Humor
- Thread starter Keith
- Start date
The friendliest place on the web for anyone who enjoys boating.
If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.
If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.
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- FlyWright
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- 1977 Marshall Californian 34 LRC
This thread isn't funny anymore...
Anyone know any jokes?
Anyone know any jokes?
RT Firefly
Enigma
A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn’t.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.
Pack Mule
TF Site Team
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Brunette comes home from a wild party
Her sister that a blonde says “how was the party?”
Brunette: “ it was great I had sex with a Brazilian “
Blonde “ OMG you’re such s slut I can’t believe you. Anyway just how many is a Brazilian?”
Her sister that a blonde says “how was the party?”
Brunette: “ it was great I had sex with a Brazilian “
Blonde “ OMG you’re such s slut I can’t believe you. Anyway just how many is a Brazilian?”
Pack Mule
TF Site Team
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Girl goes in the hair salon very excited hollering “oh boy only 64 days yeah just 64days
Hairstylist: “what’s so great about 64 days ?”
Girl : “I just finished my puzzle and it only took 64 days “
Hairstylist: “So that’s no big deal “
Girl: “ It is when the box says 3 to 4 years “
Hairstylist: “what’s so great about 64 days ?”
Girl : “I just finished my puzzle and it only took 64 days “
Hairstylist: “So that’s no big deal “
Girl: “ It is when the box says 3 to 4 years “
A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife
ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife
ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.
BruceK
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#1356 reminds me of a friend taking delivery of a Subaru WRX STI hot hatch. Handing over the keys the salesman says "Take care, the record is 20 minutes"." For what?" asks the buyer. Salesman responds: "From delivery to loss of license".
Harry was part of a golf foursome that played every Saturday morning. Every Saturday morning at 7 AM, Harry kissed his wife on the cheek and headed to the golf course to play with his 3 lifelong friends. Always before noon Harry was back home.
One Saturday it was noon and Harry wasn't home. His wife kind of wondering why he was running late. 12:30, 1:00, 1:30 still no Harry. Wife was now getting frantic, wondering and worrying.
Finally around 2 there was a knock at the door, she opened it and there was Harry's golf group - without Harry.
The first one spoke up, "I am sorry we have bad news". He continued, "we were on the 7th hole, had just all hit our drives, and Harry fell over dead from a heart attack"...
In shock, his wife said now she understood why Harry wasn't home at 12!
His friend replied, "Yes it has been a long day for all of us. For the next 11 holes it was - hit a shot - drag Harry"....
--------------------------------------
After 37 years of marriage, the wife and her husband*were very happy together, but their sex life was conspicuously absent. One night as they were lying in bed watching TV, the woman suddenly felt her husband touching her in a way that he hadn’t for a long time.
It almost tickled as his hand touched her neck, and then slowly wandered down to her waist. He caressed her neck, grazed her breast, then traveled further down, to rest on her lower belly.
He then continued up along the inside of her arm, along her left side, once again grazing her breast, lightly touching her behind, then her inner thigh, coming to rest on her upper thigh. He then repeated the procedure, this time on her right side.
Suddenly he stopped, rolled over and started watching the TV.
As she had become quite aroused by his caressing, she asked in a loving voice, “That was wonderful, dear. Why did you stop?”
He then replies absent-mindedly, “I finally found the remote!”
---------------------------------
Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around Home Depot when they collide.
The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
"The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
The old guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?"
The young guy says, "Well, she is 24 yrs old, tall, with blonde hair, blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra."
"What does your wife look like?" asks the young man.
The old guy says, "Doesn't matter, let's look for yours."
---------------------------------------
An elderly wife from Montana had an appointment with her doctor to ask for advice on how to treat her husband’s lack of sex drive.
“Have you tried Viagra?” the doctor asked.
“Not a chance,” the old lady replied, “he doesn’t even take aspirin.”
“Not a problem,” the doctor replied, “just give him some Montana Viagra.”
“What’s Montana Viagra?”
“It’s simple. You discretely put the Viagra into his coffee when he’s not looking. He won’t be able to taste it. Try it out and get back to me in a week and tell me about the results.”
A week later, the old lady called the doctor.
“Oh my lord!” she wailed, “Terrible! Just terrible.”
“Really? What happened?” the doctor replied.
“I did as you told me, I put the pill into the coffee, and the effect was immediate… he flew up from the chair, and his eyes were positively smoldering. With a quick motion he swept all the cups and the tablecloth from the table, ripped my clothes off and took me then and there on the table. It was a nightmare I tell you, a nightmare.”
“Oh, I see, but why was it so bad, shouldn’t this be a good thing?” the doctor asked in a worried tone.
“Oh yes, this was the best thing to happen to me in 25 years! But I can tell you right now, I will never be able to show my face in the downtown Starbucks again!”
--------------------------------
A man and a woman were sitting next to each other on a plane.
The woman sneezed, took out a Kleenex and gently wiped her nose all the while shuddering noticeably for 10-15 seconds.
This went on over and over until the man leaned over and asked the woman if she was alright.
She answered and apologized letting him know she has a medical condition. Every time she sneezes she has an orgasm.
He asked her if she was taking anything for it and she nods and says... "Pepper"
---------------------------------------
After years of a wife's protests about her husband disappearing for entire weekends during deer season, the husband finally said "if you want to go, grab your gear and come on. What? You dont have any gear? Sorry!" And with that he walked out the door for the weekend.
So as he hunted, she went to town and geared up. A new rifle, hunting clothes, license, etc.
The next saturday AM at 0-dark-thirty when his alarm went off, she was already dressed, sitting at the table drinking coffee. He asked her why she was up so early, and she said she was going with him, and pointed at her pile of gear. He sighed, knowing he had no choice, and told her to get in the truck.
They got to the site, and he walked her to his tree stand. He got her all set up and told her that if she had any problems, fire 3 shots in the air, and he would come.
He went over the ridge and had a seat at the base of a tree about a quarter mile away. And he waited. Several hours passed. Eventually he heard a shot coming from her direction. "no biggie, she probably saw something and took a random shot."
A few minutes later, another shot. Then another. He decided to go check it out.
He came over the ridge to see his wife in the tree stand pointing her rifle at a man with his hands up. The next thing he hears is "GET AWAY FROM MY DAMNED DEER!!!!" from his wife. As he gets closer she says "I said, GET BACK!!!". And then the man with his hands up yells back. "OK, LADY! YOU CAN HAVE THE DAMNED HORSE! JUST LET ME GET MY SADDLE OFF OF IT AND I'LL GO!"
One Saturday it was noon and Harry wasn't home. His wife kind of wondering why he was running late. 12:30, 1:00, 1:30 still no Harry. Wife was now getting frantic, wondering and worrying.
Finally around 2 there was a knock at the door, she opened it and there was Harry's golf group - without Harry.
The first one spoke up, "I am sorry we have bad news". He continued, "we were on the 7th hole, had just all hit our drives, and Harry fell over dead from a heart attack"...
In shock, his wife said now she understood why Harry wasn't home at 12!
His friend replied, "Yes it has been a long day for all of us. For the next 11 holes it was - hit a shot - drag Harry"....
--------------------------------------
After 37 years of marriage, the wife and her husband*were very happy together, but their sex life was conspicuously absent. One night as they were lying in bed watching TV, the woman suddenly felt her husband touching her in a way that he hadn’t for a long time.
It almost tickled as his hand touched her neck, and then slowly wandered down to her waist. He caressed her neck, grazed her breast, then traveled further down, to rest on her lower belly.
He then continued up along the inside of her arm, along her left side, once again grazing her breast, lightly touching her behind, then her inner thigh, coming to rest on her upper thigh. He then repeated the procedure, this time on her right side.
Suddenly he stopped, rolled over and started watching the TV.
As she had become quite aroused by his caressing, she asked in a loving voice, “That was wonderful, dear. Why did you stop?”
He then replies absent-mindedly, “I finally found the remote!”
---------------------------------
Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around Home Depot when they collide.
The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
"The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
The old guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?"
The young guy says, "Well, she is 24 yrs old, tall, with blonde hair, blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra."
"What does your wife look like?" asks the young man.
The old guy says, "Doesn't matter, let's look for yours."
---------------------------------------
An elderly wife from Montana had an appointment with her doctor to ask for advice on how to treat her husband’s lack of sex drive.
“Have you tried Viagra?” the doctor asked.
“Not a chance,” the old lady replied, “he doesn’t even take aspirin.”
“Not a problem,” the doctor replied, “just give him some Montana Viagra.”
“What’s Montana Viagra?”
“It’s simple. You discretely put the Viagra into his coffee when he’s not looking. He won’t be able to taste it. Try it out and get back to me in a week and tell me about the results.”
A week later, the old lady called the doctor.
“Oh my lord!” she wailed, “Terrible! Just terrible.”
“Really? What happened?” the doctor replied.
“I did as you told me, I put the pill into the coffee, and the effect was immediate… he flew up from the chair, and his eyes were positively smoldering. With a quick motion he swept all the cups and the tablecloth from the table, ripped my clothes off and took me then and there on the table. It was a nightmare I tell you, a nightmare.”
“Oh, I see, but why was it so bad, shouldn’t this be a good thing?” the doctor asked in a worried tone.
“Oh yes, this was the best thing to happen to me in 25 years! But I can tell you right now, I will never be able to show my face in the downtown Starbucks again!”
--------------------------------
A man and a woman were sitting next to each other on a plane.
The woman sneezed, took out a Kleenex and gently wiped her nose all the while shuddering noticeably for 10-15 seconds.
This went on over and over until the man leaned over and asked the woman if she was alright.
She answered and apologized letting him know she has a medical condition. Every time she sneezes she has an orgasm.
He asked her if she was taking anything for it and she nods and says... "Pepper"
---------------------------------------
After years of a wife's protests about her husband disappearing for entire weekends during deer season, the husband finally said "if you want to go, grab your gear and come on. What? You dont have any gear? Sorry!" And with that he walked out the door for the weekend.
So as he hunted, she went to town and geared up. A new rifle, hunting clothes, license, etc.
The next saturday AM at 0-dark-thirty when his alarm went off, she was already dressed, sitting at the table drinking coffee. He asked her why she was up so early, and she said she was going with him, and pointed at her pile of gear. He sighed, knowing he had no choice, and told her to get in the truck.
They got to the site, and he walked her to his tree stand. He got her all set up and told her that if she had any problems, fire 3 shots in the air, and he would come.
He went over the ridge and had a seat at the base of a tree about a quarter mile away. And he waited. Several hours passed. Eventually he heard a shot coming from her direction. "no biggie, she probably saw something and took a random shot."
A few minutes later, another shot. Then another. He decided to go check it out.
He came over the ridge to see his wife in the tree stand pointing her rifle at a man with his hands up. The next thing he hears is "GET AWAY FROM MY DAMNED DEER!!!!" from his wife. As he gets closer she says "I said, GET BACK!!!". And then the man with his hands up yells back. "OK, LADY! YOU CAN HAVE THE DAMNED HORSE! JUST LET ME GET MY SADDLE OFF OF IT AND I'LL GO!"
A Soldier in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a MARINE joke?"
The guy next to him replies, "Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 pounds, and I'm a MARINE. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225 pounds, and he's a MARINE. The fella next to him is 6'5", weighs 250 pounds, and he's also a MARINE. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"
The Soldier says, "Nah, I don't want to have to explain it three times."
--------------------------------------
A tourist walked into a Chinese curio shop in San Francisco. While looking around at the exotic merchandise, he noticed a very lifelike, life-sized, bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but was so incredibly striking the tourist decided he must have it. He took it to the old shop owner and asked, “How much for the bronze rat?”
“Ahhh, you have chosen wisely! It is $12 for the rat and $100 for the story,” said the wise old Chinaman.
The tourist quickly pulled out twelve dollars. “I’ll just take the rat, you can keep the story”.
As he walked down the street carrying his bronze rat, the tourist noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the alleys and sewers and had begun following him down the street. This was a bit disconcerting so he began walking faster.
A couple blocks later he looked behind him and saw to his horror the herd of rats behind him had grown to hundreds, and they began squealing. Sweating now, the tourist began to trot toward San Francisco Bay.
Again, after a couple blocks, he looked around only to discover that the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS, and were squealing and coming toward him faster and faster.
Terrified, he ran to the edge of the Bay and threw the bronze rat as far as he could into the Bay.
Amazingly, the millions of rats all jumped into the Bay after the bronze rat and were all drowned.
The man walked back to the curio shop in Chinatown.
“Ahhh,” said the owner, “You come back for story?”
“No sir,” said the man, “I came back to see if you have a bronze Democrat.
--------------------------------
Very sad thing happened today. A good friend of mine, after 7 years of medical school, and training has been fired from his job. He made one the job indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients. He can no longer work in his chosen profession. What a waste of time, effort, training, and money, all for one nights pleasure. Just goes to show you what effect your choices can have on your life. He is still paying off student loans too. His whole life is ruined. Thoughts for him and his family. He really is a great guy,
and he was a brilliant veterinarian.
----------------------------------------
A beautiful young New York woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. But just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young sailor stopped her.
“You have so much to live for,” said the sailor. "Look, I’m off to Europe tomorrow and I can stow you away on my ship. I’ll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy."
With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go t...o Europe, the woman accepted. That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches and make love to her until dawn.
Three weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.
“What are you doing here?” asked the captain.
“I have an arrangement with one of the sailors,” she replied. “He brings me food and I get a free trip to Europe. Plus he’s screwing me.”
“He certainly is,” replied the captain. “This is the Staten Island Ferry.”
--------------------------------
In the news this week, a Southern California man was put under 72-hour psychiatric observation when it was found he owned 100 guns and had (by rough estimate) 1 million rounds of ammunition stored in his home. The house also has a secret escape tunnel.
The television reporter said: "Wow! He has about a million machine gun bullets!"
and the headline referred to it as a "massive weapons cache".
By California standards someone owning even 100,000 rounds would be called "mentally unstable".
If he lived elsewhere, such as Arizona , he'd be called "an avid gun collector."
In Oklahoma , he'd be called "a novice gun collector".
In Utah , he'd be called "moderately well prepared", but they'd probably reserve judgment until they made sure that he had a corresponding quantity of stored food.
In Montana , he'd be called "the neighborhood 'Go-To' guy".
In Idaho , he'd be called "a likely gubernatorial candidate".
In Wyoming , he'd be called "an eligible bachelor".
and... In Texas , he'd be called "a Hunting Buddy"............
The guy next to him replies, "Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 pounds, and I'm a MARINE. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225 pounds, and he's a MARINE. The fella next to him is 6'5", weighs 250 pounds, and he's also a MARINE. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"
The Soldier says, "Nah, I don't want to have to explain it three times."
--------------------------------------
A tourist walked into a Chinese curio shop in San Francisco. While looking around at the exotic merchandise, he noticed a very lifelike, life-sized, bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but was so incredibly striking the tourist decided he must have it. He took it to the old shop owner and asked, “How much for the bronze rat?”
“Ahhh, you have chosen wisely! It is $12 for the rat and $100 for the story,” said the wise old Chinaman.
The tourist quickly pulled out twelve dollars. “I’ll just take the rat, you can keep the story”.
As he walked down the street carrying his bronze rat, the tourist noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the alleys and sewers and had begun following him down the street. This was a bit disconcerting so he began walking faster.
A couple blocks later he looked behind him and saw to his horror the herd of rats behind him had grown to hundreds, and they began squealing. Sweating now, the tourist began to trot toward San Francisco Bay.
Again, after a couple blocks, he looked around only to discover that the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS, and were squealing and coming toward him faster and faster.
Terrified, he ran to the edge of the Bay and threw the bronze rat as far as he could into the Bay.
Amazingly, the millions of rats all jumped into the Bay after the bronze rat and were all drowned.
The man walked back to the curio shop in Chinatown.
“Ahhh,” said the owner, “You come back for story?”
“No sir,” said the man, “I came back to see if you have a bronze Democrat.
--------------------------------
Very sad thing happened today. A good friend of mine, after 7 years of medical school, and training has been fired from his job. He made one the job indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients. He can no longer work in his chosen profession. What a waste of time, effort, training, and money, all for one nights pleasure. Just goes to show you what effect your choices can have on your life. He is still paying off student loans too. His whole life is ruined. Thoughts for him and his family. He really is a great guy,
and he was a brilliant veterinarian.
----------------------------------------
A beautiful young New York woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. But just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young sailor stopped her.
“You have so much to live for,” said the sailor. "Look, I’m off to Europe tomorrow and I can stow you away on my ship. I’ll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy."
With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go t...o Europe, the woman accepted. That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches and make love to her until dawn.
Three weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.
“What are you doing here?” asked the captain.
“I have an arrangement with one of the sailors,” she replied. “He brings me food and I get a free trip to Europe. Plus he’s screwing me.”
“He certainly is,” replied the captain. “This is the Staten Island Ferry.”
--------------------------------
In the news this week, a Southern California man was put under 72-hour psychiatric observation when it was found he owned 100 guns and had (by rough estimate) 1 million rounds of ammunition stored in his home. The house also has a secret escape tunnel.
The television reporter said: "Wow! He has about a million machine gun bullets!"
and the headline referred to it as a "massive weapons cache".
By California standards someone owning even 100,000 rounds would be called "mentally unstable".
If he lived elsewhere, such as Arizona , he'd be called "an avid gun collector."
In Oklahoma , he'd be called "a novice gun collector".
In Utah , he'd be called "moderately well prepared", but they'd probably reserve judgment until they made sure that he had a corresponding quantity of stored food.
In Montana , he'd be called "the neighborhood 'Go-To' guy".
In Idaho , he'd be called "a likely gubernatorial candidate".
In Wyoming , he'd be called "an eligible bachelor".
and... In Texas , he'd be called "a Hunting Buddy"............
At dawn the telephone rings. "Hello, Senor Humphrey? This is Ernesto the caretaker at your country house."
"Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"
"Um, I am just calling to advise you, sir, that your parrot died"
"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?"
"Si, that's the one."
"Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?"
"From eating rotten meat."
"Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?"
"Nobody senor. He ate the meat of one of the dead horses."
"Dead horse? What dead horse?"
"The thoroughbred, Mr. Lucky. He died from all that work pulling the water cart."
"Are you insane? What water cart?"
"The one we used to put out the fire."
"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"
"The one at your house! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire."
"What the.....!!! But there's electricity at the house!!!! What was the candle for?"
"For the funeral."
"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL?!"
"Your mother's. She showed up one night out of the blue and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new Tiger Woods Nike Driver."
SILENCE....................
"Ernesto if you broke that driver you're fired!
"Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"
"Um, I am just calling to advise you, sir, that your parrot died"
"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?"
"Si, that's the one."
"Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?"
"From eating rotten meat."
"Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?"
"Nobody senor. He ate the meat of one of the dead horses."
"Dead horse? What dead horse?"
"The thoroughbred, Mr. Lucky. He died from all that work pulling the water cart."
"Are you insane? What water cart?"
"The one we used to put out the fire."
"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"
"The one at your house! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire."
"What the.....!!! But there's electricity at the house!!!! What was the candle for?"
"For the funeral."
"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL?!"
"Your mother's. She showed up one night out of the blue and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new Tiger Woods Nike Driver."
SILENCE....................
"Ernesto if you broke that driver you're fired!
RT Firefly
Enigma
RT Firefly
Enigma
Greetings,
Al
Guru
- Joined
- Apr 1, 2012
- Messages
- 2,206
- Location
- usa
- Vessel Name
- 'SLO'~BELLE
- Vessel Make
- 1978 Marben-27' Flybridge Trawler(extended to 30 feet) Pilothouse Pocket Cruiser[
Once upon a time there lived a King who had a beautiful daughter.
There was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt.
No matter what:
Metal
Wood
Stone
Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her.
The King despaired, tried to help his daughter?
He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the King,
'If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands,she will be cured.'
The King was overjoyed and came up with a plan.
The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an
object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the King's wealth.
THREE YOUNG PRINCES TOOK UP THE CHALLENGE.
The first brought a sword of the finest steel.
But alas, when the Princess touched it, it melted.
The prince went away sadly
The second prince brought diamonds.
He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt.
But alas, once the Princess touched them, they melted.
He too was sent away disappointed.
The third prince approached. He told the Princess,
'Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there.'
The Princess did as she was told, though she turned red.
She felt some thing very hard. She held it in her hand.
And it did not melt!!!
The King was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed.
And the Prince married the Princess and they both lived happily ever after.
Question: What was in the Prince's pants????
M&M's of course! They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
What on earth were you thinking?
I DO WORRY ABOUT YOU AT TIMES!
There was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt.
No matter what:
Metal
Wood
Stone
Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her.
The King despaired, tried to help his daughter?
He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the King,
'If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands,she will be cured.'
The King was overjoyed and came up with a plan.
The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an
object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the King's wealth.
THREE YOUNG PRINCES TOOK UP THE CHALLENGE.
The first brought a sword of the finest steel.
But alas, when the Princess touched it, it melted.
The prince went away sadly
The second prince brought diamonds.
He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt.
But alas, once the Princess touched them, they melted.
He too was sent away disappointed.
The third prince approached. He told the Princess,
'Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there.'
The Princess did as she was told, though she turned red.
She felt some thing very hard. She held it in her hand.
And it did not melt!!!
The King was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed.
And the Prince married the Princess and they both lived happily ever after.
Question: What was in the Prince's pants????
M&M's of course! They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
What on earth were you thinking?
I DO WORRY ABOUT YOU AT TIMES!
The misogony in many of the posts makes me sad. Some are inspiring. As a woman on this forum, living at this day and age, sexist jokes are not fun. Makes me sad. And so glad that the man I have in my Life is a real man who treats everybode with respect and dignity. Do I lack sense of humor? No, shame on you.
FF
Guru
- Joined
- Oct 12, 2007
- Messages
- 22,552
"The misogony in many of the posts makes me sad."
You see what you have been conditioned to see.
Others see a joke.
Sorry,
You see what you have been conditioned to see.
Others see a joke.
Sorry,
BaltimoreLurker
Curmudgeon
- Joined
- Oct 8, 2007
- Messages
- 2,775
- Location
- USA
- Vessel Name
- Moon Dance
- Vessel Make
- 1974 34' Marine Trader Sedan
Oh, my. In the land where I come from we call folks of this ilk, MAFs - Mothers Against Fun.
BaltimoreLurker
Curmudgeon
- Joined
- Oct 8, 2007
- Messages
- 2,775
- Location
- USA
- Vessel Name
- Moon Dance
- Vessel Make
- 1974 34' Marine Trader Sedan
menzies
Guru
It is excusable when you first clicked on this thread as perhaps you didn't realize you would have an issue with it.
But then, once you know it isn't for you, to keep clicking on it and reading it, is a reflection on you more than anyone else.
If you don't like what is on TV, turn it off or change the channel. It's your choice. Make it.
Ageless "Battle of The Sexes" [for holding top of the hill rank/position] is inherent and multi faceted; as the two distinctly opposite poles of our human race's diametrically different gender-duo [try to - best as possible] coexist.
This "Battle's" size and scope ranges from one on one relationships up to and including entire societies' leading morals and mores that developed over decades [centuries] of living day to day.
Civilization's sex "Battle" can range from being made to be lightweight fun with really neat, cooperative learning experiences galore... or it can be made to be a stupidly all consuming and intelligence diminishing fight for "opposite pole" superiority.
Similar to magnet energy... male and female opposite "gender condition" poles contain both attraction and repulsion positions.
Secret is to keep our two gender poles in basic alignment so as to have each work well with one another. It is not needed that both genders are constantly attracted nor constantly repulsed by each other. It is however in the best interest for all concerned that we seek to stabilize at some sort of a happy medium. Life's gender filled antics of every hour living can be fun folks! Thank God for women and thank God for men!!
One trick to the secret of sex-pole cooperative stabilization is to be able to laugh at yourself as well as to laugh with others on both poles at others on both poles.
Jokes that are directed at female gender or male gender, or a race, or a religion or a creed or a nationality can sometimes be over the top regarding perceived innuendoes thrown. For the person placing that joke it is up to that person's personal mores as to just how much the joke is meant to offend.
For the person receiving a joke it is up to that person's self-conceived internal compass just how much the joke does or does not bother [offend] them. Remember the old saying... "Like Water Off a Duck's Back". Just because a joke does not fit into a person's "box" of what a joke does or should say or imply does not mean that the joke should be harbored on by the receiver to the point of distress. i.e. [I suggest] let it roll off... "Like Water Off a Duck's Back".
Jokes regarding gender related items can be really funny, really dumb and at times really offensive.
In this forum... it seems there have been a lopsided overload of jokes focused on the female gender. There are also some good ones spotlighting males. Reason for this is probably due to the considerably larger contingent of male participants than females on TF. That's life! Come on girls... chime in here... with some funnies regarding the male race. If it is funny I will appreciate your post. If it's not too funny... well... try, try again!!
Personally... I enjoy most jokes no matter how they are positioned. Some of course, I don't even finish reading; "Like Water Off a Duck's Back"! And, I truly get a good laugh sometimes about jokes thrown at me about myself. I am at times a pretty comical guy to live with.
So... tell me another joke, about anything! I'll probably lmao
This "Battle's" size and scope ranges from one on one relationships up to and including entire societies' leading morals and mores that developed over decades [centuries] of living day to day.
Civilization's sex "Battle" can range from being made to be lightweight fun with really neat, cooperative learning experiences galore... or it can be made to be a stupidly all consuming and intelligence diminishing fight for "opposite pole" superiority.
Similar to magnet energy... male and female opposite "gender condition" poles contain both attraction and repulsion positions.
Secret is to keep our two gender poles in basic alignment so as to have each work well with one another. It is not needed that both genders are constantly attracted nor constantly repulsed by each other. It is however in the best interest for all concerned that we seek to stabilize at some sort of a happy medium. Life's gender filled antics of every hour living can be fun folks! Thank God for women and thank God for men!!
One trick to the secret of sex-pole cooperative stabilization is to be able to laugh at yourself as well as to laugh with others on both poles at others on both poles.
Jokes that are directed at female gender or male gender, or a race, or a religion or a creed or a nationality can sometimes be over the top regarding perceived innuendoes thrown. For the person placing that joke it is up to that person's personal mores as to just how much the joke is meant to offend.
For the person receiving a joke it is up to that person's self-conceived internal compass just how much the joke does or does not bother [offend] them. Remember the old saying... "Like Water Off a Duck's Back". Just because a joke does not fit into a person's "box" of what a joke does or should say or imply does not mean that the joke should be harbored on by the receiver to the point of distress. i.e. [I suggest] let it roll off... "Like Water Off a Duck's Back".
Jokes regarding gender related items can be really funny, really dumb and at times really offensive.
In this forum... it seems there have been a lopsided overload of jokes focused on the female gender. There are also some good ones spotlighting males. Reason for this is probably due to the considerably larger contingent of male participants than females on TF. That's life! Come on girls... chime in here... with some funnies regarding the male race. If it is funny I will appreciate your post. If it's not too funny... well... try, try again!!
Personally... I enjoy most jokes no matter how they are positioned. Some of course, I don't even finish reading; "Like Water Off a Duck's Back"! And, I truly get a good laugh sometimes about jokes thrown at me about myself. I am at times a pretty comical guy to live with.
So... tell me another joke, about anything! I'll probably lmao
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Hi,
I just joined. I'm looking forward to new things to learn, new cruising grounds to hear about. We have a Dutch steel canal boat 43 ft at the moment. We want to sail the world, or at least as far...
Wifey B:
Zarih, I'd suggest focusing back on that purpose. Being offended by the misogynist jokes isn't going to get you there. All jokes are a bit at someone else's expense. Haven't you heard "The Joke's on You." Well, it is on someone. I could tell a lot of jokes targeting the grouchy old men of the forum if I wished. How this beautiful blonde walks in and they all fall to their knees begging for her attention and make fools of themselves.
Their jokes are reflective of a male coven that has formed here. Same number of females would probably have equal but opposite jokes. Now, I've been critical of the male orientation, of the older male orientation, of the forum. It's repeatedly run females away, good knowledgeable boaters. That's very unfortunate. However, fighting their jokes isn't a solution nor is running away. The only thing you can do is participate, object when you find something in the non humor sections offensive, avoid the humor section unless you have some good jokes about the weaker sex, known as males.
I just joined. I'm looking forward to new things to learn, new cruising grounds to hear about. We have a Dutch steel canal boat 43 ft at the moment. We want to sail the world, or at least as far...
Wifey B:
Zarih, I'd suggest focusing back on that purpose. Being offended by the misogynist jokes isn't going to get you there. All jokes are a bit at someone else's expense. Haven't you heard "The Joke's on You." Well, it is on someone. I could tell a lot of jokes targeting the grouchy old men of the forum if I wished. How this beautiful blonde walks in and they all fall to their knees begging for her attention and make fools of themselves.
Their jokes are reflective of a male coven that has formed here. Same number of females would probably have equal but opposite jokes. Now, I've been critical of the male orientation, of the older male orientation, of the forum. It's repeatedly run females away, good knowledgeable boaters. That's very unfortunate. However, fighting their jokes isn't a solution nor is running away. The only thing you can do is participate, object when you find something in the non humor sections offensive, avoid the humor section unless you have some good jokes about the weaker sex, known as males.
Hi,
I just joined. I'm looking forward to new things to learn, new cruising grounds to hear about. We have a Dutch steel canal boat 43 ft at the moment. We want to sail the world, or at least as far...
Wifey B:
Zarih, I'd suggest focusing back on that purpose. Being offended by the misogynist jokes isn't going to get you there. All jokes are a bit at someone else's expense. Haven't you heard "The Joke's on You." Well, it is on someone. I could tell a lot of jokes targeting the grouchy old men of the forum if I wished. How this beautiful blonde walks in and they all fall to their knees begging for her attention and make fools of themselves.
Their jokes are reflective of a male coven that has formed here. Same number of females would probably have equal but opposite jokes. Now, I've been critical of the male orientation, of the older male orientation, of the forum. It's repeatedly run females away, good knowledgeable boaters. That's very unfortunate. However, fighting their jokes isn't a solution nor is running away. The only thing you can do is participate, object when you find something in the non humor sections offensive, avoid the humor section unless you have some good jokes about the weaker sex, known as males.
I love jokes! LMAO - on that one!!!
Only kidden, sorta... back at cha!
Can we all just loa'so on gender biased/based jokes.???!!!
menzies
Guru
A piece of rope walks into a bar and the bartender tells him that they don't serve rope.
He walked back outside and twists and messes himself up and went back into the bar.
"Hey, aren't you that rope that I told couldn't be served?"
"No, I'm a frayed knot!"
He walked back outside and twists and messes himself up and went back into the bar.
"Hey, aren't you that rope that I told couldn't be served?"
"No, I'm a frayed knot!"
