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Old 01-07-2011, 06:38 AM   #1
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Country: Canada
Vessel Name: Our Island
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 202
Some jokes

They always ask at the doctor's reception why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing.

There's nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you, in a room full of other patients.* *I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it.

A 75-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.
The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?'
'There's something wrong with my dick', he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that.
'Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said.
The Receptionist replied; 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people.* *
You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.'
The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in a roomful of strangers if the answer could embarrass anyone.* *
The man walked out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered.
The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes??'
'There's something wrong with my ear,' he stated.*
The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice.* *
'And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?'
'I can't piss out of it,' he replied.
The waiting room erupted in laughter.

Mess with seniors and you're going to lose!
There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.
*One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about.
*The letter read:
Dear God,
*I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension payment. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with, have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me?
*Sincerely, Edna
The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman...
The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.
*Christmas came and went.
*A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened.
*It read:
*Dear God, how can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift. By the way, there was $4 missing. I think it might have been those bastards at the post office.
Sincerely, Edna

My wife*asked me, "How many women have you slept with?"

I proudly replied, "Only you, Darling.
With all the others I was awake."

Hospital Visiting Hours are 10 AM to 8 PM

MARCH 5th, 2009

*Last Thursday Night Around Midnight, A Woman From Houston , Texas Was Arrested,
Jailed, And Charged With Manslaughter For Shooting A Man 6 Times In The Back
As He Was Running Away With Her Purse.

The Following Monday Morning, The Woman Was Called In Front Of The Arraignment Judge, Sworn In, And Asked To Explain Her Actions. The Woman Replied, "I Was Standing At The Corner Bus Stop For About 15 Minutes, Waiting For The Bus To Take Me Home After Work. I Am A Waitress At A Local Cafe... I Was There Alone, So I Had My Right Hand On My Pistol That Was In My Purse, Which Was Hung Over My Left Shoulder.

*All Of A Sudden I Was Being Spun Around Hard To My Left. As I Caught My Balance, I Saw A Man Running Away From Me With My Purse. I Looked Down At My Right Hand And I Saw *That My Fingers Were Wrapped Tightly Around My Pistol. The Next Thing I Remember Is Saying Out Loud, "No Way Punk! *Youre Not Stealing My Pay Check And Tips." I Raised My Right Hand, Pointed My Pistol At The Man Running Away From Me With My Purse, And Squeezed The Trigger Of My Pistol! When Asked By The Arraignment Judge, Why Did You Shoot The Man 6 Times?

The Woman Replied Under Oath,
Because, When I Pulled The Trigger The 7th Time, It Only Went Click."

The Woman Was Acquitted Of All Charges. She Was Back At Work, At The Cafe, The Next Day!

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Old 01-07-2011, 12:54 PM   #2
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 508
RE: Some jokes

**Old Guys...
*I was in*Publix the other day pushing my cart around when I collided with a*young guy pushing his cart.
*I said to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife and I
*guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
*The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife,*too. *I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate.
I said, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?"
*The young guy says, "Well, she is 24 years old, tall, with blond hair, big*blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts, a*halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?"
*said, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours."
*Most old guys are helpful like that.





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