Joke part duex

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)


If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)


The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
O.M.G.!)


A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(O.M.G.!!!)


A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.(Creepy)
(I'm still not over the pig.)


Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Don't try this at home; maybe at work.)


The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
(Honey, I'm home . What the...?)



The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes. Lucky pig! Can you imagine?)


The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)



Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still can't believe that pig ...quality over quantity.)


Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)


The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm.......)


Right-handed people live, on average,


nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)


Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing.)


A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder how much the government paid to figure that out.)



An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)


Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that, too.)


Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)


Humans and dolphins are the only species that have


sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig? Do the dolphins know about the pig?)


Now that you've smiled at least once, it's yourturn


to spread these crazy facts and send this tosomeone you


want to bring a smile to, maybe even a chuckle.


In other words, send it to everyone!
(and God love that pig!)

Pulling a tooth

Something to consider.


A man went to have a tooth pulled, and the dentist said, "I will need to give you an anesthetic."

The man said, "No, I don't need anything. Just pull the tooth."

The dentist said, "You won't be able to withstand the pain!"

The man said, "I have been through excruciating pain twice in my life. Just pull the tooth."

The dentist pulled the tooth, and the man didn't even flinch. The dentist said, "If pain experience left you with that pain tolerance, I would like to know about it."

The man said, "I went on a hunting trip with three other men, and we stayed in a cabin. We hunted Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, and when Thursday came, all were tired but me...so I went out by myself. When I got about four miles from the cabin, on snow-covered ground, I realized I had to 'do my business.' Knowing I couldn't make it back to the cabin, I decided to go right there. I tucked behind a tree and dropped my pants and squatted down to go. I didn't see the trap under the snow cover, and when I squatted, my balls dropped in the trap and tripped it, and it slammed shut on them."

The dentist said, "Wow! If that was the first time, when was the second experience?"

"When I ran out of chain on the trap."

[FONT=&quot]Princess and the Navy Pilot[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Once upon a time, a Navy Pilot asked a beautiful Princess, "Will you marry me?" [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The Princess said, "No." [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Thereafter, the Navy pilot lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles, made many cruises to cool places like Key West and the Philippines and Thailand and Portugal where he screwed skinny big-breasted broads and went drinking with his friends and flew around blowing **** up and having adventures and after that he came home and hunted and fished and raced cars and went to topless bars and dated women half his age and drank whiskey, beer, tequila, and rum and did shooters and Flaming Hookers and smoked cigars and never heard any bitching and never paid child support or alimony and chased cheerleaders, almost movie stars, barmaids and kept his house and guns and never got cheated on while he was at work or on cruise and all his friends and family thought he was friggin' cool as hell and he had tons of money in the bank and he left the toilet seat up.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]The end[/FONT]

THIS IS A FRIGHTENING STATISTIC,

MOST PROBABLY ONE OF THE MOST

WORRYING IN RECENT YEARS

25% of women in this country are on medication for mental illness.

That's bloody scary.........

It means 75% are running around with no medication at all...

This is a test to see if you are an alcoholic.

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If you saw a sign that said "Bar", you are an alcoholic.

PS
Good thing it's a stout tree.

jeffnick said:

Good thing it's a stout tree.

Click to expand...

What tree.??