Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
 
Old 11-08-2015, 09:30 AM   #881
Member
 
City: near Alicante
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 21
A Scottish Soldier, in full dress uniform, marches
into a pharmacy.

Very carefully he opens his sporran and pulls out
a neatly folded cotton bandana, unfolds it to reveal
a smaller silk square handkerchief, which he also
unfolds - to reveal a condom.

The condom has a number of patches on it.

The chemist holds it up and eyes it critically.

"How much to repair it?' The Scot asks the chemist.

"Six pence" says the chemist.

"How much for a new one?"

"Ten pence" says the chemist.

The Scot painstakingly folds the condom into the
silk square handkerchief and the cotton bandana,
replaces it carefully in his sporran, and marches
out of the door, shoulders back and kilt swinging.

A moment or two later the chemist hears a great
shout go up outside, followed by an even greater
shout.

The Scottish soldier marches back into the
chemist’s and addresses the proprietor, this time
with a grin on his face.

"The regiment has taken a vote," he says.
We'll have a new one."
__________________
On the beach in Spain
Erik C is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-08-2015, 12:16 PM   #882
Veteran Member
 
Wanderin Star's Avatar
 
City: Michigan City, Ind
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 69
Quote:
Originally Posted by frgeorgeh View Post
Anyone have this in larger size? Having trouble seeing it. 😄
eye test? I thought it was a computer quiz to see if we know how to magnify. And BTW it tiles into pixels so bad at 500X you still can't see it. Maybe if I transfer it to Photo Shop....?
Wanderin Star is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-08-2015, 07:12 PM   #883
Veteran Member
 
Wanderin Star's Avatar
 
City: Michigan City, Ind
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 69
Quote:
Originally Posted by Art View Post
Ya gotta love Bob Hope! He and Bing were a funny pair .... On The Road To > > >!!
I actually met him in person, in 1968, on an elevator in Camp Kui army hospital in Okinawa. I had been Med-Evac'd out of DaNang in November and was fairly ambulatory while waiting for further surgery. In December I was asked to wheel another patient to Xray. After I delivered him I went to the elevator with the wheel chair and when I pushed the button to call it I sat down in the chair to wait for the car. When the door opened, there stood General Westmoreland and Bob Hope who had stopped by "the rock" on his way to Vietnam. Caught, I had no choice but to wheel myself onto the elevator. The General leaned over and said to me, "This is Bob Hope." I replied "I know who he is. Who are you?" Then I saw all his fruit salad and his name tag. I thought "Crap. I'm a dead man." The elevator opened on my floor and I wheeled myself out and when the door closed I stood up and pushed the chair back to my ward.
Wanderin Star is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-09-2015, 04:32 PM   #884
Guru
 
Rustybarge's Avatar
 
City: I need a bigger boat!
Vessel Model: Cheetah 25' Powercat.
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 925
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guys says "OK, now what?"
__________________
Peter.
Rustybarge is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-09-2015, 05:52 PM   #885
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 494
:-)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rustybarge View Post
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guys says "OK, now what?"
I love it !!!
User915 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-10-2015, 05:40 AM   #886
Guru
 
Rustybarge's Avatar
 
City: I need a bigger boat!
Vessel Model: Cheetah 25' Powercat.
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 925
Quote:
Originally Posted by omc View Post
I love it !!!
I've had this experience myself. Lol.

First time I took ex shooting, she started waving a loaded shotgun around pointing it at people; everyone freaked out , I had to unload the gun until she leaned the basics.

Saying that I nearly shot off my own foot climbing over a barbed wire fence; yes, you guessed it, the gun wasn't on safety!!!
__________________
Peter.
Rustybarge is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-10-2015, 06:47 AM   #887
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 494
Wow !

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rustybarge View Post
I've had this experience myself. Lol.

First time I took ex shooting, she started waving a loaded shotgun around pointing it at people; everyone freaked out , I had to unload the gun until she leaned the basics.

Saying that I nearly shot off my own foot climbing over a barbed wire fence; yes, you guessed it, the gun wasn't on safety!!!
Peter,

The First part of your message is funny, but I'm sorry for you about the second part.
Hunting is fun, security must be an ongoing priority and constant concern, like on the sea. Easy to say, not always easy to do ! It happens to me as well to miss some priority !
User915 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-10-2015, 07:09 AM   #888
Guru
 
Rustybarge's Avatar
 
City: I need a bigger boat!
Vessel Model: Cheetah 25' Powercat.
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 925
Quote:
Originally Posted by omc View Post
Peter,

The First part of your message is funny, but I'm sorry for you about the second part.
Hunting is fun, security must be an ongoing priority and constant concern, like on the sea. Easy to say, not always easy to do ! It happens to me as well to miss some priority !
We've got an old farmers saying here in Ireland:

' A safe gun is more dangerous than a loaded one'

Every year someone gets killed with a supposedly ' unloaded' gun....

Some people say that the devil reloads it when you're not looking. Lol.
__________________
Peter.
Rustybarge is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-10-2015, 07:28 AM   #889
Art
Guru
 
Art's Avatar
 
City: SF Bay Area
Vessel Model: Tollycraft 34' Tri Cabin
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 12,569
I won't relate the circumstances, due to not bringing energy to the early 1980's occurrence. Suffice it to say that every gun is ALWAYS loaded!


No one was injured... by the grace of God, if I may say so.


Made us stand up and take notice like never before; even though we were already safety nuts on guns.
Art is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-10-2015, 07:43 AM   #890
Guru
 
Rustybarge's Avatar
 
City: I need a bigger boat!
Vessel Model: Cheetah 25' Powercat.
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 925
Quote:
Originally Posted by Art View Post
I won't relate the circumstances, due to not bringing energy to the early 1980's occurrence. Suffice it to say that every gun is ALWAYS loaded!


No one was injured... by the grace of God, if I may say so.


Made us stand up and take notice like never before; even though we were already safety nuts on guns.
Exactly.

And unfortuatley its young teenagers and kids who have a fascination with firearms, leading to tragic results ....
__________________
Peter.
Rustybarge is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-10-2015, 08:00 AM   #891
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 494
Good

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rustybarge View Post
We've got an old farmers saying here in Ireland:

' A safe gun is more dangerous than a loaded one'

Every year someone gets killed with a supposedly ' unloaded' gun....

Some people say that the devil reloads it when you're not looking. Lol.
Good advice, and definitely true !
User915 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-10-2015, 08:56 AM   #892
Curmudgeon
 
BaltimoreLurker's Avatar
 
City: Stoney Creek, MD
Vessel Name: Moon Dance
Vessel Model: 1974 34' Marine Trader Sedan
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 2,775
Talk like a politician

So true ...
Attached Images
 
BaltimoreLurker is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-10-2015, 09:14 AM   #893
Art
Guru
 
Art's Avatar
 
City: SF Bay Area
Vessel Model: Tollycraft 34' Tri Cabin
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 12,569
Good one, BL!
Art is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-11-2015, 02:30 PM   #894
Guru
 
Moonstruck's Avatar
 
City: Hailing Port: Charleston, SC
Vessel Name: Moonstruck
Vessel Model: Sabre 42 Hardtop Express
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 8,276
__________________
Don on Moonstruck
Sabre 42 Hardtop Express
When cruising life is simpler, but on a grander scale (author unknown)
https://moonstruckblog.wordpress.com/
Moonstruck is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-11-2015, 10:38 PM   #895
Art
Guru
 
Art's Avatar
 
City: SF Bay Area
Vessel Model: Tollycraft 34' Tri Cabin
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 12,569
90 yr old man and 41 year old beauty truly fall in love. They get married.

During 1st night of their honeymoon the girl decides it would be wise, at least on this outset, that they have separate rooms so as to not over tax her new but elderly husband.

Shortly after dinner the wife retires to her bed room.

Not long after there comes a knock on the door. In he comes and a wonderful time is had by both. Then, husband suddenly leaves.

Wife is just really relaxing... and... knock, knock. Again the newlyweds have just too much fun.

Then, off he goes again. This time the wife is tired and begins to fall into slumber. But once again... knock, knock. And what a time they have for the third love making session on that blessed 1st night!

At end of a third set of joyful exercises, while resting in each other's arms... the wife whispers; my goodness darling. You astound me with your sexual prowess and physical vigor. If I didn't know better I'd think you were in your 30's. The first visit was great, second even better... but the third was outstanding. 90 yr old husband sits up quietly, waits a minute, then asks... we've already done this?
Art is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-18-2015, 06:44 PM   #896
Moderator Emeritus
 
dwhatty's Avatar
 
City: Home Port: Buck's Harbor, Maine
Vessel Name: "Emily Anne"
Vessel Model: 2001 Island Gypsy 32 Europa (Hull #146)
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 2,846
Motto anybody
Attached Images
 
__________________
David Hawkins
Deer Isle, Maine
dwhatty is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-19-2015, 08:02 AM   #897
Guru
 
Forkliftt's Avatar
 
City: Diberville Mississippi
Vessel Name: KnotDoneYet
Vessel Model: 1983 42' Present Sundeck
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 2,450
Quote:
Originally Posted by dwhatty View Post
Motto anybody

David that is great!!!!
Any chance you could send me the original file?? I might have some t shirts made????



1983 Present 42 Sundeck
Twin Lehman 135's
✌️
__________________
Steve Point Cadet/ Biloxi, Mississippi USA
*Present 42 twin 135 Lehmans
Forkliftt is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-19-2015, 08:14 AM   #898
Art
Guru
 
Art's Avatar
 
City: SF Bay Area
Vessel Model: Tollycraft 34' Tri Cabin
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 12,569
Quote:
Originally Posted by Forkliftt View Post
David that is great!!!!
Any chance you could send me the original file?? I might have some t shirts made????

1983 Present 42 Sundeck
Twin Lehman 135's
✌️
Hey!!! - I second the notion...

I'd try to get black on white shirts for those hot summer days; white on black for winters. The saying is one of the truest imaginable. Thanks for posting.
Art is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-19-2015, 08:45 AM   #899
Moderator Emeritus
 
dwhatty's Avatar
 
City: Home Port: Buck's Harbor, Maine
Vessel Name: "Emily Anne"
Vessel Model: 2001 Island Gypsy 32 Europa (Hull #146)
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 2,846
Quote:
Originally Posted by Forkliftt View Post
David that is great!!!!
Any chance you could send me the original file?? I might have some t shirts made????

1983 Present 42 Sundeck
Twin Lehman 135's
✌️
Don't have an original file. Snarfed it off an internet posting.
__________________
David Hawkins
Deer Isle, Maine
dwhatty is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-19-2015, 08:47 AM   #900
Senior Member
 
jimbob's Avatar
 
City: Tennessee River
Vessel Name: SEEKER
Vessel Model: Trans Pac Eagle 32
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 143
Quote:
Originally Posted by Forkliftt View Post
David that is great!!!!
Any chance you could send me the original file?? I might have some t shirts made????



1983 Present 42 Sundeck
Twin Lehman 135's
✌️
I would come to Mississippi to get one of those
jimbob is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Nautical Humor skipperdude Harbor Chat 0 05-19-2011 12:37 PM

» Trawler Port Captains
Port Captains are TF volunteers who can serve as local guides or assist with local arrangements and information. Search below to locate Port Captains near your destination. To learn more about this program read here: TF Port Captain Program





All times are GMT -5. The time now is 02:08 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 4
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0
Copyright 2006 - 2012