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Old 09-07-2015, 05:29 PM   #821
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Ron Chestna 89 years of age was stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and was asked where he was going at that time of night.

Ron replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."


The officer asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"

Ron replied, "That would be my wife."
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Old 09-07-2015, 05:45 PM   #822
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Old 09-09-2015, 01:23 PM   #823
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Old 09-09-2015, 02:56 PM   #824
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Old 09-09-2015, 06:43 PM   #825
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Helium Beer Sampling

This gives Light Beer a whole new meaning!

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Old 09-10-2015, 08:58 PM   #826
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A tough looking group of Harley Davidson bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge so they stop.
The leader, a big burly man from Chicago, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"
"I'm going to commit a suicide," she says.
While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity he asked "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"
So, she does and it was a long, deep lingering sensual kiss.
After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous!! Why are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl......"


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Old 09-11-2015, 08:48 PM   #827
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Picked this from a friend on another web site.
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Old 09-11-2015, 08:50 PM   #828
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Old 09-11-2015, 09:06 PM   #829
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Stop it......


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1983 Present 42 Sundeck
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Old 09-11-2015, 10:03 PM   #830
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Holy smokes, Ray!! You should post that on the Toilet Paper thread.
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Old 09-13-2015, 08:01 AM   #831
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Old 09-13-2015, 07:04 PM   #832
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..
Sent that one to my pilot friends if they still are. Thanks, Larry.
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Old 09-13-2015, 11:39 PM   #833
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Bob and wife got into a spat regarding how cloths he'd recently purchased her... too soon just didn't quite fit anymore.

At spat end wife told Bob that if he wanted to get back in good graces with her she'd better find a present in driveway tomorrow that goes 0 to 200 in seconds.

Next morning she saw a box in driveway.

When she opened it she found an expensive bathroom scale.

Bob has not been see for weeks now.
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Old 09-17-2015, 06:53 PM   #834
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Old 09-17-2015, 07:10 PM   #835
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Craig that is SO funny!!!!


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Old 09-20-2015, 04:58 PM   #836
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Vincenti is on his deathbed and knows the end is near. His priest, guards, nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him.

In a frail voice, he asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak:
“My son, Benito, I wanta you to take da Mayfair houses, My daughter, Sybil, you taka the apartments over in da east end, My son, Jamie, I want you to taka the offices over in da City Centre. Sarah, my dear wife, please take all da residential buildings on da banks of the river.”

The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his extensive holdings, and as Vincenti slips away, the nurse says, "Mrs. Vincenzo, your husband must have been a hard-working man to have accumulated all that property".

Sarah replies, "Property ? .... da ******* had a paper route!”
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Old 09-20-2015, 06:32 PM   #837
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Admit it, that's gonna be Don Moon on his deathbed
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Old 09-20-2015, 07:13 PM   #838
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Admit it, that's gonna be Don Moon on his deathbed
You got me, Craig.
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Old 09-20-2015, 07:37 PM   #839
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Admit it, that's gonna be Don Moon on his deathbed
Papers Don bequeaths are stock certificates... not news pater routs.
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Old 09-22-2015, 12:09 AM   #840
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When you're over 70 who give a shit

I was standing at the bar one night, minding my own business. This FAT ugly chick came up behind me,

grabbed my ass and said, "You're kind of cute you gotta phone number?" I said, "Yea you gotta pen?"

She said "Yea", I got a pen".

I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you". Cost me 6 stitches.

When you are over seventy . . . who gives a shit?



Cowboy: "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."

Cashier: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"

Cowboy: "Nah.. She's purty good lookin'....."

When you are over seventy, who gives a shit?

***********

I was talking to a girl in the bar last night. She said,

"If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."

I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

When you are over seventy, who gives a shit?

***********

I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.

The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

When you are over seventy, who gives a shit?

***********

I went to the pub last night and saw a FAT chick dancing on a table. I said, "Good legs."

The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so."

I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

When you are over seventy, who gives a shit?
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