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Old 05-17-2012, 10:03 AM   #1
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There must be a few golfers on this forum....


Occupy Golf Movement
WE NEED TO BE HEARD!!!
I am a member of golf’s lower 99%.
I am an indifferent golfer, and there’s no way I could ever make it to the professional level. I will never put in the practice time to be the best. I will never have the shots, skills, or mental toughness to “make it” in the sport. I just never felt like working all that hard at it.
However, I am a part of the golfing community and, as such, feel I should be paid by the top 1% of golfers for what I do. It isn't fair that those players who have worked harder, have studied the game, have better equipment and are more skilled and dedicated should make all that BIG money.
Where's my share? I’m a Victim!
The top 1% should pay for my club memberships and green fees and lessons, buy me new clubs, balls, clothes and shoes, and pay me some of their winnings. They can afford it. They are “The Rich.” The whole system should be changed to accommodate people like me. I think we should get together and occupy a golf course and demand that those who are better at what they do, pay for us who generally suck. Whining should get us something - maybe we'll make the cover of Time Magazine, garnish some public sympathy. Heck, during this election year we may even get a law or two passed by legislators who want our votes.


PS Don’t mention this to tennis players. We thought of it first.











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Old 05-17-2012, 10:35 AM   #2
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Occupy Golf Movement


WE NEED TO BE HEARD!!!


I am a member of golf’s lower 99%.


I am an indifferent golfer, and there’s no way I could ever make it to the professional level. I will never put in the practice time to be the best. I will never have the shots, skills, or mental toughness to “make it” in the sport. I just never felt like working all that hard at it.



However, I am a part of the golfing community and, as such, feel I should be paid by the top 1% of golfers for what I do. It isn't fair that those players who have worked harder, have studied the game, have better equipment and are more skilled and dedicated should make all that BIG money.



Where's my share? I’m a Victim!



The top 1% should pay for my club memberships and green fees and lessons, buy me new clubs, balls, clothes and shoes, and pay me some of their winnings. They can afford it. They are “The Rich.” The whole system should be changed to accommodate people like me. I think we should get together and occupy a golf course and demand that those who are better at what they do, pay for us who generally suck. Whining should get us something - maybe we'll make the cover of Time Magazine, garnish some public sympathy. Heck, during this election year we may even get a law or two passed by legislators who want our votes.





PS Don’t mention this to tennis players. We thought of it first.


Let me know how this works out for you. I have had the same bitch with the NBA. I could be as good as many of them if they would just lower the hoop to seven feet.
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Old 05-18-2012, 07:10 AM   #3
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I try to soften the above sense of exploitation by comforting myself with the thought that we actually get more for our money's worth. A 1 handicapper or better (like a pro) only gets about 72 hits on the way round, and is lucky to get in about 7 kms (4 miles) of walking, whereas the likes of you and me...we get many more hits (I won't mention an exact number), we get more exercise as we walk further, (that is as long as you are not one of those mamby pambys who use karts everywhere), and we get to see more scenery. Why over here in Oz, I've had on occasion to fight my way past kangaroos to get to the ball... one of them even had a go at me - a bit grey male - I let him have it - the ball I mean...
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Old 05-21-2012, 09:49 AM   #4
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I try to soften the above sense of exploitation by comforting myself with the thought that we actually get more for our money's worth. A 1 handicapper or better (like a pro) only gets about 72 hits on the way round, and is lucky to get in about 7 kms (4 miles) of walking, whereas the likes of you and me...we get many more hits (I won't mention an exact number), we get more exercise as we walk further, (that is as long as you are not one of those mamby pambys who use karts everywhere), and we get to see more scenery. Why over here in Oz, I've had on occasion to fight my way past kangaroos to get to the ball... one of them even had a go at me - a bit grey male - I let him have it - the ball I mean...

Back when I used to do some golfing I usually shot 74-76 a round.

Sometime I was on the 12th and if the easy par three was on the front nine I may have been on the 13th but in either case I figured I had gotten my moneys worth and headed for the club house.
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Old 06-08-2012, 08:49 PM   #5
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At dawn the telephone rings, 'Hello, Senor?
This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house.'

'Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?'

'Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor Rod, that your parrot, he is dead'

'My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?'

'Si, Senor, that's the one.'

'Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird.
What did he die from?'

'From eating the rotten meat, Senor Rod.'

'Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?'

'Nobody, Senor. He ate the meat of the dead horse.'

'Dead horse? What dead horse?'

'The thoroughbred, Senor Rod.'

'My prize thoroughbred is dead?'

'Yes Senor Rod, he died from all that work pulling the water cart.'

'Are you insane? What water cart?'

'The one we used to put out the fire, Senor.'

'Good Lord !!! What fire are you talking about, man ?'

'The one at your house, Senor!
A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire.'

'What the hell ? Are you saying that my mansion
is destroyed because of a candle ? !!'

'Yes, Senor Rod.'

'But there's electricity at the house! What was the candle for?'

'For the funeral, Senor Rod.'

'WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL ? !!'

'Your wife's, Senor Rod', she showed up very late
one night and I thought she was a thief,
so I hit her with your new Taylor-Made R580 XD golf club.'
SILENCE . . .
LONG SILENCE . . .

'Ernesto, if you broke that driver, you're in Deep SHIT!!!!
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Old 06-24-2012, 11:45 AM   #6
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During my physical, my doctor asked me about my daily activity level, and so I described a typical day this way:

"Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded along the edge of a lake, drank eight beers, escaped from wild dogs in the heavy brush, marched up and down several rocky hills, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand, jumped away from an aggressive rattlesnake and took four "leaks" behind big trees."

Inspired by the story, the doctor said, "You must be one hell of an outdoors man!"

"No," I replied, "I'm just a s***ty golfer."
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Old 07-06-2012, 12:31 AM   #7
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A man got onto bus with his front trouser pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde.

The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.

Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "Its golf balls."

Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, deeply thinking about what he had said.

After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked,

"Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"
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Old 07-13-2012, 03:34 PM   #8
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A Golfer accidentally overturned his cart.

Elizabeth, a "beautiful" real golfer who lived in a villa on the golf course heard the noise and yelled over to him.

"Hey, are you okay, what's your name?"


"Sean," he replied.

"Sean forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest up and I'll help you get the cart up later."

"That's mighty nice of you," Sean answered, "but I don't think my wife would like it."

"Aw come on," Elizabeth insisted.

She was very pretty and persuasive.

"Well okay," Sean finally agreed, and added, "but my wife won't like it."

After a hearty drink AND sexy driving and putting lessons, Sean thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be real upset."

"Don't be foolish!" Elizabeth said with a smile, she won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"

"Under the cart!"
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