Humor

Mother knows best

A COWBOY TOMBSTONE: Here are the Five Rules for Men to Follow for a Happy Life that Russell J. Larsen had inscribed on his headstone in Logan, Utah.

He died not knowing that he would win the "Coolest Headstone" contest.


FIVE RULES FOR MENTO FOLLOW FOR A HAPPY LIFE:
1.. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up, and has a job.
2.. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3.. It's important to have a woman who you can trust, and doesn't lie to you.
4.. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed, and likes to be with you.
5.. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other or you could end up dead like me.

BaltimoreLurker said:

Mother knows best

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Good one! Thanks. Copied and sent to my merchant mariner son and his merchant mariner buddies as well as to my local yachtie friends. Doesn't apply to me of course.

Greetings,

Is that a cow, wearing BLING???

Only in America.

Greetings,
If you notice, so is the pig...

Must be Democrats on public assistance.

Rambler said:

Must be Democrats on public assistance.

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Is there anything we can't politicize? NFL refs and now, one of my favorites, bacon cheeseburgers.

I may have to go fire up the grill!

Headed to get mine on Tuesday.

Had mine, but I think that it may have had me as I have had flu like symptoms since.

RT Firefly said:

Greetings,
If you notice, so is the pig...

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Beware of pigs wearing bling. It can only wind up badly.

Are you ready for the best laugh of the day???


Just listen to this voice mail account of an automobile accident!!!


This man should have been a sports commentator.
Voice mail Accident Hilarious. Click to hear.

Ron

Greetings,

RT Firefly said:

Greetings,

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Goes to show that perspective is everything.

Greetings,
For us conny-sewers....

RT Firefly said:

Greetings,
For us conny-sewers....

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Must be a Maine wine.

Expect the unexpected

dwhatty said:

Must be a Maine wine.

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Nope bottled right here in North Carolina. Right next to Billy Bob's home made Peach Schnapps still.

I buy wines strictly by the coolness of their labels.

My favorites: Red Truck (White Truck not so much - good pic/bad wine)
Middle Sister Rebel,
Smoking Loon.

I'll have to give Doublewide a try.

I can't remember any more right now.

I just received my tax return for 2011 back from the IRS. It puzzles me!!! They are questioning how many dependents I claimed. I guess it was because of my response to the question: "List all dependents?" I replied: 12 million illegal immigrants; 3 million crack heads; 42 million unemployed people on food stamps, 2 million people in over 243 prisons; Half of Mexico; and 535 persons in the U.S. House and Senate."
Evidently, this was NOT an acceptable answer.
I KEEP ASKING MYSELF, WHO DID I MISS?

Greetings,
Yup, I do have a Redbone

RT Firefly said:

Greetings,
Yup, I do have a Redbone

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Seems to cover a lot of breeds. Some just are not big enough to enforce the rules.

Greetings,
Mr. JD. Well, I suspect the "other" breeds are acting on dumb instinct. The Redbone KNOWS!!!!!!

RT Firefly said:

Greetings,
Mr. JD. Well, I suspect the "other" breeds are acting on dumb instinct. The Redbone KNOWS!!!!!!

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Nice looking dog. In good weight and seems to be fairly muscular. Good coat.

BREEDS?

I thought this was a chant of Obummer voters!

DIFFERENT WAYS OF LOOKING AT THINGS ​

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Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and Family values. ​

Bill said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?' ​

Larry replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?' ​

___________________________________________ ​

A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my intelligence come from?' ​

The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.' ​

___________________________________________ ​

'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce Court Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,' ​

'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.' ​

___________________________________________ ​

A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, Took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.' ​

'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.' ​

___________________________________________ ​

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. ​

The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.' ​

The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.' ​

___________________________________________ ​

Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder: ​

1. The DNA all matches. ​

2. There are no dental records. ​

___________________________________________ ​

A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?' ​

The agent replies, 'Just a minute.' ​

'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up. ​

___________________________________________ ​

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. ​

'How was he killed?' asked one detective. ​

'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied. ​

'A golf gun! What is a golf gun?' ​

'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.' ​

___________________________________________ ​

Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.' ​

Joe: 'Really?' ​

Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell.' ​

___________________________________________ ​

A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling. ​

'I'm O. K. But I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery,' he answered. ​

'What did he say,' asked the nurse. ​

'Oops!' ​

___________________________________________ ​

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice. ​

'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?' ​

'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.' ​

He's still in intensive care. ​

___________________________________________ ​

The graveside service just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance... ​

The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's there.' ​

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Good ones FF - where do you dig them all up from..?

where do you dig them all up from..?

Email from friends,

Why women are different from men and vice versa

Amanda Gore

Why woman are different from men and vice versa By Amanda Gore - YouTube