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Old 07-21-2016, 07:24 PM   #1021
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Well, I've been thinking of going camping next year in the western mountains. There have been some reports of bear attacks, so I dug out my notes taken last trip. The ranger said that it was best to walk in groups of 3 or more people. Then he added that making noise while you walk would make sure that you didn't surprise a bear. He said that tying some bells to you clothing would make a constant sound as you walked. Then of course he advised carrying a can of pepper spray bear repellent. It's always best to look for signs that an active bear is in the area. Look for hair on trees where bears have rubbed up against. Look for remains of any animals they may have eaten. He then explained how bear feces known as scat can identify the type of bear. Black bear scat will be dark with undigested berries and plant material. Grizzly bear scat is a lighter color, and will usually have bells and red pepper flakes in it..
8-)
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Old 07-21-2016, 07:33 PM   #1022
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Wifey B: I also heard it's best to select slower runners to be part of your group.
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Old 07-21-2016, 07:49 PM   #1023
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Another way to avoid bear attack is to start openly pissing when you see one and it sees you. If you want to know why that works... ask Google!
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Old 07-21-2016, 08:02 PM   #1024
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Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship. "Follow me son" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the Mass of people.

"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did.
"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing." And they did.
"Now we eat everybody." And they did.

When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just Eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?" His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the sh!t inside!"
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Old 07-22-2016, 12:33 AM   #1025
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Afa! Lmao!
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Old 07-23-2016, 10:03 AM   #1026
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Florida woman stops alligator attack using a small Beretta pistol

This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator. What is the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself? A Beretta Jetfire testimonial....

Here is her story in her own words:
"While out walking along the edge of a pond just outside of The Villages with my soon to be ex-husband discussing property settlement and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft. alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water and began charging us with its large jaws wide open. She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive. If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire .25 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today! Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took....

The 'gator got him easily and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace. It's one of the best pistols in my collection! Plus the amount I saved in lawyer's fees was really incredible.


Ted
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Old 07-23-2016, 10:37 AM   #1027
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Senior Trying To Set A Password


WINDOWS : Please enter your new password.

USER: cabbage

WINDOWS : Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.

USER: boiled cabbage

WINDOWS : Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.

USER : 1 boiled cabbage

WINDOWS : Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces.

USER: 50fockingboiledcabbages

WINDOWS : Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character.

USER : 50FOCKINGboiledcabbages

WINDOWS : Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively.

USER:50FockingBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDo n'tGiveMeAccessNow!

WINDOWS : Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.

USER:ReallyPissedOff50FockingBoiledCabbagesShovedU pYourAssIfYouDontGiveMeAccessNow

WINDOWS: Sorry, that password is already in use.



Ted

haha, I have at least one password that's something like: F&%kYOULetMeIN!
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Old 09-03-2016, 04:15 PM   #1028
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Here's another addition to our late Keith's thread...

The frequency of sexual activity of senior males depends on where they were born. Statistics just released from Statistics Canada and The United Nations B.O.H. Team, revealing that:

North American men between 60 and 80 years of age, will on average, have sex two to three times per week, (and a small number a lot more), whereas Japanese men, in exactly the same age group, will have sex only once or twice per year if they are lucky.

This has come as very upsetting news to both me and most of my buddies at the golf club, as none of us had any idea that we were Japanese.
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Old 09-03-2016, 07:29 PM   #1029
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Greetings,
Along similar lines...An anthropologist was giving a talk to a crowded auditorium. To illustrate a particular point he asked the audience about their sexual "frequency".
"If you don't mind, by a show of hands, how many of you have sex 3 or more times a week?" He asked. A number of audience members raised their hands...
"How many of you have sex once a week?" A somewhat larger number raised their hands...
"How many of you have sex once a month?" Again, hands went up...
"How many of you have sex once a year?...No response except for a rather mousey looking fellow near the back of the room who promptly rose to his feet and started waving madly while jumping up and down.
"Sir", asked the lecturer, "How is it you can become so excited about your obvious infrequent forays into sexual gratification?"
The fellow yells "Tonight's the night"...
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Old 09-06-2016, 04:16 PM   #1030
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Old 09-06-2016, 08:26 PM   #1031
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OK, here's one for all those that paid attention in your English classes at school.

The past, the present and the future all walked into a bar............it was pretty tense!
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Old 09-07-2016, 07:20 AM   #1032
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Greetings,
"...it was pretty tense!"...and terse.
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Old 09-07-2016, 07:42 AM   #1033
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Farm kid writes home.

Dear Ma and Pa:

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am getting used to it, so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.

Men got to shave but it is not so bad, thereís warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. Itís no wonder these city boys canít walk much.

We go on ďroute marches,Ē which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, itís not my place to tell him different. A ďroute marchĒ is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.

The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They donít bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I donít know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and donít move, and it ainít shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You donít even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ainít like fighting with that ole bull at home. Iím about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake . I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but Iím only 5í6″ and 130 pounds and heís 6í8″ and near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,

Alice
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Old 09-12-2016, 03:43 PM   #1034
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A difference between salon and saloon.

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Old 09-12-2016, 04:54 PM   #1035
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Old 09-12-2016, 07:15 PM   #1036
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Saloon is for rowdy drinking times with much abandon toward fisticuffs, gun play and blatent sexual doings!... Just ask Miss Kitty


Salon (on a boat, that is big enough to have one) is for cultured folks who go to the state rooms after a few totties and then have better sex that the drunken rowdies do in the saloon.


Both are fine places to frequent. I fit well in either!! And, I greatly enjoy their contrast of mind games.


Happy Saloon/Salon Daze! - Art
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Old 09-12-2016, 08:24 PM   #1037
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Greetings,
Mr. A. Do you have any concrete proof of your imaginary "definitions"? Websters? Oxford? Funk and Wagnalls? I didn't think so.
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Old 09-12-2016, 11:18 PM   #1038
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Greetings,
Mr. A. Do you have any concrete proof of your imaginary "definitions"? Websters? Oxford? Funk and Wagnalls? I didn't think so.
My Camden Maine Tavern - "The Hunt-Her" [that I built, owned and sold at a great profit when very young] is all the proof needed. Many likened it to a saloon. Tough playing, heavy drinking place that catered to lobstermen, woodsmen, construction workers and even quite a few fishermen came all the way from Gloucester Mass.

RT - I know real saloons and I know boat salons. My boat has a salon, not a saloon. I left frequenting really rough saloons back in my younger years. It was great fun - but - with all that crazy sh!t I'm done!
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Old 09-13-2016, 09:36 AM   #1039
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My friend, Tim has two tickets for the 2017 Super Bowl. They are box
seats plus airfare and hotel accommodations.

He didn't realize when he bought them that the Super Bowl game is the same
day as his wedding - - so he can't go.

If you are interested and want to go instead of him, it's at St. Michael's
Church. Her name is Donna and she will be the one in the white dress.
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Old 09-13-2016, 11:46 AM   #1040
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My friend, Tim has two tickets for the 2017 Super Bowl. They are box
seats plus airfare and hotel accommodations.

He didn't realize when he bought them that the Super Bowl game is the same
day as his wedding - - so he can't go.

If you are interested and want to go instead of him, it's at St. Michael's
Church. Her name is Donna and she will be the one in the white dress.
To make a valid decision on a project such as you outline would require lots of pictures, a resume, and letters of recommendation from former "friends".
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