) are at a job interview. First fellow goes into personnel office. Interviewer asks the following three questions:
"Who is the President of the United States?"
Answer: Obama
"How many states are there in the union?"
Answer: 50
"What is is the color of the flag?"
Answer: Red, white and blue.
"Fine, you're hired....

First fellow goes out into waiting room and tells other two the questions and answers. "Gosh" says the second fellow, "I'll NEVER remember all that." First fellow says "Just write the answers on the inside band of your underwear and make like you're scratching your stomach and read the answers".

Second fellow does just that and is hired.

Third fellow laments "I'm not wearing any underwear!" Second fellow responds..."No problem. I've already got the answers written down and you can borrow MY underwear". With this accomplished, third fellow goes in for the interview.

"Who is the President of the United States?"
Answer: Haynes
"How many states are in the union?"
Answer: 34
"What is the color of the flag?"
Answer: White with a brown spot...

A labor union rep walks into a bar next door to the factory and is about to order a drink to celebrate Obama’s victory when he sees a guy close by wearing a Romney for President button and two beers in front of him.

He doesn't have to be an Einstein to know that this guy is a Republican. So, he shouts over to the bartender so loudly that everyone can hear, "Drinks for everyone in here, bartender, but not for the Republican."

Soon after the drinks have been handed out, the Republican gives him a big smile, waves at him, then says, "Thank you!" in an equally loud voice.

This infuriates the union rep. The union rep once again loudly orders drinks for everyone except the Republican. As before, this does not seem to bother the Republican. He continues to smile, and again yells, "Thank you!"

The union man once again loudly orders drinks for everyone except the Republican. As before, this does not seem to bother the Republican. He continues to smile, and again yells, "Thank you!"

The union man asks the bartender, "What the hell is the matter with that Republican? I've ordered three rounds of drinks for everyone in the bar but him, and all the silly ass does is smile and thanks me. Is he nuts?"

"Nope," replies the bartender. "He owns the place."

A grump old Newfie with a slightly deaf wife phones his son in Juno Alaska and tells him he is fed up with his Mother and after 45yrs he as had enough and will be separating on Christmas Day. He told him he can phone his two sisters and tell them the same if he wants. The son was outraged and told the old man to stop while he was ahead and that he was flying home to see what was wrong with him.

Wasn't too long and the second oldest phoned from Edmonton Alberta and then another call from the daughter who was living in Bellingham Seattle. Both said the same thing warning the old man to not do anything and that they were on their way back to Newfoundland and will talk this over as a family and said how ridiculous he was to do that to their mom after 45yrs.

The old man sat down next to his misses and she ask, who rang. The old man speaking slight louder than normal said it was Ann and Mary, that they said that both of them and Bobby were coming home for Christmas and this time we don't have to help them with the tickets so get the Turkey ready it's going to be a great Christmas. She spoke up and said to the old man, it's so nice our children still loves to come home. He agreed and both went to bed loving each other as they did for 45yrs.

Sent from my iPhone using Trawler

As we progress into the last part of 2012, I want to thank you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.



I can no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, nor let the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can't sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans-fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's handbag for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public toilet.

I must send my special thanks for the email about rat poo in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I can't have a drink in a bar because I fear I'll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.

I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.

I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an
e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer buy fuel without taking someone along to watch the car, so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life.

I no longer go to the cinema because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.

I no longer go to shopping centers because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number
for which I will get a huge phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

Thanks to you I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

And thanks to your great advice I can't ever pick up a coin dropped in the car park because it was probably placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.

I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.

If you don't send this email to at least 144 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00pm tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's beautician!

Oh, and by the way...

A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their emails with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

PS: I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by email that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet.
NOW YOU HAVE YOURSELF A VERY GOOD DAY!

Hello, is this the Police Office?

Yes. How can we help you?'

I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Jack Murphy...He's hidin' marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he's hidin' it there..'

Thank you very much for the call, sir.'

Since the Drug Sniff'in canine had a bad cold and was ill, twelve St Johns Police Officers descend on Jack's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept.

Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but found no marijuana.

They sneer at Jack and left.. telling him they will be back when the dog gets better.

Shortly, the phone rings at Jack's house.

'Hey, Jack! This here's Floyd....Did the Police come?'

'Yeah!' how crazy they blamed me for having marijuana at my place.

'Did they chop your firewood?'

'Yep!' Crazy cops

'Happy Birthday, buddy!'

Newfies know how to get'er done

________________________________

A U.S. Navy destroyer stops four Mexicans in a rowboat rowing towards
California. The captain gets on the loudspeaker and shouts, "Ahoy,
small craft. Where are you headed?"

One of the Mexicans puts down his oar, stands up, and shouts, "We are
invading the United States of America to reclaim the territory taken
from us by the U.S. during the 1800's."

The entire crew of the destroyer is doubled-over in laughter. When the
captain is finally able to catch his breath, he gets back on the
loudspeaker and asks, "Just the four of you?"

The same Mexican stands up again and shouts,

"No, we're the last four.
The rest are already there!"

Especially for one of our retired lawyer friends who likes to post on this section of TF.

By the way my sister, who is a former National Court Reporting Teacher of the Year taught these people to so accurately record all of these intelligent discourses.

Don

Time for a laugh …. You’ll enjoy this!

IT CAN BE HARD KEEPING A STRAIGHT FACE AS A COURT REPORTER.
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place:

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________
And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Christmas Letter

Dear Santa,
How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I would like an X - Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 4 for Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.
Merry Christmas,
Timmy Jones
* *
Dear Timmy,
Thank you for your letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all fine and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried all the time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn't want you to get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I'll bring you something you can go outside and play with.*
Merry Christmas,
Santa Claus
* *
Mr. Claus,
Seeing that I have fulfilled the "naughty vs. Nice" contract, set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn't want to turn this joyous season into one of litigation. Also, don't you think that a jibe at my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit trite?
Respectfully,
Tim Jones
* *
Mr. Jones,
While I have acknowledged you have met the "nice" criteria, need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it a guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal action, well that is your right. Please know, however, that my attorneys have been on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be more than happy to take you on in open court. Additionally, the exercise I alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve your social skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like the bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days.
Very Truly Yours,
S Claus
* *
Now look here Fat Man,
I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was attempting to be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends into this. Now you just be disrespecting me. I'm about to tweet my boys and we're gonna be waiting for your fat ass and I'm taking my game console, my game, my phone, and whatever else I want. WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN!
T - Bone
* *
Listen Pizza Face,
Seriously??? You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny G - banger wannabe? "He sees you when you're sleeping; He knows when you're awake". Sound familiar, genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal. I got your **** wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people that if I described them right now, you'd throw up your Totino's pizza roll all over the carpet of your mom's basement. You're not getting what you asked for, but I'm still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in your ass and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia.
S Clizzy
* *
Dear Santa,
Bring me whatever you see fit. I'll appreciate anything.
Timmy
* *
Timmy,
That's what I thought you little bastard.
Santa

Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around at Home Depot when they collide. The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little worried."

The old guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?

The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts. What does your wife look like?"

The old guy says, "Doesn't matter, let's look for yours."

Why Some Men Have a Dog And No Wife:



1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs
are to see you.










2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another
dog's name.










3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the
floor.










4. A dog's parents never
visit.










5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.








6. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk..










7. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.










8. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"












9. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.










10. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.









11. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.









And last, but not least:






12. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.












To test this theory:
Lock your wife and your dog in the garage for an hour. Then open it and see who's happy to see you.

wives dont forget old boyfriends




Wives don't forget old Boyfriends... Boudreaux take his wife, Cloteele, to a dance down on the bayou, las' weekend. They was dis guy on the dance

floor dancin' like crazy – break dancin', moon walkin', back flips--the whole works. Cloteele turn to Boudreaux and say, "See dat guy? Twenty-five

year ago, he propose to me and I turn him down."



Boudreaux paused and say, "Look like he still celebratin'!"
Steve W

My kinda guy

Ole & Lena lived by a lake in Nordern Minnesota. It vas early vinter and da lake had froze over.

Ole asked Lena if she vould valk across da frozen lake to da yeneral store to get him some beer. She asked him for some money but he told her, “Nah, yust put it on our tab.”

So Lena valked across, got the beer at dayeneral store, den walked back home across the lake. Ven she got home and gave Ole his beer, she asked him, “Ole, you alvays tell me not to run up da tab at da store. Why didn’t you yust give me some money?”

Ole replied, “Vell, I didn’tvant to send you out dere vit some money ven I vasn’t sure how tick the ice vas yet.”

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office.

The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant
lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'

I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?'


The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'

Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite
my own eye.'

The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.

Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.'

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just
turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.

'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa

told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!'

I keep telling you! Don't Mess with Old People!!

Greetings,
Uh, oh....those pesky commies are at it again...

Remembering the good old days

Good one.

A woman was having a passionate affair with an Irish inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the

Bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.

'Quick,' said the woman to the lover, 'into the closet!' and she pushed him

In the closet, stark naked.

The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man... in the closet.

'Who are you?' he asked him.

'I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone,' said the exterminator.

'What are you doing in there?' the husband asked.

'I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths,' the man replied.

'And where are your clothes?' asked the husband.

The man looked down at himself and said, 'Those little bastards!

The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.' 'Yes', she says, 'I remember it well.' 'OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?' 'Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!' A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them. The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence.. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground. The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know. After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggles to their feet and puts their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is. So, as the couple passes, he says to them, 'Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?' Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, 'Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence’.

~A Cup of Tea ~

One day my Gramma was out, and my Grampa was in charge of me.

I was maybe 2 1/2 years old. Someone had given me a little 'tea set'
as a gift, and it was one of my favorite toys.

Grampa was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I
brought him a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several
cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Gramma came
home.

My Grampa made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup
of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!' Gramma waited, and
sure enough, here I came down the hall with a cup of tea for Grampa,
and she watched him drink it up.

Then she said, (as only a gramma would know), "'Did it ever occur to
you that the only place he can reach to get water is the toilet?"